How to tie a girl's arms and legs. What to use for tying up, tying up in sex as a sexual game
An unreal brunette in a short black dress, currently barely covering her waist, wriggles in a suspension from the ceiling, expertly tied with ropes. Knots and weaves lie spectacularly on her extremely curved body, outlining her shoulders, chest, buttocks. Her hands are tied behind her back, her legs are stretched in a vertical split: the right one is tied under the knee and fixed raised up, the left one is free. In ordinary life, if she is not a gymnast or a ballerina, it is impossible for a woman to take such an open and unprotected pose. Voluntary witnesses to this erotic scene, including me, are trying to grasp what the girl is feeling - pain, pleasure, fear, anticipating an orgasm? But her head is bowed down, her hair hides her emotions.
The silent pause lasts no more than ten seconds. The tension in the room is so powerful that the furniture seems to begin to crack. Only the one who tied her has the right to approach the girl. He, according to the rules of the game (I’ll call this action that way for now), bears full responsibility for it and decides what to do next. To stop and turn this sensual performance into a prelude to sex or to tighten the ropes even tighter - and then it will hurt her, exactly as much as she will allow - the tied party has the right to a safe word, and, as it turns out, it is desirable for it to be as sobering as possible (for example, “fishermen!”).
Alec Zander (aka Alexander Sokolov) - one of the best shibari masters in the CIS - and his model Tatyana create something beyond human capabilities with the help of rope. The most complex harnesses, braces, suspensions... If you don’t delve into what kind of stress Tatyana is experiencing at this moment, you can enjoy the spectacle, it’s cooler than a Cirque du Soleil performance. I wonder how I would feel if I allowed myself to be tied up in such a position? Don't know. Perhaps excitement. Perhaps aggression - if you do not make allowances for the show effect and look at what is happening objectively, Tanya resembles a doe caught in a trap.
Another second, Alec brushes her hair away from Tatiana's face, lifts her head, kisses her lips, and then slowly runs his hand between her slender legs. Tatyana smiles, lets out a deep groan and looks, it seems, through him, without blinking. In her eyes I read passion, pain, and pleasure. Later they will explain to me that the girl was in a state of “subspace” - the so-called light trance caused by painful sensations (from the pressure of the rope), during which brain activity is inhibited, a person loses the sense of time, and a large amount of endorphins is released into the blood. Many connoisseurs of thrills who have been practicing shibari for a long time and skillfully are looking for this very state - as an alternative to orgasm.
Once in the Middle East, in a private club, I had the opportunity to watch how the female of the world’s largest spider, Theraphosa blondi, was hunting (unfortunately, in captivity), capable of easily swallowing a medium-sized bird. So, the scope of her limbs at the moment of attack is chilling, but at the same time hypnotizing, and in terms of emotions the scene is very similar to this one. A doe caught in a trap? No, perhaps Tanya is Blonde's Terafosa.
With these thoughts, I pack my things and leave home from the club, where I spent about six hours learning the technique of tying and knots. It is not customary to start reports from the end, but in the case of shibari, you can: in this art, many things are interconnected that are not as obvious as it seems.
A woman with a rope does not need affection
Actually, I never seriously planned to get into bondage. But recently, while discussing another topic for an essay, and at the same time the just-released sequel “50 Shades Darker” (the continuation of the film “50 Shades of Grey”), I told sexologist Ekaterina Lyubimova about the statistics that she discovered from her colleagues at Marie Claire Australia. According to surveys, 70 percent of Australian women dream of being tied up during sex.
“This doesn’t surprise me,” Katya supported the topic. – In my trainings for many years, I heard from almost every second girl that she would like to feel her partner’s dominance over her. The fantasy of being immobilized is a woman's dream of submission. A well-fixed woman does not need foreplay, and at the same time, her defenselessness excites a man sometimes more than any foreplay.”
It sounded convincing. A day later, I stood on the threshold of an intimate Moscow shibari club, closed from outsiders, designed for no more than twenty people. Spacious halls (there are several of them), people talking in low voices, soft mats on the floor and light twilight - the atmosphere inside reminded me of an elite island spa, with the difference that this space is full of wooden pillars and strong frames under the ceiling, on which dozens of rings with carabiners. Not a single Google or Yandex map has officially indicated that in this yellow brick house, built at the beginning of the last century, people passionate about the philosophy of Japanese bondage gather from time to time. Judging by the appearance and the cars parked at the entrance (including those with drivers), everyone who comes here in ordinary life can manage a large international company.
There are no special conditions for entering the club. Alec Zander turned out to be a famous “knitting teacher” - at least thirteen years ago, he wrote the first shibari manual in Russian (it is also the only one so far). “Come alone,” he told me over the phone. – To learn shibari techniques, a partner is not required; your own body will be enough. Dress? Any comfortable one. If you want aesthetics, wear a loose skirt. However, we don’t even faint from lack of clothes.”
Be careful, you may get burned
In a cashmere turtleneck and jeans, I take a comfortable observer position. The first part of the training is a theoretical case. “When you compare examples of shibari and European bondage, you get the feeling that the European was in a hurry somewhere,” explains Zander (by the way, shibari in Japanese means “to bind, tie”). – The rope is wound somehow, everything looks like it was done while running between the office and the gym. The Japanese are in no hurry. He is always interested in how exactly he does this or that thing. It doesn’t matter whether you tie a person up to perform certain actions on him or to straighten his posture, in shibari you do it deliberately.”
The second feature of the Japanese technique is that bondage is highly eroticized. The bindings are always done in such a way as to emphasize the sexuality of the model, perhaps to outline her genitals, to stick out her chest. Many people mistakenly consider shibari to be an ancient samurai art. I also heard something about this. But I find out that the art of Japanese martial tying is called hojo-jutsu, and shibari only borrowed some techniques from there. In relationships with a partner, the shibari master exists within the framework of the “parent-child” relationship, and the “parent” is certainly kind.
