How not to despair in life: is it worth what to do if it doesn’t work, don’t give yourself a reason. Despair And don't despair in yourself
In a difficult situation, they lose heart, despair, go into a binge and only weaklings break down, but not men. A real man is difficult to "knock out of the saddle." How to maintain fortitude and not hang up your nose?
Any person has fallen into a difficult situation of grief, failure or loss in his life. Everyone knows the feeling of confusion, despair and hopelessness, the feeling of one's own inferiority. Someone knows how to quickly cope with such a state and rebuild, someone succeeds with time, and some are “knocked out of the saddle” for a very long time, if not forever, consider themselves losers, broken by fate or circumstances, stop acting, live a full life , go into illness or hard drinking, and maybe into depression. What to do?
Despondency is one of the deadly sins. This means that one should not give in to panic, indulge in decadent moods, despair, lose hope and fall into the blues. This is very easy to say, but very hard to do. Let's try to figure out how not to indulge in despair and how to overcome despondency. Perhaps, after all, there are some ways to fight and overcome this difficult state of mind.
1. Believe in yourself and your strengths. It means knowing that you will endure and be able to overcome a lot. Know that a lot depends on you, and you are not just a “cog”. If it doesn't work the first time, it will work on the next try.
2. Soberly, honestly (in front of yourself) and realistically assess your capabilities and abilities. This means being aware of the level of your knowledge and skills, understanding that someone can be better than you. A balanced assessment will avoid disappointment and trouble, unnecessary and wasted energy. But does anyone prevent us from becoming better, stronger, wiser, more professional? Nobody but ourselves.
3. Calm analysis of the situation. It is necessary to calmly, without emotions, evaluate the unsuccessful experience and understand what was done wrong, or - the efforts were not enough, or maybe, on the contrary, too much. An analysis of the situation will give peace of mind, only in a balanced state can a constructive solution be found. And a calm, even state is no longer a blues.
4. Learn a lesson. It means understanding that failures are the harbinger of victory, and everyone has failures, but not everyone treats failure as a failure. It's just EXPERIENCE. Tolerating failure unleashes success. It is necessary to develop the habit of benefiting from failure, this is one of the most important techniques for achieving success.
5. Get support - moral and professional. This means asking for help from close people - family, friends. And / or contact specialists - doctors, teachers, psychologists, spiritual teachers. Everyone needs support and help from loved ones in difficult situations. But, if you very often asked for help and exhausted the credit of trust of relatives and friends, then a difficult situation is just the case when you can take control of your destiny in your own hands.
6. Look for the positive in what happened. It is a well-known fact that as a result of the crisis, one very wealthy businessman lost $100 million. He had ONLY $100,000 left. He committed suicide. The loss of money was for him the loss of everything, even worse than the loss of life.
And now imagine an average citizen who did not even have a ruble and suddenly 100 thousand dollars! A lot of money! It turns out that this is from what point of view. They remained alive and well, everything is fine in the family - the rest can be experienced and overcome.
7. Do not break the laws - state and moral. This will make it possible to live in harmony with oneself and with others, and will not lead to difficult and dangerous (and perhaps irreparable) situations.
8. Distraction. Remember what Scarlett O'Hara said? “I'll think about it tomorrow…” An intractable, or maybe completely insoluble situation is not the whole of life, it is only a part, although it is very painful. There should be a lot in life that "keeps afloat". These are love, friendship, religion, nature, art (literature, painting, music, etc.), sports, hobbies. Find an activity that will distract you from heavy thoughts, or just do something else. It can be a general cleaning, repair, something that will take all your time and energy. After all, it is not in vain that people say that the morning is wiser than the evening.
Just do not "go away" in alcohol and other similar pleasures. This will only drive the problem deep, where it will be difficult to get it from, and even add a moral and physical hangover.
9. Avoid negative emotions, especially guilt and shame. These emotions are not helpers in solving complex life problems. Negative emotions impede the full functioning of the brain, it is not possible to make the right decision at the moment with them. And the saddest thing is that negative emotions are the basis for the emergence of various addictions, alcohol, nicotine, drugs, etc.
