How to competently, culturally and politely refuse a person a request, a loan of money without offending him: words, phrases, dialogue. A colleague, a friend constantly asks for help: how to delicately and correctly refuse? How to refuse a trip without offending a person? Polite forms from

The secret of how to reject emails from friends and acquaintances.

Franzen recalls receiving a letter from a friend. Not sincere, but highly respected. A friend asked me to help with a project. Deadline? Passed a week ago. She only needed a few hours. She was ready to pay.

Franzen sighed, looked at her calendar, and thought about it. The only way to get on with the project was to reschedule something, get up early, stay up late, and work on weekends to boot. An unhappy prospect. In addition, Alexandra was not at all inspired by this project, and even the money offered by her friend did not make him attractive. It was better to devote time to interesting tasks. Well, or just spend time with your loved one.

In a word, there was not a single significant reason for answering a friend "yes", except for the installations "be nice" and "help friends". However, sometimes you have to go against them, Franzen thought, and decided to refuse.

How to say “no” to a friend and not spoil the relationship? This proved to be a difficult task, even for a professional writer and experienced communications specialist. You also need to be able to refuse - and a pre-prepared refusal template will greatly help with this.

Generic Scenario:

Hey [name]!

Thank you for your letter.

I am proud that you ______. I'm glad you'd like to work with me.

I have to say no because ____.

But I would like to help you [how exactly].

Thanks for _____! I appreciate our friendship.

[a few encouraging words].

[signature]

This is what a real letter might look like:

Hello, Maria!

Thank you for your letter!

I am proud that you are organizing a conference for Internet entrepreneurs. I'm glad you'd like to work with me.

Unfortunately, I have to answer “no” because this week I have a lot of trouble in my mouth - so many things have piled up that there is no end in sight.

But I would really like to help you. You may find it useful to plan last year's conference for livestock breeders of the Far North, which was prepared by my colleague. I am sending the document as an attachment. By the way, she will be happy to answer your questions on VKontakte (her page: vk.com/konfetka1966).

Thank you for your optimism and love of life! You know how much I value our friendship.

Good luck with the event! I can imagine what a difficult job this is.

Write!

Sasha

This scenario will work if three prerequisites are met.

1. Answer quickly.

You can’t put off answering in the hope that a friend will forget about the letter. Will not forget.

2. Briefly explain the reason for the refusal.

Explaining to friends the reason for the refusal is important and correct. But don't get hung up on the details. Nobody needs it. Let's say the scenario above only talks about a busy schedule. If the explanation is honest and concise, friends will understand.

3. Offer something in return

It doesn’t matter what gender you are, because the ability to politely refuse is extremely important in all types of relationships. There are various ways to make this task easier and still maintain peace of mind. Learn to ask for time to think, avoid confrontation whenever possible, and be as honest as possible.

Steps

Rejections in everyday life

Why is it so hard to say no. We all learned from an early age that consent is easier to give and helps to gain approval. This develops into a deep need to always indulge parents, which is associated with love and fear of renunciation. We may also fear separation and loss of our spouses or loved ones. If a friend's request is denied, there may be a quarrel or the risk of hurting feelings. At work, rejection can make you look like an unfriendly colleague or hinder your career advancement.

• In theory, consent is great, but in practice, we can say “Yes” so many times that we can’t cope with the responsibility we have taken on.

1. Why is it so important to be able to say no? Learning to politely say no is a good way to set and maintain healthy boundaries. If you pride yourself on caring and sacrificing yourself for others, then rejection will make you feel uncomfortable. You may find yourself agreeing too often and becoming irritated or tired as you take on too much.

   Time for reflection. Experts agree that the time to think before giving up is extremely important. When thinking about how to decline an invitation or request, remember that you are not required to respond immediately. Buy yourself some time to avoid resentment or hurting your loved one's feelings. But do not drag the rubber too long, as making a person wait longer than expected is also ugly. It is important to avoid situations where you immediately give a positive answer and then change your mind. This behavior will undermine your credibility.

   • For example, your mother asks you in February: “Are you coming to us for the holidays this year?”. You can answer like this: “I haven’t even thought about it yet. I don't know yet how things will go at work. Let's discuss this closer to September?".

