Help in choosing the best. How to make difficult choices

Often many people have a dilemma of life choice - the question is imposed - how to make the right choice in life, and do not go wrong. Such problems of life lead many to a psychological dead end, especially if you need to make the right choice in love (the love triangle between men and women), or if you need to make the right choice of profession, in school, at work, in friendship and partnership ...

Also, the dilemma of a vital choice can occur in almost all areas and spheres of human life, even in seemingly insignificant situations - the right choice of purchase, place of rest, road home ...

How to make the only right choice in life in a given situation

Any person, in any situation, always has a choice, the problem is that some people either do not see alternatives at all, or see only two, often polar or mutually exclusive choices in life, this choice problem is connected with people's worldview, with their life scenario , their model of the world ... in the understanding of each individual. Many people see reality as if through a dull glass, that is, through the prism (filter) of their worldview ... their beliefs and stereotypical thinking.

Such a vision of the world, filtered through its own narrow model, does not allow a person to make right choice in life, even if these choices are obvious to others ... He simply does not notice them. And if he notices, he will still make the wrong choice in life, unlucky, if lucky at all ...

So how do you make the right choice in life?

The best option to always make the right choice is to learn to understand the very possibility of choice, and to see the different possibilities of choice in life, even in the most seemingly small things. But unfortunately, if a person has a rather narrow model of the world, that is, if his parents did not teach him to be successful and happy during upbringing (parental programming), then now you can expand your worldview, change your loser’s program, only with the help of a psychotherapist ... psychoanalysis ... (those who wish can consult for free)

If you have at least two choices, for example in a love triangle, and you suffer from the fact that you cannot make one single right choice, then use the technique from cognitive therapy to independently analyze the situation, your own thoughts and desires, your feelings and emotions , and related behavior - active or passive.

What does it take to be able to make the right choice in life?

For example, let's take the problem of a psychological impasse in a love relationship - a love triangle: a girl, as it seems to her, loves two ... one is rich, mature, strong, caring ... and the other is not rich, hovering in the clouds, undefined in life, not giving expensive gifts, but in intimacy, caresses and sexual relationships - works wonders.

The girl suffers from problems of choice in life: on the one hand, she wants to be taken care of, given gifts, so that her future becomes secure ..., and on the other hand, she wants emotionality, intimacy, violent and passionate love ...

With her mind, she understands that you won’t go far on one stormy love ... you need to think about the future, provide for your family ... Also, she understands that in abundance but without emotional acceptance and intimacy, she will, to put it mildly, be bored ...

What then to do, how to make the right choice in life

In fact, the girl does not suffer because of the situation that she has only two choices ..., she suffers because of an intrapersonal conflict, which, by the way, leads her to a psychological dead end. And no matter what she chooses - a poor guy, or a rich one - she will still suffer ..., because. will not satisfy the desire of one of the two parts of his inner "I".

It will probably seem to someone that a third option would be nice here, that is, another man would have to appear - and a caring, gallant, wealthy ... and a passionate lover - all in one bottle ... And here it is - happiness. And many girls probably said: “It would be great, but where can I find this?”.

But even if we imagine a miracle, and the third gentleman, the third choice somehow magically appeared, then this girl with her model of the world and choice simply will not see him ... she will, as it were, be in foggy glasses, and by virtue of her worldview, she will see just these two…i.e. she also has only two choices.

And even if, by magic, this lucky “lottery ticket” falls out, and she still marries this “prince”, she will still be unhappy and will suffer - isn’t it a paradox?

The easiest way to make the right choice in life

When a person has a conflict within the personality, between the two parts of the "I", and he does not know how to make the right choice, then the easiest way to resolve this conflict and come to a compromise with yourself, or find more options - more choices - you need to have a dialogue with yourself ...

At the same time, it is necessary to include in this dispute (discussion), in which the truth is born, the “third person” (in reality, this role can be played by a psychologist, or another person authoritative for you) ...

You need to take a sheet of paper and divide it into two parts: on the left side - let one part of your “I” “speak out” ... write down for it all the arguments in favor of the first proposed choice (in the example with the girl - the arguments in favor of choosing a rich guy) …

In the right half of the sheet, write down the arguments for the second proposed choice (in the example with the girl, the arguments in favor of the “poor”, but “loving” guy) ...

See which part of "I" is more convincing in its evidence...