10. Take responsibility for yourself. Taking responsibility for yourself means understanding that only you yourself are responsible for your life, its quality, personal achievements, and not shifting the blame onto colleagues, parents, teachers, bosses, etc. If you did something wrong, then try to correct the situation in word and deed - apologize, talk and explain your position, help fix what you spoiled.
11. Smile! If you feel very bad at heart, try to smile, and even forcefully stretch your lips into a smile. The body remembers that such a position of the lips corresponds to a good mood, and, surprisingly, the mood will begin to even out and even (!) Improve. Tension, emotional and physical, will begin to subside, the situation will no longer seem so intractable or tragic.
Failures that haunt us can develop a fear of failure and an avoidance strategy. This means that a person will not strive to achieve success, but will refuse to take active steps and try with all his might to avoid failure. The worst news is that no one can help overcome this fear. But the best news is that everything is in our hands. We have a choice: either we grow huge weeds of fear, or we can sow the seeds of faith in ourselves and our strengths. Good luck!
For each person, an unjustified dismissal or downsizing can become a tragedy. Older people are especially sensitive to such shocks, however, the younger generation reacts quite sensitively to injustice.
The emotions felt when receiving a notice of dismissal can be very different - from hysteria to depression, everyone experiences them due to their nature. Someone withdraws into himself and digests the event. Someone angrily rushes to the former bosses to sort things out, and someone calmly turns the past page and starts a new life from scratch.
Different in their emotions and psychological state, these people are united by one thing - they all turned out to be “overboard”, and they face the problem of finding a job.
From the fact that emotions go off scale, the problem will not be resolved, so the first thing to do is to “pull yourself together”, calm down and sort everything out.
Pull yourself together. Naturally, the reader, finding himself in such a situation, may attack the author of these lines with sharp criticism - they say, it is good for him to argue when this problem concerns strangers. But if something similar happened to him, then where would his advice and recommendations be. Yes, this is a reasonable remark, and it should be taken into account, however, the author also had to experience bitter moments of disappointment, and experience outright injustice. But what allowed me to always stay afloat was the ability to concentrate not on the problem, but on the prospect that opened up:
- no need to get up early and go to work;
- there is a prospect of doing what you love;
- there is an opportunity to do self-analysis, and study the problem from the inside.
- And for what to live? - a natural question arises, which is sometimes difficult to answer. For some people, an unfair dismissal is a disaster, both morally and financially, so people like no other should mobilize and purposefully go in search of a new job. It is impossible to live without an economic source of existence, so you have to immediately reorganize and select a profitable financial offer. But even if a profitable job turns up that will allow you to restore solvency, it will still be necessary to rethink the passed life stage.
Calm down and plan your next steps. In each specific case, the time for this stage is different. For someone, a couple of hours is enough to take a breath, someone does not fit into a month, trying to find an explanation for what happened. But be that as it may, the stage of calming down and building a further algorithm of actions is inherent in each category of people. The main questions that arise before the dismissed are almost the same:
- What to do next?
- Where to look for a job?
- How to join a new team?
- What lessons can you learn from your previous job?
If the answer to the first question is quite simple and understandable, then each character has difficulties with the second point. A person is a specialist in a particular industry, spent time and money on training, had a goal, and was out of work. Should I continue further in this profession, or switch to a new one? There are no ready-made tips, everyone decides on their own, but if there is experience and high qualifications, then it is unlikely that another profession will bring complete satisfaction. The only exceptions are those cases when work was a prerequisite for physiological existence, and now, after certain events, it became possible to do what you love.
If the profession is rare and requires long-term training, and there are no vacancies, then the World Wide Web, or your own business, can become a lifesaver. As in the first case, so in the second, there are all conditions to realize their hidden opportunities and inherent potential. Previous work experience will also be useful and will help in solving organizational issues.
Don't be afraid of change. The author of these lines, a lawyer by education and a lawyer by profession, decided to leave his professional activity and take up a more attractive, in his opinion, type of activity on the Internet. I had to go through a serious school of self-training, and create an online business, which today brings income similar to advocacy. Periodically, the author of the lines has to participate in court hearings and represent the interests of the parties to the process, however, there is no oral satisfaction from the cases won, since an organized business on the Internet is much closer to the soul. Hence the conclusion - you should not be afraid of change, but you must resolutely move forward, overcoming obstacles, and improving yourself.
