How to resolve a conflict situation with mutual benefit? Behavior in conflict - how to resolve a conflict situation.

Conflicts at work, at home, on the street - who has not experienced this? A storm of emotions, a spoiled mood, which is transmitted along the chain to others.

Let's look at the example of conflicts in organizations and consider a five-step conflict resolution algorithm.

Most of the problems in organizations are related to violations of relationships between employees. In conditions of unresolved conflict, as a rule, it is impossible to make an optimal decision.

There are many different views on conflict. Some believe that the conflict is a confrontation in which only one side wins, and the other suffers inevitable losses. Others believe that the conflict allows you to expose and solve the problems that have arisen. Be that as it may, the conflict is a consequence of misunderstanding and tension that have arisen between the parties. There are several ways to overcome differences in the development of the conflict.

1. Get rid of illusions

During a conflict, we consider our position to be the only correct one. In this regard, we may have common illusions - the illusion of a "bad person", "stumbling block" or "win-lose".

The illusion of a “bad person” means that in our minds the opponent appears as a person with insufficient competence and unable to make the right decision. Our opinion of the enemy is not high, and he reciprocates us. It is common for many people to demonstrate their far from the best sides to their opponent during a conflict. We forgive ourselves for misbehavior, but lose our temper when the enemy uses similar methods of struggle. Do you think that he looks ridiculous in his attempts to prove something to you? It is worth taking the opponent's place and looking at yourself from the outside. It seems to us that the opponent is a living embodiment of all existing shortcomings. The reciprocity of your ideas proves that they are illusory.

The illusion of a "stumbling block" can also provoke conflict. It seems to us that the problem that has arisen is incredibly complex, and the opponent's interests are so strikingly different from ours that a compromise is impossible. In this situation, it is helpful to think of the problem as something that happened to someone else. This method will help to abstract from the problem and find a workaround.

The third common illusion is the “win-lose” illusion, which consists in the fact that each of the opponents is sure that the victory of one of them necessarily means the defeat of the other.

2. Negotiate

It often happens that the opponent does not agree to discuss the problems that have arisen. In order to start negotiations with a partner, it is worth convincing him that he will benefit by participating in the discussion. Ask if the subject of the dispute affects his interests. If the answer is yes, then there is no point in avoiding participation. Explain to the opponent: all that is required of him is to express his vision of the situation, refrain from manifestations of aggression and listen carefully to you.

3. Choose a location

Meeting conditions must be prepared in advance. You should choose a room where no one will distract you. Strangers, phone calls, noise - all this can interfere with the conversation. Try to find a separate room for a conversation where you can discuss your problems one-on-one.

It is desirable that the environment is extremely comfortable. Poor lighting, uncomfortable chairs, as well as cold can unnerve the interlocutor and confuse them.

4. Build a dialogue

A conversation usually consists of four parts: introduction, invitation to talk, dialogue, and breakthrough.

The introduction is necessary in order to establish contact with the interlocutor. First of all, the opponent must be thanked for agreeing to come to the meeting.

Show that you are optimistic, express hope for a successful outcome of the conversation. Then formulate a question: determine what the essence of your disagreement is.

During the dialogue, it is important not to be distracted by extraneous things. If you notice that the interlocutor is moving away from the subject of the conversation, you can carefully bring him back to the topic of your conversation. It will work better than criticism.

5. Show openness

You need to listen to your partner patiently, expressing sincere interest. You should note the moment when your interlocutor will be ready to move from confrontation to joint action to overcome the conflict.

As soon as your opponent switches from confrontation to cooperation, there is a turning point in the dialogue. If the results of the dialogue were unsatisfactory, you can take a short pause, after which it would be appropriate to take a step towards reconciliation.

In order to demonstrate openness in dialogue, it is also important to maintain eye contact with the opponent, not to interrupt and, most importantly, not to give advice.

Let the interlocutor talk. You must take on the role of "arrow absorber". Your task is to let your opponent express negative emotions. It is important to resist the desire to respond with a barb to the partner's claims. His statements will not harm you, but the emotional tension will be removed, which will allow you to quickly reach a compromise.

Your tacit agreement with the arguments of the opponent should convince him of your sincerity and openness. You must understand that compliance is good up to certain limits, and remain adamant when it comes to matters of principle for you. Your soft behavior, in turn, will make the interlocutor more compliant in those matters that are important to you.

No relationship is complete without disagreements and conflicts. However, prolonged quarrels can lead to a complete cessation of relations, disappointment and belated regrets.

