Tactile contact is the secret weapon for harmonious relationships. Physical contact or "how to touch
Everyone enjoys being noticed. Tactile contact is an integral part of any close interaction. Of course, business relationships are unlikely to imply strong hugs, but friendly meetings, as a rule, cannot do without them. Each person, one way or another, wants to feel needed, in demand and understood.
Tactile-visual contact helps build trust between partners, teaches them to be condescending and attentive. Only by looking into the eyes of the interlocutor, you can fully ascertain what feelings he is actually experiencing.
The essence of the concept
Tactile contact is special shape interaction in which there is effective communication between people. Agree that it is much easier to convey some important thought to a person if you touch him. It is very pleasant for any of us to be appreciated, to express our feelings with the help of strong handshakes.
What does tactile contact mean? Most often, with its help, people express their emotions aimed at a specific interlocutor. The desire to take by the hand, to stroke is connected with the need for understanding, which we all need so much. If a person is absolutely indifferent to another, then he will never, under any pretext, touch him. Closed people, as a rule, avoid tactile contact and are afraid to show it.
Feeling safe
Look at the woman holding the baby in her arms. She just glows with happiness! She is not afraid of any obstacles, she is not afraid of the prospect of losing individual prospects. A mother always sacrifices something for her baby: work, time, relationships with friends.
In the arms of the mother, the baby feels protected from all adversity. Her tender palms will lull him, caress him. It is tactile contact that provides the child with a sense of security from everything in the world. This is the most powerful weapon in the world against any antisocial acts. It has been noticed that many illegal acts are committed only because no one cared about such individuals in childhood. Mother's love creates the child's soul, forms his trust in the whole world around him.
If a mother does not devote enough time and attention to her offspring, then there is a great chance of forming a person who is unsociable, aggressive or withdrawn. No one can replace a mother's love for her child. One can only guess how lonely and unwanted orphans feel.
Manifestation of love
When we touch another person, it is as if we are saying to him: “I care about you.” The one who loves, necessarily strives to show his affection not only in words. How can you express your feelings? A look or a touch. The tactile contact of a man and a woman implies a deep feeling of each other at all levels. Sometimes it is enough to look into the eyes and say a kind word, otherwise only gentle handling and tactile warmth will help. We all want to feel loved and cared for.
Expression of trust
In fact, we only allow ourselves to be touched by people we can fully trust. And this is by no means accidental. This is how our psychology works. Tactile contact is a very important and significant thing in everyone's life, so it should not be avoided or tried to be repelled. There are people who really do not like to hug, even with loved ones. Such manifestations testify precisely to the fact that not everything is so smooth in their life, there are internal problems and contradictions in interaction.
Trust is expressed through free tactile touches, strokes. To take a person by the hand means to show him special warmth, spiritual closeness, a desire to help. If we want to comfort a friend or relative, we hug them. And this almost always has a positive effect on a person, allows him to calm down. The fact is that hugs open the heart, help restore intimacy, trust, if for some reason they were lost.
Relationships between spouses
The interaction of husband and wife is a special moment that causes many different disputes. Family conflicts are the strongest in terms of impact. It is believed that it is in relations with the most dear people we go through important life lessons, without which our personality would not be fully realized. After all, no one can be happy alone. It always requires the participation of a partner, the presence of a deep relationship with him. And here you can not do without tactile contact.
Spouses like no one else know each other. It's not just about the individual character, manners, habits. Each of us has our own weaknesses, ailments, and then being near loved one can affect our state and attitude.
Sexual interaction
Tactile contact with a man without fail includes touch. When two people decide to dedicate their lives to each other, over time they know well what their partner likes and know how to guess his mood. Physical intimacy is impossible without a huge sense of trust in relation to the spouse. Both man and woman are equally in need of sincere love. But not everyone, unfortunately, knows how to properly express their emotions. Everyone wants to feel important and loved.
Rescue from stress
When you come home after a whole labor day It's so nice to know that a loving family is waiting for you. A hot dinner, a manifestation of attention and care - that's what a partner is waiting for. With the help of tactile contact, you can get rid of stress, gain peace of mind, relieve yourself of the burden of problems and fatigue. Nothing invigorates a person so much as the realization that someone needs him, his opinion is valuable in itself and important.
