How to change for the better. How to change character for the better? Psychologist's advice

Each individual has a completely different character. You will never find the same personalities, differing only in appearance. If your behavior and habits do not bother you and the people around you, then you don’t even think about how to change yourself and your character. But there are times when a certain temperament interferes in life.

The origin of personality traits in humans

Character is not laid in a person genetically, it is an acquired phenomenon. It begins to form from the first months after the birth of the baby. The main role in this is played by the communication of the child, who copies the behavior of those around him.

The active age of formation of the characteristic features of a child's personality is from 2 to 10 years. During this period, children communicate with each other, parents. They are open to new achievements, gaining experience. They see around how peers communicate with each other, how parents communicate with other children, how parents communicate with each other. At this time, the child copies actions and phrases, so parents should constantly control themselves so as not to say or do too much in front of the child.

Preschool child and his character

In the preschool years, first of all, a manifestation of kindness or a negative attitude towards the world around, animals, people, responsiveness and sociability is noticed in the child. Or selfishness, isolation and an indifferent attitude are manifested. The more is put into the mind of the baby, the better. Consolidation of qualities occurs in instructive games, while reading books, in household chores.

If you want to develop kindness, mutual help, responsiveness, compassion in a child, bring home an animal from the street. Feed him, cure him, wash him, show a kind attitude towards our smaller brothers. Move the old woman across the road, add money to the old man in the store, who lacked a few tens of rubles for groceries. Children absorb the actions of their parents like a sponge. Subsequently, they will repeat the same. Proper upbringing is the key to a positively formed character.

Schoolboy and his character

Schoolchildren are surrounded by a large number of people: these are teachers, classmates, parents of friends, etc. During this period, active social development begins. The formation of individual traits is greatly influenced by the environment of the child: the way peers and teachers communicate with him.

The child tries in no way to lag behind others. And if he succeeds, he succeeds in his studies, and sometimes even succeeds in front of his classmates, in him. If the opposite happens - he studies poorly, does not understand some tasks, reads worse than others, complexes develop in him. Over time, he stops trying at all, so there is a chance that he will become a loser.
Such complexes must be suppressed in the bud if parents do not want behavioral problems in the future in adolescence. At this time, the child is physically formed, his hormonal background changes, the psyche is unstable. This is a time of drastic changes in behavior, bold deeds.

By the senior classes, as a rule, the character is already fully formed, only the features are fixed. The child already knows what he wants from life, tries himself in new endeavors.

The character of a person is formed from infancy until graduation from school (up to about 18 years). There are practically no cardinal changes. There are only some distortions in one direction or another.

The child receives the basics and reinforcement during his school years, and by the end of his studies he becomes a mature personality.

How to change yourself and your character

Some character traits often prevent us from living. This may be excessive shyness, which prevents you from getting to know the opposite sex. Or carelessness, which manifests itself in constant chaos at home and at work, which is not particularly liked by colleagues and roommates. Curiosity also does not always bring positive results. Not everyone likes it when a nickel is shoved into their lives. There are times when we want to change ourselves and our character in order to improve our lives. And how to do it, because the character was formed over the years. It is quite difficult to do this, but it is possible.

positive attitude

To change something in yourself, you must first imagine what kind of life you imagine, what you want to be present in it, and most importantly, who. What kind of people will surround you, what will you have. If you are used to thinking that life is decay, then it will be so. Tune in to the positive, discover the talent in yourself. Changing your thoughts is difficult, but there is an interesting technique. Take the rubber band that ties bundles of money. Put it on your wrist. And every time a thought arises in your head, click yourself with a properly stretched rubber band and think about the good. Believe me, the sensations are not pleasant. Over time, this will become a habit, thoughts will slowly move to the side of good.

role model

No, for this you do not need to turn into a parrot or a monkey and mimic someone. Come up with an idol for yourself, a standard of a person, what you would like to be. Maybe it will be a TV star, a movie actor, or maybe a neighbor from the apartment across the street. In moments of anger, anger, or some other negative moments, imagine this person and think about how he would act in your place.

Love yourself

Due to the complex nature of many, it does not work out. But this is the wrong behavior, anyone should love themselves. But to help yourself, do auto-training in front of the mirror every morning, saying how you love yourself, how every minute you are getting better and better (kinder, more fun, more energetic, more confident, etc.). But don't turn into a narcissistic narcissist. You want to create a new person, learn to create, become a creator, an artist.

Analysis

Situations happen to us on a daily basis. It's rare that something out of the ordinary happens. So over time, we get into the habit of responding to similar situations in the same way. To keep track of your behavior, in the evening after work, while the memories are still fresh, write down each situation and how you behaved. This will help analyze the reaction to what is happening around and understand what is wrong, what to change, and what to improve. It will not work to become ideal, but it will not hurt anyone to correct themselves. Rank the traits in ascending order that are the first to be corrected. For example, top 10!