Conclusions from all of the above. Naturally, skeptics can drive them into a dead end with their pessimistic forecasts and arguments on the topic, they say, it’s good when there is a main job and you can do experiments, but you can object to them. Cases of dismissal (legal or illegal) encourage a person to take drastic actions, up to a change in profession and qualifications. In such conditions, fighting for survival, a person becomes more resolute and pragmatic, hence the purposefulness and focus. He is able to set a goal and achieve a positive result, no matter what field of activity or industry the question concerns. Hidden levers and internal springs are released in extreme situations, and a person overcomes conceivable and unimaginable obstacles. And this means that the goal will be achieved, and he will certainly achieve his goal. Well, what happened at the place of the old work is just a turned page, an unexpected impetus to the realization of hidden opportunities.
Therefore, do not despair when dismissed for redundancy or other reasons, since this is a clear opportunity to realize oneself to the fullest. The most important thing:
- calm down;
- get together;
- decide.
And everything will work out - a new specialty will get used to it, and insults will be forgotten and forgiven.
More and more people are wondering how not to fall into despair. The search for an answer does not lead to anything, because the answer to it lies deep in the subconscious. And on your own, that is, focusing on yourself and your problem, despair cannot be defeated. Fighting despair alone is much more difficult, especially if there is no clear understanding of the causes of despair or despondency.
There seems to be no way out. Around one despair, and you are on the verge. It remains only to hold your breath and doomedly step down into the vacuum, into complete despair. And stay there, maybe forever...
Psychology of despair
The state of despair is a very difficult feeling, it is not easy to live with it. In the modern world with its frantic pace, many people are on the verge of despair. They ask themselves or psychology professionals - how not to fall into despair, continue to live, fight, look for solutions to problems?
To understand the reasons why a person despairs, and to find the answer to the question of how not to fall into despair, being on the verge, you first need to determine what despair is.
1. Despair is primarily an emotional state. It can also be a deep emotion of bitter disappointment in life and everything connected with it. For example, a person repeatedly made efforts and did not achieve results.
2. Despair is based on deep discomfort and strong dissatisfaction with any life situation or the whole world in general.
3. Despair implies the absence of a motivational factor: a state of apathy, inability to overcome life's difficulties and not knowing how to do it.
Thus, despair as an emotion is the result of feeling dissatisfied with life from its misunderstanding, it is deeply connected with all the functions of human life. Prolonged exposure may lead to depression.
A person falls into a state of extreme despair or is in a state of melancholy, deep despondency - as a result of dissatisfaction with life. In despair, a person needs urgent psychological help.
The system-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan determines exactly where despair comes from in a person. In addition, it explains which people tend to be in a state of despair for a long time, and who can experience every minute despair due to any events. And most importantly, it gives an answer to the question of how not to fall into despair or how to overcome it.
Where does a person get a state of despair
The system-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan shows that any person has individual innate properties that determine the role of this person in society and the way to enjoy life.
Thus, a person born and aspiring to material and social success may experience despair in the event of the loss of his property or social status. System-vector psychology defines such people as owners of the skin vector. They are aimed at conquering the peaks, and if some kind of trouble happens, in most cases this will be the motivation to overcome the problem and find a way out of it in any way.
People with a skin vector have a very quick response and mental flexibility, which makes them adaptable in any life situation. If despair sets in, it is unlikely that a person with a skin vector will remain in this state for a long time. Most likely, they will try to solve the problem as soon as possible. “There was despair - what to do? Understandable - look for a way out!
Another category of people who may experience despair are people with an anal vector. Quite stable on their own - keepers of tradition, friendship and respect - they don't like change. They can be driven to despair if they are constantly interrupted, pulled, not allowed to calmly finish the job. They also value their family and everything connected with it very much, so the loss of a family can lead them to despair.