Tactile contact is a real salvation from stress. When we touch a person, he always feels how important he is in our life. Even the relationship of friends and girlfriends can be very close if there is a place for mutual hugs and pats on the back. Sometimes colossal support is required, and here tactile contact is clearly indispensable. The more emotions we learn to show in life, the easier it will be for us to build interaction with other people.
Nobody likes cold and indifferent people for whom to say an extra word is a problem. Everyone wants to feel a certain support and protection from those who are constantly nearby. Any relationship is built on mutual trust and common interests. It is hard to imagine that friends will endure a nervous, quick-tempered person next to them, from whom only troubles come.
Instead of a conclusion
Tactile contact is present in almost all forms of interpersonal interaction. The deeper and better relationship between people, the more in their communication there are handshakes, hugs and a completely conscious intention to be next to each other. Often, a person's self-confidence is directly influenced by how significant he feels in the company of relatives, friends, colleagues and, of course, family. Happiness depends on the circumstance that allows the individual to fully express his feelings.
The touch of one person to another is implied. In fact, this is the very first way of communication available to people, because when a person is just born, he is not yet able to perceive auditory and visual information adequately, unlike tactile sensations. Some psychologists believe that it is at this stage of communication that the foundations of the future human psyche are born.
Types of tactile contacts
Traditionally, tactile contacts are divided into several types. First of all, these are the so-called "professional" touches. Doctors, massage therapists, stylists, tailors simply cannot do without tactile contact in their professional activity. As a rule, most people perceive such contacts calmly, realizing that they do not contain any additional information.
According to psychologists, women tend to perceive tactile contact more positively than men. Because of this, a positive reaction to touch is called "feminine".
The second group includes ritual touches. This is not about mystical practices, but about a completely familiar handshake or a welcome kiss on the cheek. It is known that the handshake, for example, appeared as a means of demonstrating and friendly intentions, but over time, this welcoming touch has become almost an obligatory ritual.
Finally, the largest area in which tactile contact is used is the area interpersonal relationships. Touching here is a manifestation of affection, sympathy, kinship, sexual attraction. It can be hugs, kisses, a friendly pat on the shoulder or gentle strokes. The presence of stable tactile contact of this kind is an effective marker indicating a close relationship, for example, between and.
Tactile contact may indicate social status. Touching is most often allowed by those people who occupy a higher position in society, for example, a boss can slap a subordinate on the shoulder.
Body-oriented therapy has significant differences from "conversational" forms of psychotherapy, imposes special ethical obligations on the actions and attitudes of the therapist.
Since basically body psychotherapy involves direct physical contact with the client's body, the question arises of maintaining psychological boundaries and the dynamics of transference processes. This is due to the fact that contact interaction is capable of provoking and intensifying transference and countertransference reactions, adding to them a pronounced erotic context. Therefore, the therapist must be able to clearly define the boundaries of contact and exclude elements of sexualization from interaction, which requires a preliminary study of one's own corporality from the standpoint of the functioning and sublimation of sexuality.
Body psychotherapy in some contexts can be seen as a kind of awakening practice - sensuality, trust, understanding. It gives a feeling of ZANU-reality in life, a full-fledged experience of contact with a variety of manifestations of the surrounding world, arising as a result of the conscious "inclusion" of bodily sensations in this process.
One of the ways to interact with the world and awaken sensibility (sensitivity) to the world and other people is touch. Most often, contact methods of interaction in everyday life are repressed and subjected to ritualization, which is associated with a significant impact force and significance of bodily contact. The level of significance is always proportional to the meaning that a person puts into touch: either indifference, coldness, formality and stereotyping, or the expression of true feelings and experiences.
Touches, showing the attitude and feelings of a person, form a certain range of emotional experiences that cannot be ignored. These experiences always reach consciousness and transform the background state, modulating outbursts and manifestations of latent (hidden or repressed) experiences and relationships. A person can be ready for them, and then she adequately, openly accepts a new experience. If she is subjectively not ready for this, then she is forced to suppress the feelings that fill her at the moment of contact. Depending on the dominant set of relationships, which determines the content and intensity of reactions to subjectively significant circumstances and events, a person perceives the sensations that are relevant at the moment of contact as acceptable and comfortable or paints them in negative tones and perceives them as uncomfortable and those that require control. In any case, the source of certain states is a significant touch, which a person cannot ignore, since physical contact expresses an archetypal need. Therefore, the preservation and clarification of psychological boundaries, based on a sense of security, trust, maintaining a distance, has great importance for the positive dynamics of therapeutic relationships in body psychotherapy.