Dealing with negative thinking can often be difficult. In any conflict situation, our interests come into conflict with the interests of the opponent. Confrontation of opinions, judgments, personal benefits leads to a conflict of interest, which can develop into a protracted quarrel and leave a lot of unpleasant memories. Psychologists call the three most effective ways to deal with excessive conflict.

Emotion management. As a result of research into the problem of excessive conflict among people who come for a consultation with psychologists, it turned out that in most cases the conflict occurs due to a lack of understanding of their own goals and the goals of the interlocutor. Internal aggression and accumulated negativity make it difficult to perceive the opponent's arguments and the atmosphere quickly heats up, sometimes causing irreversible consequences.

To reduce the intensity of the conflict, you need to learn how to manage your anger: special practices and meditations can help with this.

Proper dialogue. It often happens that the conflict crosses the border of permitted civilized communication. This happens when emotions take over the mind, and the proof of one's innocence turns into personal insults. To prevent such an unfortunate outcome of the situation, psychologists advise internally putting yourself in the place of your opponent and understanding where the line is between constructive conflict and personal insult.

If your opponent was the first to cross the boundaries of what is permitted, you should lower your tone and, without responding to the insult, ask about the purpose of such a statement. “What purpose are you pursuing by addressing me in such a tone?” Practice shows that one question, asked in an exaggeratedly polite manner, is able to cool the ardor of the interlocutor and gradually reduce the conflict situation to nothing.

A clear statement of what you want. Sometimes it happens that after the end of the conflict, both sides realize that the negative reaction to each other was caused by a misunderstanding of the position of the interlocutor. After talking in a calm tone, both opponents are often surprised to find that they hold almost the same opinion about the subject of the dispute.

From the point of view of psychology, this is explained by the subconscious doing of each person to prove his case and gain respect and recognition. That is why our brain in a stressful situation can play a cruel joke on us by turning off critical thinking. As a result, you may find yourself embroiled in a conflict with a person who has a similar opinion about the subject of the dispute.

To exclude such situations, it is necessary to accurately formulate for yourself the reason why you are entering into a conflict, and to explain it to your opponent as simply as possible. If you can control your emotions and not rush into battle right away, you may well find that the conflict has run its course after your first words.

Unfortunately, often the initiators of conflicts are people who receive moral satisfaction from quarrels. To maintain your peace of mind and inner balance, you need to know how to avoid conflict and put the provocateur in his place. We wish you good relations with the people around you and only a great mood. Smile more often, take care of yourself, and do not forget to press the buttons and

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Family quarrels, arguments with colleagues, verbal skirmishes in public transport, disputes with friends in raised tones are familiar to us firsthand. Such situations are an integral part of life and communication between people. Each person has disagreements with others, but sometimes they can develop into a conflict situation. What is conflict? The term comes from the Latin word conflictus - collision. It characterizes the highest degree of contradictions in the views, interests, needs between the participants: people, groups and society. The study of this phenomenon is engaged in a separate science - conflictology. Any conflict is characterized by the struggle of both sides in order to eliminate these contradictions. At home, at work, in the company of friends and wherever people are present, the emergence of a conflict situation is inevitable. Why? Because each of us is a unique person with his own outlook on life. The opinion of another person, which does not coincide with ours, automatically becomes wrong. When both individuals are convinced that they are right and try in every possible way to prove it, a clash of views occurs and a conflict arises. No one is immune from this, even the most modest and accommodating person. An important sign of any conflict situation is the infringement of each other's interests and acute emotional experiences. To build the right line of conduct, you need to know the types and possible causes of conflicts.

Signs and types of conflicts

At the heart of all conflict situations lies bipolarity, that is, beginnings that contradict each other. The next important feature is the activity supported by opponents and the presence of one or more conflict carriers (subjects). Domestic psychologists under the subjects understood a person or a group of people with consciousness and the ability to take action. It turns out that if there is no subject, then there is no conflict. A person can only conflict with another person or group of people. A clash of interests with nature or technology is impossible. Depending on the subjects, conflicts are divided into two main types:

• Intrapersonal. When a contradiction is brewing within us, we ourselves act as an adversary. For example, a person works at a disgusting harmful enterprise and receives a good salary. Changing jobs will bring moral satisfaction, but will deprive him of a large income. So a conflict is formed inside the personality, the source of which is a dilemma: quit or stay.
• Social.