When despair is greater than man
In addition, the system-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan shows two more types of despair, which can be insurmountable and lead to disastrous consequences.
The first type of despair arises on the basis of the loss or rupture of an emotional connection with a loved one, an animal, or even an inanimate object. It depends on the level of development of properties. This is how people with a visual vector feel the world. By nature, the most sensual, emotional and sensitive. They are able to love "to madness" and even sacrifice their lives for the sake of love.
When a person with a visual vector loses the object of his love, he can fall into a state of deep despondency and longing. In order to attract attention, he may even try to fake suicide, without intending to complete this action.
For people with a visual vector, the experience of diverse and vivid emotions is very important. They, like no one else, are able to feel and convey any emotion in all its beauty and intensity. People with a visual vector usually do not wonder how not to fall into despair, as such. They fall into despair only when their emotional ties are broken and cannot be restored.
When such a person loses a loved one, becomes desperate and believes that it no longer makes sense to live without him or her - usually there is a long period of despondency and longing, tears and consolation, after which you can try to put your emotions in order again, creating a new emotional connection with another person. At the same time, the pain of loss can remain forever, dulled and lost its original sharpness.
The most difficult case of despair is despair in the sound vector. Here, as Yuri Burlan's system-vector psychology explains, despair borders on hopelessness. Despondency, darkness, not knowing where to go, do not want to live. And deep depression. This is a constant state on the verge - "now I'm going to break." There is no more strength to fight the feeling of despair, to look for a way out of the situation. “How tired of this vain world and senseless living in it!”. This is the state of true despair.
Real, crushing, unbearable despair and a feeling of complete dissatisfaction with life, no matter what you do - this is despair in the sound vector. Some seek relief in alcohol, drugs. Does not help. Or it helps, but only for a short time. Then the emptiness of loneliness and the feeling of despair return with even more itchy force.
In fact, only people with a sound vector really think about the meaning of despair - about how not to fall into this state and how to get out of it.
Desperation: what to do if there is a problem
We examined four types of despair or states similar to this emotion, from the point of view of Yuri Burlan's system-vector psychology:
Despair in the skin vector - from large financial losses or deprivation of social status;
Despair in the anal vector - from the loss of the family as the main value and life priority;
Despair in the visual vector - from the loss of a deep emotional connection;
Despair in the sound vector - from a misunderstanding of oneself and the inability to realize one's innate desires and properties.
In the case of the first three vectors, anxiety - how not to fall into despair - is not their internal issue, nor a life priority, since the feeling of despair for them is a consequence of external factors that they do not control.
As for people with a sound vector, looking from the outside, it is not clear why they experience a feeling of despair and hopelessness “from scratch”, that is, without obvious reasons. So, the main thing - how to overcome or not fall into despair - what to do?
The fact is that nature has endowed people with a sound vector with great abstract intelligence and a great ability to concentrate thoughts. That is, the ability to create thought forms, to think. By virtue of these given properties, it is inherent in them to be in thought and receive great pleasure from this.
But sometimes, for various reasons, a person with a sound vector does not use the entire volume of his psyche or cannot concentrate at a given moment of his life, and therefore cannot find and formulate a thought.
And then frustration arises at this place, that is, the lack of fulfillment of desire and, as a result, the enjoyment of life. A person in this state loses the ability to concentrate on the world around him, people and noise from outside begin to irritate him. Then a person with a sound vector goes deep into himself, into his thoughts, where he seeks and does not find the answer to his disturbing questions.
And again the wall, there is no way out. Again, life is meaningless. Despair and disappointment - one after another. A senseless search for oneself. Again, the whole world is against it, and no one understands it.
Therefore, people with a sound vector in a state of despair or close to it are wondering about the meaning of their existence. They are looking for an answer, how not to fall into despair or how to deal with despair and its cause, and they do not find it. Then despair in the sound vector rolls up imperceptibly, and silence sets in...
How not to fall into despair
Despondency, an attempt to find answers in oneself - all this is the other side of the coin of the unlimited possibilities of the sound mind. As Yuri Burlan's system-vector psychology explains, any person is able to feel joy in life and realize their potential, as well as overcome despair, if they know and understand their own psyche.