At the same time, bodily therapy places certain requirements on the client's readiness for forms of activity and interaction that are atypical for him. In some bodily directions, the client must take off his clothes and be naked, which automatically actualizes the feeling of insecurity and vulnerability. However, even when the client is in clothes that are comfortable for him, the nature of visual contact, touches and actions offered to him full of therapeutic significance psychologically exposes the personality. An attempt to escape from such experiences, to hide behind somatic (muscle) complexes is often associated with a feeling of fear and unconscious rejection of one's own physicality.
Professional skills of a body-oriented psychotherapist
The main factor determining the success of therapeutic practice in the context of bodily dynamics is confidence in the professional competence and face of the therapist. On the other hand, the therapist must have a sufficient level of professional preparedness so as not to provoke unconscious resonant responses from the client with his own involuntary somatic reactions, he naturally reacts to the state of the therapist, feeling the measure of his own psychosomatic conformity.
The professional readiness of a body-oriented therapist requires him to develop the following specific qualities and abilities:
The ability to resonant contact with the client's reactions implies the synchronization of their psychosomatic states;
The presence of a wide repertoire of accessible forms of motor expression and the development of plastic skills;
The ability to feel and verbalize the client's bodily experiences, to select adequate metaphorical definitions for them;
Bodily congruence and the cognitive basis of bodily actions - the harmonic unity of the inner content and external technology, the integrity of body perception and the adequacy of bodily expression to the requirements of the current situation;
A wide range of available emotional states, emotional expressiveness, the reliability of the states experienced, and the ability to imitate them;
Focus on creative search for new methods of bodily interaction within the framework of therapeutic communication.
The quality of psychotherapeutic relationships in body therapy is determined by the so-called. Vegetative (somatic) resonance(W. Reich, D. Boadella) - bodily spinalization of the therapist and the client, is a certain psychosomatic analogue of the transfer known from the practice of psychoanalysis. This phenomenon turns out to be in the induced bodily sensations of the therapist, which correspond to the sensations of the client, further leads to synchronized psychosomatic reactions in both participants in the therapeutic process / It is based on the vegetative identification (unconscious identification) of the therapist and the client. The development of this process is associated with resonant forms of bodily contact and the reproduction by the therapist of bodily sensations experienced by the client. Resonant interaction involves vegetative, mimic, mobile-tactile, rhythmic and respiratory synchronization. In addition to the transference relationship, resonant experiences can also be compared to feelings of emotional empathy for the client.
Within the framework of the body-oriented approach, the somatic components of empathy are especially important for building therapeutic relationships. No less important is the client's attitude towards the therapist. Features of bodily "responses" are based on regressive states, often associated with repressed childhood dissatisfaction with maternal care, which means a deficit of significant bodily contacts (touches, strokes, caresses). Therefore, resonant reactions on the part of the client must be considered in the context of transference dynamics. On the part of the therapist, such synchronization also reflects the characteristics of countertransference experiences and his ability to consciously and controlled age regression.
The reaction of the therapist's and the client's bodily spontaneity can be explained by the period of formation of the joint unconscious - the "body" (according to J. Moreno) in connection with their stay in the common procedural and semantic space of therapeutic interactions (interactions). For the therapist, such unity is a technical element of therapeutic work, and for the client, it is an opportunity to acquire somatic and emotional experience that is “corrective” in terms of the dynamics of symptoms (F. Alexander).
Most bodily techniques in psychotherapy are aimed at a person's exploration of his corporeality and its nature. There is an assumption: if a person understands his body, he will be able to understand the mental content that he embodies with his help. The embodied mental content has an informational nature, always correlates with the bodily structure and its functionality; the body is considered as a specific mode of existence of energy. The form and organization of energy are natural, specific and always correspond to the nature of its information content. This gives reason to talk about the complementarity of the bodily and mental organization of the individual. Understanding this fact opens the way to the meaningful use of bodily techniques that can provide a full-fledged, integrated development of a person.
