How to survive a midlife crisis. Midlife crisis in women: symptoms and timing

Many women believe that life after 40 ends, and we say the opposite - it is just beginning. The midlife crisis exists in both men and women. This is a period of rethinking one's own life, setting new goals and a new impetus to development.

We will tell you what you need to concentrate on in these psychologically difficult years for women. Why is it so important for them to understand that they are still attractive and loved.

Crisis in women

With her husband, there is no longer that passion that before. Family life turns into cohabitation. It seems that it is already too late to look for a new love, and it is impossible to resurrect the past.

The same is true with a career. A woman who has not done it before 40 is losing hope. After all, everything around is younger and more agile, ready to learn.

It remains to devote himself to children and the role of mother, but children grow up. What to do?

HOW TO START A NEW LIFE AFTER 40

Crisis of single women manifests itself in disappointment in life. They do not believe that they will find happiness in their personal lives, they will find love. But you don't have to look for it. You need to start loving yourself, little by little. At least a friend, neighbors, colleagues, herself. Then the heart will be filled with a bright feeling and will attract the right person.

midlife crisis in women quite normal. Don't get hung up on it. This is something that can be overcome. And at the same time help the man he loves overcome.

In the middle of a life journey, people often review their lives, evaluate their goals and achievements. Often this kind of assessment leads to the so-called midlife crisis.
Probably, everyone had a chance to witness the following human reincarnations. An accomplished, respectable man in the full bloom of his powers and abilities suddenly leaves a prestigious job, leaves a prosperous family, goes somewhere to unknown distances, or simply falls into a protracted depression. His steps, at first glance, seem somehow strange and illogical. The family abandoned by him is completely at a loss, his friends are unable to understand and realize what has happened. Often, the hero of these events himself is not always able to understand and clearly explain the logic and motivation of such actions. To some extent, those who have gone through something similar can understand it.
The internal state of a man who has crossed the 30-35 year mark can be characterized by the quote “Earthly life, having passed halfway, I found myself in a gloomy forest ...” (“The Divine Comedy” by Dante). This condition is called the "midlife crisis".
The famous artist Gauguin was originally a successful stockbroker, a happy husband and father of five children. At the age of 36, he left his family, went to Paris to paint and eventually become one of the greatest artists of his time. An absolute midlife crisis looks like this - out of the blue, it would seem, for no reason, to completely reverse the established lifestyle, change profession, city, country, get a divorce or get married. In a less acute form, the crisis manifests itself in original or extreme hobbies, adultery, tourist trips to exotic countries.
A series of crises lies in wait for a person from birth to old age. The first is the neonatal period, adaptation to new conditions. Then the crisis of the first year - the child masters speech and upright posture. The crisis of three years - the baby is aware of himself as an independent person and longs for realization. The crisis of seven years - the child learns to learn, achieve distant goals, restrain himself. Puberty is an explosion of hormones, awareness of one's own sexuality. Growing up, the beginning of an independent life. Marriage, regular sex life and parenthood with their yearly milestones. The notorious midlife crisis, de facto divided into two - the crisis of thirty years and the crisis of forty-five, it is also the empty nest syndrome. This is one of the most dramatic periods in the life of an adult. Perhaps the midlife crisis is the most serious and significant of those that we go through during our lives. In terms of the intensity of experiences and the strength of the impact on a person, it is comparable to adolescence. And by the way, both crises have something in common with each other not only in this. This is followed by a crisis of retirement and the "end" of an active creative life. And the crisis of old age, when the body's capabilities weaken completely.
The causes of each crisis are complex, including a change in hormonal balance, a change in social roles, and a shift in life values ​​and guidelines.

Description of the problem

The peculiarity of the midlife crisis lies in the awareness of the transience of time. First, a man needs to think about material well-being, creating a family, building a career. Gradually, all these issues are resolved, often successfully, but a person still has energy and strength for something else. Just for what? At the same time, he is well aware that youth has passed and cannot be returned. It is at this moment that a person begins to think about eternal topics: Why do I live? Have I achieved everything in my life or am I capable of more? And do I really need everything that I have achieved? It also happens that the answers to the questions asked themselves cause dissatisfaction. During this period, against the background of the strongest experiences, a reassessment of values ​​\u200b\u200btakes place by a person, he can change plans or completely change his worldview.

“Midlife crisis”, as a concept, is expressed in a physiological and psychological imbalance, in which the problems that suddenly fell on the shoulders of a man who is at the highest level of development of his strengths and abilities put him in a dead end. In such a state, a person simply cannot reasonably assess his own situation.

A midlife crisis is an existential crisis when we become aware of our own being. It turns out to be finite, and we suddenly begin to worry about death. We ask ourselves: how much time do we have left and what do I want to do? Existence requires meanings in order to get rid of the feeling of uselessness and find its place in this world (one's own irrelevance is a feeling often mentioned during a crisis).

The midlife crisis is compared by some authors with the teenage crisis due to its philosophical basis, the tasks of understanding and self-determination, and the social context. If teenagers self-determine themselves in relation to the worldview, rules and traditions of their parents, then the midlife crisis offers self-determination in relation to the rules and traditions of society. We can be an illustration of the successful life of a respectable member of society, but inside we feel like that same character in someone else's film.