So, we have already seen that only people with a sound vector really and, as it were, fall into despair for no reason. Now let's see how to deal with despair, knowing the causes of its occurrence.
Only the realization of innate properties can make any person happy. In fact, a feeling of despair in any vector can be provoked by negative events that deprive a person of his values. Knowing and understanding what these values are and what caused certain events can help a person with any vector to get out of a state of despair. Because the understanding of your life priorities and the priorities of other people, their psyche and desires, which system-vector psychology gives, helps to fight the feeling of despair.
As for the sound vector, these people, in order not to fall into despair, need to understand themselves, their psyche, as well as the psyche of other people. For them, this is one of the basic desires - to understand and understand the essence of a person, to find out the root cause of everything. It was people with a sound vector who came up with science, philosophy, literature, poetry, and music. It is all the result of their mind searching, thinking about the question “Who am I? Why do I live?
The article was written using materials from online trainings on system-vector psychology by Yuri Burlan
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When your boss, co-workers, friends, significant other, or you yourself demand too much from yourself, there is a risk of overworking and deciding that you are just a loser and no matter what you do, all efforts will be in vain. At such moments, it is important to find the right words and convince yourself to overcome the crisis. If during the course of hard work on something you have a desire to give up everything and never return to it, remember these simple truths.
1. This too shall pass
Sounds like a cliché, but it's true - no matter how bad you feel and how hopeless the current situation may seem to you, this is just one of the fleeting moments of your life. Today it seems to you that everything is over, but believe - tomorrow the sun will rise again and a new day will be illuminated with the light of hope for a way out of a difficult situation.
2. No one can handle the situation better than you.
Because there is no other person like you. You are endowed with unique properties, comparing yourself with other people is stupid and, frankly, simply impossible. People did not live the same life as yours, which means that there is no one who could solve your problems better than you. Remind yourself of this every time you have the feeling that if someone else were in your place, he would show himself more worthily.
3. This test will make you stronger
Solving a problem can be pretty exhausting and make you feel overwhelmed, but do not forget that once you have coped with the situation, you will become even stronger and more experienced. When a person is injured, a new tissue gradually grows on the damaged area of the skin, more dense and durable. Approximately the same thing happens with your soul - it knows how to restore strength, giving you greater resistance to all sorts of troubles.
4. Appreciate your mistakes - they teach you lessons
As Oprah Winfrey once said, “Think like a queen. The Queen is not afraid of failure. Failure is just another step on the road to greatness." When bad things happen (whether through our fault or independently of us), it can be difficult to see the situation in its entirety. Every negative experience contains a lesson that you should learn in order not to repeat your mistakes. Have courage and trust that this experience will make you better equipped to overcome the obstacles that life has in store for you.
5. All you have to do is try your hand
The distance between what you have already achieved and what you are striving for is just an attempt. Regardless of your fears, you need to take this step. Trying is the most important part of any endeavor and that's all you have to do.
6. Progress is more important than unattainable perfection
Sometimes a person is so immersed in the image of perfection imposed on him in something that he forgets the main thing: no one can be perfect. Trying to come to perfection, he inevitably fails and begins to consider himself an absolutely useless loser. Do not get hung up on the ideal, the best goal you can strive for is progress and development. Rejoice in every step you take forward.
7. You are not alone
Stressful situations make you shut yourself off from the world, limit your communication, but remember that there are people in the world who will always support you and help you believe in yourself. Even if, in despair, you stop appreciating yourself, your loved ones will never be disappointed in you. It seems to you that by telling your relatives and friends about your problems, you burden them with unnecessary information, but know that this is not so. No matter what you think of yourself, those close to you love and appreciate you for who you are, and will not stand aside when you need to cope with troubles.
8. Everyone has problems
Of course, each of your situations is unique and deeply individual, but many people are forced to solve more complex problems than yours. Even if thinking about it doesn't help you become happier, at least you will understand that you are not alone in your difficult situation. There is always someone who can understand and console you, the main thing is to find such a person.