Body-oriented techniques occupy their own unique niche, sometimes differing significantly from traditional forms psychotherapy. Their main feature lies in the fact that among the methodological methods, those that directly relate to the human corporality predominate. Pathological reactions of the individual are also viewed through the prism of bodily dynamics in which they are reflected.
Body-oriented methods are based on the idea of a person's psychosomatic integrity. Any dissociation of its constituents into physical and mental components will be wrong and will lead to erroneous conclusions about the nature of psychological problems and possible strategies for overcoming them.
This approach has developed a large number of variety of approaches and techniques. Basically, they relate to the bodily dynamics of a person: her breathing, plasticity, movements, sensitivity, features of motor skills, facial expressions, voice, vegetative reactions. And although the human body is accessible to direct contact, "visual" and objective, subjectively it constitutes the intimate sphere of the personality. In this regard, there are certain professional requirements for the face of a psychotherapist, as well as Additional requirements to professional ethics, which is associated with the obligatory physical contact in the process of psychotherapeutic interaction.
Body-oriented psychotherapy is actively developing, integrating with psychodynamic and existential-humanistic directions. psychological help. On its basis, there is a synthesis and an eclectic search for new, often alternative methods psychotherapy and human development.
Whether to wear, for example, a baby in your arms? What if he then grows up spoiled, as the grandmother says? You want to hug and caress the baby, but to what extent are "veal tendernesses" acceptable? Should I sleep with my baby or is it better to sleep separately? At what age does the baby need the closest possible contact with his mother, and when is it time to learn independence?
Should you carry the baby in your arms?
About this very serious problem, the famous Dr. Spock writes the following: “The child wants to be carried in the arms, because he is used to it and considers it his right. When the mother sits down to rest a little, he looks at her angrily, as if saying: “Woman, work!”. Thus, in order not to spoil the child, Spock suggests body contact minimize.
But on the other hand, in infancy, it is physical contact that is main form knowledge of the world. The child receives the maximum amount of information through the body, feeling and tasting everything that comes to his hand.
Irina, mother of five-month-old Lenochka: “I give my daughter a new rattle, I talk about how red it is and how loud it rings. But the child immediately puts it in his mouth and licks it, despite all my protests.
This is completely normal behavior for infant. His thinking has not yet been formed, his vision is not focused enough, so the world appears to him not in objects familiar to us (which we can name and remember), but in some blurred complex of sensations. For example, a mother is associated in a child with a certain smell, taste, warmth.
In order for a child to receive enough of these sensations in infancy, he must have as many different bodily contacts as possible, impressions of taste, smell, touch. Body contact helps the baby to recognize the boundaries of his own body and the boundaries of other objects.
The importance of physical contact cannot be overestimated for the emotional development of a child. What do you think would be better to soothe a crying baby - if the mother takes him in her arms, hugs him and strokes him, or if it is purely mechanical stimulation, like the now popular mobile above the crib? And an older child, having hit, runs to his mother, so that she would take pity and caress him. Yes, and an adult in a difficult moment sometimes needs to “cry in his vest” - what is this if not an intuitive search for the same bodily contact? A contact that can protect, warm, soothe...
It is from the lack of this contact that the children in the orphanages suffer the most. If you go there, then soon you will be literally surrounded by children from all sides, who, more than anything else, want to snuggle up to a reliable adult hand.
American scientist G.-F. Harlow in the 1960s interesting experiments with baby monkeys. To little weaned monkeys, he offered two artificial "mothers": one of them was warm and furry, and the other was made of wire frame structures. Both "mothers" were supplied with bottles from which the monkeys could suck milk. Baby monkeys gave a strong preference for the first "mother". But even more surprising is that when the warm and fluffy “mother” was deprived of a bottle of milk, the monkeys still chose her. Therefore, warm bodily sensations mean more to babies than feeding itself!
Tactile contact is also associated with another problem that sooner or later confronts all parents:
How to put the baby to sleep?
Dr. Spock approaches this question quite harshly: “The child must understand that he will not achieve anything by waking up and crying. This can usually be achieved in 2-3 nights by letting him cry and not going near him. On the first night, he will cry for 20-30 minutes (it will seem to you that much longer), on the second - 10 minutes, and on the third he will not cry at all.