The main tool in shibari is a twisted rope made of natural material (linen or jute). Although you can work with what is convenient and what knots can provide: ropes, laces, bandages, scarves, silk ribbons. The advantages of natural material are undeniable - any interweaving of such a rope is in itself a knot that holds well. In addition, natural rope is more pleasant to the body (try quickly pulling a long synthetic cord through a clenched fist and feel how it burns). The most common rope diameter is 6–8 mm. This is a compromise between the convenience of the shibari master and his partner: the thinner the rope, the more painful the model, the thicker it is, the more difficult it is for the fingers of the binder.
Brings you closer together than sex
The first and main “straight knot” (the most reliable, and most importantly - if you pull the rope in the right direction, it can be easily untied) I was asked to tie on my own leg. Indeed, everything is not so difficult if you catch the direction, but it doesn’t work out the first time. “You have a stupid knot - it can’t withstand the load, so it’s considered dangerous,” explains Zander and in three minutes, I didn’t even have time to notice, he deftly and confidently ties my legs in several circles.
“Gotcha!” Now they’ll show you what shibari in suspension is,” my neighbor, an experienced businesswoman from Yekaterinburg, is having fun. We met Svetlana a couple of minutes before the start of classes. She managed to tell that she came to the club for new knowledge - her husband didn’t mind, but stayed at home.
“Shibari in suspension is aerobatics,” Svetlana says now seriously. – But sensible beginners do not dare to practice - it is very easy to injure a partner. From a fall due to an ineptly fixed rope to an injury to the radial nerve of the arm (in this case, the hand may be paralyzed for several months). My husband and I decided to try it for the first time only after a year of training.”
While Zander teaches us how to tie loops, intercept them with a straight knot, tie the knee, chest, hips and, most importantly, tie our hands correctly (one of the important rules of shibari: while a person’s hands are free, the session has not begun), Sveta tells me how tied the woman is truly free. Does this mean that she is freed from complexes, stops thinking about her figure with its extra folds, real and imaginary shortcomings? Quite. Indeed, from the point of view of Japanese aesthetics, there is no standard of beauty - a man who knits a woman’s body looks at the picture as a whole, he does not see flaws.
“But, most importantly, shibari gives me complete freedom - I disconnect from problems - and unconditional trust in my husband: at this moment I delegate to him all responsibility for myself,” Sveta answers my question. After the session, when everything went well, she said, she felt great respect for her husband. She realizes that it was not in vain that she chose him as her husband.
“Couples where the woman is the leader are often attracted to the theme of shibari. She earns more or is initially higher in social status. For example, I have been supporting my family for ten years. I am grateful to my husband for being near me. We went through three crises, during each of them we filed for divorce - we couldn’t understand where the passion in our bedroom had disappeared. And we found her."
An interesting detail: the husband does not allow other men to tie Svetlana up. “You have to understand: rope brings partners closer together, more than sex. A person who successfully connects you at least once becomes family,” she explains, not without pleasure.
Our conversation arouses Olga’s interest. She came to the training with her husband, and while he carefully studies the diagram of the next harness, in which a woman can be fixed in the most open position, I learn a lot of interesting things about him. Olga and Victor tried shibari a couple of years ago, starting with the simplest poses: arms immobilized behind the back, ankles fixed at the shin... At some point, the husband got carried away, tying Olga from head to toe. “There was a sea of aesthetics, a sea of eroticism,” she admits. “Under the pressure of the ropes, my skin went numb, it seemed that I was losing sensitivity “outside” and gaining it “inside.” Afterwards we had the best sex of our lives - I experienced a very vivid orgasm.”
"Congratulations! – Zander claps his hands loudly several times. “It’s impossible to teach more for the first time, and there’s no need to.” Having practiced your skills to the point of automatism, you can easily repeat any harness and pose, fortunately there are many of them on the Internet. You need to knit quickly and confidently. And remember about safety precautions."
Some couples came here not for the basics, but for the practice of “suspension.” And while they are fascinated by the process, I am trying to understand whether the rope is capable of walking over my skin, replacing a set of foreplay? Do I want to come here not alone? I don’t know... I see the faces of my new acquaintances: they have found and are practicing quite bold sex therapy - shibari brings them together.
Thoughts are confused, and attention is attracted by a curious family tandem - she is a blue-eyed brunette, a beauty of about thirty-five, he looks like Steve Jobs - reserved, smart and wearing glasses. The wife, lying on her back, laughs loudly: her husband tied her hands and tied her right leg with a rope, fixing her in a suspension. “Darling, what’s next?” - the girl is having fun.
“Laughter reveals in this woman a frivolous attitude towards her husband,” Christina, a shibari master and psychologist by training, explains to me in a whisper. “She clearly doesn’t mind being tied up by someone more brutal, like Alec.” This couple has a long way to go..."
Hearing laughter, Zander approaches the openly flirting woman, silently removes the rope from the wall, gathers her hair into a ponytail, wraps it in a knot and fixes her head by the ponytail in a suspension. "Wow!" - the “victim” manages to exhale, closes his eyes and finally stops laughing, giving his husband freedom to improvise.
Will you be untied? Sure?
“Of course, shibari can be used as a prelude to sex - with enough imagination, you can use anything. But the essence will only be told by something that cannot be avoided,” Zander sneers. – Is it possible to do shibari without sex? Can. Without caresses? Can. It’s possible without beauty, but it’s also possible without sensuality. You can't do without a rope. Without one person making another helpless.” “If you want an easy sexual game with ropes, if your partner ties you up, then he will untie you when you’ve had enough of it,” he loudly asks the audience, “right? Will he untie? Are you sure? When women who are tired from work, bossy men, and bored couples come to me, I accept them and tie them to what they want - that’s my job. But I practice shibari with those who are tired of masks and insincerity. With those who are eager to give."
