A mandatory visit to the cemetery. When they go to the cemetery

Natalya Kaptsova

Reading time: 6 minutes

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Of course, you need to visit the cemetery. After all, our loved ones are buried there and want to be visited. In some cases, visiting a cemetery helps us cope with loss loved one And . However, you should not overuse visits to the cemetery. You need to visit the dead on certain days, which are determined by religion.

The Bible specifies certain days when you should visit a cemetery. It is believed that it is on these days that contact between the living and the dead takes place.

When can you go to the cemetery? Which holidays should you go to and which should you not?

The Orthodox Church obliges us to visit the dead on the 3rd, 9th and 40th day after death. You should also visit the graves of relatives and friends. for every anniversary and for parental (memorial) week, which follows Easter.
In addition, the Orthodox Church dedicated the so-called Radonitsa. On this day, the commemoration of the dead takes place on Monday (Tuesday) of the week following Easter week. The basis for commemorating the dead is the remembrance of Christ’s descent into hell and his victory over death. It is on Radonitsa that all believers gather at the graves of their relatives and friends and congratulate them on the Resurrection of Christ.
In addition to the days provided by the church for visiting the cemetery, historically, many people come to the cemetery on Easter. The tradition began in Soviet time. Temples were closed on Easter day, and people felt the need to share the joy of the holiday with each other. Therefore, they went to the cemetery, which replaced the temple. From point of view Orthodox Church it is not right. Easter is the greatest holiday of joy and rejoicing of all believers. Commemoration of the dead on this day is inappropriate. That's why It’s not worth going to the cemetery on Easter Day and performing funeral services . Even if someone dies on this day, the funeral service is carried out according to the Easter rite.
Now the churches are open, the tradition of Soviet times should not be justified. On Easter day you need to be in church and celebrate the joyful holiday. And on Radonitsa you need to visit the cemetery.
As for other holidays ( Christmas, Trinity, Annunciation etc.), then these days the church does not advise visiting the graves of the dead . Better go to church.

Do they go to the cemetery in winter?

Church does not prohibit visiting the graves of relatives in winter . Moreover, on our anniversary we simply must come to the cemetery and pray at the grave of the deceased. At the cemetery in winter period many do not go, not because their faith forbids it, but because the graves are covered with snow, and the weather is completely unfavorable for such trips. If there is a need to visit the dead, then you can safely hit the road.

Can pregnant women go to the cemetery?

Servants of the Orthodox Church are of the opinion that remembering the dead and visiting cemeteries is the duty of everyone living on earth. And everyone, without exception, must fulfill this duty, including pregnant women.
The Church claims that the Lord God gives blessings only to those who do not forget deceased relatives and distant ancestors. You need to know that remembering the dead is necessary from pure heart, and not under duress. If a pregnant woman feels unwell, then you should not visit the cemetery . The trip must be postponed.

How often should you visit a cemetery?

In addition to the obligatory days for visiting the cemetery, there are also those that we determine ourselves. For some people who have recently lost loved one, there is a need in regular visits to the grave . This makes them feel better, as if they feel the presence of the deceased, talk to him and over time calm down and return to normal life.

A cemetery is a special place. It leaves no one indifferent. For some people it inspires dark and mystical thoughts about the end of life, death and other worlds. For some, this is a bright place where we come to visit our deceased relatives, talk to them, remember something good, ask a question or simply calm the soul!

Signs and superstitions about the cemetery

1. You can’t go to the cemetery in the afternoon, otherwise the devils will mock you. You shouldn't blindly believe in this. If you come to the cemetery to visit the grave of a loved one with good and bright thoughts, nothing bad will happen!
2. You can't go to the cemetery drunk. Of course, you shouldn't get drunk in such a place. But this does not mean that you cannot remember a loved one with a sip of wine.
3. You can’t swear in a cemetery; all bad words will “stick” to you. Of course, a cemetery is not a place where you can swear. This is a place for good and kind thoughts and memories.
4. Do not bring anything from the cemetery into your home - something bad will happen. Whether this is true is unknown, but you should not take something from the graves, because the relatives brought it to their deceased.

