Life cracked, fate became cancer. Life has cracked

Victor Semyonov flinched from an unexpected tap on the shoulder. Immersed in gloomy thoughts, he absentmindedly looked around and, not seeing anyone nearby - it seemed, probably - he was already about to move on, but he felt another touch: this time - on the other shoulder.

Viktor abruptly turned around and found himself in the "bear" embrace of Petka Lyubutin, a childhood friend whom they had not seen for the past two years. Or - a little more.

Well, what are you, opera theater, going so gloomy? Life cracked, fate became cancer? - Lyubutin, unlike Semenov, did not lose optimism even in the most difficult moments of his life. Or, at least, tried not to show his true mood. - You wander like an old grandfather. hunched over. Even his cheeks sagged like a retired bulldog.

Fuck you with your Cop jokes, - Victor snapped. And then he changed his anger to mercy. “I am very glad to see you, felon. Have you caught all the bandits yet?

With the felon, Edri him in a swing, it seems over. Yes, more on that later. How are you? Have you already got a kid with Irka, come on?

Fuck there! Semyonov responded with undisguised bitterness. - Only everything seemed to work out in a bunch, and her plant was covered with a copper basin. And on my teacher's in recent years, you can’t really accelerate. Look, the first of September is just around the corner, and we haven't been paid vacation pay yet. We met today at school after the holidays, so the six of us barely scraped together one bottle in order to somehow celebrate the start of work. So from such a dose, even without snacks, neither in the head nor in the ass. Although you know that I don't need much.

Well, this is the opera theater, we will fix it now, - Lyubutin noticeably cheered up. - If the children do not cry at home, then the wife can wait once a year. I, if you don’t know, am a free person, and money to sit in a cafe with a friend - we definitely haven’t seen each other for a couple of years! - I have enough. And don't tell me no!

And no one objects.

A chance meeting turned out to be, as it should be, by the way. For Victor's mood of late has been the most miserable. Everything was gradually superimposed one on one: forced unemployment of his wife, constant salary delays at school, dullness and futility of life around. In a word, sheer stress. And there are only two ways to remove it in this situation: sex or alcohol. And here is such an opportunity.

Irka will wait, in fact, once. Let's sit with Petka for an hour or two, chat, and go home. How much we will drink there during this time. Just enough to take the pressure off a bit...

Subsequent events eloquently showed how wrong Semenov was in his assumptions. Especially in terms of how much you drink. And no one even followed the time in such a situation.

Lyubutin brought a childhood friend to the Bristol cafe, which was considered one of the most prestigious in the city. Before perestroika, this building housed a public catering establishment with a close and very understandable name for a Russian person, "Ryumochnaya", which, according to one of the ideologists of socialism, was called upon to educate the Soviet people in the culture of drinking. Not so that in the entrance or gateway and from the neck, but "culturally": behind the counter and in the warmth. At least - from a glass and with a mandatory snack. And the state additional income, and the person "relief". In the sense that part of the available money is voluntarily-compulsorily spent on a snack: you will drink less and get drunk not as quickly as on an empty stomach.

At the turn of the 90s, enterprising "persons of Caucasian nationality" for a pittance bought from the city authorities for several years an empty and rapidly deteriorating building in a quiet lane next to the central park and in a short time, having spent a tidy sum on its expansion and corresponding repairs, turned the former " Ryumochnaya” to one of the most popular places of “rest” in the city.

The prices in Bristol were, of course, “cosmic” for a simple state employee, but natural food and drinks were served there. Fans of chasing balls in the basement were waiting for two magnificent billiard tables. It was also rumored that the staff of young long-legged waitresses in the cafe was at least twice as large as necessary, as some periodically left their workplace, accompanied by wealthy clients, to a cozy private hotel located in a neighboring house.

Like it or not, Semyonov did not undertake to assert, because that evening he found himself in a hall shrouded in twilight for the first time. But Lyubutin felt at Bristol like a monkey on a palm tree familiar from childhood.

Vitka, opera theater, relax! The local owners know me well from the old service. At the expense of the institution, of course, they will not feed, but they will not be impudent either. So, as you like to say, everything is a bundle. Make yourself comfortable!

A free table for two turned out to be in a shallow niche, so that friends were seated with maximum comfort, without attracting too much attention from other visitors at the same time. Lyubutin whispered for a couple of minutes with the waiter who immediately appeared near him, and soon plates with a variety of snacks, a slightly misted bottle of blackcurrant "Absolute" and a crystal ashtray appeared on the table.