The social group of conflicts includes three subgroups:

1. interpersonal . At least two people are involved in such a conflict. At the same time, each subject tries to defend his own interests and prove his case. Mutual attacks, insults, accusations can be used. For example, a boss asks a subordinate to help the company and work on weekends, while not going to pay for his work. The employee is rightly indignant and refuses to work for free. As a result, between them interpersonal conflict.
2. Personal group . There is a clash of views of the group and the individual. The behavior of the subject does not correspond to group norms, values ​​and expectations. For example, schoolchildren do not accept a newcomer in their class, office workers cannot come to an understanding with the new head of the department. The result of such conflicts often becomes.
3. Intergroup . The participants in the conflict are groups whose intentions do not coincide with the tasks of another group. These can be large-scale events such as wars, coup d'état, religious schisms, etc. The struggle for power or territory among the leadership of the country, region, enterprise. Football fans clash, rival teams, employees strike for wages. Intergroup conflicts also include quarrels between neighbors, groups of relatives or colleagues.

The destructive functions of conflict

Subjects conflict situation can switch attention from the purpose of their activity, for example, from work, to relationships. As a result, the efficiency of the common cause is reduced. The conflict destroys the existing system of relationships, so a person can lose social ties and become lonely. A long quarrel, accompanied by negative emotions, often leads to serious psychosomatic illnesses and personality deformation. In some cases, conflicts are accompanied by the use of physical force. According to statistics, 70% of intentional killings occur due to the escalation of conflicts. So the solution of problems with the help of violence can gain a foothold in a social society. The conflict leads to the fact that a person looks at life pessimistically, becomes unsure of himself or, conversely, seeks to defeat his opponent at any cost. Such people love to make trouble and gladly take on the role of organizer and participant in the squabble. Such individuals are called conflict personalities. Their distinguishing features:

• Excessive self-confidence, obsession and tactlessness
• The desire to always and in everything to dominate
• Inability to control your emotions
• The tendency to underestimate other people and overestimate oneself: “I am the best”, “I do everything right”
• Excessive straightforwardness in statements, the desire to tell everyone the truth in the face
• Excessive principle. When common sense fails, and a person is ready for anything for the sake of principles

P handling in a conflict situation

In the event of a clash of interests, be restrained and control your emotions, facial expressions, and movements. Try to think through all the steps. Avoid hostility and harsh criticism of the opponent. During a dialogue with a conflicting interlocutor, speak in a language that is accessible to him. You shouldn't show an intellectual advantage, even if your IQ is much higher. Avoid insults, and if obscene language rained down on you, try to politely put the interlocutor in his place: “I considered you an intelligent person, and you talk like my neighbor, an alcoholic Uncle Tolya” or “Probably, you were brought up in the gateway and normal human speech to you not familiar." After that, nevertheless, give your opponent the opportunity to speak and give your arguments. Try to take a few minutes off your feet and look at the conflict in the long term (weeks, months). Perhaps the consequences will be so serious that you quarrel with your best friend, lose your job, but you can’t change anything. You need it? This method perfectly prevents conflict situations.

Ways to resolve the conflict

Scandals have an extremely negative impact on people and can cause intrapersonal conflict, which leads to poor health and excessive nervousness. A cheerful person gradually turns into a pessimist who sees the world in black and white. It is unlikely that anyone will like such a prospect. Everyone can quarrel, but not everyone knows how to resolve conflicts. There are no identical conflict situations, so you need to know how to behave correctly. Such knowledge will help improve relationships with others and create a comfortable psychological environment around you. Experts identify the following behaviors:

Competition . Suitable for strong and active people seeking to fulfill their needs in the first place. Their forces far exceed those of the opponent. Such individuals force the opponent to accept methods of resolving contradictions that are convenient only for themselves. For example, an authoritarian boss introduces a system of fines for subordinates. As a result, discipline in the department improves, and all instructions are implicitly carried out.

Avoidance. It is reasonable to apply when the victory of the opposing side is obvious. To gain time, people deliberately evade the solution of issues. This behavior is optimal in case of disagreements with management. And also in situations where a person realizes that he is wrong, the hopelessness of the dispute, the likelihood of a big scandal. If he wants to maintain good relations with his opponent, and defending his opinion is unprincipled. For example, the secretary did not prepare documents on time and, trying to avoid conflict, gives useless arguments: the ink in the printer ran out, the papers disappeared from the table, there were many calls or visitors who took up all the working time.

fixture . A person recognizes the dominance of an opponent and is ready to neglect his own principles in order to resolve the conflict. He seeks to smooth out differences through compliance and readiness for reconciliation. This method is suitable in cases where a person does not have enough power and resources to suppress the conflict or the continuation of the confrontation can harm a career, one's interests, and health. For example, a woman, faced with a robber in a dark alley, takes off her gold earrings. She prefers to do it voluntarily, since the perpetrator can rip out the ear jewelry.