The crisis itself is characterized as a turning point, as a result of which unpredictable and problematic situations may arise. One gets the feeling that much more time has been lived than is left. This leads to a rethinking of life position.

A midlife crisis does not choose victims. These can be both successful family people with an established career and material wealth, as well as single, low-income men.

The feeling of internal trouble - a crisis - can be experienced so catastrophically, it can be so unbearable that a person tries to escape from it in the most direct sense of the word. Activity increases, risky and impulsive acts are committed - this is especially true for men. Men act, try to react to their experiences, to do something to get rid of them. By the way, perhaps that is why the midlife crisis is so fond of ascribed exclusively to men: everything is in plain sight.

It seems to a man that life is passing, the best years are behind, and the result is either not visible, or he is not happy. And the thrill-seeking begins. The easiest way is to prove your male attractiveness. The second most important is the change of job or occupation.

Because of the feeling of approaching old age and unfulfilled plans, people often lose heart and do not know how to overcome despondency. People begin to rush about, fill their lives with something vain, adding other problems to themselves, make mistakes. This leads to health problems, depression, loneliness, and this condition can drag on for a long time.

According to statistics, it is the midlife crisis that accounts for the largest number of cases of divorce, nervous breakdowns, and suicide.

Sometimes a midlife crisis leads the representatives of the stronger sex to new successes and achievements, career growth, a return to faith, and full self-realization. Sometimes - to divorces, alcoholism, leaving in sects and spiritual searches. Sometimes it goes almost unnoticed, resulting in the construction of a summer house or the purchase of a new car. The main thing is to realize what is happening in time and make the correct diagnosis.

Signs of a midlife crisis

What is characteristic of a midlife crisis? Most likely, it can be suspected by the following manifestations:

• there is a need to make sense of your life. Answer the questions: Why am I here? Where am I going? What and for whom do I live?
• there is a “reconciliation” of the existing state of affairs in life with the way it was once thought ideally: am I where I dreamed? Am I doing what I once wanted to do?
• their own achievements are critically evaluated: what have I achieved? Does it matter to me? Where to go next and what to achieve?
• The question arises: Am I happy?

In fact, this is a period of meeting with oneself - a very intimate meeting, requiring honesty and sincerity, because often there are no unambiguous answers to the questions that arise. This is the time of doubt. And the nature of these doubts is unclear and can be so frightening that you try not to pay attention to them.

This is the discovery of the fact that one's own life the farther, the more it turns out to be in one's own hands. And although half of this life is already behind, there is still enough time ahead to go where you really want to, and be happy the way you once dreamed of before ... That's just - what do you want? .. Such a simple question may also not be the answer. Only inner emptiness suggests that the way it was before these experiences no longer suits.

Many mention the feeling in the run-up to the crisis that they are not living, but playing life according to someone else's scenario. Indeed, one of the tasks of the crisis is the appropriation of one's true life, needs and desires. Fear can also arise here, because we are talking about confrontation with loved ones who have their own plans for us, and they may have little to do with our desires.

Fatigue, sadness, deep longing, exacerbation of negative emotions, fears - all this also accompanies the crisis. This includes a collision with one's biological age, physiological changes in the body associated with the onset of aging.

It is quite easy to determine the beginning of a crisis. It manifests itself in behavior and appearance: a man often has a bad mood upon returning home, he becomes silent, does not want to talk, sometimes there are bursts of aggression. Inability to sleep, irritability, mood swings, constant fatigue and weakness will be the companions of a man during this period. It is at this moment that he, more than ever, wants changes in life, a shake-up, and many during this period of their lives, as they say, indulge in all serious. A man has a burning desire to become what he never had a chance to become in his life. Often, they begin to look at young people, change their wardrobe for trendy clothes, and use youth jargon in conversation. The wife during this period becomes an annoying factor, on her the man takes off his anger, aggression, constantly reproaches her and shows her his displeasure, often in a rude form, up to assault.

Here are some of the main signs of a midlife crisis:

• Increased aggressiveness and irritability;
• The desire to quit a good job and the realization that you cannot afford it;
• Trying to change your appearance as quickly as possible;
• Search for former partners in social networks;
• The realization that mortgages and other loans will have to be paid for another 20 years;
• Frequent thoughts about death, and what awaits you after it;
• Worries that you have achieved less in your professional career than your parents;
• A hangover after gatherings with friends becomes more noticeable and lasts more than a day;
• Awkward flirting with people your children's age;
• Search and finding various diseases;
• The emergence of a new hobby, often extreme;
• Dreams of quitting your job and buying your own restaurant or pub;
• Attempts to hide your age from others;
• An affair on the side, or even a divorce;
• Moving away from old friends, and looking for new, younger ones;
• You start listening to your favorite songs on the radio "Retro";
• Frequent insomnia.

Crisis is often accompanied by depression, a feeling of depression, emptiness. It seems to a man that he has fallen into the trap of a career or marriage. The stability, material and family well-being achieved by this age, suddenly lose their significance. There is a feeling of injustice in life, a man is sure that he deserves more. He is seized by a feeling of dissatisfaction and a desire for who knows what. Work is perceived as routine, marital relations have lost their former passion, children prefer to live their own lives, and the circle of friendships has narrowed over the years, and it itself has acquired a shade of monotony.

