Rules for appealing to higher powers. How to ask for help from ex-spouses
Brownie is one of the most famous characters in Russian mythology. On the one hand, this is a harmless and kind character guarding the house. But on the other hand, whatever one may say, this representative of the undead pantheon is associated with black magic. Who is the brownie really? It is difficult to answer this question unambiguously. For sure, we can only say that the attitude of a housemaid to the owners of the house will be directly proportional to their attitude towards him.
Who are brownies and why are they needed?
From early childhood, every person hears fairy tales about a little gnome - an old man who lives in the most secluded corners of an apartment. The same tales report that during the day a miniature man hides in such a way that it is not possible to detect him. But at night, when everyone goes to bed and there is complete silence and darkness in the apartment, he comes out of his hiding place and starts walking around the apartment. Often footsteps, creaking of floorboards or clattering of dishes can be heard from the kitchen or living room - this brownie has begun his feast or shows dissatisfaction with his mistreatment.
There are many magical rituals and ceremonies designed to appease the brownie or invite him to a dialogue. Just as often, people turn to a brownie for help with a request to help find a thing lost in the house or to reliably protect the home. Some homeowners who have tried personal experience conspiracies for the brownie assure that they really work.
Probably every person has heard that the easiest way to appease the little landlord is to leave pieces of sugar or pie on the table. Knives and salt left on the table at night anger the spirit. An angry poltergeist can cause various troubles to the owners, ranging from harmless dirty tricks in the form of scattered kitchen cabinet cereals or the loss of some gizmos to the disappearance of large sums of money, health problems, bullying at night, reflections in mirrors and major riots in the house. There are cases when angry brownies brought people to a state of mental disorder.
What can a lamb be angry with? There are a lot of options. By the way, it should be noted that brownies are also different. As they say - the spirit of the spirit of strife. A harmless kind brownie can fool around a bit, offended by the mess in the room, dirty dishes or swearing. In order to teach negligent gentlemen a lesson, he can imperceptibly throw off cups and plates on the floor or, for some time, steal some of the small things: a comb, kitchen towel, TV remote control, children's toys, jewelry or cosmetics. By the way, good house spirits love small children. At times they may appear to them. It is also believed that pets can see the brownie.
But there is another kind of house spirits. With them, you need to be more careful. You can encounter such a brownie by moving into an apartment where a black witch used to live or evil people. There are cases when, due to the intransigence of the brownie, families had to change their place of residence.
Despite this, people of the older generation sometimes say that small mythological households are sent by God to every house in order to protect its owners and their property. It is important to find mutual language with brownies. Then things in the house will go well, and the owners will not get sick.
How to make friends with brownies?
So that there are no conflicts with the mansa, one should often cajole him with affectionate appeals and the offering of symbolic gifts.
In the evening, before going to bed, the landlady should leave kitchen table some sugar, a cup of milk or cottage cheese, a piece of cake and small apple. When arranging treats, you need to say: “Grandfather is a brownie, come and taste the food, be my friend and protector, and I will feed you.” Going to bed, you need to read the prayer "Our Father" three times.
Such a ritual can be done just like that from time to time. AT without fail it should be performed immediately after settling in a new home.
At the end of the second day of living in a new place, a brownie can be left with a treat in the form of sweets or a saucer with honey. It is very good if there is fresh liquid honey or honey in combs. Sweet food should be served with wine. Brownie will please a small amount of poured into a saucer or a glass of red wine. He will be especially pleased if he finds Cahors.
After the table is laid for the night guest, you need to quietly ask him for forgiveness for possible inconvenience and insults on the first day and say all the same words about the invitation to dinner and the request to guard the house.
On the evening of the third day, a piece of boiled meat or fried fish should be left on the table. Nearby you can put a small glass of vodka. The conspiracy must be pronounced as follows: “brother - housewife, come to taste hearty food so that you always eat like that - fatten, never go hungry. Protect this house from all evil."
Regarding the protection of the house, they often turn to the brownie, because this little old man has very great physical and magical strength for gifts. He is able to resist any evil that tries to get into the house.