2. Stick to principles. If you are asked to do something contrary to your principles, it is best to refuse in a way that avoids open confrontation. Ask for time, saying that you need to think it over carefully. Think twice before agreeing to something that goes against your ideas.

   Try not to say "no". Don't say "Yes," but understand that you don't have to say the word to say no. Instead, talk about your concerns and the reasons for the rejection.

   • For example, if your boss asks you to take on another case, you don't need to say that you are already full to capacity. Answer differently: “I am currently working on case X, which needs to be completed by next week, and the deadline for case Y is next month. How much time can you give me to complete this project?

3. Be honest. Sometimes one is tempted to lie or make up a fable to justify one's refusal. But in this way you will only undermine your credibility and destroy personal or work relationships, because sooner or later the truth will come out anyway. Politeness is impossible without honesty.

   • For example, when refusing to accept an invitation, you could say something like, “This is a great opportunity/project for someone else, but it doesn't suit me. I wish you a good time / find a more suitable person.

4. Stand your ground. It may be difficult for you to repeat your refusal several times if the person constantly begs you to do something. Perhaps people are already used to you always agreeing, so they may just be testing the limits of your consent. Stand your ground and confidently repeat your refusal.

   • You can immediately refuse and explain your refusal: “I know that you really want to meet this weekend, but I already have plans that cannot be changed.” If the person continues to bother you, then answer him briefly but firmly.

   Refusal of specific requests

   1. Refusal to borrow money. Lending money to friends can put friendship at risk. If your friend takes a long time to return, then you may be hesitant to remind about it, and the person may consider that it was a gift, not a favor. If you think that your friendship or wallet will not withstand the non-return of money, then try to refuse a friend as politely as possible. At the same time, try to be as honest as possible.

      • For example, you could say something like, “I know you're having a hard time with your finances right now. Our friendship is very dear to me, but friends and borrowing money are incompatible. Maybe I can help you in some other way? or “I don’t have free money right now. I would be happy to help, but I have nothing.”

   2. Refusal of a request for a donation. If you know you won't be able to meet the request, then state its importance, refuse and offer another option for help. For example: “This is a good thing, but right now I just have nothing to give. This month I have already exhausted all available funds. You can try X or remind me about it next month.”

   3. Refusal of the child's request. Children usually do not like very much when they are not allowed to do something. If a child asks for something that you are not going to buy or allow him, then firmly refuse him and immediately explain the reasons for your refusal. It is very important that the child understands your reasons, and then offer him an alternative.

      • For example, you might say, “No, I don't let you stay overnight at a friend's house on a weekday. The next day you will be sleepy and tired during the lessons. I know you're upset, but you can always stay at your friend's on the day off."

   4. Refusal at a big request. You don't have to say yes if you've been asked a very large request. In the end, a person may simply not imagine how tired you are at work right now. You have the right to refuse even a personal request. A good friend will always understand you and will not consider rejection as a personal insult.

      • For example, say, "I'm sorry I can't babysit your baby this week, but I have a deadline for a project at work, and my homework has piled up." Be clear and honest. Do not lie, otherwise you will definitely offend your girlfriend and ruin your relationship.

   5. Rejection of a date. Speak directly and bluntly so that the meaning of your words reaches the person. When it comes to romantic relationships, ambiguity can be taken as a chance or a false hope, and this is best avoided. It’s better to say politely but directly right away: “You are a good friend / great guy, but I can’t give you more” or “We are too different.”

      • If you do go on a date and are invited to the next one, then say politely but honestly: “We had a great time, but I don’t think we are right for each other.”
      • Do not continue the conversation for a long time after the refusal. It's probably best for both of you not to see each other for a while.

   6. Refusal to have sex. If your boyfriend insists that it's time for you to move on to intimacy, and you are not yet ready for this, then refuse directly: "No." If you see fit, you can explain the reasons for your refusal: the likelihood of getting pregnant, your moral principles, or the fact that you are simply not ready yet. It is important to explain that this is your personal decision and is in no way dictated by the appearance of your partner.