Cooperation . The most favorable way to settle disputes. The parties to the conflict, taking into account mutual interests, embark on the path of reconciliation. Thanks to the joint solution of the issue, the parties maintain good relations. Such a line of behavior is suitable with equivalent opportunities for opponents.

Compromise. Conflict can be resolved through mutual concessions. Sometimes this is the only right way. The method is suitable for opponents with mutually exclusive interests, but the same opportunities. For example, a buyer in a bazaar trades with a seller for a long time. As a result, they agree on a price that suits both parties.

Positive aspects of the conflict

For many people, a conflict situation is associated with hostility, aggression and threats. However, there is also a constructive beginning in the conflict. For example, any quarrel performs a diagnostic function, since the true attitude of the opponents towards each other is revealed. A resolved intrapersonal conflict allows a person to understand his capabilities, desires and to know himself more deeply. The clash of views helps to develop the relationship of the social group and the individual, the overall joint activity. Sometimes conflict situations contribute to group cohesion. Conflict always signals change. He “informs” a person that something is wrong in his soul or relations with others. Thanks to timely signals, personality can change for the better. In interpersonal conflicts, for example, with a close friend or relative, there is often a frank conversation. By voicing mutual claims and grievances, people begin to understand each other better. Conflict defuses tension between opponents, reduces the intensity of negative emotions and helps relieve stress.

Disagreements are present in everyone's life. The conflict has a dual nature: constructive and destructive. However, in most cases, it is better to prevent the quarrel itself than to deal with the consequences. If a conflict situation has already occurred, try to resolve it with minimal loss of nerve cells.

Intrapersonal conflict is a contradictory state of a person, which is characterized by general fatigue, depression, psychological discomfort and impotence. Intrapersonal conflict is manifested in the fact that a person cannot find a balance within himself, the right ways to solve disturbing problems. It seems that the spirit of contradiction is tearing him apart from the inside: he is constantly rushing about in search of a suitable option, but he cannot find a way out. What are the reasons for this conflict? What is it characterized by, what are the ways to resolve it?

Causes of intrapersonal conflicts

The conflict caused by the internal contradictions of the individual has its own reasons. It can never appear out of nowhere. There are plenty of reasons for the development of intrapersonal conflict.

Dissatisfaction with life

The first reason for developing conflict with oneself is the feeling of inner emptiness. A person has a feeling of some spiritual hopelessness, which is based, most often, on insignificant facts. As a rule, some external circumstances contribute to the development of disbelief in oneself and one's own capabilities, and hinder effective progress. Dissatisfaction with life is the reason why often a person does not try to change anything in his existence. He has a number of limiting beliefs, such as: “No one loves me”, “No one is interested in me”, “I have no talent, special gifts”

Hence the unwillingness to act at all. An intrapersonal conflict caused by dissatisfaction with life cannot be quickly resolved. It will take a lot of time and patience for a person to realize his own disorder, the lack of free positive energy.

Impossibility of self-realization

Another common reason for the development of intrapersonal conflict is the inability to live by one's own rules. Not everyone initially has equal opportunities in order to fully realize their potential. One person is hindered by external circumstances. The other person is unable to get around significant obstacles on the way to the goal and therefore gradually loses his bearings. Intrapersonal conflict is a reflection of discord with one's own essence. When a person cannot understand what is most important for him in life, experiences significant difficulties in setting priorities, he is unable to make the right decision.

The impossibility of self-realization is a serious reason that impedes personal growth in general and the understanding of one's strengths in particular. If a person is in deep conflict with himself, then it is quite difficult for him to determine his true values. In this case, all prospects are lost, many opportunities are missed that could lead to the most desired result.

Low self-esteem

Often the development of intrapersonal conflict contributes to inadequately low self-esteem. For some reason, a person ceases to believe in his own prospects and opportunities, does not notice his strengths. Usually, low self-esteem is the result of improper upbringing, when the influence of parents becomes a kind of directive and does not imply any alternatives. The conflict develops when a person ceases to be aware of what is happening to him, crushes his natural aspirations and desires. Intrapersonal conflict, as a rule, proceeds for several months or even years. During this period, a person must realize what is happening to him, find ways out of the crisis, outline several ways for himself to move forward. If the resolution of the conflict related to one's own "I" and self-realization does not occur in time, a person runs the risk of losing the best part of himself, becoming indifferent to everything.