Often this character is asked for help. Since he has a large magical power and is competent in many areas, he may be asked to conjure to increase wealth, health for the owners of the house and for animals, deliverance from a serious illness or finding a lost thing.
In order for the lamb to agree to help, a special ritual should be performed. It has special power in Easter days. Late in the evening, when the apartment is calm and the lights are off, you need to turn to your grandfather - a brownie using painted Easter Egg and a wax candle brought from the church on the day holiday service. The candle should be held in the left hand, the egg in the right. First, cross yourself with your right, then with your left hand, then swap objects and read a prayer:
“Grandfather is a guard, brownie is a little brother, come and take holiday gifts, come out, oven guard, taste my offerings. Help me in my affairs (the problem should be indicated next). Protect my home and family from grief - trouble, take the old one out, and don’t let the new one on the threshold!
After reading the prayer, the candle must be left to burn out in the same place. Leave the Easter egg there and retire to sleep.
Asking for help finding a lost item
Many are sure that if a brownie is asked to help find some lost trifle, he will definitely help. You just need to ask correctly so as not to piss off the little guard of the house even more. A special ritual for such a case will come to the rescue. It is necessary to kneel down and tie a colored ribbon around the leg of a chair or table.
Holding the edge of the ribbon in your hands, say:
"Domovushko - gossip, play with my little thing and give it back to me."
After that, within a few minutes, the loss should be detected. The main thing is to apply correctly, without anger and reproach. You can also ask the brownie for forgiveness for the fact that lost thing lay in the wrong place. Brownies don't like mess.
After each appeal, the brownie should be thanked in advance for the help and apologize for the inconvenience caused. This will ensure that the request will be fulfilled.
We can't always do everything ourselves. From time to time we have to turn to other people for help. Sometimes this causes certain difficulties. Some people find it very difficult to ask for help. It is easier for them to do everything themselves, straining and suffering. Sometimes such an inability to ask for help is explained by pride, unwillingness to disturb others, cause them anxiety, principles, fear of rejection. At a deeper level, behind this is the fear of one's own helplessness, imperfection. However, the ability to ask for help is an important life skill that will help you in many situations. Let's put aside unnecessary fears and think about how to ask for help, how to do it tactfully and correctly.
Get in the right mood
- First, realize that you really need help. State exactly what you need. Narrow the range of problems to one main one, then it will be easier for the other person to understand you.
- How to ask for help? Choose an assistant. Think about who exactly could help you in this situation. If you need emotional support, then go to a close friend. If you have a particular problem, then you may need to consult a qualified specialist. Don't seek help from someone you don't trust or deem unworthy, even if this is your only chance to get help.
- Don't berate yourself for not being able to handle the problem on your own. This does not mean that you are a weak, imperfect or stupid person. Everyone struggles sometimes, no one is perfect. Your ability to ask for help is a sign of strength, not weakness.
- In fact, people willingly help others. This increases their sense of self-worth, so you will even do your assistant a favor - he will grow in his eyes. Remember this.
- How to contact people for help? You need to ask in such a way that a person has the opportunity to refuse. It is impossible for the request to be categorical: "Do this ... I need this," etc. Of course, the request must be expressed politely. If you are refused, then do not worry, accept this fact calmly, without tantrums.
- Express your request clearly and concisely. Say exactly what you want from the person. Offer your help in return - this will interest your interlocutor. Surely there are things you could do for your assistant.
- Listen carefully to your interlocutor when he offers you ways to solve a problem. Even if this option does not suit you, listen to the person to the end and consider his offer. Do not rush to discard what you heard, perhaps it will help you in the future.
- Gratitude. Be sure to thank the assistant, because he deserved it, having spent his time and effort on you. You can just say "thank you" - often this is enough if you thank from the bottom of your heart. You might want to thank the person by taking them out to dinner or buying a gift. The main thing is for the person to feel that you sincerely appreciate his help, then he will be willing to help you later.
- In order for people to help you, offer your help more often. The more often you help others, the more often and willingly they will help you.