9. You have a lot to be thankful for.
Do you feel like the world around you is collapsing? Try to calm down and remember the things for which you are grateful to fate and the people around you. This exercise will allow you to look at the situation differently and make it clear that in reality everything is not as bad as you think in moments of despair. Try to be an optimist and you will be surprised by the result!
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10. You are worthy of love
In moments of self-digging and self-deprecation, you can think of yourself as badly as you like, but it is absolutely certain that you have a lot of positive qualities. When things get tough for you, make a list of the things you're grateful for (see previous point)… To yourself. Name at least three qualities that you love and respect about yourself. If nothing comes to mind at all, say “thank you” to your lungs, for letting you breathe, for your mouth, for being able to smile at them, for your soul, for making you ... you. You are amazing, trust me!
11. Your mind is too cruel, do not take his arguments to heart
Often your most merciless critic is yourself. It can be difficult for someone who is accustomed to treat other people's mistakes with understanding. You tend to judge yourself too harshly without even realizing it, because society imposes certain ideas about how you should behave. When you don't live up to these expectations, it's easy to lose respect for yourself. Keep this in mind and try not to get carried away by self-discipline.
12. You have a choice
You can go either way - let the nagging voice of your inner critic constantly ring out, or silence it and convince yourself that you are doing everything right, abandoning negative thoughts in favor of a positive attitude towards yourself. All that is required of you is the willingness to put on rose-colored glasses for a while and, of course, action. Having managed to overcome the pessimistic attitude and set about implementing your plans, you will definitely come to success.
13. Your main task is to please yourself.
By wasting your life on achieving the goals that others set for you and trying to live up to their ideals, you lose sight of the most important thing: your dreams and the desire to achieve them. People come and go, but your unfulfilled plans will stay with you for the rest of your life. Think about it - how do you feel worrying about other people's expectations? Once you put these worries about other people's well-being out of your mind, you will surely feel much better.
14. You have already achieved a lot.
If you are completely exhausted and think that there is no more strength to move forward, look back - see what a long way you managed to overcome? Think about your life - you have overcome all the difficulties and achieved a lot. Is it possible that one trouble, albeit a very annoying one, will make you deviate from your intended goals, crossing out everything that has been done? No matter how difficult the current situation seems to you, you are able to change it.
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15. You are still fully armed
When any events unsettle you, you understand this, which means you imagine what needs to be done to fix everything. An adequate perception of the current situation is a sign that you do not give up and are ready to continue moving towards success. A clear understanding of the difficulties you will face will give you the strength to overcome them.
16. There are no hopeless situations
Regardless of the complexity of the problem, there is always a way to deal with it in order to continue moving towards the goal. You may not see the solution right now, but it will definitely appear, whether you find it yourself or your friends help. When the insight comes, you will understand that the solution has been lying on the surface all the time and you will even wonder why it did not immediately occur to you. Each of us is strong in hindsight, right? Don't lose hope, keep looking, the exit is closer than you think.
17. You don't have to rush anywhere.
Everyone around is constantly in a hurry somewhere, but you absolutely do not have to participate in this crazy race. It takes time to solve time-consuming tasks and move towards global goals. Forcing yourself to work in emergency mode, you are likely to overwork and achieve only one thing - a nervous breakdown. Work more measuredly, enjoy the process and you will succeed.
18. Giving yourself a break is okay.
Sometimes you just need to let go of the situation and allow yourself to be an ordinary person, and not a superhero who has to control everything. If you take a break from your work for a while, the planet will not fall apart. Take a break - you've worked hard and deserve a break.
No matter how thick the clouds above your head seem, know that the sun is behind them, which means that bright, bright days will come. Believe in yourself, no matter what, go ahead and your dreams will come true.
Beauty and HealthLove and Relationships
Despite the fact that loneliness is a chance to fulfill your cherished desires, to achieve perfection in what you have always liked, most women are still afraid to be alone. They sincerely do not understand what is the reason for this state of affairs. Why is someone married for a long time, and they are beautiful, smart and interesting, and cannot meet their love.