I understand what Alec is saying. But I don’t want to develop this topic. I'm uninterested and uncomfortable. Playing with pain is anti-sex for me. But the aesthetics and beauty of shibari headbands haunt me. The foreplay of tied hands (handcuffs - no; tape, scarf or rope - yes) and a silk blindfold excites the mind, perhaps I’m ready to try. In homeopathic doses. And, of course, now in my collection of stories there is a bestseller that can hold the attention of others for as long as necessary. Showing how to tie a simple knot on laces, I sincerely enjoy the understanding that each time I seem to “bind” my interlocutor with stories about shibari. In polite society one does not talk about the weather, especially when there is a reason to discuss something more interesting.
Women's opinion
Sex coach Ekaterina Lyubimova: Contemplation of a tied woman prolongs potency
Women's sexual fantasy of bondage is a common reality. In ancient times, a woman needed an alpha male - a cruel warrior, a real predator, hunter, enslaver. The more enemies he could kill, the more likely it seemed that his offspring and his woman would be safe. Essentially, the scarier and more merciless a man was, the more comfortable a woman was with him. There was no talk about any subtle feelings. Hundreds of centuries have passed, but this instinct has not disappeared anywhere. Only in the modern world, a man does not need to kill a mammoth, and we marry quite decent and, most importantly, kind guys. However, instinct tells me: show me your strength, let me feel that you are an animal, that you can be dangerous. When a woman is tied up, due to the feeling of helplessness, any touch from her partner is perceived as a special act of power and becomes additional sexual stimulation. The man appears to be a sexually stimulating stranger.
The sensations become even more intense if she is wearing a mask or is blindfolded. The process of deprivation increases the sensations of the skin and heightens sensitivity to the situation itself.
In classic shibari, ropes are tied in such a way as to stimulate the nipples, clitoris, vestibule of the vagina, and groin areas of the woman. It really is the art of arousal. For example, there are positions in which it is convenient for a woman to tease and tickle the clitoris, and then penetrate her partner vaginally, brought to the point of exhaustion. In this case, the position guarantees the opportunity to immediately move on to oral sex. In classical shibari, it is believed that even the simple contemplation of a tied woman prolongs male potency for many years.
Position “Female Boar”
The man ties his partner's arms and legs separately. The woman lies on her back and places her wrists as close to her ankles as possible. A man ties his ankle and wrist together. The woman finds herself in a fixed position with her legs spread. From the supine position, a man can turn a woman over into “doggy style.”
Position "Frog"
This is a pose in which the ankles are tied to the thighs in such a way that the woman assumes a position similar to the crouching frog pose. The model's legs are spread as far apart as possible. The wrists are tied behind the back. A man ties a woman's legs. If in this position the partner puts the model on her back, this will provide him with the deepest penetration. A man can also easily start with irrumation by taking the woman by the head.
History of Shibari
The artist Seiu Ito is considered the patriarch of the Japanese bondage method. At the beginning of the 20th century, he actively painted and photographed “punished women” (in the Japanese interpretation, a bound woman is a punished woman), including his wife-model, for which he earned fame and a reputation as a subtle esthete in his homeland.
The Second World War made adjustments: for a long time the Japanese had no time for photographs and ropes. The period of erotic renaissance began in the 60s and 70s, it is associated with the work of the shibari master (or kinbaku, which is the same thing) Siege of Eikichi - he developed techniques, gave lessons and left behind many artifacts in the form of photos and videos, which were successful in Europe and Russia.
The first thing to do is discuss with your partner how ready he is for the experiment. Agree on which of you will be the liaison and which will act as the model. Secondly, you should not experience pain while playing. If you feel that your tied hands are becoming very numb and numb, it is better to stop (by the way, remember about softer accessories for bondage). An important component is a mask or tape over the eyes.
Photo: Getty Images, press service archives
Illustrations: lensberr
Obtain the consent of the person you intend to contact. It is illegal to tie someone up without permission. It is important to realize that the tied person will be uncomfortable for quite a long period of time. Never keep a person tied up for more than an hour and never leave him alone unattended.
- Periodically check that the person is breathing freely and is comfortable, especially if you are gagging or using other restraint equipment. Safety comes first.
Tie the person's hands behind his back. Gently take the person's arms and place them behind their back. Palms should be facing each other. Take a rope and wrap it around your wrist several times. Tighten the rope by pulling it between your hands.
Gently tie the person's elbows together. Tie the person's hands at the point just above the elbows, bringing them as close as possible but tight enough to prevent the rope from slipping. It's up to you how tightly to wrap the rope. You can also limit yourself to just your wrists.
- At this stage, some people choose to additionally tie their arms to the waist, although this is not necessary for the basic method. If you want, you can wrap the rope around the waist/stomach like a belt and pull the arms down so the person can't move them up or down, then tie the ropes together with a knot.
Place the person on the floor. Let him be comfortable and his breathing should not be difficult when you lay him on his stomach. Again, periodically check in to make sure the person you've connected is completely comfortable.
Tie the person's legs at the ankles. Use the same method you used to tie your hands. Pass the rope between your ankles and wrap each one individually, then tie them tightly together.
- For best results, remove the person's socks and shoes. If you do this you will have the distinct advantage that you will be able to tie the toes, the rope will be wrapped around bare skin rather than clothing so it won't slip and you will have an overall easier time tying the person up.
Use another rope to tie your ankles and wrists together behind your back. To complete this process, first pass the rope through the ankle rope and the wrist rope, connecting them together. In this case, the ankles will need to be raised by bending the person's knees.
- If you want, you can additionally link the person. Some people also prefer to tie their elbows to their feet, tying the rope around their toes (or around any other part of the body, depending on your preference). If you wish, you can experiment with different nodes and directions.
From all the variety of sea knots, I chose several knots that are quite simple and convenient for use in the practice of erotic bondage.