All Souls' Days

In the Orthodox tradition, these are the days when they go to the cemetery and remember the dead.

• Meat Saturday - a week before the onset of Lent. And meat-eating, because on this day you can eat meat for the last time.
• This is followed by the second, third and fourth Saturdays during Lent.
• Radonitsa falls on Tuesday of the second week after Easter. The name of this day suggests that both the living and the dead rejoice at the Resurrection of Christ.
• Victory Day (May 9). On this day, all those who died in the Great Patriotic War are remembered.
• Trinity Saturday - before the holiday of Trinity.
• September 11 is the day of the beheading of John the Baptist. On this day, all soldiers who died in battle are remembered.
• Dmitrov Saturday - a week before the day of the Great Martyr Dmitry of Thessaloniki. According to the new style, this is November 8. On this day, all the dead are remembered.

In the Orthodox Church, as in other religions and teachings, there are no strict instructions or prohibitions on visiting a cemetery. When to go to a cemetery is an entirely personal question. Go to your family when your heart calls you, remember them and keep bright memories!

It is probably impossible to find a person for whom visiting a cemetery would not be tantamount to meeting a close but already deceased relative. Russian people tend to pay as much attention as possible to their relatives. And the departure of one of them to another world does not change anything, only now his grave is constantly visited, which is properly cared for.

However, not all people know that there are certain rules for visiting a cemetery. There are days when visiting the deceased is not only possible, but also desirable. But there are also times when it is better to refrain from visiting the dead.

When to visit the cemetery

The cemetery is traditionally considered a sacred place. Death is a natural outcome that crowns the life of every person, and therefore cemeteries multiply and expand in the course of natural events. Therefore, you can often hear the question of how often the graves of loved ones who have left our mortal world should be visited.

It must be said that this is a personal matter for each individual. Some people feel an urgent need for such trips and make them very often. Others come strictly on set days. The Church gives its own recommendations on the frequency of visiting the cemetery. But she does not force anyone to strictly follow them.

They can simply be taken as a basis, and everyone determines a convenient schedule for themselves, in accordance with their vision of this issue.

When can you go to the cemetery?

There is a list of days on which it is advisable to visit the cemetery:

• On the day of the burial.
• After three, nine and forty days from the date of death.
• Every year on the day of death.
• On the days of remembrance. We are talking here about Monday and Tuesday of the week following Easter.
• During meat-eating week, which occurs a week before the start of Lent.
• On the second, third and fourth Saturdays of Great Lent.
• On Trinity Saturday - the day preceding the feast of the Holy Trinity.
• On Dmitrovskaya Saturday, which falls on the first Saturday of November.

When to go to the cemetery - before or after Easter?

You can visit the cemetery until Easter. For this purpose there are allocated special days, which are called Parents' Saturdays. During Lent there are three of them and any of them can be chosen to come to the graves of loved ones.

After Easter, a special day is allocated for going to the cemetery, which is called Radunitsa. This is the first Tuesday after Easter week. Before going to the burial places of relatives, the church recommends visiting the church and saying a prayer for the deceased and lighting candles for their repose.

When not to go to the cemetery

Orthodoxy has defined days and time periods when visiting graves is not encouraged:

• Christmas, Annunciation, Easter.
• On Trinity Sunday it is also better to visit a church rather than a cemetery.
• Any day after sunset.
• During pregnancy, it is better for women to refrain from visiting the dead. It is also not advisable to do this when menstrual cycle. Although representatives of the fairer sex have the right to decide for themselves whether to follow these recommendations or not.

Some sources contain information that on the birthday of the deceased there is also no need to visit his final resting place. It is considered sufficient to mention him kind words in the circle of people close to him.

How to behave when going to a cemetery

People going to visit the cemetery do not need to wear clothes bright colors. The best colors for this event are classic white and black. But you can choose something in your wardrobe that is painted in muted tones.

