Make the right and appropriate choice. How to understand that you have made the right choice

what to do if you are a leader and in front of you stands Difficult choice? Remember, as in a fairy tale: execution cannot be pardoned, dismissal cannot be left, and it is unclear where to put a comma. In this article we will talk about several ways to accept correct solution. This will help not only businessmen, but also ordinary people who find themselves in a difficult situation.

If you are trapped

Usually making a difficult decision is necessary in a difficult life situation. Stress affects a person in different ways: some withdraw into themselves, some worry and don’t sleep at night, some become hysterical and take it out on loved ones. One thing remains unchanged: a person seems to fall into the trap of his own psyche; he is often unable to make a choice on his own and acts under the influence of emotions or his close environment. Time shows that impulsive and ill-considered decisions are ineffective and can ruin your business, your career, your relationships, in the end. Remember: all serious decisions are made with cool head. Therefore, before you put into practice the methods described below, do this: turn off your heart and turn on your head. We'll show you how.

There are several ways to pacify emotions:

• short term - breathe correctly. Take 10 deep, slow breaths - this will help you calm down;
• medium-term - imagine that your friend finds himself in such a situation and asks you for advice. What will you tell him? Surely throw away all emotions and try to look at the situation detachedly, objectively. So try it;
• long-term - take a time out. Just let the situation go for a while, do other things, and come back to it after a week or month. This way you will kill two birds with one stone: firstly, you will cut off impulsive decisions and will not cut from the shoulder. And secondly, the right decision will ripen in your head like a ripe fruit - you just need to give it time.

Now that emotions no longer influence your choices, let's talk about eight reliable methods for making decisions.

1. Pros and cons method

Use the good old method: take a sheet of paper and a pen, draw the sheet in half. In the left column write all the advantages of the chosen solution, in the right column - respectively, the disadvantages. Don't limit yourself to just a few items: there should be 15-20 items on the list. Then calculate what will be more. Profit!

The essence of the methoda: even if you endlessly scroll through the pros and cons in your head, you are unlikely to see the full picture. Psychologists advise making written lists: this helps to organize the accumulated information, visually see the relationship between pros and cons, and draw a conclusion based on pure mathematics. Why not?

2. Create habits

This method is suitable if you find it difficult to make a choice everyday issues. For example, to increase the salary of a new employee, or if it’s not worth it yet, put it on the website or another company. What to eat for dinner, in the end, French fries or fish with vegetables. A difficult decision, of course, but still not a matter of life and death. In this case, it is useful to consciously create habits for yourself and follow them in the future. For example, introduce an iron rule: increase employee salaries only after six months of working in your company. Buying office supplies exclusively from Skrepka is cheaper. Eat light for dinner and healthy dishes- you yourself will thank you soon. Well, with the call back you get it, yes.

The essence of the method: following habits, you will make simple decisions automatically, saving yourself from unnecessary thoughts, without wasting precious time on nonsense. But then, when you need to do something truly responsible and important choice, you will be fully armed.

3. “If-then” method

This method is suitable for resolving current problems in business, team, and personal life. For example, your employee speaks impolitely to customers and does not respond to comments. Question: Should I fire him immediately or try to re-educate him? Try using the “if-then” technique. Tell yourself: if he again mistreats a client, you will deprive him of his bonus. If the incident happens again, fire me.

The essence of the method:as in the first case, this is the creation of conditional boundaries within which you will act. The burden will immediately be lifted from the soul, and life will become much easier. And most importantly, you don’t have to waste time thinking and thinking about the fate of a careless employee.

It was invented by the famous American journalist Susie Welch. The rule is: before you make a difficult decision, stop and answer three questions:

• what will you think about it 10 minutes later;
• How will you feel about your choice in 10 months;
• What will you say in 10 years?

Let's give an example. Let's take a young man who works as a manager, doesn't like his job, but puts up with it because he needs money. He dreams of quitting his job, taking out a loan and opening his own business - a small pub, but at the same time he is desperately afraid of going broke and losing everything he has. In general, a classic case when a bird in the hand is preferred to a pie in the sky.

It’s difficult for our hero to take the first step - quit his hated job. Let's say he does this. In ten minutes he is unlikely to have time to regret his decision. In 10 months, he will already have time to rent the premises, equip the pub and receive clients. And if it doesn’t work out - he’ll find a job as a manager anyway - so what’s there to regret? Well, in 10 years, this choice is unlikely to have any significance at all: either the business will continue, or our hero will work in another place - one of two things. It turns out that if you follow the 10/10/10 rule, making a decision no longer becomes such a difficult task, because a person clearly understands what awaits him in the future.