Well, shudder, Slavs! - Peter announced cheerfully, raising a rather capacious glass of Bohemian glass filled to the brim. For our everlasting friendship!

If this kind of human relationship is measured by the amount of alcohol consumed, then everything with Semenov and Lyubutin was not just strong, but reinforced concrete. In this case, it’s not even convenient to talk about the duration: at least from the cradle.

When the second bottle of the world-famous Swedish drink appeared on the table, Victor felt “elated”. Something between swinging on the waves of gentle surf and free flight. At the slightest attempt to stand up, he was noticeably thrown from side to side, and at the same time his head lived a completely separate life: no coherent thoughts, no specific desires, no negative emotions. From the very beginning of the "event" he tried to pour himself on the bottom and have a good bite, but the body, from birth poorly adapted to the intake of strong drinks, reacted poorly to all these naive tricks. A feasible contribution was also made by cheap cigarettes of the "joint" Odessa-Warsaw production.

They also say that cigarettes partially neutralize the effects of alcohol. This is bullshit, fucking louse! - he said in a disobedient tongue, "thoughtfully" blowing smoke in small neat rings.

Of course - bullshit. Full and vegetable oil. Or olive,” Lyubutin readily responded. - But this is a matter of taste.

Surprisingly, alcohol affected him in a completely incomprehensible way. Somewhere towards the end of the first bottle, Lyubutin got a little tipsy, but then he “froze” in this state, as if he continued to drink exclusively spring water, which only stimulated more active work of the kidneys. Moreover, women's topics began to prevail in the conversation.

You know, Vitek, everything seems to be normal in life, but sex is not enough. My artist, at least she was still that little thing, but she knew and loved this business. Oh, what she sometimes did in bed! Yoperny theater! Of course, I understand that this is not the whole life, but sometimes, as I remember ... I came home, had dinner and you have a full service. All right, if we had some money, everything else would follow. I'll go, I'd better visit a secluded corner again.

Peter already wanted to get up, but stared at the young waitress passing by. At that moment, the shaven-headed big man who was walking towards her swayed slightly to the side and loudly slapped the girl with his palm, wide as a shovel, in the place where the back was already losing its honorary name. She gasped in surprise and almost dropped the tray with someone's order. "Bald" neighed with satisfaction.

Man, you're wrong! - still sitting at the table, said Lyubutin in a low voice.

What are you saying, freak! – sharply turned to the voice of the big man. - Sit and sip in two holes. And this “goat”, let it not pose as a kissing one. Give her fifty bucks now - she’ll go like a pretty girl and give out such ...

Well, this, the opera theater, is a debatable issue. And you will see a freak in the mirror in the morning when you comb your hair.

Oh you goat!!!

The skinhead covered the distance to the table in one jump and his pound fist whistled through the air like a cannonball. What his childhood friend did, Semenov is unlikely to have considered even in an absolutely sober state. A carefully calibrated, almost imperceptible movement - and his owner went into free flight after the fist. In full, so to speak, volume. Crashing a moment later headfirst into a brick wall carefully draped with a soft cloth.

“Yes, it’s only in films that heroes beat each other for ten minutes, and then the winner, as if nothing had happened, goes to bed with his girlfriend. In real life, one quick blow or a correctly executed technique decides everything, ”a completely sober thought visited Semenov’s head thoroughly clouded with vodka vapor.

At the crash of a fall of at least a hundred-kilogram body, two hefty guards of the establishment materialized in a niche.

Is everything all right, gentlemen? they asked with one voice, looking exclusively at Lyubutin's face.

Yes, - he casually nodded, - the man just suddenly felt bad next to our table. You already, opera theater, take care of it. And it looks so healthy...

Young people easily lifted the "connoisseur" of female charms, who had not yet come to his senses, and dragged him to the exit. The whole thing took about three minutes at the most. The “culprit” of the fleeting skirmish, returning back, looked gratefully at the “hero”:

Thank you very much! I work today until 23-00. so if you're not in a hurry...

Not at all! Peter assured her with a broad smile. “My friend and I will be happy to sit again. You are so quiet and calm. And they feed well.

Vit! he turned to Semyonov after the girl left. “Are you going to get home on your own?” And then somehow you feel insecure.

Yes, all in a bunch. I'll sit a little longer, eat, smoke. And then I move slowly. I'll get there somehow ... And the waitresses here really do not have very strict rules. That's "not enough sex" for you.