It is advisable to completely cover your legs; for this purpose you can use trousers or long skirt. Shoes are also best to wear closed type. It is advisable to have a hat or an ordinary scarf on your head.

• Refrain from expressing excessive emotions.
• Behavior should be orderly and calm.
• There is no need to laugh or cry loudly.
• You can't swear.
• Garbage must be placed in designated areas specifically for this purpose.
• Don't spit on hallowed ground.
• To correct the need, use only the places intended for this.
• When visiting a grave, lighting a candle on it is welcomed.
• It is better to refrain from eating and drinking near the tombstone. It is better to do this upon returning home.
• It is forbidden to step on graves and to jump over them is also prohibited.
• You should not dispose of someone else's burial, unless the relatives of the person buried there have specifically asked for it.
• It is better to leave a thing that has fallen on dead ground there. If you really need it, then you can lift it, but you need to put something in return. It could be a flower, cookies or candy.
• Having finished all the work at the cemetery, you must leave without looking back, and under no circumstances return.
• Before leaving the cemetery, you should thoroughly wash your hands, remove any stuck soil from your shoes, and rinse the tools you used to carry out the work. If this is not possible, then all this should be done immediately after returning home.

Each person chooses the time to visit the cemetery himself. Naturally, no one says that this should be done as often as possible, but it is also impossible to give memory to oblivion. Listen to your heart, and it will surely tell you the right decision.

If the graves of people close to you are so far from your place of residence that you simply do not have the opportunity to visit them, then this is not a problem. The main thing is to preserve the memory, to want to remember. To do this, it is enough to go to church and light a candle for the repose. But at the same time we must remember that it is impossible funeral candles light on the days of Bright Week and Holy Week.

In addition, prayer for the departed (panikhida) or enhanced prayer (litiya) can be ordered from the priest in the church. Prayer can also be offered independently. At the same time, the Psalter is read or the rite of litia performed by the laity.

Regardless of the circumstances, we must always remember our loved ones who have left the earth. And when visiting their graves, you should behave appropriately. We must always remember the holiness of the land in which the dead rest.

Why you can't go to the cemetery on Wednesdays

There are explanations for this:

• Since ancient times, people believed that in the middle of the week, the souls of the deceased rise from their graves in order for them to gather together. As our grandmothers assured, if anyone comes to the cemetery on this day, then uninvited guest can be taken by these souls to the afterlife.
• Priests answer this question completely differently. In their opinion, there are no contraindications against visiting the cemetery on Wednesday, if this particular day has become a scheduled one. To cancel it based on some signs is simply stupid. The Church generally does not encourage belief in omens, fortune telling and evil spirits.

How to visit a cemetery in the first year after the death of a close relative

During this year, you can go to the grave of the deceased only on Saturdays. These days are recognized by the church for commemorating the dead. We must try to explain to all loved ones that it is impossible to go to the burial site of a deceased relative too often, as this can negatively affect their health.

There are several days a year when special commemoration is carried out:

• Saturday in the ninth week before Easter, called Meat.
• Saturday of the second week called Ecumenical Parental.
• Another Ecumenical Parental Saturday, but in the fourth week of Lent.
• Rainbow, which always falls on the first Tuesday after Easter week.
• Trinity Saturday of the seventh week after Easter.
• Dmitrievskaya Saturday is the third week after Intercession.

After a year, the family of the deceased serves a funeral meal; it used to be called “ugodnya.” These commemorations are the fourth and final memorial family table. But at the same time, it must be remembered that just as the living cannot be congratulated on their birthday in advance, the funeral table should be set either the same day or several days earlier.

On this day, relatives go to the temple and order a memorial service for the deceased. After this, you should visit the grave, lay flowers on it and light a memorial candle.

The monument is erected no earlier than a year after the person’s death. In this case, it is better to be guided folk wisdom, which reads: “Don’t dig up the soil after Pakrov and Radunschy.” Translated into modern language this means that in the case when the year from the date of death fell in the final part of October, that is, after the Intercession, then the time for installing the monument should only be spring, after Radunitsa.