It should be noted that, unlike professional or creative crises, here, from the point of view of others, problems arise almost from scratch. A man during a mid-life crisis often changes the circle of reference persons, value orientations, tastes and preferences. The person experiencing the crisis becomes unpredictable even for himself. The surrounding people do not understand what is happening: it seems to them that in front of them is a completely different person. On the contrary, he believes that everything around has changed, and therefore he himself changes his attitude towards them.

What happens to a man in such a state?

Being in a not entirely adequate state, a man can do things that are not characteristic of his nature, which he may not expect from himself. About a person experiencing a midlife crisis, we can say that he was blown away. In a panic, he tries to radically change his own life, falling from one extreme to another. Thus, he wants to prove not only to himself, but also to others that he is capable of much. During this period, one part of the strong half of humanity goes into long and deep binges, others are overtaken by depression, not seeing a way out of the situation, many representatives of the stronger sex themselves destroy their families. You never know how a man will behave in a midlife crisis, what the consequences will be.

It is important to understand and realize that this state, despite its severity and inevitability, will not last forever. It can be calmly experienced if you try to curb your own thoughts and actions, and act not on a whim, but after careful reflection.

Causes of a midlife crisis

A large part of the "riots" of 40-year-olds are nothing more than echoes of unfinished teenage rebellion. Unresolved problems of adolescence, "calmed down" for a while and, it would seem, remained long in the past, it is during this period that they fall upon a person again. If a young man at one time could not completely free himself from the influence of his parents, rebel against the way of life imposed by them, then in middle age he suddenly realizes that he still lives and acts according to someone else's rules, and it's time already, as they say, " sing with your voice." Hence the natural desire to find oneself, one's own path. Understanding and clear awareness comes: “It’s already too late for me, I won’t become many anymore ...” Those doors (and opportunities) that yesterday seemed to be wide open began to close one after another ... The mid-life crisis is always implies a global and final (up to the transition to maturity, retirement age) reassessment of values, because another name for it is an identity crisis.

However, the midlife crisis overtakes those who managed to get rid of teenage complexes in time. What are the main causes of the midlife crisis?

1. The reason is physiological. Natural physiological changes occur, simply put, a person begins to age. As a rule, during this period of a person's life, all his chronic diseases begin to worsen, which significantly weakens the vital functions of the body; appearance changes, strength becomes less, sexual attractiveness decreases. It is psychologically very difficult to accept such changes, especially in a society where the cult of youth and impeccable beauty is promoted. All this makes a person insecure about the future, nervousness, fatigue and depression appear. There is a fear - "having lost my youth and beauty, I will lose many opportunities and pleasures in life."

2. The reason is psychological. By middle age, people, in general, achieve a lot in the professional sphere, reach a certain social status. And then the man has reasonable questions: What's next? Where to move? If this is the top, then now only down, "from the hill"? Or: How to stay on this peak, if the youth is already running out from behind? The “ambitious understudies” have arrived – how much longer can I be competitive? What to do? Change direction? Can I? Is there enough strength? Will I succeed? Fear - "If I am not successful, I will lose the love of the people around me, I will become unnecessary and just a loser."

A midlife crisis is when your boss is younger than you. Most often at this age there is a reassessment of values, a man begins to see the meaning of life in certain life achievements, and if the life path is chosen incorrectly, then there is a feeling of dissatisfaction with himself, his abilities and capabilities. There is a need to change life, to start all over again, but here physiology intervenes and the realization that not everything is on the shoulder. A man begins to worry very acutely that his life plans are at odds with reality. The search for a way out of the current situation begins, and if all attempts are unsuccessful, depression begins.

3. The reason is social. The creed of the representative of the stronger sex is to be realized. Achieve success, build a house, surpass all rivals. More than anything, a man is afraid for his potency - physiological, labor or creative. Most of all, he dreams of giving everything to the fullest, demonstrating to the world his unique gift and great mission. But duty, honor, obligations to relatives or society can hold back heroic impulses for quite a long time.

The way a man develops social relations has a huge impact on his life. First of all, these are family relationships. Usually at this age a person already has a family and children, if everything is fine in the family - a big plus, if not, then again - this is one of the reasons for the crisis. If a person does not have family relations, friendly relations, relations in a team do not develop, then the question arises of his insolvency as a member of society.

The social role of men is changing. At home, he turns from a child into a parent, at work from a young specialist into an experienced mentor. Some by this time, alas, are already losing their father or mother, many parents are aging, they need care and help. However, not everyone is ready for such a radical change of roles, for a situation where one has to rely only on one's own strength, to take full responsibility not only for oneself, but also for other people. Fear appears – “why can’t I be as serene and carefree as before? Do I now always have to drag all this wagon of problems and worries ?!

In the end, comes the realization of the transience and finiteness of life. A person understands that "the world no longer provides credit for his future", and much is no longer feasible. A midlife crisis occurs when regrets about the past slowly begin to outweigh hopes for the future.

