Premonition of husband's betrayal. All signs of female infidelity (probability and intuition)

Cheating is always very painful for both men and women. A woman whose husband has cheated often suffers not only from the very fact of this, but also from the ignorance in which she has been all this time. It seems that everyone knows about this, and this makes the state even more unpleasant and depressing. Then the deceived woman begins to look for signs of betrayal in the man’s behavior, in his habits, and some signs. And if adultery has already taken place, then with a careful approach it is quite easy to recognize it.

Psychologists specializing in family issues have described a number of external behavioral features that will help answer the question of how to recognize male infidelity. Experts say that by the way a man behaves after going to the left, it is already possible to determine that everything happened.

Women are very suspicious by nature and can see what is not there in very simple phenomena. How do you understand that something has changed in your relationship? If you have doubts that your partner is still faithful to you, it’s time to think about whether everything has been done to prevent this from happening, whether the reason lies in your behavior, what you need to do to prevent the development of events and stop what is happening. After all, any coin has two sides, and the reasons may be not only his fault, but also yours. But you can only think about it and analyze it with a cool head, without emotions, resentment or heart attacks.

Perhaps you shouldn’t expect loyalty from men, because when he connects his life with you, he is convinced that he will be faithful to you, but life itself then makes its own adjustments. People are just people, and many of them are capable of making mistakes, so you need to learn to forgive and forget them if you value your relationships. But, of course, it is better to take into account all factors and only then decide anything. And in order to learn to recognize all these factors, here is a small selection of ten such features that hint at betrayal.

10 signs your husband has someone else

For those who want to understand their relationship with their spouse and understand whether there are any reasons for concern, psychologists suggest familiarizing themselves with ten signs from which they can draw conclusions - is it time to change something in the family if something that every wife fears has happened.

Of course, these 10 signs of betrayal are quite relative, and sometimes you can find out that a man has someone else right away. But it happens that they won’t help reveal that he is cheating on you. How can a woman understand that the time has come to doubt a man’s fidelity and wonder if everything is in order in the marriage, which may well be the case - he is cheating and deceiving her? These are the symptoms.

• If a man has become a workaholic. Joint corporate events, trips to the bathhouse, long or frequent business trips can also serve as such a sign. Frequent delays at work, unexpected meetings, planning meetings, reports that he can only prepare at the workplace, because there are a lot of documents, and so on. In general, a change in habits becomes a reason to wonder whether his way of life and the object of passion have changed. And the ring on his finger suddenly began to disappear somewhere, and every time it was missing, there was a good reason to take it off. Although it is generally not common for the male sex to take off and put on a ring - they forget about it and therefore wear it as a permanent attribute. But if this happens systematically, on certain dates, it may well be that this is really a reporting period. And to think whether the specifics of his work do not imply force majeure, which makes one doubt his fidelity.
• Connection. A wife may suspect a man’s infidelity if he constantly carries his phone with him, begins to react rather painfully to your questions about who called, or nervously to the sounds of SMS. He goes into the bathroom with his phone or gadget and turns on the water. His gadgets are not in plain sight, but are carefully guarded, a password has appeared on the computer, and the answers are very strange and vague, which he himself can hardly believe.