Upon completion of the installation of the monument, the cross should lie near the grave for another year. Only after this period has passed can it be thrown away or buried under a gravestone or flower bed.

For three years, it is customary to celebrate both the birthday of the deceased and the date of his death. After this period has expired, it is customary to celebrate only the day of a person’s transition to another world. The deceased is also remembered on all annual church holidays on which ancestors are supposed to be remembered.

Not every modern man knows how to offer prayers to the Lord, still less people they know what prayers are read for the dead. If you learn one or two of them, it is possible that this will help restore peace to a soul struck by an irreparable loss.

Visiting a cemetery comes with some traditions and superstitions. It is believed that this land belongs to the dead, and they have their own laws that must be observed by the living. How to behave in a cemetery? What can you do and what is strictly prohibited?

Visiting the graves

Visiting the graves of relatives, friends, acquaintances is a tradition that exists in every religion. But the rules for visiting the deceased may vary. According to Orthodox belief, a cemetery is a sacred place. The cross on the grave of the deceased is located at the feet, and the image of the crucifixion on it is facing the face of the deceased.

Draws the attention of Christians to the fact that living relatives monitor the graves of their deceased loved ones. The fence and cross must be painted on time. The well-groomed grave and fresh flowers on it symbolize the memory of the deceased.

How to behave in a cemetery? Is it possible to leave cookies and sweets at the grave of the deceased? Orthodox traditions visits to the cemetery have strict restrictions on this matter.

Orthodox customs of visiting a cemetery

Prayers are read at will. However, there are special prayers for the deceased:

• About a deceased Christian.
• Widower's prayer.
• Widow's prayer.
• About deceased children.
• Prayer for deceased parents.
• Akathist about the one who died.
• Akathist about the repose of the dead.

Priests warn that it is forbidden to drink alcohol at the graves of Orthodox Christians. Visiting a cemetery is not a fun holiday.

Under no circumstances should you pour alcohol or sprinkle crumbs on it. Such actions insult the deceased. It’s better to clean up the grave and remain silent, remembering the deceased. It is prohibited to bring artificial flowers. But you can plant fresh flowers or other plants - they are a symbol of eternal life.

Parents' days

Parents' days - this is what Ecumenical days are called. On these days, it is customary to come to the cemetery and visit the graves of deceased relatives. There are no specific dates of the month on which Parents' Saturdays. This is due to the fact that the Lenten-Easter cycle is a transitional one.

• Parents' Saturdays. These are Saturdays in the 2nd, 3rd, 4th week of Lent.
• Trinity Parents' Saturday. This is the day before the holiday
• Meat Saturday. Its time is 8 days before Lent.
• This is the Saturday before November 8th. On this day, killed soldiers are remembered.

In addition to Parental Saturdays, there are other days of remembrance:

• Radonitsa. This is Tuesday of the 2nd week after Easter.
• warriors - May 9.

How to behave in a cemetery?

When visiting a cemetery, you should behave respectfully towards the deceased. Emotional excesses will not lead to good. It is prohibited to talk loudly, sing, shout, have fun, or cry. You cannot walk on burial mounds - there are special paths and paths for this.

There are water pumps, wells or taps on the cemetery grounds. It is intended only for cleaning graves. It is prohibited to use cemetery water for drinking. Drinking water must be brought from home or purchased on the way.

How to behave in a cemetery? Is it possible to leave the deceased’s belongings at the grave? The deceased's favorite cup, watch or other items that he liked can be left at the grave.

You cannot take foreign objects home from a cemetery or grave. They are saturated with “dead” energy. If any thing is taken from the grave, it should be replaced with another. For example, a flower vase breaks - you need to put a new one.

Wipe the monument or fence from dirt and dust only with unnecessary rags. After use, it is thrown into special garbage containers on the territory of the cemetery. Under no circumstances should you use the things of the living to tidy up the grave.

Restrictions on visiting the cemetery

How to behave correctly at a cemetery on Parents' Day? Who can come to the grave? Cemeteries have long been used by dark sorcerers to conduct rituals or collect necessary ingredients. The priests assure that a true believer cannot be affected by magical powers.