Any of the knots will only become a useful tool in your hands when you are able to tie it from memory, literally with your eyes closed, quickly and clearly, in full compliance with the pattern. If you don’t remember exactly how to properly tie a particular knot, and only imagine it in general terms, then it’s better not to tie such a knot at all.
To learn how to tie knots, you need a little patience and a couple of meters of soft (but not loose) rope. It is best to use the same rope that you will use in bondage action. I recommend 6mm twisted jute rope for this. The most convenient way to learn to tie knots is to lay the rope on some horizontal surface - a table, a nearby chair, or the floor.
Learn to tie knots first with a single rope, then repeat the same knots with a rope folded in half (a rope folded in half is most convenient for bondage practice). Pay special attention so that the double rope in the knots does not twist, but lies flat, otherwise the knot will turn out to be unreliable, bulky, and ugly in appearance.
Knowing a knot and being able to quickly tie it are two different things. Tying knots is an individual matter; different people knit the same knot in different ways. For example, a straight knot can be tied in three ways and untied in two ways. It doesn’t matter how this or that knot was tied, the main thing is the result: the knot is tied quickly and correctly.
Attention! All recommendations given here apply only to natural (jute, hemp, cotton, linen, sisal and the like) ropes. Synthetic ropes, rap cords, etc. behave slightly differently, and many of the nodes shown on them are unreliable.
Terms and Definitions.
. root end - the end of the cable, fixed motionless or not used when tying a knot; opposite to the running end;. running end - the loose free end of the cable, which begins movement when tying a knot;
. loop (open) - the running (or main) end of the cable, bent twice so that it does not intersect with itself;
. peg (closed loop) - a loop made by the running or root end of the cable so that the cable crosses itself;
. half knot - a single overlap of two different ends of the same cable or two ends of different cables. This is the first half of the straight or woman's knot;
. run-out - wrapping a cable around an object (a log, a pole, another cable, a ring, an eye, a bracket, a hook, etc.), made in such a way that both ends of the cable do not intersect;
. slag - a full turn (360 degrees) of the rope around any object (log, pole, other cable, ring, eye, bracket, hook, etc.), made so that after this the end of the rope is directed in the opposite direction;
. half bayonet - carrying a cable around an object (a log, a pole, another cable, a ring, an eye, a bracket, a hook, etc.) followed by the cable crossing its end at a right angle, without passing it into the resulting closed loop (not to be confused with the name of the knot " simple half bayonet").
A few words about the strength of the knots.
Knots, as a rule, are weaker than tightening loops, which, in turn, are weaker than bayonets. For example, the strength of a clew knot is 50%, a gazebo knot is 60%, and a noose with a hose is 75-80% of the strength of a rope without a knot. It should be remembered that the break of the rope depends on the radius of the curve along which the smallest loop of the knot is tied. However, in practice, using the 6-8 mm jute rope I recommend, you are unlikely to encounter a strength problem.
Japanese art of bondage
Sibari((Japanese: 縛る shibaru) - bind, tie; seize, arrest. (Japanese: 縛り sibari) - verbal noun) is the Japanese art of aesthetic bondage. In practice, ropes are mainly used. Distinctive features are the increased complexity and aesthetics of the harnesses. (Wikipedia)
This is a type of artistic creativity, the essence of which is to create compositions from the human body and ropes. There are, for example, artists - they work with canvas, paints, etc. There are sculptors, their materials are marble, granite, clay, and so on. There are people who do body art. These people use paints for their creations, but instead of canvas, they use the human body. And people who practice shibari use the body and ropes.
IN first of all, it's beautiful. IN secondly, for the person being connected, it is a healing effect: this includes a massage, the removal of salts from the joints, and a general increase in mood and performance. IN thirdly, there is a psychotherapeutic effect. IN fourth, elements of shibari help many people diversify their sex life.
There are photographers and photo artists who use shibari elements in their works. There are people who are only interested in the sexual aspect.
Story.
It's obvious that shibari, as an erotic art, grew out of the hojojutsu system - the martial art of capturing a defeated enemy, criminals and prisoners. The immobilization technique was developed in such a way that the captive could not move from his place or move his limbs without causing himself a painful effect - a kind of feedback in the body-rope system. This could be either strangulation or impact on the nerve endings or joints of the captive. A prisoner, for example, could walk, but could not use a weapon, or could sit, but was not able to move independently.
Almost all oriental medicine is based on influencing active points of the body. There is also a purely military application of medical knowledge. The technique made it possible to shackle a person with the simplest material available in the field - a rope, cord or belt.
Since in the heat of battle it was necessary to quickly “fix” the enemy, hojojutsu was faced with three tasks: applying the rope should be simple in execution and fast in speed; ensuring a minimum of mobility or complete immobilization of the enemy; preserving the life of a defeated person in order to deliver him to his master.
Like any school of martial art, hojojutsu had different directions and styles. Each master had his own special distinctive methods of knitting knots, a pattern of applying turns to the body, the position of the limbs during fixation, by which he could be identified, and also understand who the tied one was: a nobleman, a warrior, a peasant or a robber.
Japanese culture practically does not know buttons, and therefore all national clothing for both men and women is based on belts and cords. It can be said that every Japanese person engages in self-bonding. Particularly indicative in this regard is the obi - a woman's belt on a kimono, tied in a fancy knot. There is a legend that an obi can be tied in a thousand ways. The shape of the "bow" of the obi varies depending on the status of the lady and her social position. The obi can be casual, festive or ceremonial. The process of tying the obi itself constitutes a whole ritual.
Shibari is precisely an art. Here the layout of the fixation picture comes to the fore - posture, position of the arms, legs, head. Great energy is hidden in the static forms of shibari paintings. The rope forms the backbone of the picture - it gives rigidity to the structure and at the same time emphasizes that its presence here is purely symbolic.