Habit

To change yourself and your character, you will need to make this process a habit. You have been doing the same thing for years, not noticing anything around, and then suddenly decide to change dramatically. That won't work. Make a clear plan for which you will act, motivate yourself. Clear control is the key to success. Action should become a habit.

When you change yourself, you will not recognize your own life. It will change with you, you just have to want it.

According to the definition of psychologists, a person's character is an individual set of personal properties that determine a person's attitude to everything around him and are manifested in his actions.

The most basic, basic character traits are laid down in early childhood, it can be confidently asserted that already at the age of 5-6 a child has a sufficiently developed character. Already in the second year of life, a boy either demonstrates strong-willed qualities to adults, and by the age of 3-4 years, a child’s business properties are already being formed.

All signs of communicative inclinations appear at the age of 4-5 years, when the child begins to actively participate in role-playing games in a group of other children.

While studying at school, the process of character formation continues, but if parents and teachers have the maximum influence on a student in the lower grades, then starting from the middle grades, the child listens more and more to the opinions of their peers, but in the senior grades, the assessments and recommendations of adults again become important.

During this age period, the young person is also significantly influenced by the media.

In the future, the character will change somewhat on the basis of personal meetings, relationships with other people, at an older age, some personality traits change again, but for other reasons.

At the age of 50, a person finds himself as if on the border between the past and the future, he no longer builds grandiose plans for his future life, but it is still too early to completely immerse himself in memories. After 60 years, a person is already clearly aware of the full value of both the past and the present, he develops slowness and measuredness in reasoning and actions, even if such qualities were not inherent before.

Can an adult change his character?

After reaching the age of thirty, cardinal changes in character occur extremely rarely, but still it is never too late to change yourself. A person at any moment of life can influence those traits of his character that he himself does not like, there are many methods for this, but the main thing is that the decision to change must be voluntary and conscious.

In such a situation, a systematic approach will help a lot. On a separate piece of paper, you need to write out those character traits that cause irritation, and in front of each, write in what exactly they manifest themselves. Having weighed everything written, it will be much easier for a person to control himself and prevent further undesirable actions on his part.

The process of character formation is long, complex, and it will not be easy to get rid of unpleasant traits, but it is still possible, and a person will feel especially uncomfortable during the first week after making a decision. When control over unwanted character traits becomes a habit, it will be much easier to monitor your behavior, and the person himself will not notice how his life, and the life of his loved ones, will change for the better.

Many people hear such a phrase in their address: “Well, character, you urgently need to change it.” But we all know that there are no perfect people. Each is unique in its own way and one of the traits is the character, and it is completely different for everyone. To change it, people are ready for a lot, it is rather problematic, but real.

Some sign up for various trainings, others go to a psychotherapist, others sign up as volunteers, and so on. For some it helps, and for others it doesn't. But what are the most effective ways to change your character and become better?

What is character made of?

Experts say that genetic traits at birth make up no more than 7% of the whole character, all the remaining 93% are acquired.

Our upbringing. Moms and dads themselves, without noticing it, instill in us many character traits, both useful and negative, in childhood. Over time, it is difficult to get rid of them or change them later.

Society. A lot also depends on the people around us. If you are friends and communicate with, then you will have such character traits. Negativity attracts only negativity.

Interests. From childhood, we first like one thing, but as we grow up, everything changes and we are interested in something else. This is normal. At school, you were fond of photography, and now you like martial arts, which you didn’t even think about before.

Living environment. Character traits also depend on where you grew up and matured. Mentality affects us no less than everything else, and sometimes more.

What can you do to change your character yourself?

Self-improvement and change is hard work on oneself, which as a result will bring the desired results. But this, of course, is not enough, discipline, patience and a desire to change are still needed.

A vivid example. You need to find a person who will be a role model for you. It must be a successful, intelligent and cheerful person who enjoys life. You need to learn how to behave easily and freely with others, and never pay attention to stupid insults from losers.

Control over your own actions. Before you do or say anything, first calm down, and then think twice whether you need it or not. Our tongue is sometimes our enemy, so learn to control your impulses so as not to bring trouble on yourself.

Plan. This is another way to change your character. Write down on a blank sheet of paper those traits that you want to change in yourself and start acting. Don't sweat it too much, start small. If you are shy, make it a habit to say hello to one stranger every day for a week. If you are aggressive, then rest more, and do not get angry at everything around.

Good deeds. Helping others is a great way to boost your confidence and feel great. You can easily help an old grandmother carry bags to the house and hear thanks in response. Feed a homeless animal and it will take you home, or just smile at a passerby and get a smile in return.