• Transport. The car began to break down much more often, the front seat was often moved, and clearly not to your parameters. The husband began to visit the car wash or service station more often, and they are now located far away and his presence is required. The interior is unusually clean, and in the ashtray there are cigarette butts from thin cigarettes or not the ones your spouse is used to smoking. And of course, car repairs began to require more money than before. But how do you know that this is really a repair and not a desire to be with someone?
• Appearance. Unexpected and increased concern for appearance, purchasing new things, changing style. Let's not even talk about his underwear - he had never bought it himself before. Previously, suits were worn only on holidays and with scandal, but now he chooses his own suit on a weekday and with pleasure. He tries on clothes for a long time, buys new shirts, new accessories appear, for example, a purse, or a perfume that was not chosen by you, and he himself did not choose it before. Your partner comes home and immediately goes to the shower, especially if such a craving for cleanliness was not noticed before, and you had difficulty getting him into the bathroom.
• Sex. There is less and less passion in your relationship, you are less and less close, and in rare moments of intimacy, you discover new habits or affections in him. The question arises - where could he learn this? Moreover, he may not strive to cheat on you, but when the situation develops in such a way that he does not have to do anything but reach out and pick the forbidden fruit, there are few such faithful husbands who will resist. Subsequently, the husband may not even perceive this as betrayal, but only a random prank that will not happen again.
• Man's behavior. The vocabulary has changed significantly, new jokes, expressions, facial expressions, and gestures have appeared. Psychologists say that during a period of new love, people very often copy the behavior of the object of this very love. Observe how he behaves: he may become more relaxed, because the appearance of a mistress can give confidence and increase self-esteem. Signs of betrayal in behavior are quite transparent, often too much new and unusual. However, it is important to remember that even changes in behavior, habits, and lifestyle do not indicate his betrayal: it may actually be related to his work, remember who he is and what he does.
• Smell. Not the most compelling argument, because there can be many reasons for the appearance of a new smell on clothes, ranging from the accidental ingestion of someone’s perfume in transport to a shared closet. Anxiety may arise when this smell is constant and persistent.
• Pomade. This is also not a particularly well-reasoned reason - how to find out if your husband is cheating or if it gets on your clothes quite innocently and it’s too early to throw a tantrum over random stains. It’s difficult to explain its appearance on underwear, even if you still can’t believe it.
• Finance. The husband's spending has increased sharply and significantly, and it is not always possible to see where it was spent. Expenses are especially noticeable before the holidays, although the increase in the house does not increase as much as the decrease in the wallet. Of course, he may be saving money for your joint trip somewhere on vacation, so a surprise is possible. The main thing is that it should not be too delayed in time by years.
• Mood. You don’t always understand why his mood is the way it is, why it changes, and what’s happening in general? This may be the last of the 10 signs of infidelity. Now he is completely happy and radiates with contentment and a smile, and it is completely unclear why. Or he is very irritable, looking for a reason to take his anger out on you. Or he is so immersed in himself and his thoughts that he does not notice your presence and words at all.

These could be 10 signs of male infidelity If your significant other is seen in most of them, you should think about whether everything is okay with you.

You can also notice that not all is well if your husband, who was not previously inclined to give you gifts, has recently become more frequent with them and constantly pampers you with flowers or unexpected surprises.

It could be enjoyable if you didn't realize the subtext.

There are specialists who can determine betrayal by facial expressions, behavior, gestures, glances, and it seems that this is not difficult to do and you can cope with it yourself. But the conclusions that will follow such observations may turn out to be erroneous and ruin everyone’s life. Therefore, it is better not to resort to such complex things. You will manipulate the facts to suit your expectations, which in no way will make them objective.

But it also happens that the presence of all these symptoms is not an indicator of your husband’s infidelity, and vice versa - a man is cheating and not a single sign exposes his infidelity. If a guy changes the way he breathes, no signs will help to recognize, much less prevent, the situation.

What to do?

What should a woman who has noticed signs of male infidelity in her husband’s behavior do, know for sure about infidelity or suspect it? What to do and how to react? The simplest and seemingly most effective thing to do is to do the following:

• you can cry quietly, imbued with your inferiority next to the beautiful and young. In this case, your appearance will suffer even more, and you will not be doubly competitive with it.
• you can throw your husband a whole tantrum, a scandal, with breaking dishes and a loud showdown. Or crawling on your knees and persuading you to stay. In any case, the picture will be unsightly and your spouse will want to leave you as quickly as possible, but no one can say with certainty whether forever or temporarily.
• you can use blackmail or threats. It will look completely ugly, and will make you not the kind of woman who can keep a man next to her.