Understanding how not to be alone
Look at yourself from the side. What you see is most likely a concentrated expression on the face of a woman completely immersed in her thoughts, whose seriousness immediately gives other people the impression that it is better not to approach her. Either she is already busy and so preoccupied with solving complex family issues that she no longer needs anyone, or she will reject any attempts at courtship.
It may seem to you that you are not at all like that, but to be honest, our idea of ourselves is often different from what others think of us. But do not get upset or once again look for ways to become better. You are already perfection. So it's time to relax a little. Because men do not really like it when a girl is next to them, which makes them feel uncomfortable.
And do not immediately turn into a smiling lady who is ready to kiss the whole world. Our reluctance to constantly smile or look too intently at others is completely normal. There is nothing surprising. This is not always appropriate and we were taught that way. Parents, and whose grandmother grew up at a time when it was considered indecent to give excessive signs of attention to the stronger sex, and even more so to be the first to approach.
In principle, this is still relevant, since the stronger sex itself wants to remain so, and not turn from a hunter into prey. And for many women it is generally taboo that they themselves express sympathy for a man. The only thing that will help in this situation to loosen up a little and not go against your view of the world is the art of flirting. It is he who will express your attitude in such a way that the man will not be involuntarily humiliated and will correctly perceive the situation, and will not treat him like a girl for one night, and the fair sex herself will not give up her principles.
No matter what anyone says, it’s not easy to turn from a lady into a girl who doesn’t cost anything to come up first. Still, our beliefs are the core that allows the person himself to understand who he is and what is acceptable to him and what causes discomfort. So learn to express interest with your eyes. And for this you don’t need to “shoot with your eyes”, it’s enough to evoke a smile in your soul and sincere interest in a person and your eyes themselves will say everything for you. And a slight half-smile will not humiliate you in any way, but it will set the right tone for the conversation if he decides to approach.
Another reason for the withdrawal and seriousness of the face is the subconscious desire to protect ourselves from the pain that rejection or neglect can cause if the one we like does not reciprocate.
It does not matter what caused the wary attitude towards others: negative experiences, low self-esteem, lack of love from parents; often this really protects against problems and negativity from people. And you need to fight not with experience or demand from parents to change their attitude, but only with low self-esteem.
Love and respect for yourself, awareness of your value and the right to be happy is the most important criterion for a woman to find her love. Anyone who has not learned to love himself is doomed to loneliness, even if he has someone. Having a loved one when you do not love yourself is a rather rare occurrence, but even if you are lucky, only the person himself still does not feel happy. He does not believe his happiness, does not believe that he is really loved, because he does not know why he can be loved.
Therefore, it is better to reduce your wary attitude towards people a little, and figure out whether you love yourself. Why are you so worried that you can be lonely. You do not believe in yourself or are simply afraid to be alone with yourself.
Also, do not waste time and energy on someone who never called back or appears on the horizon once every five years. When a representative of the stronger sex is truly attracted, he will find an opportunity to be with you. Everything else is just excuses, no matter how plausible his busy schedule may sound. So remove from your life those who only take time without offering anything in return. And you will immediately increase the chances of not being left alone.
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Top 7 how not to be alone
Determine the qualities that must be in your partner, and which you will not tolerate under any circumstances. This will allow you to clearly separate potential gentlemen, into those who are worthy of your time, and those who are better to get rid of immediately. At the same time, stop dreaming about a fairytale prince on a white horse. We are all human and perfect in our own way. Therefore, it so rarely happens that we completely arrange each other. And you need to come to terms with this if you do not want to be left alone.
You have the right to refuse to communicate with those whose shortcomings are very serious for you and will really poison your life, but it is quite dangerous to expect that all your requirements will be satisfied. You can never wait for your "ideal". We are all not without flaws.
But excessive haste to quickly find a permanent partner also does not lead to anything good. You should never rush at all, and even more so when looking for a groom. This will only lead to a lot of mistakes that can become fatal and bring only grief. Do not follow the fashion and requirements of others. Don't try to be like everyone else. To each his own. And what seems to be happiness, in fact, may not please those who possess it at all, according to others. It is rare that someone talks about problems in his personal life, so that no one criticizes or gloats. So do not grab the first available option, and even more so do not put pressure on the one who is nearby. Otherwise, instead of a happy family life, you will be left alone or completely ruin everything.