In these circumstances, both the depressive position: “everything is terrible”, “it’s pointless to change”, “you have to live somehow”, threatening with self-pity, despair, a sense of impasse, and “ostrich” optimism: “everything is fine ”, “Nothing has changed”, “I am young”, forcing a person to live with illusions, preventing him from seeing and accepting reality, cutting off the path to development. The revolutionary option is equally dangerous and destructive - through the depreciation of what has been achieved, unjustified risk, a sharp and thoughtless change in everything that surrounds: families, jobs, places of residence, which most often is nothing more than self-deception. Radical external changes in the absence of internal ones are just an illusion of a solution, because you can’t run away from yourself.

Here are some external factors that could trigger and accelerate this crisis:

1. Debts. We all live in a world of loans, where there is a very strong temptation to live beyond our means. Finding yourself 40 years old, counting all the mortgages and loans, it is very easy to get depressed.

2. Death of a loved one. The death of a parent or loved one amid a midlife crisis can be very difficult to overcome.

3. Personalities avoiding conflicts. This crisis is especially prone to people who are constantly trying to avoid conflict in personal relationships, suffering from low self-esteem, problems with the expression of aggression and emotionally withdrawn. Those who are used to pleasing their soulmate to the detriment of their desires and interests will experience this crisis even more difficult.

At what age can a crisis start?

Crises of adult life are graded differently by different authors, but the midlife crisis, or midlife crisis, is mentioned by almost everyone. This is not about estimating and measuring the middle of life to identify the crisis. It is important that this crisis corresponds to a number of typical experiences, the emergence of certain questions to oneself and to life.

If earlier the midlife crisis "fit" into the age range of 37 - 45 (and continues to stay in them in the countries of Europe and the USA), now, in the accelerated pace of life in our society, there is a tendency to "rejuvenate" the lower bar: characteristic of the crisis of the middle of the age of the state are also experienced by thirty-year-olds. Thus, the specific time of experiencing a crisis is individual for each person and can greatly depend on the contexts of his life.

A crisis can happen at 30-35, and at 40-45, depending on satisfaction with life, work and marriage. An early crisis is a disappointment in parental and school scenarios, a temporary rejection of generally accepted norms, a kind of belated teenage rebellion and a search for oneself. A man, as it were, tries again - whether he chose the right profession, whether he built the right house, whether he married the right woman. The late crisis often coincides with the extinction of the hormonal background, beginning with menopause. A man feels that life has already passed to the middle, potency is weakening, health is failing - and with his last strength he tries to feel young again, to whip up fading passions.

Typically, a midlife crisis includes several stages:

• negation
• depression
• anger
• accepting and overcoming the crisis.

Overcoming the crisis

The following are fairly general recommendations that psychologists give to overcome the midlife crisis. These recommendations are quite reasonable, and it is quite possible that they will help someone. Although the anti-crisis session of Backmology is not based on their use.

A midlife crisis is a suspension of a life program, and overcoming it is a reboot. The midlife crisis is the time when it's time to learn to listen to yourself, accept yourself and trust yourself.

Life is always the way we imagine it to be. Life does not end at the age of forty, from that moment all the most interesting things just begin. This is a great age! It's fruit picking time! The mid-life crisis should become a springboard for new joys and new discoveries. A person has the right and the privilege to build his life the way he wants.

The main thing is to survive the crisis, to conduct a kind of life audit, because if you push this problem aside and do not solve it, then at the end of your life you may be overtaken by the most terrible crisis prepared for a person - the crisis of the end of life. Think about why some old people are smiling, wise, kind, while others are evil, critical, hating everyone and everything? The fact is that the former accepted their life, while the latter did not, because they lived an imposed, alien life, and this is impossible to accept. After all, to accept your life path means to accept yourself as you were and are, and your psychological environment, and much more. And if at the end of life it is almost impossible to change anything, then in the middle of life there is always such an opportunity. Therefore, this is your main life chance, which is important to use.

Successfully passing a midlife crisis involves accepting your true age, taking responsibility for your life. There is a reassessment of values, their true needs and desires are revealed. Relationships change, we change relationships. It is possible that some people will disappear from our lives, and new ones will appear. Sometimes we have to accept the fact that some things can no longer be changed, that the consequences of other actions will accompany us until the end of our lives. It can be very sad at times, but it is this experience that enriches us with the hope that the next part of life can be lived with greater awareness and joy.

In order for the crisis not to turn into a depressive pit, but to become exactly the springboard for changes and updates in life, one should:

• do not deny yourself the sensations of inner trouble: you are not going crazy, nothing bad is happening to you - just your inner voice, your intuition, your psyche (after all, call it whatever you like) are asking you to finally pay attention to yourself yourself, on your life;
• accept incoming emotions as a way to find out what exactly is happening to you, where the zones of internal and external trouble are. Do not suppress sadness, anger, or fear, considering them inappropriate emotions. They are your path to change.