But it’s better to behave with dignity and take your time - try to distance yourself from the situation, as psychology recommends, and look at everything with a cold heart. Signs of a male affair on the side only lead to suspicion, but do not confirm the fact itself.

Do not make hasty conclusions, watch your husband, make sure that all the signs are repeated and did not happen once. Notice small details, inconsistencies, coincidences. Think about how to test a man for cheating. Be careful and unobtrusive, do not make sudden movements. Take advantage of your feminine intuition and flexibility. And determine whether you need a man after cheating in principle.

To assess the scale of the disaster, you need to coolly look at the situation from the outside and try to find the reasons, to make sure with certainty that the man is lying and cheating.

Analyze your behavior and think about what can be changed in you now, so that he understands that you are worthy of a man’s love, that he feels good with you, and stops looking for something or someone on the side, outside of marriage. If you understand that all the signs of love between you and yours are long in the past, do not try to keep him and give him and yourself a chance to find a new, strong feeling on which to build a new future.

You realized that the man is cheating on you, and there is a lot of evidence for this. Are you ready to become independent from him, emotionally and financially? Can you start living your life without a man after cheating? If you have children together, can you give them what they need, but alone? After all, after you admit your husband’s betrayal and express to him your attitude towards it, you will have to make a decision. And, most likely, for two, because men do not like such situations and will delay everything as long as possible.

Video

Male betrayal will not surprise anyone today. Moreover, society does not sharply condemn men for their partisanship. The explanation of their polygamous physiology is most often limited to one phrase, “He’s a man!”, implying permission to cheat. And, despite the fact that cheating on a husband is one of the most common causes of divorce in the world, most often men’s fleeting hobbies with their wives are forgiven.

The attitude in society towards female infidelity is the opposite. Since ancient times, a woman was considered a beregin, a keeper of the hearth. Her modesty and loyalty to her husband were considered the most valuable qualities. In some cultures, a wife could be executed for treason; more often, the crowd would throw stones at the traitor. Today, a woman who cheats on her husband does not face such a severe punishment. But, if a man’s infidelity is justified by nature itself, then female infidelity is a complex concept that requires a detailed explanation.

Psychology of female infidelity

The nature of female infidelity can be explained by one phrase from an old joke: “It’s not difficult to take someone else’s wife, but it’s difficult to get her back later.” Although many wives deny that they could ever cheat on their spouse, in fact, statistics prove the opposite. A woman, unlike a man, is guided not by the physiological needs given to him by nature, but by feelings. Therefore, it is a married woman who is easiest to seduce and fall in love with. Against the background of a stagnant relationship with a spouse and a lack of romance, it is very easy to awaken a woman’s extinguished feelings. After all, every woman dreams of being loved and desired, and words are often more important to her than actions. Think about why, at all times, out-and-out romantics and vagabonds were revered by women more than sensible businessmen? Why do women leave a reliable husband for a street thug? As already mentioned, women live by feelings, and betrayal for them is an action dictated by their emotional sphere. No woman will cheat on her husband just because she liked the biceps or butt of her intended lover. Among the reasons for female infidelity lie deeper roots.

Common reasons for female infidelity

So, why does the wife decide to take such a risky step? For many, this is, first of all, a step of despair, searching for a way out of the situation, solving problems. The reasons for a wife’s betrayal should be sought only in the family.