Now, take another sheet of paper and imagine the situation from the outside - let your “rational self” - your third subpersonality speak out on this sheet ... Let them offer their options and their evidence (at least three options) ... turn on brainstorming ...

If you work hard with this simple exercise, then you can not be torn between two choices, but most likely you will find several more options, and you can make the right choice in life…

We have stood at a crossroads so many times in our lives that it seems that we should have already developed our own, accurate and win-win, decision-making methodology. But no - no matter what choice we have, we still rush from corner to corner, doubt and do not sleep at night - it's hard to fall asleep when the further development of events depends on your "yes" or "no". Of course, each case is unique, and it is quite difficult to give general recommendations to those who do not know what to choose, but we will try to help you understand the situation and yourself so that you can take the decision-making process more calmly.

Get a new job or not? Try your luck in another city or stay in your own? Buy new shoes or save money for a vacation? These and other questions torment us daily. Moreover, the subject of choice does not have to be serious and life-defining in order to fill all our thoughts. We can worry equally strongly both because of insignificant trifles, and because of things on which our future depends. And, as a rule, we spend much more mental strength not on thinking about what choice to make, but on torment and torment about it. “Oh, if I knew what this or that decision of mine would entail,” you think doomedly, because you understand that you cannot open the veil of the mystery of the future. And you begin to worry even more, fearing that by saying “yes” where you should have said “no”, you will break your own life once and for all: “What if I regret it? What if I don't understand something? Maybe my friends who advise to agree are right, and not me, who is inclined to refuse? And you start to panic, you think that it would be better if this choice didn’t stand before you at all, let everything remain in its place and you wouldn’t worry so much ...

Relax! In this state, not a single person is capable of making a deliberate and balanced decision, and all your further actions will most likely be dictated by emotions and excitement, but not by common sense.

Take a few deep breaths and exhale, open the window to let fresh air into the room, which smells more and more of the approaching spring, and get ready to follow our advice. Perhaps today you will give yourself the answer to the question that torments you.

Get in a positive mood

First, let go of the fear of doing something wrong by saying to yourself: “Whatever decision I make, it will be right anyway, because this is my path and my choice. I will be able to cope with all the difficulties that arise along the way. I will be happy because I can finally start acting instead of just thinking and doubting.” And believe me - all this is true, it will be so.

Explore perspective

When making a choice, you should have as much information about its subject as possible. For example, you doubt whether to move to a metropolis for permanent residence. Perhaps you should stay in your hometown? Try to find out the advantages and disadvantages of both options. Ask knowledgeable people about the average wages and rental prices in the city of your dreams, and also figure out if you will spend more on moving than you can earn in the first months of living in a new place? Of course, long-term investments are good, but a smart businessman always considers possible risks.

Of course, long-term investments are good, but a smart businessman always considers possible risks.

trust your intuition

This method contradicts the one we will talk about later, but how many people - so many opinions, so choose (well, what is it, and here you have to choose!) What is closer to you. So, trust your intuition and ask yourself, “What decision will make me happy right now? What will make me feel confident and protected? You will see, the correct answer will come to mind. Further, of course, the mind will “finish” it, winding up a bunch of doubts and the usual “what if”, but you will, as they say, feel with your heart where you are drawn more.

Cold calculation

Well, here there is no question of any intuition, everything is decided by dry facts, but perhaps this is what you - excited and excited - just need right now. This method is probably familiar to you: you take a piece of paper, a pen and write down the pros and cons of each of the options, and then evaluate what is a serious drawback and what can be tolerated. The same goes for benefits: some of them will significantly change your life for the better, while others you wrote just for show. Take a critical look at the resulting scheme and you will see a complete picture of the current situation. Sometimes only such cold calculation helps.

Take a piece of paper, a pen and write down the pros and cons of each of the options, and then evaluate what is a serious disadvantage and what can be tolerated.

Do not be afraid to make decisions that do not suit your family, friends and colleagues. If you feel that a particular choice will bring you more happiness than another one advocated by others, do as you see fit. To live with this is only for you, as, in principle, to be disappointed (if it suddenly happens) - you will also have to go it alone. But you will not blame others for pushing you to the wrong decision. You alone are responsible for your life.

In life, every person makes decisions. For some, this is easy, and someone thinks for a long time and can not make the right choice. This is due to not and . And in order to make your decisions easier for you, you need to learn to trust yourself and your intuition. You need to impress your mind with the following affirmations:

• Any decision I make is correct.
• I listen to my intuition and trust it.
• The higher mind, with the help of my desires, leads me on the right path.

