Self-confident person in my opinion. Excessive confidence and great self-confidence as a character trait of a person
Until recently, I myself believed that the concepts of confidence and self-confidence are one and the same. And many people think so too. But a couple of years ago, I learned and realized that there is a huge gap between these concepts, despite the similar name and even some similarity.
Let's find out what's the difference
So let's start with confidence. This quality is characteristic of charming, developed and independent personalities. Rather, they are quite well developed. And also, to some extent, most people have it. For some, this quality is more developed, for others it is weaker.
- What is self-confidence?
There is such a thing as a comfort zone. The more comfort zone you have, the more confident you are.
- What is a comfort zone?
These are those circumstances and those situations in which we know what to do and how best to do it.
Example, you have a favorite cafe, you have been there many times, you may already know someone from the staff, you know the menu, you know where the toilet is, etc. In short, you know how everything works in this place. This cafe is in your comfort zone, and you feel confident in it.
And another situation. You've come to a new cafe that you haven't been to before. Here you will most likely feel insecure, because you do not know how everything works here. But, on the other hand, when you find out everything, you will expand your comfort zone.
The same applies to all areas of our lives. We feel more confident the more we know and the larger our comfort zone.
Therefore, the more often we expand our comfort zone, the faster we become a self-confident person.
The most important area in which you need to develop and thereby increase your comfort zone is the area of communication with people, or in another way it can be called sociability.
Fears and modesty prevent us from becoming sociable, which, in fact, is also a set of fears. Fear that everyone around is hostile, that we will receive a refusal in response and because of this we will be upset, fear of being offended, etc.
There are fewer fools than people think: people simply do not understand each other.
© Luc de Vauvenargues
What should be done?
We need to get rid of these fears! And the better we can get rid of them, the better and faster we can expand our comfort zone and become more confident. For if we can quickly find a common language with strangers, then we can quickly expand our comfort zone accordingly.
A real man must be confident! To do this, he must overcome his fears and destroy unnecessary barriers, be smart and knowledgeable, be independent and charming, be physically and mentally strong. Must be able to find a way out of any situation.
A real man should always know what to do! Even when he doesn't know!
© Maxim Alyudin
What is self-confidence
And it is no coincidence that we do this after the paragraph about real men. You will ask why? And here's why:
- Most women want to see a confident man next to them.
And it is no coincidence, because a woman is physically less strong by nature and needs protection, as well as the protection of her children. In addition, it is more difficult for a woman to make a choice, emotions interfere.
And, since many people do not see the difference between self-confidence and self-confidence, women mistakenly believe that self-confident men can give them what they need.
In practice, self-confident people do have a share of self-confidence, but they are so sure that they are right that they put pressure on their obstinacy and do not consider the opinions of other people. They are not capable of dialogue and consider only their opinion to be the only correct one.
The desire to be always right is a sign of vulgarity.
© Albert Camus
Accordingly, women who decide to connect their fate with a self-confident man will probably be able to feel “like behind a stone wall”, but be prepared that behind this wall you will not have a gate, and there will be no freedom.
And if you are lucky and you get a self-confident man, then you will feel support and support, but at the same time you will have your freedom.
But such men, unfortunately, are in the minority. And in order to increase your chances of meeting him, you need to develop and become better and more harmonious yourself.
A self-confident person does not need his half, he is already whole. And he is more interested in whole people.
Self-confidence and self-confidence ... so often we confuse one with the other, thoughtlessly involving our soul in mistakes and bad deeds. It seems that this line between two feelings is invisible... But it exists!
What is the difference between self-confidence and certainty?
So, self-confidence (belief in oneself) is what helps us to acquire, achieve, overcome. Gain experience, achieve goals, overcome fear and obstacles. Of course, this cannot negatively affect our soul and life in general. If you follow the measure. Because it is self-confidence that can transform into self-confidence, gradually involving in self-deception and putting a veil of pride on the heart. Then it becomes bad and even scary, because the last lady can imperceptibly lead a person to death. Both spiritual and physical death.
When does a confident person become self-confident?
When we start putting medals on ourselves - first our own, then unbeknownst to ourselves and others. A self-confident person will not boast of his achievements, and even more so of strangers - he knows: the one who needs to appreciate him, and who does not appreciate him, he has the right to a personal opinion.
Self-confidence is when we think that we know everything better than anyone. We do not consider other people's words, we simply do not listen to them. A self-confident person will always respect his interlocutor, competitor and even enemy, because his self-confidence is not able to be shaken by an opinion that does not coincide with his own.