When a person does not know who to turn to for help, this is really bad. Because in our life without support it is very difficult. And unfortunately, not everyone has acquaintances who are able to listen, give relevant and effective advice, cheer up, help to systematize thoughts in their places and solve problems. Where to go in such cases?
Emergency Service of the Ministry of Emergency Situations
If a person needs psychological advice and support, you can ask for help on this Internet portal. The free service EMERCOM of Russia was created. Only specialists in the psychological sphere work there.
On the site you can get advice, and in two forms - either as an answer to a question posted by a person, or in the hidden mode of your own account.
If necessary, you can undergo a diagnostic study, according to the results of which the person will be offered corrective techniques and exercises to help cope with the problem. The resource also has a section with published articles by consultant psychologists, in which there are many useful information for reflection.
If you do not want to explore the site, then you can just call hotline.
Portal for children and teenagers
As a rule, it is easier for adults to cope with their problems than for those whose psyche has not yet grown strong. Indeed, children and adolescents often do not know who to turn to for help. Well, a free portal called "Help is nearby" was created especially for them.
There are two sections there. One - for children from 6 to 12 years. In this section, they can not only get online help, but also learn the following:
- Which adult can be contacted?
- Who to call if you need help?
- Stories from the life of peers.
- Useful tips.
You can also play there right games, take tests, chat and ask questions.
Online chat is open from 11:00 to 23:00, and this project also has a group on the VKontakte social network.
Helplines
As a rule, this option is most often the first thing that comes to mind for a person who is thinking where to turn for help. It is the simplest, because all you need is just to call, and this is available to everyone.
Most hotlines are open 24/7. They provide complete anonymity, so you can talk about any problem. Psychologists with extensive experience act as consultants, who are guaranteed to listen and suggest a solution to the problem.
The following contacts can be distinguished:
- Helpline for children and teenagers.
- Room for women suffering from domestic violence.
- Phone number for AIDS and HIV issues.
- A trust number for those who suffer from oncology and for their relatives.
- Phone number for drug addiction issues.
If a person feels that he needs to turn to people for help, then there is no need to be embarrassed or afraid of this. Experts will always help and support.
Forums
Many people, not knowing where to turn for help, go online to thematic forums or create a fake profile on social networks, after which they look for support in various groups.
But also many through forums and groups find new virtual friends who understand and support better than real ones.
Deciding who to turn to for help will help a clear designation of the problem and the subsequent search for a suitable adviser. You need to understand that:
- For questions of a love nature, you should only contact the person who is in a happy, harmonious, stable relationship. To achieve this result, he has already gone through many difficulties, been in different situations, and knows that he will really help in certain cases.
- Good financial advice can only be given by someone who is successful himself. Psychologists say that it is better to approach people with the ability to foreign languages. They are subject to the assimilation and evaluation more information than others.
- There are a number of questions, the answer to which is worth asking strangers. What to wear, what style to choose, what is better to change in yourself ... Strangers do not have an already formed impression of the image of a person, and their advice turns out to be sensible.
By carefully choosing who you can turn to for help, you can immediately free yourself from the need to tell the same thing several times to many in the future. This approach increases the likelihood of getting good advice right away.
Psychologist
Many people, due to prejudice, immediately dismiss the option, which involves going to a psychologist. And in vain. After all, if a person does not know who to turn to for help, then a specialist in this field will help him.
After all, a psychologist is someone who is able to improve the quality of life. All people have the resources necessary to solve problems that arise. But not everyone knows about them or knows how to use them. A psychologist will help you understand yourself, look at certain situations from a different angle, and also see what a person is actually doing with his life.
People with anxiety, depression, fears, neurosis, mental trauma, crises, obsessive thoughts, panic attacks most often turn to specialists in this field. The reason to make an appointment with a psychologist is thoughts of suicide, loss of the meaning of life, a feeling of meaninglessness and emptiness, a feeling of loneliness, confusion in oneself, a desire to change something.
In any case, initially it will be necessary to decide on the problem and the goal that the person wants to achieve as a result of its solution. The psychologist will work on this together with the person who turned to him.