Shibari can be compared to ikebana - creating a flower arrangement from a minimum of elements. In addition, it is ikebana that can serve as an alternative form of shibari, when it is necessary to combine the best aspects of the model in one, cutting off secondary and unnecessary parts of the overall surroundings, focusing attention on the main motive of the composition. The process of creating a binding in shibari also prompts comparison with ikebana - excess stems and leaves are torn off, cut off - arms or legs are “wrung” or brought into a certain position, the main line of the flower arrangement is formed - the model’s body is fixed or placed in a certain position using ropes or harnesses, the details of the composition are worked out, the weaves of the rope are assembled into a pattern, the knots focus the attention of not only the observer, but also the model herself.
It is believed that the nodes affect certain points of the body (erogenous, biologically active). The knot not only connects two pieces of rope, but also creates a rhythm in the binding pattern. Pull the rope into a straight line - a straight line, what's wrong with it? Roll it up, tie a couple of knots, even simple ones, and your gaze will slide along the bends of the rope, trying to “squeeze” through the knots and weaves. The observer’s gaze seems to “get stuck” and drown in the harness. Why not meditation in miniature? From the simple, the complex is created, and with minimal costs. A knot is a puzzle that you want to solve. And a beautiful knot is a beautiful puzzle. The number and variety of knots creates a certain atmosphere in the perception of a shibari picture, but everything should be in moderation.
If carefully followed safety rules and recommendations set out in this section, shibari and health for the person being tied are, one might say, twin brothers. While the harness is being applied to the body, as well as while you are in it, the turns of the rope act like the hands of a massage therapist. As a result, blood and lymph flow in the skin and muscles is activated, and waste products are more intensively removed from the cells. The brain, which receives an incredible number of different signals from receptors in the skin, muscles and joints, processes sensations that modern urban people have missed since adolescence. The feeling after removing the ropes is like after a good dose of physical exercise.
With systematic exercise, the person being tied increases joint mobility, skin elasticity, and muscle elasticity. Drowsiness, irritability and gloominess inherent in a tired psyche pass and give way to cheerfulness and determination.
The life-giving power of correctly performed harnesses is evidenced by the fact that after they were performed on a deeply hungover young man, his health improved, and the symptoms of withdrawal syndrome disappeared (there are several witnesses)! ;)
Don’t forget about safety - and your health will improve and delight you!
The safest and most ethical photos.
Distinctive features
Sibari as a type of bondage is characterized by the following distinctive features:
Increased aesthetics of the harnesses, focusing on visual perception. When developing and performing bindings, special attention is paid to the anatomical structure of the bonded object. In the vast majority of cases, non-painful binding is used. Shibari mainly uses ropes. In most cases, shibari bindings are highly complex, require special skills from the performer and take a lot of time to complete. A number of harnesses (especially hanging) require the performer to be extremely careful and pay attention to the partner. Some shibari strapping karada- torso harness in the form of a mesh. shinju- a chest harness that resembles a rope bra.
Hands behind back and knuckles
To properly tie your hands behind your back, you should take into account and use some features of human anatomy. In particular, the shape of the spine and the position of the arm joints relative to it.
 As is known from anatomy, the human spine is not straight, but has several curves, as can be seen from the following photograph: Let me clarify that what is visible is not the direct curves of the spine, but the shape of the body that is inherent in a person due to these curves. It is noticeable that in the chest area the spine bends outward towards the back, and in the lumbar area it bends towards the abdomen. This photo also shows that with this position of the hands, the elbow joint is exactly at the level of the lumbar curve. And one more noticeable important thing is that the shoulder joint and the area of the spine in the area of the lumbar curve are almost on the same vertical. |
Two more (extreme) positions of the hands behind the back are possible. The first is when the elbows are bent as much as possible and the palms are in the area of the shoulder blades. Second, the elbows are straight, the palms are at the level of the buttocks. This is what it looks like:
These positions already create a load on the elbow and shoulder joints; when performing harnesses, a larger number of fixing turns is required. In addition, not all people are able to place their hands in this way; an unfamiliar person may experience pain. On such people it is not worth performing harnesses with these hand positions. And if you still want to, first do gymnastics for a few weeks.
All other symmetrical positions of the hands behind the back represent intermediate stages between these two. Somewhere in between the two lies the most anatomically preferred position. Positions for binding are selected taking into account the conditions of the joints - the less mobile and trained they are, the smaller the deviation from the average intermediate position is allowed.
Hand tying
There are several ways to tie your hands together in front of your body; the main ones can be easily found using the links in the “What can be found on the Internet” part of this section. I'll suggest one more. Strictly speaking, this method is not authentic, but rather the use of the right node for the right purpose and under the right conditions.
The knot on which this method is based is called the “stirrup”. Its choice is due to the fact that, firstly, it is easy to tie (even with one hand), and secondly, in one position of the ropes it is non-tightening (which is fundamentally important), and in another it can be quickly adjusted to the desired diameter and tension. The knot is widely used in mountaineering to secure ropes and create support loops - and climbers do not use unreliable and untested knots.
The next two pictures show the canonical patterns for tying a stirrup on a single rope. With two hands:
And with one hand:
If the ropes coming from the loop of this knot run parallel to each other, then the loop does not tighten under load. If these ropes are pulled apart in different directions, you can adjust the size of the loop.
After the tension is adjusted, it is necessary to secure the knot by making several special simple knots around the long one with the short free end:
All is ready.
There are always two ways to check the absence of irregularities in any freshly made harness not under load. Firstly, it must look beautiful. If it looks ugly, it means it was made incorrectly. The point here is not about aesthetics and a sense of beauty. An unsightly harness has rope overlaps, turns of different tensions, and incorrectly tied knots. All this can lead to improper distribution of the load on the partner's body - and this leads to injury. Secondly, it should not cause unpleasant or painful sensations to the partner (for example, be pulled too tight). Here, I believe, no comments are required.