• Trying to forget family problems. More than 10 years of marriage have passed, there are children in the family, but there are certain problems that do not make a woman happy in marriage. Young girls will most likely file for divorce, and a woman who has decades of family life behind her will not dare to destroy the created world. Because of my own insecurities, because of my children, because of the fear of change. She will find an outlet in the form of a lover. But over time, this illusion will be destroyed, the woman will understand that she is deceiving, first of all, herself.
• Satisfying your own ego. Psychologists say that an unmarried woman can be distinguished by her gaze, by a certain sparkle in her eyes, by the aura emanating from her. Once married, a woman loses these signs and becomes uninteresting to men. And the fact that she is married also pushes fans away from her. It is in search of male attention and romance that a woman decides to cheat. Moreover, often in such cases it is she who becomes the initiator of extramarital relations.
• Problems in your sex life. Intimacy plays a big role in family life. But over time, passion dulls, and many married couples are overtaken by a crisis. Without trying to find a joint solution to this problem, the spouses find it on the side. Sexual dissatisfaction pushes the wife to cheat.
• Women's revenge. Cheating for this reason is a huge mistake. Having learned about her husband's infidelity, the wife, overwhelmed by feelings and under the influence of extreme stress, commits adultery. But the result is spiritual emptiness and perhaps even a broken marriage. After all, a man, unlike a woman, is not always ready to forgive betrayal.

• New love. No matter how old a woman is, she constantly needs love and romantic courtship. And, if on her way she meets a seducer who will give her all this, then she will rush headlong into the maelstrom of a new relationship.
• Frequent separations. A spouse's long business trips can also serve as a catalyst for his wife's infidelity. In this case, a number of other reasons arise that contribute to discord in the relationship: lack of attention, suspicion of the husband of infidelity, sexual dissatisfaction.
• First love. As you know, first love leaves the strongest emotional memories in the soul. And if the object of youthful infatuation (provided that he did not drink himself to death or degenerate) comes across a woman’s path, then her memory will awaken past memories and the relationship will continue.
• Marriage without love. Unfortunately, such marriages are becoming common in society. A childhood friend, by convenience, by chance - it’s hard to surprise with such reasons for getting married.

And one more important aspect - a woman cheats not only with her body, but also with her soul. Therefore, if a man breaks up with his mistress easily, then for a woman such a choice is very difficult. And when such a situation occurs, it is very important to stop being guided by feelings, and begin to act according to the arguments of reason.

Signs of a wife cheating

The nature of a woman is such that it is difficult for her to hide the changes that happen to her. The female powerful emotional sphere is again to blame for everything. Therefore, if the wife does not admit to infidelity herself, which often happens, her husband can find out about her affair by a number of signs:

• the wife hides her phone from her husband and does not talk on the phone in front of him;
• changes appeared in appearance, the wife began to take better care of herself;
• a woman has lost interest in sex, constantly finds a reason to evade intimacy;
• the spouse is emotionally distant;
• she no longer cares about housekeeping;
• absences from home have become frequent, and the wife also returns late from work;
• any words or actions of the spouse now irritate the woman;
• and the most important sign of infidelity is the appearance of sparkle in the eyes, mystery and mystery.

But no matter what reasons a woman has for cheating, its consequences are most often very sad. How does a woman feel after her betrayal?

Most likely, an exorbitant burden of guilt will fall on women’s shoulders. Even if the husband never finds out about the fact of the betrayal, the wife will worry and suffer for a very long time because of what she did. Because of the fear of condemnation and disclosure of the secret, a woman is unlikely to tell anyone about her action. But in such situations, it is best to speak out and cry on someone’s shoulder. Being in this case her own lawyer, judge, and executioner, a woman can easily reach a nervous breakdown. And then only a psychologist or a husband who has forgiven her can help.

The breakdown of a family can also be a sad consequence of a wife's betrayal. Although, depending on which side you look at it. If the marriage is already bursting at the seams, maybe it’s not worth saving? And divorce is the only step to start life over with a new leaf. As a rule, men do not forgive cheating. A man understands perfectly well that if his wife cheated on him, it means that she gave vent to her feelings, which means that not only physical, but also spiritual betrayal has occurred. This means that his wife does not belong to him. And rarely can any spouse forgive this. Therefore, the consequences of a wife’s betrayal for a husband are always so categorical.

Another consequence of accomplished adultery is a new relationship and, possibly, a new family. There are many such cases in life. Having met true love, a woman goes to her lover and gets married. In this case, we can say that life after the betrayal has become happier.