So these words are so magical, - Lyubutin “purred” rather. - And as for the rules and customs, then we will see. Maybe not in vain they say. But who, edri him in a swing, will like it when you are unexpectedly slapped on the fifth point with all the dope with such a hand.

We have all experienced difficulties in life. And we all endured them, went through and survived. However, some people overcome them much more easily than others. What is their secret? Most of the time it has to do with attitude. So, when life cracks, repeat these 13 truths to yourself.

1. What happened, happened.

The famous saying of the Buddha says: "It is your resistance to what has happened, what is already there, that is the cause of your suffering." Think about it for just a minute. This means that we suffer when we resist the current situation and the real state of things. If you can change something, then take action! Change it! But if you can't change it, then you have two options: (1) accept it and let go of all the negativity, or (2) plunge headlong into your own suffering.

2. A situation becomes a problem when you begin to perceive it as a problem.

More often than not, our own worst enemy is ourselves. Feeling happy or unhappy depends only and only on your attitude. If you believe that the situation is indeed a problem, then your thoughts and emotions will be negative. But if you think that the situation is just a lesson for you to learn from, then what is the problem?

3. If you want to change something, then you need to start by changing yourself.

Your outer world is a reflection of your inner world. Don't you know people whose lives are like eternal chaos and tension? And isn't that because (largely) they feel chaotic and tense inside as well? Yes exactly. We like to think that if circumstances change, then everything will change with us. In fact, you need to think in the opposite direction: we must change ourselves before our circumstances change.

4. There is no such thing as failure or failure. There are only opportunities for learning.

You should simply remove the words "failure" or "failure" from your vocabulary. All the great people who have achieved a lot in life have repeatedly failed. Imagine that Thomas Edison said the following: “I didn't fail when I invented the light bulb. I was just the first to find 99 reasons why it didn't work." Analyze your so-called “failures” and learn from them. You will do much better next time.

5. If you're not getting what you want, then something much better is on the way.

It is hard to believe. But it's true. If you look back at your life, then you can understand that if something did not work out for you, then it was only for the best. Maybe the position you wanted but didn't get would take you away from your family, but now you have a great job with flexible hours. Just trust that everything is happening exactly as it should.

6. Appreciate the present moment.

This moment will never come again. And there is always something precious in every moment. Don't let him pass you by! Soon it will be just a memory. Even those moments that you were not happy with, over time, can be remembered with a touch of nostalgia.

7. Let go of your desires.

Most people live with certain anchors. This means that they are tightly attached to any of their desires, and when they do not receive it, they fall into frustration and depression. Instead, try to unhook from such an “anchor” in practice. In other words, even if you want something, you will still be happy whether you get it or not. Your emotions remain positive or neutral.

8. Understand the nature of your fears and be grateful for them.

Fear can be a great teacher, and overcoming it will make you feel like a winner. For example, one of the three main fears of all people is the fear of public speaking, however, many have overcome this fear through constant practice. Fear is just an illusion, which is quite possible to get rid of.

9. Allow yourself to experience joy.

It turns out that there are many people who do not allow themselves to be happy and have fun. Moreover, they do not even know what it is to be happy. They are attached to their problems and troubles, they constantly nurse and cherish disappointments within themselves, they simply do not know how to live otherwise. So always let yourself be happy! Even if it's just a small moment in your life. It is important to focus on the joys, and not on the difficulties.

10. Don't compare yourself to other people.

If you already compare yourself with others, then compare yourself with those people who are worse off for him than you. Be grateful that you, for example, have a well-paid job. Others don't. Are you unhappy with your appearance? So most people don't look like movie stars from a staged photo shoot. And you probably look much prettier than other people. Focus on exactly that.

11. You are not a victim.

You must go your own way. You are just an ordinary "victim" of your own thoughts, words and actions. Nobody else makes you a victim on purpose. You are the creator of your own experience. Take personal responsibility and understand that you are fully capable of getting out of any difficult situation. You just need to start by changing your thoughts and actions. Let go of the victim mentality and become a winner.

12. Everything can change. Not only that, things will really change!

"This too shall pass". A saying of genius in its wisdom. When we find ourselves in a nasty situation, we often see no light or way out. We believe that nothing will ever change. Not true! Will change! Nothing lasts forever except death. Get out of your head the idea that now everything will be bad. Will not. However, you yourself need to take some action to influence reality and change it. It is unlikely that everything will magically change without your participation.