“The pink corset highlights my tiny waist and full hips. The white cups protrude attractively. I am dressed in amazing clothes... She leads me into the yard, to the tree where I will be tied and hung. Her husband takes his time taking photographs. I am a captive slave, distinguished by her beauty. I am an untouched virgin who must be taken by force. Everything between my legs was shaking. My ribs and muscles stretched between heaven and earth, between hell and heaven.”
Veronica Vera.
Description of her initiation into bondage play.
Washington, DC.
IN Eronica testified before the Meese Pornography Commission in defense of sexual bondage. A dark-haired beauty, she was somewhat similar to the iconic fifties “put queen” Bettie Page, whose photographs were viewed from many walls; before that, she was called by the Kifover Commission to investigate pornography cases. Ironically (and all the more impressive), underground sadomasochistic groups flourished in the District of Columbia, the main location of the “inquisitors”.
The closed society "Black Rose" supposedly includes almost half of the various government officials.
According to Michael, he finally understood why women get aroused by bondage after reading Vera's story, published in a sex magazine he purchased from a store in Times Square.
- Women like submissiveness, Michael assures me. - They love to be tied up because it deprives them of responsibility and allows them to feel themselves in that subordinate role that suits their nature. I like women. I'm a true romantic, the guy who always brings a single red rose to a date.“,” he says, tapping his index finger on a red bud on a long stalk, surrounded by a “web” and sealed in plastic that makes one think of a condom.
The flower lies between us on the table, next to my recorder, at Kramer's Books and Afterwards Cafe in Washington. Did he bring this rose as a visual aid for the interview? Or does he think that this second meeting of ours will end with him introducing me “up close and personal” to his favorite sex game of “tie and tease”?
Beads of sweat tremble on his eyebrows. It's the eighth day it's been nearly 40 degrees in D.C., and he's sweating slightly as he walks half a block from the subway station. He smiles. At the first meeting we talked about the history of his personal and sexual life, with the exception of bondage. His mother gave birth to him at sixteen and died in a car accident three years later. He was raised by his grandmother and two aunts. He never knew his father. Perhaps, as an adult, he takes pleasure in tying up women, having experienced “matriarchy” as a child? He says he was never tied up. Michael doesn't remember if he played "cowboys and Indians", although, of course, he should have; in those days, there were many half-hours about cowboys on Saturday mornings: “The Lonesome Tramp,” “Sky King,” and others.
I ask the waitress to bring our order - cappuccino and ice. Michael glances meaningfully from the rose to my wrists, eventually looking into my eyes.
- In your thoughts, - I tell him.
- Only in fantasies, he corrects. - In my fantasies. You know that movie that women love (I'm sure you do too: I think you're that type), Tie Me Up, which (you've read enough psychology books to know) is the ultimate female rape fantasy . A man kidnaps her, ties her to a bed and makes love to her like no one before him. When she accidentally frees herself, she ties herself back. It's clear?
Who won't understand this? It doesn't take a film critic to explain that this is a film about a "sleeping beauty" who meets the rapist of her dreams.
- Tell me the first time you tied up a woman, - I ask, turning on the recorder.
Binding is the erotic restraint of freedom, the sensual experience of safe captivity, it is the beginning of all discussions of sadomasochism (although some sadists find rope bondage too boring, and some masochists can tolerate pain but not any restraint). Bound women were depicted in drawings that have come down to us from time immemorial, from ancient Japan and China. And in modern Japan, bondage traditions flourish. It's understandable that some men find the sight of a helpless, tied-up woman arousing, but what does a woman (or man) who craves bondage get out of such an experience?
The bonds grip you roughly, preventing you from breathing. They change the way we perceive the world; with prolonged acts of tying, they seem to become tighter and tighter, although they do not physically become tighter. Even comfortable, gentle bondage causes stress to the body. Classic pose "slaves"- arms above your head - impressive in photographs, but in reality you cannot stay in it for long. Pose "spread eagle" lying on the bed can lead to muscle cramps. Tying is not as easy as it seems.
Although the bonds may be nothing more than thin silk scarves, they take you back to the game of childhood, when the Indians tied the cowboy to a chair, or when you sat holding your breath in a darkened movie theater while the hero or heroine was tied to a larger chair by the bad guys; they return you to a situation of safe captivity, where you have no influence on what is happening. Linking is the starting point. A bound person gives up power of his own free will.
For many couples, tying up is also the endgame because they never take play beyond the usual "tie and tease" routine, in which control of the situation is given to the partner, who becomes responsible for making sure everyone has fun. I myself several times tied my partner to the headboard with his tie or a silk belt from my robe and brought him to orgasm orally; in these cases I felt like a person preparing a surprise party, and not like a “ruler”.
Once I tied my partner’s wrists and ankles together and blindfolded him with another scarf. Then I put on a feathered Mardi Gras mask and licked his body from his nipples to his groin, the feathers following the path of my tongue. He could try to free himself, but why would he want to? I was also tied up and brought to many orgasms, sometimes the man would remove his tongue from me just when the orgasm was about to begin, and make me wait, maybe a few seconds, and then slowly tilt his face towards me again. What we were practicing was an ancient technique of enhancing orgasm through a prolonged process of arousal, a game that almost every sexually uninhibited person has tried at least once. But this erotic change of power is nonetheless symbolic.
One of my friends says:
- I was dealing with a man who liked to handcuff me to the bed. I allowed him to do this because he was cunnilingus the entire time I was chained up. One night he went to the bathroom and left the bedroom door open; I was seen by his roommate passing by. I was so embarrassed that I later broke up with him.
Here's what another says:
- We tried these games in college. One day we got drunk and my boyfriend dropped the key to the handcuffs behind the heating grill. We were caught by my roommate, who was also my cousin. I had to call campus security. Since then I've played bondage, but never with handcuffs. Only with products that can be cut with scissors.