      • You should not expect that your partner will immediately enter into a position and stop trying. Speak very clearly.
      First of all, you need to thank the person for the honor. State that you cannot accept this offer and explain that it's up to you. You can explain in detail the reasons for the refusal, so that there are no omissions and misunderstandings between you.
      • This advice applies to situations where you have been in a relationship for a long time. If you just started dating, then just say: "That's very nice, but it's too early for such decisions."
      • If you were proposed to in public, then in order to avoid embarrassment, do not stretch this situation. "I love you and would like to discuss this in private." Don't play drama.

The ability to write rejection letters is one of the most important skills of an employee of an enterprise responsible for the organization's external relations and business correspondence. The content and presentation of such a letter not only speak about the education and culture of its originator, but also form the image and reputation of the enterprise in the business environment.

What are the reasons for business correspondence

Each actively working company regularly receives letters with various offers. This may be a proposal for cooperation (commercial), for participation in an event (conference, seminar, celebration), etc. Letters of inquiry, claims, reminders, etc. are also common in circulation between organizations. Thus, the incoming correspondence of an enterprise can amount to tens or even hundreds of different messages that require a response.

FILES

How to issue a waiver

Consideration of this or that letter in no way guarantees that the representative of the organization who received it will necessarily agree to the proposal, request or claim contained in it. On the contrary, in many cases employees of companies write refusals.

But in order to refuse correctly, certain skills are needed. It is important not to offend the sender of the letter with negative content - this is dictated not only by the rules of elementary business courtesy, but also by the possibility that in the future he may become a customer, client or partner.

General information about a business letter

All official correspondence is subject to certain drafting rules. First of all, it must be remembered that, despite the fact that the content of the letter can be completely arbitrary, its structure and composition must comply with the standards adopted in the design of business papers, i.e. conditionally divided into three parts: beginning (address and heading of the letter), main section and conclusion (signature and date).

The writing style should be restrained, concise, without unnecessarily "loaded" sentences, complex specific terminology. Refusal should be made as correct as possible, rudeness, profanity and other extreme manifestations are unacceptable in it. When forming a letter, it is necessary to take into account the norms of the Russian language in terms of the culture of speech, vocabulary, grammar, spelling and style.

The refusal may be unmotivated, but it is still better if the letter indicates its reason.

If the answer is detailed and detailed, then it should be divided into paragraphs or paragraphs - this way the perception of the text is greatly facilitated.

In case of refusal, it is not necessary to chop off the shoulder and “burn bridges”, it is advisable to leave the path to retreat, that is, to thank for the attention paid and express hope for the possibility of further cooperation. To do this, you can specify conditions that the recipient can fulfill in order to establish a business relationship. If there is an opportunity to advise an enterprise that would also agree to cooperation or other proposals made in the original message, then it should not be neglected - this will leave a good mark in the memory of the addressee.

In whose name to write

The refusal must be written strictly in the name of the person who signed the original letter. Otherwise, the refusal may not reach the addressee or get lost in the flow of incoming mail. However, if there was no signature of a specific person under the offer letter, then a neutral form of address can be used (for example, in the form of a simple greeting “Good afternoon”).

Drafting a rejection letter

The letter can be written by hand (this format will speak of a special, warm attitude towards the addressee) or printed on a computer.

In this case, it is permissible to use a simple sheet of paper or a form with company details and a company logo.

The letter of refusal is formed in a single original copy, must be dated and numbered (in accordance with the document flow of the enterprise). At the same time, information about it should be included in the log of outgoing correspondence, noting its date, number and briefly - content. In the future, this journal may become evidence of the creation and sending of the message.

Who must sign

Ideally, the letter should be autographed by the director of the organization, but perhaps this is far from always (and almost completely excluded in enterprises with a large number of employees and many structural divisions). Therefore, any employee of the company authorized to create this kind of documentation and endowed with the right to sign correspondence can sign a letter of refusal. It can be a secretary, lawyer, head or specialist of any department.

How to send a letter

A letter can be sent in many ways, and it is best to choose the one through which the original message came. Sending via Russian post is most acceptable, but in this case you should take a registered order with a return receipt, you can also use a transfer through a representative or courier (this method guarantees faster delivery). It is also acceptable to use a fax, electronic means of communication and even social networks or instant messengers (but only on condition that the sender of the initial letter himself uses this way of communication).