The essence of the method: when making a difficult decision, we are usually overwhelmed by emotions: fear, anxiety, or vice versa, joy and excitement. A person feels it right here and now; feelings obscure the prospects for the future. Remember, as in Yesenin: “You can’t see a face face to face, a big one is seen at a distance.” As long as the future seems cloudy and vague, the choice of solution will be postponed again and again. By making concrete plans, presenting his emotions in detail, a person rationalizes the problem and stops being afraid of the unknown - because it becomes simple and understandable.

Read also: Three real stories.

5. Solve within 15 minutes

Paradoxical as it may seem, the most important, strategic decisions should be made in 15 minutes. A familiar situation: a company has a serious problem that requires immediate action, but the point is that no one knows the right solution. For example, competitors have done something nasty, and it is not clear what to do: respond in kind or get out of the situation with dignity. Or the crisis has hit your company, and you are confused: to move to a less prestigious place or to lay off a dozen employees. How to do it here right choice, and does he even exist? And you begin to procrastinate, unable to make a decision, in the hope that everything will resolve itself.

If you don’t know which solution is correct, just imagine that there is no correct answer to this life problem. Give yourself 15 minutes and make any, absolutely any, decision. Yes, at first glance this may seem crazy. What about planning, and what about testing and verifying solutions? Ok, ok, if you can quickly and with a minimum of investment check the correctness of the solution, check it. If this requires months of time and millions of rubles, it is better to abandon this idea and immediately record the time.

The essence of the method: Needless to say, if you waste time, nothing gets solved: crises don’t go away, rental prices don’t go down, and competitors become even sharper. One unmade decision leads to others, the business sags and becomes ineffective. As they say, it is better to do than to regret, than not to do and regret.

6. Don't limit yourself to narrow boundaries

The same thing we wrote about at the beginning. Execute or pardon, buy a car or not, expand or wait for better times. One of two things, hit or miss, oh, it was not! But who said that a problem has only two solutions? Get out of the narrow framework, try to look at the situation more broadly. It is not necessary to organize a large-scale expansion of production - it is enough to launch a couple of new positions. Instead of an expensive car, you can purchase a more modest option, and apply disciplinary measures to the employee who committed the crime for the first time.

The essence of the method: when there are only two solution options, there is a greater chance of choosing the right decision, and many deliberately simplify their lives by dividing the situation into yes and no, black and white. But life is much more diverse: don’t be afraid to look it in the eye and accept everything possible options. The solution may be a compromise, a rejection of both extremes in favor of a third, completely unexpected decision or a successful combination of two options. This often happens when the owner small business can’t decide what to do: sit on the phone, deliver orders, or just study management activities. Start combining - and then you will see what works best. This is what will happen optimal solution Problems.

There are often situations in our lives when we find ourselves in the grip of a choice and don’t know how to make the right choice in life, how to make the right decision. Another version of the problem is when the choice is not clear, and we are forced to “suffer” with the question: how to make exactly the right choice.

What is the difference? In the first case, the unknown of both options paralyzes, in the second, fear. Fear of making mistakes and making the wrong decision...

If we approach this issue psychologically, then both classes of situations are resolved through a detailed study of all information regarding the elections. And your reactions to this information.

How to make a choice and make the right decision (analytically)

Analytical example, step by step:

1. You write down your choices and use arrows to write down all their consequences.
2. After that, you switch, then sit in a calm state and begin to mentally live through each version of the written consequences, noting for yourself all the discomfort that arises. And in writing forming a conditional scale from 1 to 10 next to each.
3. Then look at the approximate total “score” next to each option that turned out.
4. You realize and analyze what you can really influence for the better.
5. Highlighting steps and goals. And choosing the right decision.

The right decision in life (emotional)

Another option is emotional, how to do: You live with every choice in life all day long. From morning to evening. It's like you've already chosen it. And note your emotions, thoughts and states from this. Write them down throughout the day.

After living through all the options, you analyze (by calculating in writing) the overall emotional scale and realize where the most emotions were manifested and their intensity.

How to make the right choice (karmically and energetically)

Third option: how to make choices in life, taking into account karmic tendencies, the yogic-energetic method

Firstly, from a yogic point of view, all our actions and choices are the consequences of our other actions and situations. The so-called karma. Therefore, both choices are essentially some kind of karmic consequences. Secondly, the point is not only that make the right choice, but also to deal with your condition, indecision, fear, which create this “crossroads”.

The main task is to understand the causal state or scenario, the so-called “karmic root” of the situation, and then make a choice.

Live understanding of the possibilities and pitfalls of choice in Kyiv you can during .

Alternative way— remotely: I can help you clarify the situation with the help of a special model synthesized from Indian Siddha Yoga and NLP modeling:

Remote service: “karmic cause and consequences of choice.”