13. Everything is possible.

Miracles happen every day. And this is a fact. People are healed of cancer in the last stage and find love when it is no longer expected. And this is what happens all the time. You just need to believe that this is happening. And when you believe it, then consider that you have won the battle.

The second series of the naked soul. Chaotic, of course, because it is difficult to fit several years of life in a few lines.
As my friend already said, in response to the question of who is my unsuitable comforter, this is really my ex-husband. At the very beginning, I wrote that there was already a drama in my life, after which I came to my senses for a very long and very painful time. Because I really loved you very much. I got married a long time ago, more than ten years ago. We lived together for a short time, about three years, then parted, for reasons beyond my control. He got a lot of money, turned out to be indebted to some fantastic amount, and to different people. All this became clear when these people began to come to our house and ask: when will your husband return the money to us? And not only strangers, but also neighbors, acquaintances and even relatives. Naturally, almost no one believed that I knew nothing, because husband and wife are one Satan. And I really didn’t know anything, because he never said anything. He hoped that he would get out on his own, but instead he became even more confused. I almost begged him on my knees to tell the truth, but he could not overcome himself and do it. Over time, the situation began to escalate more and more, at some point he left for a few days to his friend. During these days, a lot of information fell on me, I could not stand it and said: do not come back. Moreover, we lived with my parents, and we had to think not only about ourselves. (He did not have his own housing in Moscow, he is a non-resident). He never returned. I never felt worse than in those days, I didn’t sleep, I didn’t eat, I was constantly crying. About a month passed, he called, offered to meet. And I began to meet with him, I could not live without him then. In general, it turned out that he was really confused, someone framed him, but he did not figure it out in time. This is me to the fact that he did not appropriate any money, as he was with nothing, he remained, although I still do not know all the details. Moreover, he turned out to be without documents, a Moscow residence permit and housing. Accordingly, he could not get a job properly. He lived in some hospital, then he hung around on acquaintances. I dated him on the weekends, even though it could be quite dangerous. What only happened then: for example, one of the creditors called him for a conversation, he went, they pressed him there, trying to find out what was with the money, he jumped from the 3rd floor without outerwear and shoes, and it was at the end of March. Then he sat out for a day somewhere, then asked to come for him. My father and I drove him out of town by car to his friends. Then it turned out that he broke his leg, and I went to him with crutches, food, etc. There were many different things. So I lived, a year and a half, probably. Then the noise around this story seemed to subside, and I kept hoping that something else could be fixed, and we would be together. But nothing changed, and at some point I was just tired. We began to slowly move away, we began to meet less and less. I officially divorced him. Then I was probably alone for three years, until “husband” No. 2 appeared in my life.
All this time I still had an idea of ​​how he lives. My ex-husband and I have a mutual friend, from whom I found out how things were going. He, in turn, found out how I was doing. I sometimes came to visit this friend, and there I saw my husband. The case, as a rule, ended with the fact that we got drunk, and in the morning I was exhausted by memories and went to work in a sleepless night.
About two years ago, I found out that my ex got married again. Because I myself at that time had everything more or less, I was not very impressed, although, in the depths of my soul, perhaps, I always considered it my property. We even saw each other once after his wedding, just at our mutual friend's. But I left pretty quickly.
When at the end of January of this year my life once again cracked, I had to somehow survive. Everyone around advised - communicate as much as possible, no matter with whom. And I wanted to meet my ex and our mutual friend. I called and they came to visit me. Since then we have been in touch again. Just like it always happens when a man is married. That is, only when it suits him. But even if he had not been married, everything would have been exactly the same (I can say this, because I know this person well). Even though he says he loves me. He probably says it sincerely. Only he loves in his own way, and I have no illusions about this.
I understand perfectly well that this is not an option, that you cannot step into the same river twice, that he is married, and so on. I understand perfectly well that this is really not the kind of person who can find solace on his chest, because he is an introvert, very proud and independent, well, just a person not suitable for this in principle. But he somehow fills the vacuum that has formed in my life (I can’t say that I’m very afraid of loneliness, I can live alone, I know this for sure, but at the moment I perceive my loneliness very painfully.) And then, this is a person , to which I experienced the strongest feelings, there was nothing stronger than the truth.
To this day, when I remember what happened then, I start to cry. That is, somewhere in the depths of the soul, that pain is still alive. How to treat it, I do not know.
This is the mess I live in. We have to slowly get out. That's why I wrote this.