Spock's followers went even further. Once, in one of the parenting magazines a couple of years ago, I came across an article in which parents were promised to be taught how to cope with nighttime awakenings of the child. To do this, with an accuracy of 30 seconds, the time that needs to be waited before approaching the crying baby- on his first awakening, for example, it was suggested to wait 15 minutes, come for 2 minutes, on the second - to wait 13.5 minutes and come for 1.5 minutes, etc. I had the feeling that in front of me was an algorithm for some computer program and not advice for living parents.
However, many parents believe that at 7-8 months the child should already fall asleep on his own. The situation is complicated by the fact that it is at this age that the baby has an increased need to be with his mother, he needs to spend as much time as possible in her arms. At this age, the image of the mother is formed, when the child begins to distinguish her from other people, but so far the image of the mother is not stored in his memory. Therefore, he has a special need for her presence. But it seems to parents that their child has already grown enough and "insolent".
But the impressions of the child, however, are already quite adult.
Sergey, 36 years old: “Once, during a psychotherapy session, I managed to remember my far, far infancy. I lay, tightly swaddled over my arms and legs, and screamed from hunger. I felt my complete helplessness, despair, horror, and thought, choking with a cry (I still thought not in words, but in some images): what should I do, when will they finally come to me ... ".
Try to understand your baby. Believe me, he does this not to spite you. Having lost his mother from sight, he is not yet sure that she will ever return back. Or maybe she left for good?
In this case, often the baby, as it seems, actively does not want to sleep and tries to resist it with all his might. The fact is that while he has not yet formed the idea that after sleep he will wake up. Every falling asleep for him is a small death.
Therefore, the baby does not understand your educational measures at all. Mom disappeared (for some time or forever?), and the dark space is not at all conducive to calming after 10-20 minutes of crying allotted by Dr. Spock. In the end, the child falls silent, but not because he has calmed down, but because exhaustion has set in, and he no longer has the strength to cry.
Sleeping in parent's bed
American pediatricians William and Martha Serz first announced the need for the so-called. style of rapprochement between the child and parents. The convergence style suggests that the baby sleeps with the parents. While the child is very small, it is really convenient. Mom does not need to get up to feed him at night, she does this, sometimes almost without waking up, and the baby does not suffer from loneliness, feeling her mother's warmth, her smell next to her.
However, co-sleeping is not suitable for some children and parents.
I have twins. From the very beginning, I realized that co-sleeping was not for us. Being surrounded by babies on both sides, I could not sleep at all. But it can be uncomfortable for some anxious mothers to sleep even with one child. She is afraid, having fallen asleep soundly, to crush or damage the baby.
The best option is if the child wants and if there is a need for it (he cries, does not sleep in his crib), you can take him in yourself. If he sleeps quietly alone, you can make up for tactile contact with him at other times. At the very beginning of life, co-sleeping is important for the baby, but then it is better to gradually wean from this habit and prepare the child for a gradual separation from you. It is important that by the age of three the child sleeps in his own crib. After three years, co-sleeping with a boy's mother or a girl's father is fraught with difficulties in the child's sexual formation. By the age of two, it is desirable that the child is not present at the sexual relations of the parents, even if it seems to you that he is fast asleep. Accidentally seen sexual intercourse is often perceived by the baby as aggression, leaving fear in his soul for a long time.
The style of rapprochement, as wonderful as it may seem, has its pitfalls. Many children raised by this method experience some difficulty in emotional development, adaptation to kindergarten school, communication with peers. It is very difficult for them to learn to wait - after all, all their needs are instantly satisfied. Often there is a hypertrophied attachment to the mother, it is more difficult for them than for other children to part with her. Here is one such example.
Ksyusha grew up, literally not looking up from her mother. Mom found a kindergarten for her with a soft parenting style, where she was allowed to stay with her daughter for the first time. In kindergarten, Ksyusha hid behind her mother all the time, directly and indirectly. figuratively held on to her skirt, did not leave her a single step, avoided any contact with both children and adults. This went on for three months. In the end, the teachers asked my mother to leave. Gradually, the girl began to get used to the team. But if she eventually managed to establish contact with children, then it is still very difficult for her to interact with adults.
Too good is also not good
What happens when the style of rapprochement is elevated to some kind of absolute? Based on the fact that nature is wise and fair, are we offered to build parent-child relationships on the principle of a monkey family?