A self-confident person, as a rule, looks for enemies in his environment, whom he blames for his failures. A self-confident person has wisdom - he will find the strength to control himself and find worthy ways to solve his own problems.
Self-confidence seeks revenge. Self-confidence (belief in oneself) helps a person to assert himself through the manifestation of his merits, and not protrusion of shortcomings.
Self-confidence is blinding. Self-confidence helps to see.
Self-confidence entails self-deception, vanity, pride. Faith in oneself helps to distinguish truth from lies, mercy from hypocrisy, love from hatred.
Overconfidence leads to losses. Self-confidence helps to gain.
These two feelings are so similar in appearance and so different inside - one grounds, the second inspires (but does not glorify).
In order not to fall into the trap, you just need to objectively look at yourself from the outside. And more often. Analyze yourself and your actions, your words, your thoughts. That's right - YOURSELF, not someone else's. The more often we take care of ourselves, the sooner we will be able to improve our inner self and come to spiritual growth. And a spiritually developed person always wins... After all, he believes in himself and is confident in his achievements.
Unlike self-esteem, which is based on self-confidence, it is a completely unreasonable belief of an individual in his ideality and the absence of shortcomings, both internal and external.
It is necessary to distinguish the concepts of self-confidence from self-confidence. The latter is a subjective positive assessment of one's own strengths, capabilities and potential, which are necessary to achieve a specific goal or accomplish a task.
How people see us is largely based on how we see ourselves. Excessive self-confidence can often alienate others, but at the same time it increases as the individual acquires success. We cannot always see the line beyond which our self-confidence turns into too high self-confidence, and not all factors that influence this are subordinate to us.
Overconfidence
Some mistakenly believe that there are certain positive aspects to self-confidence. However. On the contrary, research in psychology proves the fact that in most cases the cause of failure is precisely the overconfidence of the individual. It leads to the fact that forces and real prospects are viewed distortedly, from an idealized point of view, so that as a result, success is never achieved. Overly self-confident people do not admit mistakes, and when faced with failures, they attribute them to some external circumstances. They consider their own to be the only right one, while more often than others they are prone to conflicts, as a result of which there is a complete misunderstanding in their relationships.
Psychologists most often talk about self-confidence in a negative way. It can cause failure in many areas of life, because, developing, it prevents the individual from perceiving the real correlation of problems and internal forces, violates the adequacy of thinking, and affects self-esteem. Of course, such a variant of events is not excluded, when such a belief is beneficial, but this is too dangerous an extreme. In addition, it negatively affects the development of the individual. Self-confident people do not take mistakes personally, therefore, they are not able to analyze them, accept them as an experience and not make them again in the future. Mistakes for them are something too natural, the result of exclusively external conditions and combinations of circumstances, failure.
In some cases, self-confidence is a real threat to the individual. In particular, when the problems relate to financial issues or health. We are talking about self-treatment, which rarely leads to a really positive outcome.
The hallmark of self-confidence is that it has no foundation whatsoever. Self-confidence is based on an objective assessment of opportunities and potential, which are supported by past successful experience.
Self confidence and confidence
In psychology, self-confidence and confidence of any individual are quite clearly distinguished. The paradox lies in the fact that the appearance of self-confidence is the first and practically the main sign of an individual's lack of confidence in his abilities. That is, it excludes true self-confidence. Such people have a habit of hiding their shortcomings and complexes even from themselves, hiding behind feigned courage. They are characterized by ostentatious and mannered calmness, a tendency to bravado and boasting, at the same time, excessive aggression and irritability are noted.
Of course, all such traits are laid down in childhood, and their adequacy depends on education. Incorrectly brought up in relation to self-esteem and confidence, a person grows up quite closed, angry, fussy. It is precisely such people who in the future tend to hide under the mask of self-confidence, since they do not want to show their real “appearance”. At the same time, they also have incorrect ambitions. They hide their fear or even complexes under the constant desire to dominate everywhere and occupy a dominant position. They overly love the non-existent image of their “ideal self” they have created when they meet with disagreement with their opinion.
As for the self-confident individual, he is in harmony with the real "I". Such a person independently accepts the disadvantages and advantages, is able to correct them. He is not prone to hypocrisy, unlike a self-confident person, he is open to the people around him and in turn accepts them as they are in life.
So we come to the conclusion that self-confidence is something bad. You should not resort to extremes, because even our negative traits can play a certain positive role, depending on the situation. Your shortcomings should not be eradicated entirely, it is better to control them or even use them at the right time.
