Men look at me but do not get acquainted. Why don't men meet me and invite me on dates? Closeness and tension are the main enemies of dating

The more attractive you are, the less likely it is that a guy will approach you. In fact, it is very difficult to talk to a beauty, because at the sight of her, the guy is simply speechless.

The “School of the Touchy” states: a girl should not take the initiative, because the guy will do everything first. It turned out that there is not an ounce of truth in this statement.

Blame it on TV shows or movies, but the fact that men regularly hit on women is a big misconception. This is a well-established stereotype that it is men who initiate contact, and a girl just needs to demonstrate herself.

Looks but doesn't fit

If men do not flirt with you regularly, then you are probably convinced that you are unattractive. But in fact, most men are shy to approach women who attract them. Many men also do not have the habit of regularly flirting with women. There are many men, handsome and charming, smart and talented, good-natured and cheerful, who never approach strangers in public places.

Suitable to meet, but not those men

Except when they are emboldened by alcohol or the woman in question is the best friend of one of their friends. Guys like that never hit on women. They can "roll up" to many women.

The “hey-baby-can-you-treat” type makes up approximately 1% of the total population. So if a man hits on you at a party and tries his best to charm you, chances are he's the guy you should avoid. And while he is doing this, you are surrounded on all sides by a whole crowd of worthy, interesting men who do not have the courage to approach you. Even if these men believe that courting women is their knightly duty, in this matter they are not particularly strong and less experienced than you.

Why is this happening

Here is one of the cases. You are at a noisy party with your friends. Suddenly you notice the interested look of a handsome man on yourself. You think: “It would be great if he came up to me.” He gives you a long look several times, and after a while leaves the institution. We are sure you have experienced this disappointing feeling more than once.

The answer is simple: he is afraid of embarrassing himself in front of his friends.

Looking like a fool in front of your friends means a lot more to a man than you can imagine. What if he comes up to you, and you give him a turn from the gate? What, he thinks, if your boyfriend will now return from the bar with a martini in his hands? He will only have to do one thing: retreat to his friends, who will make fun of him, lowering his self-esteem and ensuring that he will never start a conversation with a stranger in his life.

These fears are so primal and rooted in the male psyche that even if you give him a signal, allowing him to approach you, he can still misinterpret it.

The risk that you will reject him, and the ridicule that, as he imagines, your girlfriends will then shower him with, is excruciating enough that a man would rather back down than risk the prospect of being rejected. If you see him talking to other women, chances are he is doing it because he feels he has absolutely nothing to lose here.

When it comes to the average man, it's the woman who drives him crazy that scares him the most.

Question to a psychologist

I noticed such a trend that poor men get to know me. They are not stingy, they do not feel sorry for taking me to a cafe, but it will be an inexpensive cafe. I know that these men have small salaries, and if they received more, they would take me to better places. They do not want to earn more and strain at work. All adults, aged 26-30. And I want a person to either already be with a more or less normal income, or at least strive for this. And these people cannot be persuaded that it is time to think about savings, think about children. Why do I attract the poor?
I myself earn a little, but sometimes even more than these men.

Psychologists Answers

Olga, I think the matter is somewhat deeper. After all, not rich people are only a consequence of certain psychological properties. And if you think about what they have in common in behavior, in character?

They do not want to earn more and strain at work.

Why do you think? Do they not like their job? Why do they stay there then?

I will fantasize on this topic so that you understand the pattern. And on the basis of this, you will make your assumptions by analogy.

Let's say they don't like their job. But they, believing that there is nowhere to rock the boat, just sit on it, reducing their labor costs to a minimum. And what could be behind the unwillingness to change something? 1) Own low self-esteem - "I'm not worth much", "I still won't be paid much" .it doesn’t depend on me” or “this is how the world works, in order to earn a lot, you just have to break, but I don’t want to, and I can’t remake the world”, i.e. behind this is a certain belief about reality, which a person does not know how to change 3) Fears - "what if they take away what I have?", "what if I don't succeed at a new job?" etc.

Now think about what kind of set you have yourself? How are you with self-esteem? What do you think you deserve? Do you believe in the very possibility of meeting with some more responsible person? Do you have similar fears?