What is used: traditions of India, NLP models, modeling of future lines.

What does it show: 1. subtle “causal” roots of the situation, 2. karmic options for the development of the situation from two choices, or when there is option A: do something or B: not do something.

For example:

Question: to divorce or not to divorce in the near future. A.’s choice is “get a divorce”, everything is clear here. And B.’s choice is “not to get a divorce,” it includes all the other options: find someone, wait it out, switch, etc. If desired, they require a separate analysis.

What will it lead to as a result? the main question of choice, in this case, divorce now or not now, becomes absolutely clear. The same thing happens if you start doing something else.

Additionally, the reasons are “visible” (“ karmic root") in general of the whole situation in a person’s karma, the answer to the question: why is this all for me or « how I created this for myself in life, why do I need this.”

How does remote selection diagnostics work:

1. You send your request to the email indicated below. You receive an answer, instructions and payment details (methods).
2. You pay for the service and send me the sources of information indicated by me.
3. I am reading the energy and karmic field. I am sending you a transcript of the reasons for your choice and the consequences that you can choose. Volume approximately 1.5-2 pages.
4. You can go to a closed section (or social network) and ask clarifying questions. Or do it by email.

Who does it (qualifications, experience):

Certified trainer of special programs, certified teacher of Himalayan Siddha Yoga. I independently traveled to the most “non-tourist” places in India and studied personally with the founder of NLP, Richard Bandler. And also from many other, best in their field, specialists in psychotechnics and spiritual practices.

Price:$50 at the current rate, (full analysis of the choice: 3-5 pages in Word.doc format and additional explanations if necessary)

For a preliminary consultation or to request and receive payment options, please send an email to

Before making a choice, especially a responsible and important one, a person goes through a painful period of doubt. The agonizing over how to make the right choice between one and the other can become unbearable and last too long. So long that I’m already disgusted by the process. If there was some simple and perfect way to make the right choice, then... Oh, how easy it would be to live then!

• Why can it be so difficult to choose between one and the other?
• How to overcome doubts and still make the right, important choice in life? What to rely on for this?

In response to the question “how to make an important choice?” There is always a cunning person who will offer a quick and simple solution: for example, toss a coin, tell fortunes on the petals of a daisy, or buy a ball that, when shaken, gives the answer. As if such a choice could be the right one. We know that this does not happen - the doubts that torment you from within will not make it possible to get rid of the process so easily. Can they be removed with a coin? No! Then what can you do to calm them down? How to not only make the right choice, but a choice without painful doubts? This is exactly the question we will answer in this article.

Why is it so difficult to make the right choices in life?

If I had known where you would fall, I would have laid out straws

The problem of making the right choice lies... tram-pa-pa-ra-ram, who would have thought - in human psychology. What did you think? That it directly depends on what and what you choose between? Well, no, everything is much deeper and more complicated. The problem is that prevents us from making this very choice– why doubts are so painful that they are a real stupor. There is something wrong with this.

The best way to understand why it is so difficult to make the right choice in favor of anything is with the help of system-vector psychology by Yuri Burlan. This science identifies 8 psychotypes - vectors. One of them can make a person doubt all the time. This is an anal vector, you can learn more about it, and.

A person with an anal vector has some innate desires, one of which is the desire for ideal quality. He wants everything to be not just “good”, but “excellent”. The slightest blemish leads to disappointment; you want to do it all over again. If this fails, the person often suffers for the rest of his life. For example, he is gluing wallpaper and somewhere in one place it didn’t work out very well - a small inconsistency appeared. Another will easily forget about it and will not pay attention, the third will even put up a sofa or cover it with a picture. But not an analist - he will know and remember this mistake, blot, he will not be able to forget it, it will always be a thorn in his side.

Such a desire for ideal normally provides a very positive impetus for development. anal man. He does great at school and college and does not allow himself to be lazy. He can become a professional in his field or even, when combined with other vectors, an encyclopedia person, like Alexander Druz, for example. But things don't always work out so perfectly. Sometimes an anal person is not given this skill in childhood - to bring it to the ideal. Uncertain by nature, he becomes the opposite of a professional - full of doubts and worries. Having no support, he constantly rushes from one to another and often even the most simple questions cannot decide what to say in order to make a difficult choice - this is a stop, a stupor. Doubts seem to preserve him. A bad first experience also significantly worsens the situation.

Doubting the norm is the right choice based on a well-remembered experience, both negative and positive. Doubt is not normal - it is tossing from side to side, when experience is completely leveled out as a support for the right choice in life.

Only human experience, as well as the experience of previous generations, can be a support for minimizing one’s own mistakes. It is the anal person who knows this better than others; his entire psyche is directed towards the past. He loves history, well, he remembers his childhood and youth in detail.