Non-cooperation letter

If you need to create a letter of refusal to cooperate, see its sample and comments to it.

1. At the beginning of the letter, write for whom it is intended: indicate the name of the organization, position and full name of its representative, in whose name you are writing the answer. Use a polite form of address, thank you for the attention shown to your company, and then move on to the essence of the message.
2. Be sure to refer to the letter in response to which you are writing a refusal, indicate the circumstances that caused the negative reaction. If any additional papers were attached to his proposal by your opponent, indicate that you have read them.
3. If possible, express in the letter an expression of hope that cooperation will nevertheless take place, without failing to introduce the conditions that must be met for this.
4. Finally, sign the letter and date it.

Letter of refusal to participate in the event

When writing a letter of refusal to participate in an event, use the above recommendations for a letter of refusal to cooperate. Everything in the letter is standard, but mandatory: information about the sender and addressee, then the appeal, the refusal itself with a mention of the proposal to participate in the event and the circumstances that led to the negative answer, then the signature and date.

Job offer rejection letter

Not only from the enterprise can receive a letter of refusal. In some cases, it can be expressed by a person who has nothing to do with the company: for example, an applicant for a position. If you are just such a person, form a refusal also in accordance with the rules and regulations of business documentation. Use courtesy, indicate the name of the job offered to you, as well as the reason why you refuse it (keep in mind that a potential employer may revise the terms of the job offered to you). Be sure to sign and date at the end.

Many people come across obsessive people - they are usually benevolent, but very persistently want something from us. The Village understands how to politely refuse such people if the fulfillment of their unexpected requests and demands is not included in your plans.

Denis Lunev

psychologist, business coach

The most famous way to solve this problem is called "I-message". This type of communication is used to express one's attitude to a person and to a situation without getting personal. Take several consecutive steps.

Step one: describe the situation as you see it. For example, "When they call me 20 times a day ..." or "When they expect me to do something that I cannot give ...". At this stage, the pronoun "you" should not sound.

The second step is a story about your feelings, emotions, experiences about what you said in the first step. For example, "I feel terribly upset," or "I feel guilty," or "I feel very uncomfortable."

The third step is a story about your desires: “I don’t want to ever pick up the phone again”, “I want peace and quiet”, “I want to hide”.

If the first three steps are taken sincerely, kindly, but directly, then they will have the proper effect and prepare your counterpart for the fourth message - a specific proposal. So, the last step: "... therefore, I ask you to call no more than once every two days" or "... please, do not give me more gifts."

It is important throughout the conversation to talk only about yourself, your feelings and your reactions. Then you will not hurt your partner, but at the same time you will clearly make it clear your attitude and your desires.

Tatyana Weiser

Lecturer in Philosophy and Ethics, Faculty of Philosophy and Sociology, RANEPA

Obsessive people may have a dulled sense of boundaries: they may not recognize you as a value in itself, but simply pour their feelings and thoughts outward, using you as a free resource of attention. You must realize that your time and living space belongs primarily to you and you have the primary right to dispose of them. Being imposed, the person seems to be telling you: "I will manage your time, space and attention more than I will let you do it yourself." There is no reason to give him such a right.

In addition, obsessive people may hardly imagine themselves in your place in a similar situation, and if they were in it, they might not like it. For example, they would not want to waste time on something that is uninteresting or seems pointless. Do not keep their illusions on this score.

More often than not, obsessive people feel like you can't refuse them. And you cannot refuse them, because you are not quite sure that this should be done, and you are afraid of offending someone. You need to be clear about your values ​​and goals in life. If you have defined them for yourself, you understand that time is a rather limited resource. You can spend it on nonsense, or you can manage to implement projects that are significant to you. When you realize your own and others' boundaries and learn to appreciate this living space, everything will work out by itself. You will express yourself more confidently, and cute and obsessive will feel in you enough strength of mind and will to bypass.