Use these settings to tune in to the right solution. And after the choice is made, start acting without changing your intentions.

Naturally, in the process of active achievements, you can adjust your decision. Change the path to the goal, or look at it from other angles. Some say that you can refuse to choose at all if you realize that this is not what you need. And there is nothing wrong with that. But such behavior is usually associated with the fact that a person makes a choice, and then retreats. And this is not correct.

I believe that if a person has received birth, he should stand for it. He can correct the path, goals, but not retreat.

Remember the basic rule that says: "It's better to do something than nothing."

Don't be afraid to make mistakes or do something wrong. In the red, you still will not stay, you will gain vast experience, which will definitely help you in the future.

And now about the technique that will help you make the right choice:

1.Relax.

The first thing you need to do is calm your mind and relax your body. To do this, turn off your phones, turn on calm music, close your eyes. And start relaxing. You can watch your breathing or use autogenic training formulas.

Dedicate enough time to relaxation, it is also desirable to calm your mind, turn off the thought flow.

Only after achieving and calmness of mind, proceed to the next step.

2. Imagine your choices

Visualize each possible solution in turn. That is, for example, you cannot decide what you want to do in life.

You have an idea to become a psychologist or a writer. Imagine first that you have become a psychologist. You have reached your goal. How do you feel? Do you like this life? Imagine everything in great detail, touching your whole life. What is it like to be a psychologist?

Then imagine that you are a writer. Again, do a detailed visualization.

3. Analyze the sensations and make a choice

After step 2, open your eyes and do a little analysis. Which path is closer to you? Where are more pleasant sensations? Where do you feel best? Where can you do more good for yourself and all mankind? By answering these questions, you will make the right choice.

Sometimes a decision is hindered by a lack of faith in the achievability of the desired. For example, take again the desire to become a psychologist or a writer.

You know that you can become a psychologist, it's easier for you. But there is no strong attraction to this activity. You are closer to writing. But you don't believe it's possible. There are a lot of restrictions in my head, saying that:

All writers are poor.

You will never be published.

I have no money to print at my own expense.

Etc.

What to do in this situation?

Listen to yourself and choose what you like best. Or combine both activities to start with. At the same time, not forgetting about mental work (positive thinking, visualization, pure thoughts) and trying to become a professional in your field.

That's all for today. I hope this article will help you make the right choice. Let me remind you once again that the most important thing is to trust yourself and God (the universe, the cosmos, the higher mind).

After the choice is made, start acting, improve your and

How to make the right choice according to Toychu

The ability to make decisions is important to train on trifles. For example, you are going to the city tomorrow, choose in advance what you will wear. And don't give up on your choice. We decided to go in this clothes, so go in it. Gathered in the store, be sure to make a shopping list and follow it. Buy only what you wrote down.

Once you learn how to make choices in small things, start making decisions in bigger things.

Root of indecision

Teutsch believes that the inability to make choices comes from childhood. At birth, certain patterns are created that affect us. Also, some patterns of response and behavior are transmitted through the genetic code.

The reason is that at an early age, parents scolded us, then approved us for certain (identical) actions, and we developed a fear of the consequences for our actions.

In order to change the pattern of indecisiveness, it is important to go into yourself and remember your childhood. Find reasons. And start correcting them.

For example, if in childhood you are used to doing nothing, and therefore you don’t want to make a choice, then catching yourself lazy and indecisive, tell yourself: “In fact, any choice of mine is right, because if I act, then I have result.

3 steps to make the right choice

1. To begin with, it is important to sit down and think everything over. Weigh all the possible consequences of the decision, all the pros and cons.

2. Make a clear final choice. And after that, start going to him, act in accordance with the decision.

3. Stand up for your choice.

Your subconscious mind and those around you will influence you to give up the decision. Don't listen to them. Go to the end. You've made a choice, now follow it. If you act, you will achieve results.

To make a choice with confidence, it is important to work on yourself, develop your self-esteem and success. Believe in your success and see it daily. Remember that whatever choice you make is the right one. The main thing is to follow it and don't give up!

Video for you:

Making choices can be difficult, especially when you're in a critical situation. Whether you need to choose a life partner, a career path, or a new car, you are probably afraid of making the wrong decision. Try to be thoughtful about this process so you can clear your mind and look at both options objectively. Then compare the pros and cons of each solution. Your inner instinct will help you make the right choice.