But not being able to rationally use his best quality of life, the anal sufferer directs all his energy to bad experiences - he becomes fixated on grievances, events where he made a bitter mistake. At the same time, positive experiences are neglected and not remembered. Then this experience does not become a support for a person, but is an even greater factor of stupor. At the moment when it is necessary to make a difficult choice in life, a person in fact does not have a positive experience, but only a negative one, which, naturally, tells him that everything can only be bad.

Such people are often referred to as pessimists.. And this is not surprising, because they are always sure that nothing will work out. So prompts them accumulated negative experience.

Doubts away - how to choose between the two?

No person can never make mistakes in his life. We don't have such an opportunity. However, you can learn to make the right choices in life and make fewer mistakes. Today such a skill is given in system-vector psychology by Yuri Burlan. By understanding the characteristics of our anal vector, our character, our internal subconscious motives for actions, any person can adjust their life so that life is not painfully embarrassing and difficult, but pleasant and joyful.

How to understand that you have made the right choice and that next to you is the man with whom you want to live a long and happy life life together. It seems like you have a crush on him green eyes, a sense of humor and a talent for music, but what if that's not what really attracted you?

Our meetings are not accidental. And now I’m not talking about fate! Sigmund Freud also said: “We meet only those who already exist in our subconscious.” And it seems he was right. Let's find out what really stands behind our choice of man.

Childhood sensations

Most women pay attention only to the one who “falls” into their childhood traumas, and in relationships with others it seems to them that “there is no spark,” explains Natalya Morgunova, family psychologist. This occurs under the influence of libido, an unconscious construct that is formed before the age of 6. Libido depends on the expression of love in the family.

The relationship of parents to the child. Many of us have faced neglect and aggression from our dad or mom, and this is what, paradoxically, then excites and attracts us in a partner. The result is a neurotic, sometimes even painful relationship, although this does not mean that they are doomed to failure.

Unclosed Gestalt

Trying to complete in a relationship with one thing what we did not finish with others - be it parents or an ex - is a normal mechanism, reassures psychologist Natalya Morgunova. Another thing is that it doesn't work. You can complete the gestalt only with those who are involved in it: say what you did not express, ask for forgiveness, forgive yourself.

And if a personal meeting is impossible, a psychologist will help to work through the situation. Until then, we will have to repeat it like a mantra: a man from the past and a man from the present are different! We pay attention to those who “fall into” our childhood traumas. The rest seem boring.

Ancient instinct

Anxious women often rely on instinct and feel that they need protection, says the psychologist. “Being strong and independent, they still look for a “strong shoulder,” although the times when this was important for survival are long gone. Perhaps such girls once faced danger and since then believe that the fittest survive. IN crisis situation an alpha male can really stand up for his woman, but when life gets better, it can be difficult with a brutal man.

Sober calculation

There is nothing wrong with such a selection criterion, says Natalya Morgunova, but only if the woman is fully aware that in a relationship with a financially wealthy man she will have to make certain sacrifices. The desire to see a person next to you who will be a support is quite natural; each of us simply perceives the concept of support in our own way. If a girl only cares about the material sphere, and her emotions seem to be “turned off,” perhaps, once upon a time, she associated love with something dangerous and traumatic.

List of requirements

In fact, choosing a man wisely, relying on reason, is a mature and healthy position. Spontaneous attraction awakens only for those who fall into “trauma”. So if you don’t want to end up in a relationship based on internal conflict, take a closer look at a person who, although not “catching” at first sight, but corresponds to your rational ideas about a suitable partner. Sexual interest will come later"

How to understand that you have made the right choice

1. You can not only be yourself next to this person, you are pleased and happy that you are exactly like that. He doesn’t want to change anything in your character or appearance, and if you’ve been in a relationship for several years, you know about each other’s shortcomings, but accept them.
2. He inspires you to develop and expand your horizons, and, ideally, he manages to “charge” you to action by his example, and not by moralizing.
3. You always have something to talk about, and if you disagree with each other, this does not become a reason for resentment or irritation. By the way, it’s also nice to be silent together.
4. It’s good for you when he’s not around, but it’s better with him. And all because you do not depend on each other, do not perceive this relationship as the only source of happiness in life, but both are psychologically mature enough to appreciate every moment spent together.
5. You have a feeling of “you did everything right.” No, doubting your choice after quarrels or looking at a terrible mess in the kitchen (and he only cooked scrambled eggs!) is a common thing. But if the feeling of “something is wrong” visits every day, this is an alarming sign.
6. You want the same thing in life. Buy a house on the seashore or constantly move from place to place, have children or stay child-free, save free money for a future retirement or spend it all at once - whatever your decision on all important issues, it should be general.