• Stop looking for symptoms of various diseases. Not every cold is early lung cancer;
• Do not start an affair on the side. Even if the partner allowed himself to do it. A young graduate will not return you to your former youth, but it can destroy your marriage. Think about how stupid you look in the eyes of others;
• Get out in public more. Force yourself to go to a restaurant with your wife at least once a week, or watch football with friends;
• Do not project your problems and unfulfilled dreams onto your children. Stop forcing your son to go to music school, and your daughter to do extra math on weekends. This will not change anything in your life, but you really take away childhood and their own interests from children;
• Don't buy yourself "middle-aged" toys. You are already a serious and mature person. Think about how silly you'll look in a red foreign car, or a green Kawasaki, after which you have to collect your piece by piece;
• Turn off your phones all weekend. Nothing will happen if you read spam and another shocking news from the Kremlin or Ukraine. But your family will have a chance to chat with you and have fun, and not constantly watch how you ignore it;
• Seek support from a loved one with whom you can feel safe and share your concerns. Contact a specialist if you feel your condition is critical.

Don't lie and don't be afraid. Conduct a frank and thorough audit of your life views, attitudes, rules and values. Be very honest with yourself to answer the questions: what goals do I want to achieve? Are these my goals or someone else's? What are my feelings now? What do I want to feel tomorrow, in a year? Does my current life scenario suit me? What do I want and can change in this scenario? What am I dreaming about? What is stopping me from fulfilling my dream?

Love yourself. Accept yourself as you are, with all your flaws and weaknesses. Say nice things to yourself, smile to yourself. Train your body and spirit. Take care of yourself: good nutrition, good sleep, body care. Believe in yourself. “But know that those who manage to believe in themselves win the fight.” Appreciate and love your surroundings - family, colleagues, friends and just random guests on your life path. Your love and kindness, given to people, will return to you a hundredfold.

Live here and now. To return to the past occasionally and for a short time with the main goal - to search for one's resources and experience one's own achievements and victories. Do not look for the mistakes of the current situation in the past and do not live in the past. "Whoever is left in the past has no present." Thoughts about the future should not overshadow the joy of the present. "Tomorrow will take care of itself." Down with drafts! Every day of yours should be clean.

It is necessary to try to learn to enjoy every moment, to enjoy every event in life and just simple things. Then everything in life will become much easier.

The mid-life crisis can indeed become a springboard for a new take-off, the so-called second peak of life activity. He contributed to the formation of many great people.

However, it is not necessary to radically change your life - you can continue to follow the beaten path. But at the same time, evaluate the past years, understand what you need and what is not, and, most importantly, accept your former path, but already consciously, and continue to increase quantitatively and qualitatively what has been achieved. Strive not only to add years to life, but life to years.

It all depends on how ready a person is to understand and accept his problems, to honestly look into the eyes of reality, no matter how frightening it may be, whether he is capable of change - both in life and in himself - and, most importantly, whether he is ready to invest into these changes. If a person does not draw any conclusions during a crisis, then he does not grow up.

Here are some tips for those who are friends with the proverb "a healthy mind in a healthy body."

1. Attention and care for your body will allow you to keep your strength longer and treat your body with gentle trepidation, respect it and be proud of it. It is necessary to take measures to slow down the aging process of the body and improve the physical condition. This, of course, is an active lifestyle and the rejection of bad habits. Going in for sports, no matter how trite it sounds, really helps to cope with thoughts of insolvency and approaching old age. Every day, increasing the load on the body, you will rejoice at your small victories, and the thought “I can!” will push you to the next level.

2. If you can stop smoking, then a sense of pride in yourself will settle in your heart for a long time. First of all, your desire and willpower are capable of such a decisive step, in some situations reflexology and psychotherapy may be useful.

If you don’t suffer from bad habits and don’t need to fight them, you can try to master in life what you dreamed about, but always put off for later or simply didn’t dare. For each person, this is something different, for example, learning to drive a car or skate, or take and jump with a parachute. This should be great to cheer up and increase credibility in their eyes.

3. It is necessary to realize once and for all that there is only one life, there will be no other, and a person is the creator of his own happiness. Therefore, we pull ourselves together and begin to create, no matter how hard it is.

Prevention is the most effective and obvious. It is important to strive to maintain balance in your life, not to concentrate on the problems of the disease and the approaching old age, but to approach it fully armed - hardened and able to fight. It is very important to take care of yourself and the quality of your life, and then all sorts of depressions and crises will bypass you. And if they do, you'll be ready for it.

Be happy, learn to enjoy what you do and give pleasure to those who are dear to you! Ultimately, it's not the years in your life that matters, but the life in your years. (Abraham Lincoln)

Backmology approach

The information that a person puts into his subconscious, those images that he inspires himself, will certainly play an important role that determines the result of any of his undertakings. A mind programmed to fail will inevitably lead to failure. A person programmed for achievement will show high results. So, all great athletes know that the union of the efforts of the spirit and body is a key factor in achieving the highest results. Sports commentators refer to this state as achieving the highest form.

However, when faced with a stronger opponent, after a series of failures, constant overstrain, a person often “breaks down”. Psychological imbalance does not appear out of nowhere. It is always preceded by a series of transferred stresses - clearly felt or implicit.

A midlife crisis is a breakdown that occurs as a result of natural fatigue, it is associated with haphazardly accumulated experience in the absence of a well-thought-out goal-setting strategy. A person has set goals for himself for a long time and achieved them at any cost, not commensurate with his deepest desires, capabilities and prospects for further development. This probably happened under the strong influence of the environment (parents, friends, idols and mentors, stereotypes of the cult of success, etc.), as well as other circumstances, but the person himself is responsible for the breakdown that happened to him, because he did not show the proper critical attitude towards directing his behavior, did not evaluate his own strengths and the possible consequences of his behavior. In Backmology, this situation is interpreted as the absence of psychocontrolling in a person.