Bracelet on hand. To get rid of a bad habit, there is a wonderful one. To do this, you need to purchase a hard rubber band on your hand. As soon as you say a bad word, then immediately hit yourself with a bracelet on your arm. On the fifth day, you should move it to the other hand and this must be done until you hold the elastic band on one hand for 21 days. Three weeks and you will get rid of the habit of expressing negative emotions out loud, after which the internal state will change.

Diary. Write down in it everything that happened to you during the whole day. Your actions, emotions at a certain moment, how long you thought about making a decision, and so on. This will help you in the future to understand how you acted before and what needs to be improved in yourself.

Favourite buisness. This wonderful method will help you quickly change your character. . With the help of an interesting activity, a person calms down, feels lightness, freedom and gets a great mood. Therefore, choose what is closest to you and enjoy it. After a while, you will notice big changes for the better in yourself.

Almost every person at a certain stage of life is faced with a situation where he has a desire to change his habits, behavior, character. Throughout their lives, people can endlessly change for the better, because there is always something that does not suit them.

Self-improvement and striving for the best change the character of a person, his attitude to life, and the world around him begins to treat him differently. The whole set of changes entails the improvement of life. High goals that used to seem so far away are becoming available. While we are changing, we are growing.

What can cause the desire to change the existing way of life for the better? One of the main and strong motivators that stimulate the desire for change is fear.. This may be the fear of losing something dear (health, loved one, children, family, job, status, etc.) or the fear of not having time to get something from life (the same list).

To begin to change, a person must know and understand that there is a solution to the current situation, he must have hope for a way out. That is why a girl in love, in order to lose weight and not lose her beloved, goes to the gym and swimming pool, and a person who has had a heart attack immediately quits smoking. Fear of poverty and poverty has been a motive for hard work for many people who have become rich as a result.

A person will not change for the better if the emerging life suits him, and he believes that he will live well anyway. He will not change if he does not see a way out of the current situation - this is how people with serious illnesses resign themselves when they believe that there is no hope for recovery. A simple conclusion follows from this: in order to change, you need to be aware of how dear you are to what you can lose or how bad it will be in life if everything remains the same.

There is also an article about the one who used to be loved. There are several ways to let go of the person with whom you broke up, but you cannot forget and this prevents you from building a new life.

Where to begin

There are no ways to change something in yourself quickly and painlessly. Miraculous remedies that allow you to eradicate bad habits or acquire positive ones in the blink of an eye have not yet been invented. The desire to change oneself and one's life achieves success only when certain efforts and work are applied to achieve the goal.

To begin with, it’s good to understand what exactly doesn’t suit you in yourself, what prevents you from living. You need to find out what good or bad qualities you have, what they may be needed for. You should choose those that prevent you from changing the most and which you need to get rid of first.

Trying to get rid of all bad habits and qualities at once is not worth it - this is an impossible task. The positive qualities that are in every person should be developed and cultivated, like a gardener caring for flowers. Even freed from weeds, roses will not be fragrant if they are not looked after - so our virtues need care.

positive thinking

The usefulness of positive thinking has long been recognized by everyone and does not require additional evidence, but there are no fewer complaints about life, people, or the weather. The priest Will Bowen, after a long observation of people's behavior, concluded that their thoughts depend on the statements of people, affecting emotions, feelings and actions.

For those who wanted to make changes in their lives, the priest advised them to wear an ordinary bracelet and live without gossip, complaints, irritation for three weeks. In the case when a person forgot and spoke negative words, he put the bracelet on the other hand and began to count the days again. The experiment lasted until the bracelet remained on one arm for three full weeks.

The method proposed by an ordinary priest turned out to be very effective - the participants in the experiment changed a lot. A life without complaints made people realize from the moment they woke up that they should not speak out about negative things, and the best way to refrain from this is to learn to notice everything positive in themselves and the world that surrounds them.

The test participants learned self-control over thoughts and words, and without the ability to control themselves, one cannot change for the better. In addition, during the experiment, everyone learned a lot about themselves and their thinking.

Changes in appearance

Changes in the inner worldview will certainly lead to a change externally, cardinal or affecting certain features of the general image. By starting to think positively, you will forgive offenders and stop wasting energy on resentment.

Realizing that you are unique, you will love yourself and learn how to express your love to loved ones. The desire to protect oneself from the adversities of the world by overeating, alcoholic beverages, and smoking will disappear.

Self-confidence will appear and the shoulders will straighten, the gait will become confident, the eyes will sparkle. The world will change, you will have new friends and hobbies. There will be a desire to change the image, to change outwardly, because the former image no longer suits the inner content.

And, conversely, often a person feels insecure in life, because he does not like his own appearance. Having got rid of extra pounds, having a new hairstyle or updating his wardrobe, he first changes externally, and then internal changes come.

If you have a desire to change for the better, externally or internally, do not put it off until tomorrow, Monday or next month.

Get started right now, whatever the day of the week and time of day, because every second of life goes away forever and you can’t return it.