Related article: http://psyhelp24.org/assol/

Sincerely, Nesvitsky A.M., psychologist, St. Petersburg, skype consultations

Olga, you communicate with the "little people" about whom Gogol wrote so wonderfully. These can be wonderful, worthy people who do not see the point in accumulating material wealth, but with all their hearts wish happiness for themselves and everyone around. Of course, among such people you can come across both lazy and embittered, but because of the way you write about them, all the characters in your life are good. Another thing is that, by definition, "little people" are very shy, and the step of inviting a girl on a date is already a feat for them, which really deserves respect. At the same time, you are invited to meetings, instinctively understanding that you, most likely, will not refuse - you are your own, you are similar. And this suggests that you do not look like a purposeful person, with a strong entrepreneurial streak. And therefore, you must first of all love yourself, start respecting and, most importantly, clearly understand what you deserve and what you want to achieve. If you meet an ideal man, albeit a "small one", then remember that it is women's determination and the ability to find an approach to a man that have been rotating this world for several millennia.

Davedyuk Elena Pavlovna, psychologist in St. Petersburg

Hello Olga!

You attract them because they attract you. Subconsciously, we are attracted to partners who reproduce the same feelings that we had in our parental family. Remember what your dad was like when you were little. Does he look like these men? Not greedy, but not particularly well-paid and not striving to achieve financial and career heights? Did mom try to redo it? Most likely, you will reproduce the model that was in your parental family, although on a conscious level you want another.

If so, then you need to work with the theme of dad. You need to accept him for who he is and let go of the expectations that you had and still have in relation to him. Then you will no longer scroll through the same pattern over and over again. You can accept men for who they are. and other men will attract you.

If it is difficult to cope with all this on your own, come to an individual consultation.

Stolyarova Marina Valentinovna, psychologist-consultant, St. Petersburg

Hello. Olga. There is such a rule - As I treat myself, others will treat me the same way. Relatively safe If you come across a confident, proactive, active, positioning yourself cool, then you, who dreams of such a thing, will hide from such a pride and ostentatious indifference. you are not worthy of him. But, there are promising and not promising young people here and there. The question is not about money. There is money today, there are show-offs, tomorrow there are no show-offs. And he pretends to be someone else, not for who he is. Therefore, define the quality of a young person not only by earnings, but by the ability to be reciprocal. Love is not external steepness. It is mutual sensitivity, response, interest, care, understanding, approval, gratitude to each other. This is the basis on which you can develop a platform rm mutual success in marriage. And achieve everything together. Choosing blindly rich, you can run into a lot of problems that are not related to the values ​​​​of love. Therefore, evaluate-according to the degree of gratitude to you, raising your own self-esteem in advance. I work with the last problem , contact.

Karataev Vladimir Ivanovich, psychologist of the psychoanalytic school Volgograd

“I leave the house in full dress,” says Olesya (28, Moscow). “I’m pretty and not a bore. But attracting a man is a war of survival. oligarch's phone.

Judge for yourself: which woman will a man rather pay attention to - a constrained and unprepossessing or relaxed, bright and proudly carrying herself? The other extreme doesn't work either. Some girls live by the principle - "I'm all so cool, let the men get me". So you can sit until old age! Yes, a man is a "hunter", but if you want to get a "real hunter", you need to be not only attractive, but also "be able to attract". We offer you 3 secrets of attractiveness so that men want to get to know you at first sight. You will then choose which of them is the most worthy!

positive attitude

When a woman is sure "all men are goats" or think: "Who needs me..."- they will shy away from her like a scarecrow. Who wants to meet a beauty who builds " goat face"?!

So let's change the mood:

1. Minus plus. Instead of " I always get losers" will now sound: " I got a lot of experience and will soon meet a successful man! Love your virtues and talk to yourself about them.
2. "Iron Lady" to "Sexy Lady". Create an image that will cause a loud "Wow!" in men. Even a business suit can be worn sexy.
3. "Everything is bad" to "Dark time happens before dawn." Pay attention to attractive men, expensive cars, beautiful things - and sooner or later they will become yours!

Sensuality

Men love sensual coquettes. It's not about 90-60-90. "Snow Queen" is hotter than many top models. Remember Monica Bellucci: her temperament melts at first sight!

To get acquainted with you, "rock" your sexuality! These exercises will help you:

1. "Breath of Passion". Enhance sexual energy so that your breath will take your breath away.
2. "Reflection". Turn on your favorite music and stand in front of a nude mirror. "Oh, how so soon?"- ok! Let's go gradually: minus one item of clothing per week! Move smoothly to the music. Imagine that you are Kim Basinger from" 9 ½ weeks "or Demi Moore from" Striptease. Shyness and complexes - in the furnace! Love your body. Believe me, the state of "flexible cat" will spread to everything - gait, movements, gestures - and men will feel it from a kilometer away!