Under psychocontrolling Backmology refers to the activity of a person aimed at eliminating and preventing bottlenecks in his activity and focused on an environmentally friendly future in accordance with his goals. Psychocontrolling is the basis for supporting the basic functions of self-government: adaptation, self-identification, planning, business activity, reflection (control, accounting and analysis). With its help, the process of making and implementing decisions becomes environmentally friendly for a person, i.e. controllability of behavior, susceptibility to stress, problems with goal setting, conflict in communication are minimized.

Anti-crisis sessions of Backmology are based on psychocontrolling tools: the Becoming a Warrior methodology, the Ideoplast method, 4C analysis, etc.

Anti-crisis sessions are aimed at helping the client to mobilize their psychological, physical and intellectual resources to overcome the crisis. During the sessions, internal and external factors that help or hinder the solution of the problem are objectively assessed, and the client develops the potential to overcome a difficult situation and further successful development.

After the successful completion of the sessions, the client has the opportunity to use the elements of psychocontrolling himself so that in the future the crisis phenomena in his life will no longer be repeated.

Cost and terms of service

The cost of the session is 5000 rubles.

The service is designed for men only and is provided only by male specialists. Anonymity and confidentiality are guaranteed.

The session is held exclusively on the territory of the client. Duration - up to 4 hours.

With complex forms of a neuropsychic or psychosomatic nature (sexual disorders, insomnia, obsessive thoughts, psychotrauma, etc.) do not apply.

Need more information?

Please contact us by email becmology at gmail.com. We will discuss your concerns without imposing a purchase and any obligations for you.

Some of our articles on psychological safety.

1. Looking in the mirror, you do not recognize yourself: an adult face, a serious look, wrinkles ... Is this aged person really me ?!
2. You have a desire to quit a good job.
3. There was an interest in religion, church, philosophy of a new age.
4. Activities that used to be fun have become boring.
5. It became difficult to concentrate on what was easy until recently.
6. You feel good when you hurt.
7. There was a desire to run away from everything.
8. There was a need to improve their physical shape.
9. You feel irritable or experience an unexpected fit of anger.
10. There are solid “NOTs” in my head - I didn’t achieve, I didn’t have time, I couldn’t.
11. You compare yourself to other people your age who you think have achieved more.
12. You have a desire to actively move or engage in extreme sports (running, cycling, dancing, racing in red sports cars, skydiving, etc.).
13. You have a desire to listen to other music.
14. Suddenly, a desire to learn how to play a musical instrument appeared.
15. You have an unexpected interest in drawing, painting, writing books or poetry.
16. The need for sleep has changed: decreased or increased.
17. You began to think about death, talk about its nature.
18. You have started taking vitamins or nutritional supplements to prolong life.
19. You have made drastic changes to your diet.
20. You buy new clothes more often and spend more time looking good.
21. You experience natural changes in the color, thickness and quantity of your hair. You change your hairstyle, there is a need to dye your hair.
22. Around you there are more and more people who are younger than you. Suddenly you discover that a handsome young man is fit for your sons.
23. The attitude towards young people has changed: you either try to spend more time in their company, or avoid their company, because you feel uncomfortable, feeling your age.
24. You are trying to give new life to things bought 20 years ago.
25. You are not satisfied with the society you live in, you want to change it.
26. You have a desire to teach or heal other people.
27. You want a simple life.
28. You often remember your childhood.
29. You are increasingly thinking about the future.
30. You are overly fixated on any problems.
31. You have become tired.
32. There were problems with memory.
33. New diseases are being discovered.
34. Accumulated consequences of bad habits - smoking, drinking alcohol.
35. You become more stressed. There is an internal transformation characteristic of this age, after the death of loved ones, peer friends, job loss, divorce.
36. Someone suddenly exclaims, "You're going through a midlife crisis!"

How does a midlife crisis work?

The midlife crisis does not occur in a vacuum. It always takes place in the context of a relationship. On a broad social level, its course depends on cultural norms of life, the expectation of happiness, the measure of success achieved, the possibility of mobility, the success of medicine for health and beauty, wars and twists of fate, as well as on the experience that we draw from our ancestors and partners of the middle age.

No matter where or when you start your journey, most couples eventually enter the uncharted territory of middle age. Even if one of the partners goes through a midlife crisis, his crisis becomes yours.

What is a mid-life crisis? A midlife crisis is defined as a period of emotional upheaval in middle age (40–60 years) and is characterized by a strong desire for change.

Although the term “midlife crisis” originally referred only to men, namely due to the fear of death characteristic of this age period, the definition has now been expanded to include issues that both men and women face in response to physical , social and psychological problems associated with aging. Middle age is a way of reassessment, summing up intermediate results and re-identification.

Scientific studies have shown that only 10-26% of people over 40 experience a crisis, so perhaps it would be more appropriate to talk about the transition period of middle age.