• pregnant women;
• nursing mothers;
• women with a small (or infant) child.

Pregnant or recently given birth women, children under 7 years of age are sensitive to negative energy. Therefore, it is better for them to avoid the cemetery area. According to legend, a magician can use a special ritual to exchange the life of a seriously ill person for the life small child or an unborn baby.

How to behave at a funeral?

The funeral of an Orthodox Christian begins with a funeral service in his home or church. For this ceremony, women traditionally cover their heads with a headscarf. Wear a dress (skirt) to the knees or below. T-shirts, shorts, and any frivolous clothing are prohibited. For men - a formal suit or trousers with a shirt (sweater).

How to behave at a funeral in a cemetery? During a funeral, some relatives stay home to prepare the funeral dinner. Attendance at a funeral is voluntary. If you don’t want to or don’t feel well, you don’t have to go to the cemetery.

During funerals you should also avoid strong emotions- loud crying, inappropriate actions leave a painful impression. During a funeral, relatives walk behind the coffin. Blood relatives do not wash the floor in the house of the deceased - it is better to do this to good friends and colleagues.

At the cemetery, after saying goodbye, they kiss the crown on the forehead and hand of the deceased. The icon and fresh flowers should be taken from the coffin. Then the face of the deceased is covered with a shroud and the coffin is closed. The towels on which the coffin was lowered into the ground remain in the grave. The men who carried the deceased are given new towels as a souvenir. Women are given new handkerchiefs. After the cemetery, the relatives invite everyone to a funeral dinner.

On Orthodox funeral You can invite a priest. Burying with music is not Christian.

The Holy Fathers warn that on Parents' Day you should not cry and kill yourself. Prayers, almsgiving, ordering a memorial service - this is how Orthodox Christians remember the dead. You should arrive at the cemetery on Parents' Saturdays in the morning.

How to behave at the cemetery on Parents' Day? The Orthodox Church allows a funeral dinner at the cemetery. Before and after a meal you should read a prayer. As already mentioned, it is prohibited to drink alcohol in the cemetery.

If from funeral dinner there is food left, you cannot leave it on the grave of the “dead”. It is better to give it to the poor, asking them to remember the deceased in their prayers.

The words “genus” and “joy” became the basis for the name “radonitsa”. How to behave at the cemetery in Radonitsa? Since ancient times, it has been customary for the whole family to come to the cemetery on this day. Walk around the graves of your deceased relatives, remember their good deeds and deeds.

Appearance

Having figured out how to behave in a cemetery, you should think about the right clothes for visiting it. Usually the color scheme is dark and dim. No cheerful flowers or frivolous polka dots. Strict, comfortable clothes for the weather, without shorts or minis. Legs and arms should be covered as much as possible.

In shoes you should adhere to the same principle. Closed shoes in muted tones are ideal for visiting a cemetery. High heels or flip-flops are not permitted in the churchyard.

Cemetery signs

You should only come to the cemetery with your head covered. Otherwise, lost hair (or other biomaterial of a living person) can be used in black rituals.

All disposable items (cups, napkins, plates) are thrown into the grave after visiting the grave. trash container on the territory of the cemetery. Or they are washed at home with running water.

The belongings of the living cannot be left in the cemetery. Or take something home from the grave.

If during a visit to the cemetery a thing falls to the ground, it is better to leave it there, it already belongs to the dead. If this necessary thing(for example keys) - you should rinse it with running water.

You should leave the cemetery the same way you came. Even if the purpose of the visit was several graves and there is an opportunity to exit from the other side of the cemetery, you should not do this.

After Easter, many people rush to the cemetery to visit full order on the graves. People are preparing to celebrate parent's day with dignity (church Radonitsa, the second Tuesday after Easter Sunday).

In this regard, the question is often asked: when to go to the cemetery after Easter, and whether it is generally possible to visit the deceased on Easter days. The clergyman’s detailed response explaining the church’s position is presented below.