Steps

Approach the decision-making process thoughtfully

1. Compare both options

   1. Make a list of pros and cons for each option to see what works best for you. Write a list with two columns for each option: in one list "for", in the other - "against". List the advantages and disadvantages of your choice in favor of each option. When you're done, calculate which option scored more pros, which choice would give you the most benefit.

      • Quite often, even the process of making a list of pros and cons helps to more clearly understand their feelings. You may find that you want to add more pros to one of the options so that you can reasonably make a choice in favor of this option.
      • You should not consider the very situation of choice as something negative. Preferring one or another option, look at it from the positive side - you are making a great choice! This will help you understand what you are more attuned to.

   2. List the negative consequences of each choice to avoid mistakes. Make a list of possible negative consequences for each of the options (in the short and long term). This is a great way to narrow down your options if you have two good options and you can't go wrong.

      • Consider any opportunities that might close in front of you if you choose one of the options.
      • For example, if you live in Moscow and plan to move to Rome, you will not have the opportunity to study at a local university, because you will be abroad.

   3. Use your gut instinct to make a list of pros and cons. Make a single list of all the benefits for both options. Then quickly go over the list and assign only one option to each item. Don't get hung up! Just trust your intuition. Then run your eyes over the resulting list again and consider which of the options will provide you with more benefits.

      • There may be some benefits to both options. But the purpose of this exercise is to decide which option will best help you achieve your goals and make your dreams come true.
      • For example, suppose you are choosing between two options for where to spend your holiday. Perhaps visiting these places is on your list of things to do while you live in the world. You can make a list of what you need to do in a lifetime, right from the lists where all the pros are listed. A quick run down this list, you may find that one of the destinations or options promises you a more desirable life experience than the other.

   4. Take advantage of professional resources to objectively compare the two options. If you're choosing between two products, find a reliable customer review site (eg otzovik.com). The two options can be compared based on the characteristics of the products, the degree of safety in operation, as well as the degree of customer satisfaction with this product.

      • Review websites are a great way to get a clear picture of a product and prioritize the most important aspects that will influence your decision.
      • For example, if you are choosing between two child car seats and your priority is safety, you can make a decision based on an objective comparison using this method.

   5. Find out if you really need to choose only one of the two options. Think about it, perhaps you could choose both options, including both tasks in your schedule or sequentially alternating between them. Sometimes it may seem to us that the two options contradict each other, but, in fact, it turns out that they can harmonize perfectly.

      • For example, you may feel that you have to choose between violin lessons and team soccer, when in fact you could do both on different days.

The inability to choose is fraught with the most unpredictable consequences. Anyone who shifted this responsibility onto the shoulders of society, loved ones, anyone, but not his own, is doomed to suffer all his life and in any situation. Because he lives under the influence of those who manipulate him for their own benefit. Whoever does not like this scenario should learn to choose, no matter how difficult or scary it may be, and anyone can learn this.

How to learn to make a choice

Whatever goal you set for yourself, on the way to achieving it you cannot do without patience and confidence in a positive result. It is impossible to fulfill your plan when you do not believe in yourself, constantly doubt and look for reasons why it will not work out. Whether you want to get rich or learn something, nothing will work without faith.

Therefore, we decided to learn how to choose, do not let doubts undermine your confidence in success. Drive them away, dismiss them, get distracted by something, just don't delve into them and don't try to analyze them. Otherwise, instead of directing all your efforts to achieve a result, you will again and again fight with your own fears and insecurities.

To reduce the negative impact of fears that interfere with making decisions, train yourself to immediately analyze what you are afraid of, what makes you doubt the result. Maybe because of self-doubt, low self-esteem, constant criticism from parents, relatives or others. If this is the case, look for a way to eliminate such a negative and obviously destructive influence.

Stop trying to be good for everyone, trying to earn someone's recognition and approval. You deserve love simply because you are you, with all your strengths and weaknesses. Love does not require sacrifice and does not accept them. So if you don't like what you hear or see - speak right away, don't be silent, don't try to be correct. Be yourself. Allow yourself to have your own opinion, different from the opinion of elders, parents, partners, girlfriends and even society.

Learn to live with your head, make your own mistakes, do not be afraid to try, fall, get burned and endure pain and suffering. Accept the fact that the world and man are so arranged that he is forced to endure, and worry, and wait, and despair, and rejoice, and believe, and hope, and fight, and argue until he is hoarse, if he does not like something.