Thus, we can conclude that the reasons for adultery on the part of the wife lie in the search for love, warmth, attention and understanding, which she lacks in the family. Cheating occurs when a relationship has outlived its usefulness. Therefore, in order not to blame yourself for the destruction of the family, you need to do everything to preserve it before the woman decides to take a desperate step. If in her own husband she sees at the same time a protector, a lover, a friend, then even thoughts about betrayal will not arise.

You suspected your husband of cheating. We tried different ways to find out the truth. And everything was confirmed. So what to do? What should we do now? Psychologist Galina Artemyeva discusses how best to behave after learning about her husband’s infidelity.

Remember the song: “I resolutely took off the jacket I had thrown on, I had the strength to seem proud, I told him: “All the best”...

First: do not rush to take off your jacket decisively. Cool down and think. Well, let's think about it together. It turned out that you were living with a traitor. But you lived! Even for quite a long time. And nothing! Well, just be patient and cool down. Repeat, repeat to yourself: “Yes, he cheated! Yes, he cheated!” Well, let's repeat it a hundred times until it becomes funny. (It will definitely happen, but not so soon!)

Second: Let's admit to ourselves that nothing like that has happened yet. Everybody is alive? Alive! Even healthy! There is a place to live, something to eat. Already good. Well, some extraneous dirty trick has flown into your life. So now? Shoot yourself? Let's learn to take a punch! Let's scoop up this nasty thing and throw it in the trash. That's all! Forgot. And don’t dare to grind in your poor head the words from the husband’s found letter addressed to another: “I love you, you are my only one, my wife is my cross (just think, right? What a bastard!), she poisons my life, only with you I'm happy..."

Third: Tell yourself clearly what you want. Do you want everything to return and be good, calm, peaceful? Is it possible! And it's up to you.

There are things that you cannot afford if you want a peaceful life with your husband: total surveillance and checking, as well as constantly asking about your mistress and comparing yourself with her. This is completely meaningless, it is, finally, humiliating and unbearable.

If you want to get a divorce, realizing that you are not able to bear the revealed truth, remember one thing: it will not get easier. In any case, the pain will be erased by time, but this will not happen soon. Why does everything have to be resolved through divorce? Who will you make better by deciding to break up? Lover - of course! For yourself? You decide.

Fourth: you can demand that your husband end all relations with his mistress. If he agrees to this and tries to improve the family atmosphere, try not to poison your life with him with reproaches and scandals. After all, he chose you. What else do you need?

Fifth: reconsider your attitude towards marital intimacy. Diversify your sex life, and never shy away from sex.

Sixth: distribute responsibilities around the house, let the husband intensify his participation in family affairs.

Seventh: clearly discuss the issue of distribution of family funds.

Eighth: If the husband refuses to break up with his mistress, you continue the relationship with her, it makes sense to decide on a warning about the breakup. Only seriously, without blackmailing, without playing. If your husband understands the seriousness of your decision, if his family is still dear to him, he can break off the extramarital relationship.

A lot depends on you. The choice is yours. The main thing is to make a decision with a cool head. Don't let disordered feelings push you into reckless actions.

There are some elementary truths that unwitting (or potential) participants in a love triangle (well, if not a polygon) simply must learn. You need to know them no worse than the rules of the road for the sake of maintaining mental and physical health, ability to work and self-respect.