The church commemorates the dead on every Saturday during the 2nd, 3rd and 4th weeks of Lent (it lasts until Easter). If we talk about when to visit the cemetery before Easter in 2019, we can remember the memorial dates that are established by the church calendar.

In 2019 these are the following dates:

• March 2 - Ecumenical (meat-free) parent's Saturday. They commemorate all deceased Orthodox Christians - both parents and relatives, acquaintances, and friends.
• March 23, March 30 and April 6 are Parental Saturdays of Lent in 2019.

That is, it is optimal to get to the cemetery on these days, since special prayers are performed in churches for all the deceased. However, it is allowed to come to the cemetery on other days (except Easter itself).

When do you visit a cemetery after Easter?

People often ask when exactly, on what day should they go to the cemetery, before or after Easter? Traditionally, the main day of remembrance of the dead is considered, i.e. parent's day (second Tuesday after Easter Sunday). This year such a day will come on May 7, 2019.

It is interesting that despite the rather mournful situation and sad thoughts, the word “Radonitsa” itself is consonant with “joy”. Such a coincidence is not a coincidence, and it is certainly not related to a play on words.

If you immerse yourself for a minute in the very atmosphere of the day and the events preceding it, you can imagine that the deceased ancestors, Dear people They are always happy when their relatives visit them. After all, it is not for nothing that traveling and going to graves, arranging them, cleaning the cemetery, remembering the deceased in prayer and alms is considered a normal, long-established tradition.

The memory of ancestors is sacred in every nation, so there is a whole culture of remembrance - monuments are created, evenings are held where loved ones gather. And often in honor of the famous deceased, events are even organized that bear their name. It is thanks to this that the departed person seems to come to life, and his presence is almost felt next to us.

As for church ideas, the spirit of the deceased is immortal, and only the body dies. And of course, we remember only the soul. And you can help her through prayer and fasting. The holy fathers, for example, John Chrysostom, wrote about this:

A luxurious burial is not love for the deceased, but vanity. If you want to sympathize with the deceased, I will show you another method of burial and teach you to lay out vestments, decorations worthy of him and glorifying him: this is alms.

When to visit a cemetery after Easter: the position of the church

The official point of view of the Orthodox Church is consistent with the opinion described above. Indeed, when it is Bright Week (i.e., the week after Easter), you should not go to the graves.

There is no sin in the visit itself, but it is better for a person to protect his emotions from unnecessary shocks. This is especially important for older people who may have lost children. And also for those who have suffered a loss recently.

In such difficult moments, you can simply not restrain yourself, and then frustration, tears, and completely understandable grief will flood your still fragile heart. At the same time, it is intuitively clear that Easter itself and the week after it are bright days, when believers celebrate the victory of life over death thanks to the infinitely precious sacrifice of Christ.

Easter, without a doubt, is the main religious holiday. It is the basis of the faith of billions of people on our planet. The resurrection of the Savior is the best proof of the existence of life after death. It is also a gift to all living people who can ask for forgiveness for their sins at any time. And they will certainly be heard.

Therefore, it is preferable to go to the cemetery either before the holiday or after it, to Radonitsa. But in extreme cases, visiting on Holy Week is also permissible (but on Holy Week, of course, it is completely undesirable).

Just keep in mind that before parent's day clergy will not be able to serve a memorial service: this is prohibited by church regulations.

Why do people go to the cemetery on Easter?

It is interesting that there is a fairly widespread opinion among people that one should definitely visit a grave on Easter. For example, come immediately after the service, leave some dye and Easter cakes, etc.

This idea is not entirely correct: after all, Easter Sunday is a bright day that is literally filled with the energy of life, joy, and movement forward.

It is clear that the cemetery sets a completely different wave. It’s interesting: even if you just walk past unfamiliar graves on the territory where none of your relatives are buried, then a slight excitement will run through even the most calm person. And he certainly won’t want to rejoice, dance, sing and have fun.

Therefore, on the bright day of Easter, it is better to go home, to friends, family, and neighbors. As they say, everything has its time.