Types of intrapersonal conflicts

The presence of any conflict must be approached as a problem that needs to be solved. Types of intrapersonal conflict show what initially caused the emergence and subsequent formation of a significant contradiction in a person. In relations with oneself, various conditions are important, with the help of which a person achieves a state of integrity. Unfortunately, even a minor obstacle on the path of life can break harmony.

Equivalent type

The conflict is expressed in the desire to preserve for oneself significant conditions of peace of mind and at the same time not to lose an important reference point. Most often, such a collision occurs as a result of the urgent need to make a conscious choice between the past and the present. The conflict forces a person to reconsider his own attitude to certain conditions of existence. It is exacerbated by the fact that there is a need to choose between two equivalent values. A person can sometimes be in thought for a long time, painfully trying to take the right step. As a rule, such a conflict implies that, giving preference to one event, we finally reject another, which is of no less importance.

vital type

The conflict manifests itself through unpleasant obligations that a person takes on his shoulders at a certain point in his life. The vital type is characterized by a loss of interest in one's own personality and in those activities that previously constituted a significant basis for existence. It is not solved by the usual methods of influencing the problem. A person is forced to spend a long time in an exhausting search before he dares to take a concrete step. As a rule, he is conscious and balanced. The conflict arises because a person has to make a choice between two equally unsatisfactory objects. In most cases, people tend to minimize their losses, so they prefer to focus on the lesser evil.

Ambivalent type

This person with himself implies that the choice is especially difficult to make. A person understands how serious the consequences of a wrong step can be and therefore is very afraid of the possibility of making a mistake. The ambivalent situation assumes that the result of actions somehow attracts and, at the same time, repels. In any case, the individual will have to overcome the conflict. A contradictory state does not at all contribute to the development of harmony within a person. If the conflict is not resolved in time, then additional suffering will appear due to some kind of hidden internal unfulfillment.

frustrating type

The conflict appears as a result of disapproval by society of specific actions of the individual, aimed at obtaining a particular result. The conflict manifests itself through the impossibility for the individual to do what is of significant interest to her. There is practically no freedom of choice here. A person who is in a state of pronounced frustration is necessarily in a struggle with himself. The inability to solve the problem alone eventually leads to conflict with the outside world.

Resolution of intrapersonal conflict

Intrapersonal conflict is a very dangerous thing. In many ways, it often prevents the formation of individuality, the disclosure of talents and abilities. A person in this state often does not notice what is happening to him. Suffering gradually becomes an integral part of his habitual existence. The resolution of an intrapersonal conflict leads to the disclosure of the true capabilities of a person, contributes to the establishment of relationships with loved ones. Suddenly, significant prospects appear that for some reason were not noticed before. What are the ways to resolve the internal conflict?

Compromise

Achieving a compromise with oneself implies that a person will constantly work on shortcomings, try in every possible way to eradicate them. Many conflicts were resolved through compromise. Find in yourself those traits that you yourself find useful. These qualities of character will need to be cultivated in oneself to a confident state. The conflict is minimized and will gradually disappear altogether.

Recognizing your strengths

Of course, each of us has them. In most cases, a person tends to ignore his own victories and achievements. This approach to life allows him to constantly complain about the lack of opportunities. Meanwhile, opportunities are hidden everywhere, you just need to be able to see them in time. Intrapersonal conflict always reflects the unfair attitude of a person towards his own person. Check yourself, are you diminishing your achievements? Recognizing one's strengths will help not only to resolve a pressing conflict, but also to qualitatively improve life, to bring a lot of bright colors into it. Try to take the position “I am a value”, then you will not have to constantly prove to others your importance. Relatives, colleagues, friends from afar will recognize your personality and will not allow themselves more offensive statements addressed to you. Believe me, a strong person is one who was able to realize his true nature, to gain respect for himself. That is why we are respected by others.

Understanding your purpose

Conflict with oneself is always incredibly exhausting. It's like a battle that has no winners. People are sometimes ready to adapt to the demands of society and shift responsibility for their own destiny onto someone else's shoulders. Only the understanding of one's true destiny turns a person to a greater extent towards himself. It becomes difficult to confuse such a person, to impose some kind of opinion on her. If you want to be happy, find your favorite thing that will inspire you to new achievements and give you a lot of positive emotions. The resulting impressions will help to cope with any difficulties, resolve intrapersonal conflict.