“After a week of practicing Reflection,” Maya (28 years old, Moscow) wrote to us by mail, “men began to turn around after me, wherever I appeared. And yesterday I chose earrings in a jewelry store - and this happened! Nothing like this with me I'm trying on earrings. I feel someone is watching. A man, another buyer, came up and said that he had never seen a woman twirl so gracefully and look confidently at herself in the mirror. And that he noticed me with He gave me the earrings right there, explained that he was buying a gift for his brother's wife for her birthday. He asked me to help him with the choice and invited me on a date! ".

So, to collect admiring glances and turn heads, look at yourself with delight! Be sensual and keep the red carpet vibe going. And don't stop smiling, because you never know who will fall in love with your smile!

Do you want to scream from loneliness, do you envy your married friends, have no one to celebrate Valentine's Day with? Stop suffering and telling yourself “I am unhappy”, take the situation into your own hands and try to fix it. With our advice you will go in the right direction and be able to succeed. You will finally find out which women really attract the opposite sex, why they are afraid to be the first to start a relationship, what mistakes you make and what to do to make men get to know you.

It can be difficult for modern men to please, because the list of their requirements in relation to women is overstated. What do the representatives of the stronger sex most often pay attention to?

1. Appearance, attraction. Pretty faces are much more popular.
2. grooming. This refers to the presence of a beautiful hairstyle, makeup and neat manicure. Bitten nails are definitely not impressive.
3. Character, education and interests in life. What do you think, who will be preferred by a smart guy, a girl with 11 classes for her soul or a university graduate?
4. manner of communication. Men mostly like those ladies who are not shy on the first date and can support the dialogue.
5. Fashion style. The ability to select wardrobe items to the place and tastefully, fashionable is important. In order not to miss, take a look at our article on. There you will find a list of things that every lady must have in her closet.

If a woman has problems with the opposite sex, it means that she does not adhere to some points.

The sooner a lady learns to present herself correctly, the more successful her personal life will be. Get it for this. It is they who like the male sex and attract the most!

Reasons why guys don't date women

It is impossible to answer unequivocally why men bypass a woman. Several factors can come into play here, and here are just the most common ones:

• Age- It is easier for girls under 30 to start relationships with the opposite sex.
• How does a woman present herself?- excessive swagger or excessive stiffness.
• General image of a lady. If he is associated with a strict teacher or a teenage girl, then it is hardly worth waiting for a crowd of fans.
• Figure- thin people are a priori more in demand among men, so it may be time to lose weight. Read our article on . We tried not to miss a single moment: proper nutrition, training, water regime.
• Bad habits- Smoking, alcohol abuse, biting lips and nails. You can read more about this in our article on. It will also shed light on what kind of appearance repels knights.
• Coarseness- next to him, a real man wants to see an affectionate, gentle, caring girl, and not a competitor in a skirt.

The reason for failures in personal life does not always depend on the woman herself. Modern men are reluctant to get acquainted with the opposite sex and because of their indecision and complexes.

Want to get step-by-step instructions on how to get to know successful men the right way? We advise you to check out the new free video course Alexey Chernozem "12 laws of seduction for women". From the course you will learn how to attract his attention, push him to get acquainted, interest and captivate.

To watch, click here on this link, leave your e-mail and an email with a link to the video will be sent to the mail.

Understanding on your own what exactly repels the opposite sex can be problematic, and here communication with male friends can come to the rescue. You should find out from them what in your speech, demeanor and image repels them.

Sometimes a woman gets so used to failures in her personal life that she begins to provoke them herself, communicating tensely and behaving extremely closed.

Are you always approached to get acquainted not by those who you like and you do not know how to get rid of them? Here you can find several ways. Here are the main mistakes, original phrases and useful tips.

If you have small breasts, do not rush to get upset. The site has an article dispelling myths about. You will be very surprised!

Why are men afraid to make the first move?

One of the hallmarks of the modern representative of the stronger sex is indecision. Due to the reluctance to be active, many potential couples do not add up. Why are guys afraid to meet girls?

• The fear of rejection always looms in front of the stronger sex and makes them reduce their activity.
• Often the reason lies in the girl herself, because if she is beautiful and successful, the man will be afraid of inconsistency with the chosen one.
• If a lady is always in a noisy company of friends, then the guy is unlikely to risk talking to her.
• The belief that a woman already has a partner often kills his desire for acquaintance. This is especially true for beautiful ladies.