1. Your idea of ​​a husband is not the husband himself.
2. If you have begun to perceive your husband as an invariable part of the home interior, know: it is quite possible that there are places where he happily plays other roles, and at home he recovers after stormy love games, perceiving you as a necessary thing in his household.
3. When you get married, you do not acquire a husband for lifelong use.
4. The life of every person, including your legal spouse, belongs primarily to himself. Everyone has the right to make mistakes. And to realize this mistake too. It depends on you what exactly your husband will consider a mistake - a marriage relationship with you or a love affair on the side.
5. If you find that your husband is cheating on you, try first of all to remain reasonable. Determine for yourself honestly and directly what you want in the current situation. Possible options are usually:
   • I want to break off the relationship immediately and part forever, forgetting him like a bad dream;
   • I want to be together, to forgive everything and for everything to be as before;
   • I don’t want to break up and I can’t, but I dream of taking revenge on him for the pain I caused;
   • I’ll stay with him out of principle so that my mistress doesn’t come out victorious;
   • I need to reconsider the past, understand what my own delusions were, and not let the situation destroy me.

There is no best option, there is an option that is most suitable for you. Choose. But with a clear head, in accordance with the goal you are striving for. So as not to regret later.

Just take into account the law of life: nothing destroys us more than the thirst for revenge, so options c) and d) can be dangerous for your physical and mental well-being. Revenge on the guilty (if they are guilty) will be carried out, believe me, without your participation. Because evil will return to its creators. But not when you crave it, but much later. You need to relax, thinking about yourself and your own, only your, tasks and their solutions.

1. Maintain your dignity. Having learned about betrayal, do not under any circumstances try to communicate with your mistress, expose her, or collect facts discrediting her everywhere. Be taller. Let it be at the cost of incredible internal efforts. Not for the sake of your husband or the opinions of strangers about you. For my own sake. So that later you can respect yourself for your strength of spirit and strength of character.
2. If you find it possible for yourself to remain married to an unfaithful husband, forgive him completely and irrevocably. Don’t constantly make fun of them, don’t reproach them, don’t remind them of the past, don’t be sarcastic. Otherwise, you will make your husband very, very sorry that he still stayed.

You must be able to show nobility. This is a feat. But if you consciously decided to save your family, work for the good of its restoration. (Restoring, we note, is always more difficult than destroying.)

1. Do not try to find an immediate replacement for your husband, or repay him in the same coin. Any of us can find a random partner if necessary. Only he will not be a consolation. If we are pushed into a dirty puddle, we need to quickly get out of it, wash ourselves of the dirt and forget. But entering into casual relationships is equivalent to the fact that you will jump from one mud, where you ended up not of your own free will, into another mud, assuring yourself that you are thereby taking revenge on the first puddle.
2. Focus on your health. Women who have deeply experienced the pain of betrayal often become ill with women's diseases - this is how the body reacts to humiliation and insult. You owe it to yourself to survive, stay healthy and attractive. Make every effort to be in public, to take your mind off dark thoughts.
3. Whatever you decide: to be together or to separate, try to remain friends. This is the most fruitful, wise and correct direction of thoughts and actions. Even if at first it is impossible to imagine friendship with a traitor.

Husbands need to understand:

1. Women are naturally built completely differently than you. For them, physical intimacy means much more than gymnastic exercises followed by relaxation. In most cases, their soul strings are involved. Beware of the vibrations of these strings if your unscrupulous behavior is detected.
2. If you tell a woman “I love you” just to feel complete emotional commitment on her part, you are playing a dishonest game, because for her these words are tantamount to an offer to link your destinies forever.
3. No matter how inspired you are by achievements on the sexual front, do not lose your head. If you are generally happy with your marriage, it is worth respecting your wife's feelings if she discovers infidelity. You risk losing a faithful and reliable companion.
4. Adventures on the side quite often end in the same marriage ties. And complete disappointment in an ardent feeling that forced the destruction of a true relationship with a real (as it happens, and some men say) wife.
5. Do not bring your mistress into your family home, there are things that cannot be done under any circumstances. This is one of them. If a childishly naive question arises: why, you can answer quite childishly: it will be worse for yourself. The mistress will become furious at the sight of her wife’s things, inflamed with such hatred that this will certainly materialize in one way or another in the form of a series of failures and troubles that will begin to fall on the heads of all members of the family union.
6. Do not let your mistress know about family matters, children’s problems, and the like. Be careful: you are giving her the most valuable thing - information that she can use to harm those you love, but she cannot. The secret always becomes apparent - this is an immutable law. At the very least, don't contribute to it.
7. You are deeply mistaken if you think that, having started an affair on the side, you have finally found a true soul who understands your original passion for freedom, adventure, and extreme sports. You would be very surprised if you heard intimate conversations between your freedom-loving and reckless lover and her friends. Believe me, you would be amazed by the strategy and tactics of the battle for possession of you as a legal spouse, which are developed over a cup of coffee in a fashionable restaurant. You understand: for us women, time counts in seconds. We simply cannot allow ourselves to be scattered “just like that.” And those who allow themselves to be used as a lightning rod remain completely bankrupt in their personal lives, without a husband, children and everything that we are entitled to. So understand: they are fighting for you! You are a pawn, not a king!
8. Sorry for this very intimate point in our program. But if you have already entered the field of sexual games, please use a product that protects against infection. No matter how trustworthy your new chosen one may seem to you, anything can happen in life. There are often tragic cases when HIV-infected people deliberately infect those who trustingly enter into sexual contact with them, without any protection. HIV-infected people sometimes find themselves in a special mental state, believing that life has treated them unfairly - and decide to take revenge on others for their own suffering.
9. Do not tell your mistress about your wife's shortcomings, misunderstandings and vicious tendencies. You want to pour out your soul. You are looking for sympathy. You long to be loved, such a sufferer. Without even noticing it, you get carried away and exaggerate things greatly. Of course, they will love you and feel sorry for you. But remember: a woman who loves you may not be able to withstand the overwhelming hatred she has for your offender (that is, the wife with whom you do not intend to separate). And then thunder strikes! The wife will get the most, of course. But you won’t be spared a chain of very unpleasant episodes.
10. Life is a systemic process. As part of the system, we influence each other. People's relationships form feedback loops. Sooner or later, a person experiences the results of what he has done to others. Therefore, try not to get too carried away, so as not to hit yourself at the most inopportune moment.

Do you know what novice cheaters burn at? How does their betrayal become obvious? The main signs of betrayal are not traces of lipstick on a shirt or an SMS from an ardent lover on the phone, as you might think.

Most often, cheaters are caught by... guilt!

This statement begins a book written by the popular English psychologist Edward Dow (Ed. D.), which he dedicated to all the unfortunate deceived husbands, wives, grooms and brides.

His work “Premonition of Betrayal” is dedicated to the emotional experiences that victims of betrayal face and the signs by which everyone can understand that the matter is not pure with their other half.

theory of treason

The general idea is this: the victim of betrayal is only to blame for deceiving himself for too long, when in fact the signs of betrayal are immediately visible and it is very difficult to hide the betrayal.

Even the most arrogant two-faced comrades are still not able to control their behavior 100%, so if you don’t bury your head in the sand, don’t be afraid to admit the fact of betrayal and pay attention to the signs of betrayal, then you can save your relationship before adultery becomes the norm.

fact of betrayal: signs of betrayal

For this, writes Ed. D. you just need to be attentive to your partner and be wary if suddenly, out of the blue, something begins to happen in your life that is very reminiscent of the main signs of betrayal:

unexpectedly increased attentiveness and caring

Gifts and generosity. Feeling guilty for mental or real betrayal, the dishonest partner tries to compensate for this in a way available to him. Of course, Ed notes, attacks of caring can happen without such a sad reason, however, betrayal, especially in the early stages, is almost always accompanied by such a behavioral manifestation on the part of the cheater.

quarrels out of the blue

Which are initiated by your partner. The feeling of guilt for his actions pushes him to search for excuses, which he finds in conflicts.

A quarrel and resentment towards the one he is cheating on eases the pangs of conscience - this mechanism very often works as a defense against neurosis, which can be a consequence of a double life.