Our society is not a monkey tribe, after all. Therefore, for better or worse, the laws of nature, according to which monkeys live, do not always fit into the culture of modern life. In animals, developmental periods are much shorter than in humans. At first, the cub really hangs on the mother, not coming off. But soon he begins an independent study of the territory. The tribal community among animals (as, indeed, among primitive tribes) is quite large. And when the cub gets off the mother, other adult females or young “teenager” monkeys begin to take care of it. No cub is surrounded close attention of the entire tribe, and there is not a single tribe that lives only for the sake of this cub.
In our culture (especially the culture of big cities), the child often occupies a central place in the family, becomes a kind of "baby doll of the Earth." When a child grows up, this concentration of attention around him often infringes on the freedom of his development (he does not try to crawl, walk, explore the world on his own), his contacts with others are somewhat limited, and therefore the baby has difficulty entering the children's team.
If all the desires of the baby are instantly guessed and fulfilled, he does not have the experience of waiting for some kind of joy, there is no need to fight. A mother who tries to protect her child from the negative emotions caused by vigorous activity often deprives him of this very activity. But it is precisely healthy frustration that causes the need to cope with problems and difficulties in one way or another.
When the mother is always present in the field of view of the baby, he does not need to keep her image in memory.
Sometimes parents say that the baby cries at the slightest attempt to put it down. It is important to consider two points here:
- The baby may have increased neurological excitability or serious pain syndromes (severe colic, for example). In this case, you need to look for the cause of constant crying and, as far as possible, eliminate it.
- Parents are used to carrying the baby on themselves, and he is also used to it. In this case, it is worth trying to take the crumbs with some other interesting activity.
When a child grows up, constant bodily contact limits his freedom. Often, knowing how to crawl and walk, the baby is afraid to break away from his mother in order to go on an independent journey, and prefers to be in his arms. The image of the mother has not been preserved in his memory, and therefore the baby is afraid to separate from her. His calmness is possible only with close tactile contact.
The constant carrying of the child in her arms is difficult for the mother. It is hard physically - a grown child is very noticeable for the spine, and emotionally. After all, no mother is able to maintain emotional communication twenty-four hours a day. Therefore, such “wearing on oneself” often replaces a normal emotional connection, which includes eye contact, dialogue, children's games, etc. Often the baby is in the arms of the mother, but the mother is not with him (she reads, cooks, sits at the computer, etc.). It is possible that if at this moment the child played next to the toys or explored the contents of the cupboards, this would be much more useful for him.
Is it easy to adapt to the world?
Our community is quite different from the one a baby monkey is being prepared for. He does not need to adapt to strict educators and teachers, a capricious boss, etc. From a hothouse home environment, a human cub finds itself in a rather harsh society with its own laws and rules, where it is no longer the most beloved, best, unambiguously accepted.
In order to be able to adapt to this society by the age of four or five, the child must gain some experience of adaptation, ways of communicating with strangers, conquering his own territory. He needs to get used to the fact that he may not be the “most-most ...”, otherwise the difference between the home and the outside worlds will fall on the baby’s head like a bolt from the blue.
How can you help your child adjust?
Instead of dropping everything and running at the first call, try to explain to the child why you are making him wait, that after he waits a little, you will definitely be able to do something interesting together.
Try to include the baby in some joint (or parallel) activity: set the table together, do laundry, etc. For example, he can engage in such attractive pots, bowls, spoons. And when you wash, let your little one bathe her chrysalis or duck.
A system of some kind of prohibition is also needed. Try not to have too many of them, but that they be clear, firm and always respected.
Do not be afraid that the child sometimes feels your fatigue. Do not overpower yourself by pretending that everything is in order, your emotional response will still not be natural. It is much better if your baby has an experience of empathy, sympathy.
In a word, it is impossible to artificially create naturalness. Dr. Spock, while giving parents some very reasonable advice, at the same time tries too early to adjust the child to the idea of \u200b\u200bregime and a strict routine - from the very first days of life. Of course, the baby will have to enter the culture of the society in which he lives, but this must be done gradually and gently.
At the same time, such a seemingly natural style of rapprochement, elevated to an absolute, sometimes makes parents give up their own needs, concentrating on the child, which ultimately does not look quite natural.
And choosing the golden mean between a tough regime and the “call of nature”, remember that the main thing is your sensitive parental heart, intuition and common sense.
Inessa Smyk, Daria Golubeva
According to the materials of the magazine "Liza. My child"