Modern men really have a lot of fears and there is only one way to dispel them: to be always open for communication. If a girl is looking for a soul mate, then she should not be overly modest, you can be the first to approach a handsome stranger.

What to do if a young man does not fit

If the opposite sex shows indifference to a woman, this does not mean at all that you need to give up and get depressed. In such situations, you should do self-improvement, go to some courses of self-development and personal growth. You can sign up for yoga to achieve harmony of mind and body. Believe me, the opposite sex will feel it and will be drawn to you like a magnet.

You should also think about your own external attractiveness, update your wardrobe and change your makeup. If you like someone very much, you can take the initiative yourself. At the same time, you should not be overly zealous - you may get the impression that you are easily accessible.

A video in which the presenter and the psychologist together try to find out why men get to know some girls and not others.

It can be difficult to establish a personal life, but if the lady herself wants to succeed, then fate will be favorable to her: sooner or later, HE will appear on the horizon.

Have you noticed that some girls are followed by crowds of fans, while others are bypassed? Even if you follow your figure, dress stylishly and know how to support any topic, this is only half the battle. So how do you become the woman that successful men crave to meet? Read to the end and get the most effective and easy-to-perform techniques!

“I leave the house in full dress,” says Olesya (28, Moscow). - I'm pretty and not boring. But attracting a man is a war of survival. But my friend Anya can go out in home clothes to take out the trash - and return with the phone of the oligarch.

Judge for yourself: which woman will a man rather pay attention to - a constrained and unprepossessing or uninhibited, bright and proudly carrying herself? The other extreme doesn't work either. Some girls live by the principle "I'm all so cool, let the men get me." So you can sit until old age! Yes, a man is a “hunter”, but if you want to get a “real hunter”, you need to be not only attractive, but also “be able to attract”. At her seminar “Successfully Marry or Change Husband,” Zhanna Belozerova teaches exactly this and shares her secrets on how to choose the golden mean to find your ideal man.

Our Academy helps 17 out of 20 girls who apply to us get married. And that's because the other three are already married! We have been experts in this field for over 28 years. We offer you 3 secrets of attractiveness so that men want to get to know you at first sight. You will then choose which of them is the most worthy!

POSITIVE MOOD

When a woman is sure that "all men are goats", or thinks: "Who needs me ..." - they will shy away from her, like from a scarecrow. Who wants to meet a beauty who builds a "goat face"?!

So let's change the mood:

1. Minus plus. Instead of “I always come across losers”, it will now sound: “I got a lot of experience and will soon meet a successful man!”. Love your virtues and talk to yourself about them.

2. "Iron Lady" to "Sexy Lady". Create an image that will cause a loud “Wow!” in men. Even a business suit can be worn sexy, but how exactly - you will learn from our femininity expert Yuliana Pototskaya, she spoke about this in the article "What attracts men in you?".

3. "Everything is bad" to "Dark time happens before dawn." Pay attention to attractive men, expensive cars, beautiful things - and sooner or later they will become yours!

SENSUALITY

Men love sensual coquettes. It's not about 90-60-90. The "Snow Queen" is hotter than many top models. Remember Monica Bellucci: her temperament melts at first sight!

To get acquainted with you, "rock" your sexuality! These exercises will help you:

2. "Reflection". Turn on your favorite music and stand in front of a nude mirror. “Oh, how so soon?!” - OK! Let's take it step by step: minus one piece of clothing per week! Move smoothly to the music. Imagine that you are Kim Basinger from 9 ½ Weeks or Demi Moore from Striptease. Restriction and complexes - in the furnace! Love your body. Believe me, the state of the "flexible cat" will spread to everything - gait, movements, gestures. And men will feel it a kilometer away!

“After a week of practicing “Reflection,” Maya (28 years old, Moscow) wrote to us by mail, “men began to turn around after me, wherever I appeared. And yesterday I was choosing earrings in a jewelry store - and this happened !! Nothing like this has ever happened to me!!! Trying on earrings. I feel that someone is watching. A man approached, another buyer, and said that he had never seen a woman spin so gracefully and confidently look at herself in the mirror. And that drew attention to me from the first gesture! He gave me the earrings right there, explained that he was buying a gift for his brother's wife for her birthday. He asked me to help him with the choice and invited him on a date!!”.