Everyone has the right to have their own position on any issue and arguments to defend it. It is impossible to learn to choose when you limit yourself in everything and try to squeeze into the frames created by someone, no matter how good intentions their existence is justified.

People are created to search, analyze, think, make decisions, implement them and even refuse them. They have the right to be illogical, to change their mind when they realize that it was wrong. Often a person wants to be stubborn and stand his ground, simply because he wanted to, and if this leads to problems and quarrels, then he will be responsible for his behavior and words. But it will be his decision and his choice, and not someone else.

It is impossible to live without slipping, without making a mistake, without trying to do it your way, either getting a good result or a bad one. Without mistakes and trials, one cannot know oneself, nor one's place in this world, nor how one wants to live life.

Allow yourself to be wrong, bad, good, different, unpredictable and spontaneous. Stop thinking that your life is less valuable than your parents, loved ones, children, or society. You are just as important as they are. Everyone has their own life, their own path.

You are responsible for yourself, and you pay or receive dividends for the decisions you make, and not someone else. So it’s better to make decisions on your own, so that later you know exactly what not to do or what is right for you. Not for them, but for yourself, learn to choose.

Yes, it is often easier to shift the responsibility for failure to someone else, which is why people often listen to others. But this not only makes life easier in some ways, but also impoverishes it. Since the decision you made could be much better.

In the end, we are all not eternal: parents leave, loved ones too, power and social foundations change, and all my life there will not be someone who always holds the hand and says what to do. Think about it, and then it will become much easier to take responsibility for your own life. Otherwise, you run the risk of crashing when the time comes and you have to make decisions yourself, and you still don’t know how to act in this or that situation in the best way for yourself.

How to choose

• The ability to make choices is often destroyed in childhood by overprotective parents who, due to their own psychological problems and excessive anxiety, tried to control everything that their child did. But instead of helping, they did him a disservice, since their fear of letting the child out of control led to the fact that, as an adult, he never learned to take care and think about himself on his own. Many do not know how best to act, what to do, they cannot make a decision without advice and moral support, and even more so bear responsibility for it. Deep in their hearts, they remained children with a mass of complexes, unsure of themselves, because their parents were not sure of them. They just didn't trust them. Behind their imaginary concern was a self-doubt, which they successfully instilled in their unfortunate child.
• Therefore, adults have to learn to make decisions, starting with elementary things. To begin with, it is important for them to get used to performing any actions without regard to others and what someone will say. The purchase of clothing, accessories, the choice of recreation and entertainment, courses and education should be carried out without the participation of others. No need to consult with anyone anymore, ask for their opinion or think for a long time. You have to do everything. Regardless of what the result will be.

• Hard. So, think again what you want: either change, or accept everything as it is and continue to live in someone else's head and on.
• Decided to change, be patient until a stable habit is developed to do what you think is necessary and right, and not your husband, boyfriend, parents or children. Stop considering them superior and smarter than you. This is your life and only your voice is critical, as in their life - theirs.

• Go shopping, do not pick up the phone, so as not to suddenly call a friend or mother to ask for advice on what clothes to choose. Do not take anyone with you, do not touch the sellers. Choose yourself. Let it be an unsuccessful choice, but it will be yours, and unsuccessful in your opinion, and not those around you. Do not rush to show new clothes to your mother or girlfriends if they are used to advising all the time what to buy and what not. Grit your teeth, be true to yourself. And whatever they say, answer, it's your choice. And he suits you.
• In general, it is very important to get rid of those who allow you to constantly discuss you, even if it seems to be in a benevolent form. No one has the moral right to tell you that you are doing something wrong when it does not harm anyone or create problems. People should look after their own lives, and intervene only when they are asked for help or in danger.
• Try not to ask others how best to proceed. Try it, make your own decisions. Let it be hard, cause embarrassment and surprise among those who just yesterday controlled your life. But be stubborn and firm. They begin to convince you that you yourself can’t do anything, and in response you begin to say the same about them, remembering all the mistakes that this person made. And he will back off.

In order to succeed in life, to understand yourself and your true desires, to find your own path and to meet every day with joy, you must be able to choose. Any situation requires a decision, even if it seems that this is not the case, we still make a choice - do nothing. Therefore, any decision that can have a significant impact on our destiny must be made consciously, and then, regardless of the result, you will learn to take responsibility and find the best solution to the task assigned to you. And this is a direct path to success.