Like everyone who engages in this mild form of "restraint" (some call it "love bondage"), neither the friends described above nor I have any desire to engage in "hard" bondage, its extreme forms, sometimes accompanied by spanking, spanking or other methods of "punishment".
Michael is now forty years old and has been divorced twice because his wives stopped arousing him, gaining weight during pregnancy and then failing to lose it. He is constantly in search of love that matches his “trademark” - rose buds, in search of perfection. He earns about $75,000 a year as a “highly qualified specialist.” I will limit myself to this vague description of his work at Michael's request so that he may not be recognized. A description of his appearance would hardly help to recognize him among the thousands of men of his age group living within the Washington metropolitan area: he is of average height and build. Neatly trimmed brown hair, graying at the temples, blue eyes, a well-groomed beard interspersed with red and gray hair. He has shoes on his bare feet and is dressed in faded and frayed denim shorts and a black T-shirt with the sleeves rolled up.
I found Michael through an ad in a sadomasochistic publication. “I’m collecting material for a book, looking for people willing to give interviews, anonymity is guaranteed.” In addition to Michael, fourteen people responded, eight of them women.
- I'm not a fan of serious bondage., he explained over the phone. - I'm not a fan of "punishments". No Japanese rope tricks. I can do this, I can quit. I do this for women. Have you ever read romance novels? They like it when you overcome their resistance. I'm an erotic game player. Tying is just a game.
According to the respected professional journal Archives of Sexual Behavior, when asked to describe their sadomasochistic interests, women are much more likely than men to name mild spanking, oral sex, masturbation, erotic lingerie, and light bondage. Men prefer master-slave relationships, humiliation, anal sex and transvestism. Both sexes are equally inclined towards rubber and leather.
"Bondage and Punishment" is what the Scene people call the game Michael plays.
A Bondage and Punishment enthusiast, according to their definition, is a person who incorporates elements of Bondage and Punishment into erotic play. If you've ever held your partner's wrists together above his or her head, then you've indulged in some light Bondage and Punishment. “Master” or “master” is the one who imposes restrictions, “slave” or “subordinate” is the one who experiences them. Having achieved being tied, a person can no longer resist or control pleasure and relieves himself of responsibility for sex and a guilt complex. For some, being tied up is enough to experience spontaneous orgasm. And for others, orgasm is not the main thing at all: fans of bondage believe that there are more acute experiences.
- First time I tied up a woman, says Michael, it started with me holding her arms above her head. She was very aggressive - real fire! I don’t know why I grabbed her like that, but it made her terribly inflamed. And that made me horny too.
While he was talking, I remembered one of my former lovers, a Puerto Rican, who loved to wring my hands over my head, whispering words of love in Spanish into my ear, and at the same time rub the head of his penis against my clitoris. I shudder at the memory. That man was very hot, but I definitely remained cold from the fact that he dominated me.
- We did this several times, continues Michael. - Then I asked her if I could use a silk scarf to tie her wrists to the bed, and she agreed. She did it as if only to please me, but that was not the case. She herself wanted it that way. I carefully watched her reaction - when I held or tied her, she always reacted more violently.
I look at Michael's rose. The thorn punctured a tiny hole in the plastic packaging. Now the flower is no longer hermetically sealed.
- From that moment on, my fascination with bondage began to slowly develop“,” he says, following my gaze and lightly touching the thorn with his index finger. - I didn't do that with my next woman because she didn't like having her hands held. Then I started an affair with one little girl who was really passionate and wanted to experience all sorts of “stuff”. She asked me to spank her, but I didn't really want to, so I said I would tie her up. It happened at her home. She opened the drawer of the dresser that stood next to the bed. There she was found to have police handcuffs, leather wrist and ankle straps, several silk cords of varying lengths, a red satin blindfold and a ball gag. The ball resembled one of those rough rubber toys that are thrown to dogs to train them. He cooled me down somewhat. I asked her to allow me to tie a scarf over her mouth.
But although she had a lot of toys, in essence, she wanted one thing: to be crucified on a bed, blindfolded, and then sucked and fucked with all her might. Only in this scenario. It seemed to her that everything was happening differently every time due to the fact that she didn’t know whether I wanted to get between her legs with my tongue or my dick.
Did he think about the reason why this “spunky babe”, a pretty administrator of a cosmetics company, wants to be crucified and deprived of the ability to see during sex? No. “She never complained about mistreatment. Her father was a clergyman or something like that, there’s nothing dirty about her background.”
Is he tired of the limited erotic scenario?
- No no. I lost interest in her for a variety of reasons. She had no charm. If you want to get to know a woman, you discover that she is not at all what you imagined her to be. It doesn't matter whether she's into bondage or not. It's not a matter of "I'm tired of all this because she wants to get fucked the same way every time." I could have continued with her further, but there was no use for my abilities there.
After her, I met women who were either not interested in bondage, or they came to it gradually. Of course, I added binding to my experiments with them. And the tighter I tied them, the stronger their sexual reaction was.
One woman taught me how to tie breasts. You bring the rope under the base of your breasts and wrap it around your body and over your shoulders, creating the effect of an open bra. After this, you tie the woman’s waist with a rope. Thus, the breasts appear larger and the waist appears thinner. I can understand why this woman loves this type of bondage. She never looks better than after this procedure - so feminine.
Who were these women?
- Teacher. Nurse. Business women. The one who taught me how to tie my breasts had her own information company, but not here, not in DC. Yes, she informs perfectly! In fact, only the women who are most into bondage can tell me exactly what they want from me. They always say that women can't say what they want in bed. Perverted women can.
But, you see, I believe,” he said, pausing (probably for greater significance), “that all women are perverts.” Some people just need a little encouragement to stop holding themselves back.