Friends
Now is the time that people are thinking - is it possible to turn to friends for help? For many, close comrades are a company for spending time together and having fun. But true friends are also people who will never refuse a loved one in a difficult situation, and will help with everything they can.
They, in turn, must always lend a helping hand, even in situations where it is repulsed. You will not be able to help a friend by moving away from him. It is necessary to unobtrusively offer your company, to demonstrate a willingness to listen. But don't impose. Want to be alone? Let be. But then again you need to offer help. This will make it clear that he is not alone, and he has a source of support that he can turn to at any time.
How do you ask a friend for help? Directly. Clarity and clarity are two main principles in formulating a request. But, of course, a detailed background is indispensable. It just brings precision and clarity.
Anonymous clubs
If a person has problems psychological nature and he would like to find a "living" source of help, then he can be like the corresponding meetings. Surely everyone is familiar with the so-called clubs alcoholics anonymous or dependent. So, there are analogues. More often they can be found under the name "Depressives Anonymous."
Such meetings are suitable for people who want to talk, but they do not have a person in their environment who can listen. Often in such clubs there is a “12 Step Program”, only of a different specificity. Since people who are confused and seeking advice come there, there is no need to be afraid of condemnation. Visiting such places can bring relief. After all, when you share with people who are also suffering from problems and grief, you know for sure that they understand you, at least to some extent.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I would like to say that the most important thing is not to be afraid to ask for help. Many are hindered by the fear of rejection, the fear of appearing stupid, weak, or helpless, or the unwillingness to feel humiliated. Some are just embarrassed. Others are simply afraid of burdening someone with their problems or afraid of being indebted in the end.
But we must not forget that we are all just people. We live in a society, and everyone can be in the place of another. The one from whom a person asks for help is likely to turn to him for it in a year. And that's okay. There is no life without difficulties. And it so happens that it is very difficult to cope with some alone. But it's not necessary. Because there are always sources of help.
Decide which requests are acceptable and which are not. When in doubt, seek advice from an impartial third party before making your request. former second half.
- Asking an ex to look at and fix something is one thing. And asking him or her to look after the house when you and your new crush are away for the weekend is already cruel.
Be sensitive to the fact that feelings and pride can still be painful due to a breakup. Before you ask your ex-spouse for anything, in any case, ask yourself if your request will in any way tactless.
It's not worth asking ex love a favor you couldn't ask a good friend for. If you only ask for help when you really need it, and those requests are acceptable and reasonable, then you are more likely to get it.
Financial Assistance Requests may be controversial depending on financial status both partners and break conditions. Unexpected medical expenses for a child are an acceptable financial request. But asking for money every week for jewelry is unacceptable for most people.
- In the case when you constantly have to ask for money to feed the children, you should contact a lawyer and seek help in court.
Try to be as considerate as possible when asking for a favor. Giving the person time to adjust their schedule, their budget, or their mood will lead to greater success.
- If you must leave the city to work in next month, then it's better to ask your ex to change plans for the weekend now than in the week of your trip.
- The ex-spouse is unlikely to like the financial bomb. If you know your child needs a dentist or new glasses, it's best to discuss this ahead of time and plan ahead. Calling on the very last day and asking for money is a decision that can throw you both off balance.
- By asking for reasonable favors with reasonable deadlines, you can keep your relationship more amicable. Even so, your request will be met tolerantly if an unforeseen situation arises and you urgently need help.
Offer to do something in return and take it seriously, pay your ex for gas, or give him a treat when he actually lends a helping hand. He needs to know that you appreciate his help and may also ask you for it when he needs a favor.
- If your ex helps you chop down and put up a tree for Christmas, offer to wrap his gifts, bake him cookies for him to take to work, or send him a gift card to his favorite store.
- If a ex-wife helped you out when your car broke down, send her flowers or a gift card to the salon.
You should never ask for a favor and then treat the person as if they were on duty. Remember that you should treat your ex as a friend, not a servant.
Maintain open communication. Do not call a person only when you need something. This does not mean that you just need to call to chat - it may seem strange, but you should definitely remember to send cards or gifts for a birthday or other holiday.
Say "thank you". You were not required to help, but they helped.