“Yes, he offends me all the time, I have every moral right!” - this is approximately how, according to Edward, the internal conflict of a cheater is compensated.

unexpectedly changed tastes and preferences in music, food, interests

As Edward notes, a change in the range of interests is always tied to close socialization - we adopt hobbies from those with whom we communicate closely.

If there is no visible source of such influence, then there is an invisible one. Light love has a particularly active influence on the interpenetration of interests - the period of flirting is characterized by an exchange of opinions, tastes and preferences, which should alert any attentive husband or wife.

defending the right to privacy and time “for yourself”

Which can manifest itself in different ways: the partner may unexpectedly go into another room to talk on the phone, a password appears on the mailbox that was not there before, he begins to spend more time alone, etc.

Men who previously unconditionally trusted their wives to choose and buy clothes may begin to buy things on their own again, criticizing or not listening to their wife’s advice. Wives may begin to choose and wear things that their husbands frankly don’t like, etc.

This is not done out of harm, Ed explains, it’s just that a person leading a secret life needs his own territory, which the husband or wife does not penetrate, and after a long relationship, there is practically no such territory left for everyone in the couple. Since the lover is outside the family, the person learns to rebuild that part of himself that will also be outside this family - this is an axiom, Ed insists.

change in speech

Gradually, with the development of relationships on the side, the cheater begins to experience stress from the realization of the fact that he can be caught, and experience deep shame for the whole situation in which he finds himself

He unconsciously tries to compensate for this with “half-truths” - he avoids answering direct questions, stops saying the usual phrases about the feelings that each couple develops, and tries to communicate exclusively on neutral or everyday topics.

The “couple” jargon, words and phrases that partners come up with for each other go away, speech becomes more formal and detached.

accusations of treason

The cheater, trying to compensate for his own moral conflict, transfers the blame to the person he is cheating on, aggressively seizing on every reason to suspect him of cheating. This gives him a ghostly hope that he is not the only one committing a moral crime.

feeling of guilt as a reaction to a good attitude towards oneself

Irritation and attempts to reduce help or self-care to a minimum, refusal of gifts and signs of attention. As Edward writes, a cheater does not need additional evidence that he is acting like a pig, and every kind gesture towards him only strengthens his internal conflict.

changes in sex

Inattention, coldness, or, conversely, increased activity, previously unusual behavior in bed, special attention to contraception.

trying to avoid talking about the future

Every conversation about plans for the future increases pressure, as it is unconsciously perceived as a requirement to make a decision here and now. Even if the victim of betrayal is completely unaware of what is happening, plans for the future in such a situation are a rather painful topic for the cheater, since his position is very unstable.

increased nervousness

Talking in your sleep, sleep disturbances, appetite disturbances, irritability, painful reaction to harmless jokes, touchiness, avoidance of mutual friends. And any other manifestations of stress, which everyone who leads a double life experiences in one way or another.

The doctor very carefully examines the behavior of the cheater and explains the signs of betrayal, leaving the reader with a strange feeling - whether the author is protecting liars, or, on the contrary, branding them, you won’t understand. However, in the last part of his work, Edward finally explains that there is no right or wrong, and the only goal of his research is to make the deceived partner understand and feel what the novice cheater is going through.

Do not concentrate on your feelings of resentment, do not dwell on the pain of betrayal, but see your unfaithful partner for who he is - a confused person in a state of stress who has lost his way, is exhausted and, most often, no longer knows how to regain lost intimacy.

In the end, a premonition is a premonition so that you can trust it and take action in advance, writes Ed. After all, when it comes to preserving love and harmony, you should be on guard - the stakes are too high.

True, the doc says nothing about how to forgive and forget betrayal - having understood the unfaithful partner, the victim, it seems, will have to deal with her experiences herself.

However, “forewarned is forearmed.” This old truth has not yet been canceled either, so you can thank the doctor simply for trying to equip him with psychology.