I asked if he would help me meet any of these women. Michael said he would contact them and find me again if they agreed to an interview. In the meantime, he will give me something, namely, a copy of a letter from a beautiful, breast-tying enthusiast, where she describes in detail the fantasies that she would like to fulfill with him.
She wants him to tie one end of the rope around her waist and then make a knot. Then she explains how to constrict her ribcage and make loops around each breast. By tightening the rope, she will be able to make the breasts swell and protrude, thus creating a picture that evokes aesthetic pleasure. Finally, she gives him instructions on how to pass the rope between her labia and tie the ends at her back. According to her, it should be wrapped as a gift for him.
What about your wives? - I ask. -Have you practiced bonding with them?
- Oh no. I opened it only after my second divorce. Do you think this would help save the marriage?
As we get up to leave, he asks me to take the rose, otherwise he will feel “stupid” if he brings it home. I need to talk to him again, so I wonder if accepting this bud, full of symbolism in his eyes, will poison our future conversation, and I refuse. We compromise and leave the flower for the waitress.
Most of the women Michael met used moderate restraint, which he suggests was a way to free themselves from guilt about sex or responsibility for sexual labor. If a woman has her hands free, she can be expected to achieve orgasm with the help of those very hands, right? She can masturbate herself or bring his hand to those places where she needs additional stimulation. An untied woman is an equal partner in sex. She has no one to blame but herself if she does not achieve orgasm during contact. Conversely, if her hands are tied, he must “give” her the orgasm she wants.
Ginny, one of Michael's lovers who seemed to find a release from sexual responsibility in restraint and tying up, agreed to talk with me.
Ginny came to my house out of fear that she might be overheard in a public place. Slender, red-haired, about thirty years old, she turned out to be taller than Michael. “Sexually,” she did not date him for more than a year, although they remained friends and occasionally dine together. She is a high school teacher.
- Michael released my essence through binding.
I'm wondering how it is possible to release someone's "essence" through binding. Isn't this a paradox?
Michael persisted: “If I guess what they are about, then will you tell me?” He guessed right, and I opened up. Instead of being outraged by my fantasies, he became excited by them. It was such a relief, because I was expecting complete rejection. One man said that he could not get an erection with me - without clothes I disappointed him. In his opinion, I’m too thin,” she puts her hands on her chest, as if she still feels how his refusal stung her, “I have too many moles on my body, and my pubic hair should be trimmed.” I will never forget how creepy I felt. I expected something like this when I told Michael about my desire to be tied up, but he reacted favorably to both what was said and to me.
When I was little, I played pegging with another little girl. Basically we tied each other to chairs. One day we were in the bathroom. She told me to take off my clothes and tied me to the shower counter with towels. I still remember my excitement, the pounding of my heart echoed in my ears. Then my mother knocked on the bathroom door and asked what we were doing there and told us to come out. I always wondered if she knew what was going on there.
My friend untied me, I quickly got dressed, but my heart was not in the same place for a long time while we played in the room with our dolls.
I told Michael about all this, and during the next meeting he suggested that I take a shower together before making love. In the shower, he tied me to the counter with the belt from his terry robe. Then he directed the stream between my legs and left the bathroom for a few minutes. By the time he returned, I was already so excited that I experienced an orgasm immediately, as soon as he began to soap and caress me.
This became the most liberating and at the same time tender experience of love for me. I know it sounds crazy, but I feel freer when I'm tied up. It's so good to be who I really am.
When Ginny and I began the interview, she spoke in a high-pitched, nervous voice. Now she has calmed down, her voice has sounded an octave lower, acquiring the tones that are familiar to her, which she uses at school. I'm wondering if anyone contacted her after she and Michael broke up.
- No, not yet. But I know what it will be. My orgasms are stronger when I'm tied up like this. Michael taught me that there was nothing wrong with these fantasies and their implementation. When I feel good with a new man, I will tell him what I really want.
What happened between her and Michael?
- He wasn't ready like I was for a committed relationship. It had nothing to do with bondage. Michael simply cannot get out of his head the idea that the most beautiful and perfect woman in the world could be waiting for him around the nearest corner. He always looks ahead to see if she will appear on the horizon of his life. Michael is a romantic idealist. With a rope.
Ginny sent me a copy of a book called Learning to Handle Rope: A Basic Guide to Safe Sadomasochistic Sex; written by Race Bannon. When I opened it, a bright piece of paper attached to the gift fell onto the floor: “Every beginner should read this!” In the section on tying techniques I read the following tips:
"Never leave someone tied up unattended."
“Never tie your partner by the neck.”
“Be careful not to tighten the rope in places where it restricts the free flow of blood. Be especially careful with your wrists and crotch."
“When you tie the chest, ask your partner to take a deep breath and hold her breath before you tie the knots. This way you will be sure that she will have enough volume for normal breathing.”
“Leave your mouth or nostrils open.”
All this is already quite obvious to me. If you wrap a rope around someone's throat, wouldn't the bondage game turn into something more akin to violence? I liked the section on how to adapt ordinary household objects as tools of sadomasochism much more. You don't need to get these things from Eloise. For beginners, Bannon suggests starting with a rope, preferably No. 8 braided nylon rope (one-quarter inch thick), fifty to one hundred feet long. Why with this one? It is easy to buy at a hardware store, adheres smoothly to the skin and is easy to cut.
I put the book down and suddenly a memory comes to mind. We were sitting over a glass of wine with a colleague one day when he reached into his briefcase to take out a book that I was supposed to read. At the bottom of his leather briefcase I noticed a coil of rope - braided, nylon, smooth and shiny. I became curious about what the rope was doing in his briefcase at this time, but, for an inexplicable reason, I, who usually feel little remorse when asking intimate questions, did not ask him about it.
I think I now know how he most likely used it. Or maybe I even know why I didn’t ask him about it.
to be continued...