Self-confidence can be used by adhering to the expressed politeness in a conversation, but not to provoke conflicts, but to resolve them and mitigate circumstances. Think as little as possible about how you appear in the eyes of others, direct your energy to thinking about your real affairs. Being confident is good, but don't forget to control your behavior!
Psychologists give a number of tips with which it is possible not only to develop your sense of confidence at the right time, but also to learn how to keep it under control:
- Organize your wardrobe. A strict style in clothes has a positive effect on your sense of self. Appearance has a lot to do with relationships with people. Men in this regard are a little easier, since it is enough for them to keep their clothes clean and regularly put themselves in order.
2. Practice a quick gait. It doesn't really matter where exactly you go, whether it's work, a date, another important matter. Confident people rush more often than usual, and they walk firmly and confidently. By acquiring the habit of fast and precise walking, you can increase your sense of self and increase your self-confidence.
3. Watch your posture! A person who demonstrates sluggish and lean movements, slumped shoulders and a gaze fixed on the ground does not give the impression of a self-confident individual. Often they do not consider themselves important, suffer from low self-esteem, have a negative attitude towards their own activities and success. Good posture training is the key to self-confidence. If you walk upright and look others in the eye, you will not only inspire respect from them, but you yourself will feel a surge of strength and confidence.
4. Pay attention to familiarize yourself with various motivational speeches. It is not so easy to find a good speaker these days, so you can try yourself in this role. Write a speech that will really motivate you. Develop a speech, because this in itself will allow you to feel more confident, and repeat your speech every day just like that or in front of a mirror.
5. Learn to be grateful to yourself. When an individual is strictly focused on a certain result, his consciousness can begin to reflexively suggest options for the reasons why it will not be possible to achieve the desired. Thus, a person begins to talk about his weaknesses and focus on them. To avoid this, start thanking yourself for everything you managed to do during the day. Replay all your successes and achievements in your memories, even relationships in your personal life. If you compare the list of your successes, it turns out that in life you have already achieved quite a lot.
6. Don't be afraid to compliment. A person who has a negative attitude towards himself very often transfers his attitude to others. A banal habit of speaking well of people can help get out of this situation. If you previously liked to discuss someone behind their back, then it is better to stop like that. Learning to speak well of others will increase the sympathy of others for you, as well as raise your self-confidence to a new level.
7. Pay attention to the place you occupy in a public place. Insecure people always tend to take back positions, whether it's a school, a university auditorium, an office. Get in the front seats so you too can raise your confidence level.
8. Give up the habit of silence forever. Don't be afraid to speak in a group or in public. Insecure people believe that others rarely agree with other people's opinions, and even more so with their personal ones. Try to always speak out during mass discussions. This will not only improve your oratory skills, but also allow you to develop the right thinking, the ability to convince others and convey your thoughts to them.
9. Your appearance, and even and physical form, also have an impact on your own confidence. If an individual does not maintain his form and daily tone, then he will feel a decline in energy, and with it a lack of self-confidence. Experts strongly recommend disciplined daily exercise as the best way to maintain energy and create a positive mood for the whole day.
10. Stop paying too much attention to your experiences. Excessive immersion in one's desires, possible courses of events, worries about future failures or successes ... All this makes us distract from the reality of what is happening and the people around us. Conversely, if you focus on real time, you won't worry so much about the shortcomings, especially if you focus your activities on achieving success. The more you give away, the more you will get back in the form of recognition from those around you.
The question why some achieve success, fulfilling all desires, while others, no less talented and worthy, “remain overboard”, is still relevant. The reason is most often simple: the first category is self-confident people; the second is just not enough. The article will discuss what self-confidence is, how it can be increased, and why you should be careful with the “dosage” of a useful trait.
What is self-confidence?
Self-confidence is self-confidence; the desire to move forward, develop, eliminate weaknesses, without self-flagellation. Quality, like other characteristics of a person, is acquired, not innate. Its formation is influenced by various factors, including education, material and spiritual benefits, status in society, environment, and others.
Self-confidence can be compared to a medicine - in large "doses" it nullifies the benefits, bringing only harm. People suffering from its excess rarely achieve heights, because they are deprived of the ability to be skeptical about themselves, about the results of their activities.
Overconfidence
This quality does not help to achieve anything - more often it cuts off good undertakings. One who has excessive self-confidence cannot be critical of himself and what he does. It seems to him that any of his creations is a priori beautiful, does not require editing, and critics are simply jealous. In this case, it is almost impossible to admit to yourself the mistakes you have made.