Thus, in conflict there is always an opportunity for personal growth. The more efforts we make to overcome the contradiction, the more noticeable the final result will be. It is extremely important for a person to be able to deal with his internal conflicts in time in order to fully move forward and go through life with his head held high.

The ability to resolve conflicts is the first step to effective communication in the family or at work.
Relationships where conflicts periodically arise, with subsequent clarification of the situation, are considered more prosperous compared to those where there are no conflicts at all.

This statement shows the true essence of the conflict, which can both destroy and strengthen relationships.

Types of response in a conflict situation

Most common style conflict response is the avoidance or denial of conflict as such. In this case, the conflict is pushed into the background by its participants, but continues to "accompany" them in any general interactions, creating the potential for further tension and even greater conflict.

Second common response to conflict- blame your partner for everything and shift the responsibility for what is happening to him, and go on the offensive yourself. This is possible when participants mistakenly confuse conflict with the possibility of "free" expression of their negative emotions. Letting off steam does not help resolve the conflict, but only contributes to the growth of friction, disagreements between its participants.

The third style is not as popular as the first two, as it requires the participants to use force to defeat each other. In this case, the “stronger partner” is always happy with the conflict, because in the proceedings he manages to realize his competitive impulses, although the conflict itself remains unresolved. In the same way, some declare their readiness to compromise, although in fact conflicts are beneficial for such people for one reason or another, and they simply manipulate their partner.

Is there an alternative?

The general principle of successful resolution of any conflict is that the participants in the conflict perceive it as a situation that they can solve together. In this case, both parties win because they are able to find a solution acceptable to both. This principle is easy in theory, but often difficult in practice, as it requires the application of forces.

Your personal reaction plays a paramount role in how events will develop further. Someone can be so absorbed in their own interests that, using force, in a couple of moments they will destroy even the strongest relationship. But if, on the contrary, someone is used to always yielding only because he avoids any conflict, then he thereby informs the other that he can generally be ignored and not taken into account.

How to resolve conflict effectively?

As soon as you find yourself in a conflict, it is important not to get excited and let your emotions cool down, this will allow you to deal with the disagreements that have arisen on a rational level, and then use one of the tricks:

Psychological cushioning

A term from the course of the School of Psychological Aikido.
If the partner is angry and aggressive, then the best way to get out of direct fire is to simply agree with the partner's arguments. As soon as you find some truth in the opponent's arguments, immediately agree with them.

For example: "Yes, I agree with you, I would also like to be more responsible and call you last night, as I promised."

Your partner's accusations may be completely unfounded, but you better agree that each of us has our own perception of the same thing. This does not mean that by agreeing, you compromise your own principles, you simply accept the position of another and his right to his opinion. Sometimes big wins require small losses.

Complicity

Try to put yourself in the place of another, look at the world through his eyes, let the other feel that he is heard. You can verbally tell your partner that you understand what he is trying to tell you, do this by reformulating his own words. For example: "I understand that now you are talking about losing confidence in me."

Or you can let your partner know that you understand their feelings. That being said, it’s important to never attribute your emotions to another person (“you’re upset and angry right now”), but to express your assumptions about how the other might feel. For example: “I think you are now feeling angry and annoyed because of what happened. Is it so?".

Attention

At the same time, talk about yourself and your feelings from the position of “I”, and not “You”: “I feel disappointed because of what happened between us” is more effective than: “You disappointed me.”

strokes

Show your respect for your partner, even if he is angry with you. For example: "I respect your courage to start discussing this issue with me" or "I admire your courage."

Conflict resolution model

1. Define the problem and discuss it with a partner. Find common ground and reasons for disagreement, clarify your positions.

2. Brainstorming phase. Find multiple solutions. Start from what you both agree on and where you both want to go. List as many possible solutions as you can think of, whether they are realistic or not.

3. Now analyze the solutions. To do this, carefully study the compiled list and find your pros and cons for each of the solutions. Do this until there is only one or two best solutions to your problem out of all the variety.

4. Choose the solution that seems most acceptable, even if it's not perfect.

5. Implement the solution. Discuss with your partner the details of the implementation of the agreement. Make sure and also agree on actions in case of force majeure.

6. Conflict is a process, so it doesn’t hurt to ask your partner from time to time how he is doing with the agreements made. Maybe it's time to conclude a new agreement or add something to an existing one.

Quote/Aphorism

E.Cliver: "Either you are part of the solution, or you are part of the problem."