Whatever you call it, this age brings certain changes in the worldview and attitude. Many people define it as a time of personal upheaval and change. Contrary to theoretical expectations, participants in the special interview did not link the midlife crisis to aging or fear of death. Men focused on problems with work or marriage, women noted changes in health, family and personal relationships.

Midlife crisis and women

You think:“I am getting old”, “youth has passed”, “the years take their toll”, “I am young at heart, but I must remember about my passport age”, “I need to undergo an examination”.

You feel:“I don’t want anything”, “everything is annoying”, “it’s scary to think about the future”, “everything is behind”, “I became invisible to men”.

You know:“the best half of my life has already been lived”, “I will never ...”, “I will not do ...”, “I will never be able to ...”, “I am vulnerable because I am many years old”.

It's all about age, but not only.

Age is just a number. Young energy defies age.<…>

“If youth knew, if old age could!” But youth is over, and old age has not yet come. We are in that beautiful middle age, when we still want and already can. This is a new turn of the spiral, where every day is appreciated.

There is a phenomenon in psychology called figure-ground. If you carefully focus on some part of the field, that is, make it a "figure", then everything else goes into the "background" and ceases to be perceived.

Appreciate what has been done - the “figure”. Stop comparing yourself to others! If there were events in life that you regret, then treat them from the position of gaining experience, because it is known that it is better to regret what has been done than what has not been done.

To preserve beauty, it is necessary to comb not only your hair, but also your thoughts, because age is given out not so much by wrinkles, but by extinct eyes and fatigue from life. Therefore, the question “How to feel younger?” are increasingly addressed to a psychologist and psychotherapist. However, not a single cosmetic procedure or plastic surgery is able to restore shine to the eyes, flexibility to the body, boldness to the soul. A dull, dull look speaks more eloquently than a passport.

What to do?

First, do not attribute changes in your appearance to age. So that thoughts about passing youth do not overcome, explain the changes in the face and figure with a complex rhythm of life, an unfavorable environmental situation, and hard work. Secondly, strive to maintain psychological youth - to feel active, interested, enthusiastic. A positive internal attitude always has a positive effect on the external appearance.

Each emotion is reflected on the face, training some muscles and leaving others without proper load. Over time, a facial mask of a person is formed.

The more we get nervous, irritated and angry, the longer we feel internal discontent, the more clearly negative emotions are imprinted on the face, including in the form of wrinkles, lowered corners of the mouth, hanging upper eyelids.<…>

Age is often manifested by increased fatigue, easy forgetfulness, which can hardly be said to be a “girl's memory”; the word “sclerosis” comes off the lips more and more often when you can’t remember any simple and familiar word.

Scolding your brain for sluggishness and attributing all this to age, you should remember that a non-working organ reduces its function - with physical inactivity, the knees do not unbend and the stomach sags, since the idle brain becomes as lazy as you yourself. When every day of life is similar to the previous one, the brain loses the ability to adapt to new situations. There is a way out: add variety to your life - change the route to work, change to a bike, don’t go home after work, but arrange interesting outings at least once a week.

Throw a calculator into the back drawer. What for?

I offer you an exercise with which a psychiatrist usually tests one of the functions of the brain in old people.

Subtract 7 from 100 to get 93, subtract 7 from 93, and so on down. If it turned out quickly and without hesitation - my compliments, if not - immediately throw away the calculator. Arithmetic and more arithmetic in the name of brain training! Down with weeklies and cell phone records - try to remember friends' birthdays, business and phone numbers. Difficult? Try it!

Travel. One week of travel can give you more impressions and memories than a whole year of ordinary life. New places, people, traditions and languages ​​give your brain a good shake-up from everyday slumber.

Often we console ourselves with the fact that wisdom comes with age, but I want to reassure you. Sometimes age comes alone. If at 20 there was no mind, then at 40 there will be no wisdom. Wisdom lies not in knowing that a tomato is a berry, but in not putting it in a fruit salad. If you are unsuccessfully climbing the stairs and cannot overcome the obstacle that has arisen in front of you, then you put the ladder on the wrong wall.

Don't fight age, make it your ally, enjoy maturity. If a short children's dress is not enough for you, you need to buy yourself a decent evening outfit.

Mastering new psychological roles is your main task at every stage of life.

The advice of psychologist Victoria Labokaite, managing partner of Ideasea (ideasea.ru), will help you cope with adversity.

What is it all about

“To put it quite simply, a midlife crisis is a crisis of growing up and self-awareness,” Victoria explained after she cited several quotes from Jung, and we did not understand anything. - On average, up to thirty years, a person lives according to the patterns that he received from his parents and society. As a result, a bias arises: some parts of the personality are overdeveloped, others are suppressed, but ask for light. Plus, the first signs of aging appear, although before that only those around us were aging. ”

How to avoid a crisis

“No way,” Victoria cheered. - The question is not whether there will be a crisis or not. Will. The question is, do you manage the crisis or the crisis you.

How to Know When a Crisis Has Arrived

Ironic girls love to laugh at men who struggle with a midlife crisis by buying Porsches, having affairs with college girls and skydiving. But this is not a fight against the crisis, but its symptoms. In general, if:

you are in a long depression, although you did not buy dollars at 65;
you no longer understand why you do what you do;
you were drawn away from your wife towards very young girls;
you took out a loan for a sports car and bought a motorcycle for change;
you celebrated your 40th anniversary in a marathon and won a pacemaker in a triathlon,
- it might mean nothing.