Go according to plan. If helping your ex makes you uncomfortable, meet him or her on time, don't constantly change times or places, and do what you can to make things easier. If plans change, tell the ex-spouse as much information as possible.
Know when to ask someone other than your ex-partner for help. If your ex makes you feel guilty, helpless, or makes your life difficult, look elsewhere for help. Start getting to know other parents, colleagues, and so on. Get good support and only call your ex when there is no other way.
Help back if your ex asks you for a favor. This can be inconvenient, but if you want to keep this person in your support system, you should return the favor when possible and acceptable.
Never use former partners. They may still have tender feelings for you. Asking for help or using their feelings to your advantage is in bad taste. If necessary, you must be very specific in your intentions and not let them believe that this is part of the reconciliation.
The division of responsibilities of child rearing is quite expected. You must not think that when you ask ex-husband take on certain responsibilities, then these are requests, because this is just the division of parental responsibilities.
- Maintain open communication and communicate frequently about plans, events, appointments, and finances for children.
- Do not confuse the joint upbringing of a child in order to sit on the neck of an ex-spouse. If you ask him to take a break from his plans in order to complete some of your tasks, then consider this as a favor and thank the person accordingly.
Never assume. Talk to your ex-spouse and come to a mutual agreement. Never expect and never make plans before discussing it.
You can apply these tips with your family, at work, with friends, with strangers, or use these techniques in client-service situations. So what do you need to do to get help?
1. Show that you tried to help yourself, but failed.
People are more likely to come to the rescue of someone who tried to solve the problem on their own before asking for help. (“I tried to google...”, “I tried to restart my computer...”) Keep the request concise and concise. Imagine that you are writing a list. Be specific.
It is not very pleasant to give advice and see that a person ignores it and does everything in his own way. People want to help those they have confidence in. Why else would they waste their time and effort on you? So when you get help from someone you plan to contact more than once in the future, make sure that he knows that you acted on his previous advice and appreciated them.
3. Schedule your request
Here personal example A: My family loves to ask me to help them. That's why I put in place this policy - I only help from 7 to 8 pm every day. This way my working day is not disturbed and it is not too late to go to bed. This system works great and is suitable for everyone. If you don't know when is the right time right time to seek someone's help, ask the people you are contacting for a deadline. Instead of saying, “I would like to ask you for help,” ask, “What is the best time for you to talk to me about this?”
4. Use foot-in-the-door or door-to-face techniques
These tactics are considered manipulation and should be used with caution. The Foot in the Door Technique - You make a small request that you know you won't be denied, and then immediately ask for something more serious. The door-to-face technique works on reverse principle. When a big request is denied, you immediately ask for a smaller favor that seems more reasonable than the previous request. In addition, the person feels guilty and tries to help now in a small service.
Strangers are usually happy to lend a helping hand if asked.
For example, you ask a friend: “Could you give me a car ride to the center?” He says no. Then you continue: “And to the nearest subway?” This method is based on a socio-psychological phenomenon - people tend to make concessions and agree to an unattractive offer if it is made by them immediately after they refuse another, more burdensome request.
5. Don't let others guess if you need help
When making a request, make sure the person knows exactly what you want from them. For example, if you need your spouse to show you what to do, rather than just verbalize it, ask for that. There are times when you wish someone would spontaneously offer to help. For example, when you drag a heavy suitcase up the steps of the subway. But you can ask for help yourself. Don't be shy, the more often you practice this, the easier it will be to do it in the future.
I have a child and we often travel together. And I've found that strangers tend to be more than happy to lend a helping hand when asked. Sometimes strangers are too shy to offer help or are too busy thinking about what you need. Have you noticed that when we provide a service or do something good strangers it lifts our spirits. So by calling on someone for help, you are giving them the opportunity to become a little happier.
6. Use multiple channels
If you are calling a customer service company, you may need to try several options at once to get what you need. For example, use not only the phone, but also chat, messaging, face-to-face meeting and social media depending on the situation. If you are unable to get through immediately or get a comprehensive answer to your question, hang up and try talking to another representative or switching to a different customer service channel.