Loneliness should not be afraid - it's just a temporary state. It must be used to your advantage. And there is no need to get rid of it, with the help of a huge number of important and not very things. Learning a foreign language, sports, achieving a cherished dream is wonderful. But leave time for yourself, your experiences and attempts to understand what you really want to get from life.
If you forcefully fill the void in your soul with everything that comes to mind, you will not have time for a new relationship. Loneliness gives a chance to understand life, to understand whether you are going the right way and whether it is time to change something, and does not threaten your existence. After all, the causes of this or that state are ourselves, and not those around us or those close to us.
You never know what happens in life, you never know what others say, you alone decide how to react and what to do. And if for some reason you listen to your beloved mother and miss the chance to arrange a personal life, although you dream of love day and night, then only you are to blame.
No one forces you to follow the instructions of a person dear to you, you decide what to do and how to behave, not them. And when you realize that everything depends on you and a little on the occasion, you will immediately think for yourself whether you need to fight loneliness now and if “yes”, then how best to do it in your situation.
Listen to yourself. Don't you think that deep down you are not very interested in a relationship. Maybe you are much more comfortable at home, where your parents take care of you, or, conversely, you have so many plans that you are afraid that the presence of a young man can interfere with their implementation. Are you sure that you are ready to listen to the other person and compromise. Relationships are not only passion and pleasure, but serious work on oneself. The need to take into account the interests of the chosen one. If you are not ready for this, then your time has not yet come.
Photo: how not to be alone
Love is a constant need of every person. No matter what anyone says, everyone wants to love and be loved. But very often more and more beautiful women can not adjust their personal lives. Because there are many reasons that no one is able to influence and those that depend solely on ourselves. Therefore, if you really suffer from loneliness and no longer want to be alone and wait until you meet a worthy companion, deal with those that are in your power. And life will surely give a long-awaited acquaintance. The main thing is to believe in it and not despair.
Tags: how not to be alone
Do not despair if the arrow on the scales once froze, or even began to back away. You need to stop lamenting and try to understand if there are any mistakes in training or in catering. Perhaps, without noticing it, you exceed food intake over physical costs. We'll figure out.
Lots of food, little exercise
In a hurry to embark on the path of weight loss, you may not notice how you gorge yourself on yoghurts and dried fruits with nuts, but this seemingly the most healthy and dietary food is fraught with the danger of overdoing it. Don't forget about calories! A small glass of yogurt and a handful of nuts can contain a quarter of the daily ration. And exercising for 20-30 minutes a day or just a couple of times a week, it is impossible to compensate for the calories received. The balance in nutrition and training should be strict - we eat no more than we spend. If we want to lose weight quickly, we eat a little less in volume, but in no case do we go on hunger strikes.
Little food - lots of exercise
If food intake is minimized or even starved, and the quantity and quality of training is increased, then a sharply increased load in the form of exercises and in the absence of the necessary nutrition will lead to stress. A smart body will go into saving mode and all metabolic processes will slow down, and this is not the best solution for health. In this case, the state of hunger will be your companion, which will lead to irritation and breakdowns, and not to healthy weight loss. It is best to start keeping a food diary, then the mistakes will be clear and it will also be easy to correct them.
Mode
When conducting training, the regime is required. You can’t do nothing for a week, and then work for three hours at once. The body, not accustomed to the load mode, will begin to fail, the weight will stand, nutrition will not be able to be adjusted to the rare attempts to portray an athlete, when it is impossible to straighten up the next day. Training should be either short, but daily, or full, at least an hour, but three to five times a week. At the same time, we must not forget to make monthly adjustments to classes - the body gets used to everything, long-term performance of the same exercises will not give a result.
As in any business, in losing weight you need a sense of proportion. An hour before training, you need to refresh yourself in such a way that you don’t feel hungry, you can’t overeat. On an empty stomach, you can not exercise, as well as on a full one. The most important thing is to keep a food diary and schedule your classes. Then the arrow on the scales will move only to the left.