It would seem that there is nothing wrong with excessive self-confidence - many would do well to become more persistent, to be able to brush aside useless criticism. But the problem is still there. Criticism is not always useless, it is important to listen to it, to be able to notice the shortcomings of what has been done. It is important to stick to the golden mean - respond to valid remarks and ignore malicious comments.
How to become a self-confident person?
People who achieve heights in their favorite business are not only talented and purposeful. Being, having this quality, it helps to achieve your goals. An artist who paints brilliant pictures will remain unknown if, instead of organizing exhibitions, he is tormented by thoughts of his own mediocrity. No one will know about a talented writer if he folds his manuscripts at home, in a secluded corner.
Self-confidence is needed for an adequate response to criticism: readiness to correct mistakes and brush aside unconstructive statements of others. prevent you from moving on, prompting you to abandon your favorite pastime after a couple of negative comments. Confident individuals continue to work with double diligence, while considering the achievement of goals as the main goal, and not proving their own to others.
There are several effective tips to help increase self-confidence. They are more global than recommendations to choose things according to your figure, take more pictures and remember compliments, but they work much more efficiently.
1. Understand the essence of criticism
Criticism is considered destructive, designed to belittle. But in fact, it is just an assessment of something (appearance, performance, etc.). Critical assessments are both positive and negative. Listening to any opinion is a useful skill along with developing critical thinking. Redoing everything for others is not an option, but thinking of yourself and your stories/drawings/photos as flawless is also a bad idea. Criticism can be aimed at improving, correcting shortcomings; it is useful in moderation.
2. Notice your own victories
If in a month you managed to get rid of a bad habit, learn to go to bed earlier and wake up without an alarm clock, switch to - this can already be considered a great achievement. Some things go unnoticed because the result is not lightning fast. But they are worth highlighting.
A holistic image is made up of little things; formed due to small, at first glance, changes. It is worth encouraging yourself even for minor achievements, but do not stop, but move on. By setting the right direction and taking even small steps, you can reach heights that previously seemed unrealistic.
There are two different concepts that many people for some reason confuse, believing that they are one and the same: confidence and self-confidence. However, this is not the case. Now let's analyze the whole point, from the point of view of psychologists. Excessive and great self-confidence is a rather bad and even dangerous trait of a person's character. Such excessive self-confidence can lead to tragedy for both the person himself and his environment, if they do not understand what exactly is happening, that is, what the person is guided by. Great self-confidence can be quite a compensation for low self-esteem, that is, a person is not aware of what he is doing, it happens as an unconscious mechanism, and everything that is realized unconsciously is out of control, this person does not control.
Overconfidence and overconfidence as a character trait
In psychology, there are such concepts as confidence and self-confidence, if you judge them by writing, then you see both similarities and differences even in the very writing of these definitions. Let's start with the concept of confidence. The term confidence is nothing more than a feeling, a feeling, that is, a person’s reasonable confidence that everything will work out for him and everything will turn out right, and self-confidence is, in fact, a completely different phenomenon, this is when you believe not only in yourself and your success, but you also consider yourself better than others, that is, pride and compensation, as mentioned above.Excessive and great self-confidence of a person is an extremely negative feature, but it is easy to recognize - this is a person with a proud gait; a person who looks at everyone with a judgmental look and has boundless impudence, as a rule, such a person has an unhealthy and inflated self-esteem. Also, such a person is always sure that in any situation he is right, even if he is not, he will always think that he is right. Also, these people have a very small social circle. According to psychologists, such people cannot get along among other people, they always despise shy people, and also spoil the life of closed people. They always look down on everyone with some contempt. They can also humiliate other people. If they undertake to humiliate a person, they will do it to the end, they will humiliate him for the rest of his life. Well, about life, it may not be so, but if we give such an example, when such an incident occurred among classmates, as a rule, such self-confident people will humiliate and mock until they finish school. Many such situations are known to many.
But psychologists believe that this can be corrected. But it all depends on whether the person wants it or not. You can't force someone to change. But there are people who do not want to do this, but they themselves already do it. That they can change, the main thing is only to want.
The main thing is to be only confident, only this is a good character trait. Do not step over when, so to speak, "to the side of evil", do not be self-confident. The main thing is to be confident in yourself, and everything will be fine, including in communication with others. Be always kind, confident, sympathetic and understanding people and people will be drawn to you.