If all points are yours, this is a symptom. Buying a Ferrari could mean you've mined bitcoins. But if you're in your thirties, depressed, and driving to Las Vegas in a Ferrari with a schoolgirl, that's a crisis. Depression is a mandatory symptom, the rest can change.

What to do with it

Go to the doctors. Namely, a detailed blood test, ultrasound, an endocrinologist and a psychotherapist. Depression is sometimes caused by diseases that are quite bodily - from hepatitis to oncology. Or the hormonal imbalance that goes hand in hand with depression.

Keep calm. If you are physically healthy and this is clearly a crisis, you should not break loose in Kathmandu, go on a drinking binge, join the Hells Angels and fall into other similar convulsions. It's just replacing one pattern with another.

Release aggression. There will be a lot of it along the way, and there is no need to add divorce proceedings to the crisis. Therefore, boxing, airsoft or loud screams under the bridge during the passage of the train will be useful to you.

Recognize reality.“Life will end sooner or later, youth has passed, you no longer know who you are, and it depends only on you how to live on,” the expert explains. “At the same time, you need to understand that you are not omnipotent and the results of life depend not only on you.”

Get to know yourself. Sounds vague, in fact it is. But this is the main thing in overcoming the crisis, Victoria Labokaite believes. The task is to understand what features of your personality have been suppressed. For this you will need:

morning page. As soon as you wake up, write two or three pages by hand. What comes to mind. There is nothing to write - just write: "There is nothing to write, nothing at all, what nonsense am I doing." In such a stream of consciousness, the brain sometimes yields valuable insights;

conscious movement. Yoga is fine, but you can at least smash the TV with a baseball bat if you are aware of the movement of every muscle. The point is to turn off the negative mental chewing gum;

rejection of gadgets. They force you to watch the outside world, and it throws up new patterns all the time. During a crisis, it is better to immerse yourself in yourself.

Solve problems which he avoided. If you've been trading stocks for twenty years and still don't get to the vocal school you dreamed about, you have to get there. And the artist in worn-out shoes, on the contrary, has to overcome the horror of making money.

Get creative. Firstly, it is the creative part of the personality that is often suppressed by developed logic - this is required by society. Secondly, a crisis often arises from the awareness of one's ordinaryness. Any consumption does not solve the problem, even a gilded Rolls-Royce does not make your personality unique. But any creativity - does.

Explain changes to loved ones. If a beloved husband and father silently dresses, takes an ice pick and leaves, this can cause anxiety. If he explains that he is going to climb a rock in order to free the repressed part of his personality, the wife will calm down and decide that he is just an idiot, and the usual, as you know, does not frighten. But be prepared for the fact that even loving people will resist change in you. The system loves stability.

Filter the environment. Man is a social and influenced being. And during a crisis, you are vulnerable, and the right environment is a matter of security. Jealous friends, demotivating women - you can’t feed this whole convoy with your emotions now.

How to understand that everything

The easiest thing about a midlife crisis is to understand that you have passed it. Or didn't pass. If you find the repressed parts of the personality and give them a load, then you will begin to enjoy life again. If, however, he simply replaced the old alien patterns with new ones, the joy will be fleeting and a new round of crisis will come. Then get this article and read it.

The established way of life squeezes the vise of men to whom everyday life seems like a prison.

Between the ages of 37 and 40, the midlife crisis is more severe in men than in women.

The established way of life squeezes the vise of men to whom everyday life seems like a prison. Here it is worth paying close attention to the indirect causes of the midlife crisis in men. Some of them are recommended to follow in advance:

Health. By the age of 40, there is a decline in vitality and the body begins to experience the first difficulties - from chronic diseases to the first signs of erectile dysfunction. Even if a person is completely healthy, natural physical changes appear - heralds of approaching old age. Your own appearance in the eyes of a man is of great value. It's not easy to accept.

Change of roles. Do not forget that by this period men have to take on more responsibility. At home, where children are growing up, or at work, where less experienced colleagues come for advice. Some men may not be ready for this. In addition, the role reversal signals that youth has formally passed.

Self-immersion. Questions begin to torment the soul: Have I become happier? How did I live the first half of my life? Were there really important and right actions? Often people who have achieved a lot feel lonely and tired, despite successes and career ups.

The midlife crisis is perfectly illustrated by the proverb about the gray hair in the beard and the demon in the rib. It is by the age of 40 that the dreams of youth seem more and more attractive. By this age, a wife is perceived as a partner or mother, and a man needs female attention and admiration, which young girls generously bestow on him. Self-affirmation through new relationships makes it easier to overcome the crisis, but worsens the existing life.

I'm good!

Psychologists recommend that you stop evaluating yourself as a robot. Don't let perfectionism ruin your life. It is also necessary to pay attention to what is already there and ignore the thought that something is missing. Every day you need to praise yourself even for the smallest and most insignificant achievements.

Experts assure that the crisis will affect less those who give themselves pleasure and enjoy what is happening in life.