There are also simple rhetorical devices - to say in a polite, calm and confident tone: “Sorry, I don’t have time to talk now”, “Sorry, I’m busy with important business now”, “Thank you, we do not need your services”, “Sorry, I not interested in this topic”, “Unfortunately, this format / mode of communication does not suit me.” And sometimes it is useful to simply stop responding to expressed communicative acts, for example, to stop correspondence or not answering phone calls, so that the person stops seeing you as a potential addressee.

Illustration: Olya Volk

Dear readers, today we will talk about how to politely refuse a friend's request. You will learn how to behave so as not to offend him. You will learn what mistakes you can make when making your refusal.

Failure types

If you do not know how to refuse a friend, then, depending on the situation, you can use one of the following types of polite refusal.

1. Frank. Sometimes it’s better to just say a firm “no”, without arguing it with anything, only adding the phrase that there is no free time or desire to do this, or simply it’s not possible to complete the task.
2. Sympathizer. If your friend is used to achieving everything with the help of pity, then it is better when communicating with him to focus on the fact that you regret, but are not able to help him in this situation.
3. Justified. This type would be appropriate if you need to refuse someone older in position or age. It is necessary to name the true reasons for the refusal, preferably two or three, only all arguments should be short and clearly formulated.
4. Deferred. If it is very difficult for you to refuse someone to help, then this type of refusal will be ideal, you will be able to think about the current situation, if necessary, seek advice from friends. So you will be insured against rash steps.
5. Compromise or otherwise - half refusal, That is, they are ready to help, but only partially and on the terms that are convenient for you.
6. Diplomatic. Together with the person who is asking for something, you will try to find ways to solve the problem.

Mistakes

Let's look at how not to refuse a request, what actions are unacceptable.

1. Speak indistinctly, turn away from the gaze of the interlocutor. So the comrade will decide that you are trying to get rid of him, to leave as soon as possible.
2. Talk a lot and quickly. This may give the impression that you are lying, even if you are.
3. Too long to apologize. Even if you are really consumed by guilt, you don’t need to demonstrate it, otherwise the interlocutor will get the impression that this really is your fault.
4. It's rude to refuse.
5. Give too many arguments. It is better to choose the highest priority.
6. Do not promise mountains of gold, do not give another false hope, wasting on your answer.

How to refuse a request for money

If a person comes to ask for a loan, and you do not have financial capabilities or you know about his unreliability, then you need to think about how to answer so that the interlocutor does not get the impression that you are just holding money.

1. Say that you yourself are looking for someone to borrow from, because it turned out to be a difficult month, a lot of money was spent on celebrating birthdays and gifts for relatives.
2. Say that you plan to start repairs tomorrow, so all the money goes to the purchase of building materials.
3. You need to repay the loan, all funds go to this.
4. Say that you give your salary to your wife or husband, and it is difficult to beg for at least some finance from your partner.
5. If you plan to go abroad, money is vital.
6. We planned to buy a gift for our wife, which requires large financial costs.
7. If a person previously borrowed, but never repaid his debt, you can justify your refusal with this.
8. Invite a person to take a loan from a bank, it would be better if you advise a place with low interest.
9. If a person needs not specifically money, but some kind of help, for example, money is needed for a taxi to go to the hospital, offer him a lift. If there is no money for food, share the products. If he was left without a job, tell me where to go or offer an option to make money online.

For work

1. If you do not want to do his work for another, know how to refuse.
2. If the request of a colleague is not very big, and you spend a minimum of time to help him, help. If a person simply sits down on his head and wants to perform the assigned tasks for him, it is better, as gently as possible, to refuse him this.
3. Say that you yourself have too many things to do, you have a blockage, you do not have time to complete the tasks. Invite the person to plan their time so that it is freed up for all tasks.

If your boss wants to send you on a business trip, you can refuse him if you don't want to. The main thing is to do it politely and carefully.

1. If there are children, say that there is no one to pick them up from the garden, or no one to sit with.
2. Say that your parents are sick and they need your care and supervision, daily visits.
3. Tell your boss that you have an unfinished project hanging on you and you need to complete it, and not go on a business trip.
4. If you do not have a passport or it has already expired, and they want to send you abroad, tell us about it.
5. If the travel allowance is paid after the fact, say that you do not have money for the trip.

1. No need to rush to answer. First, consider all the pros and cons of your help. Is the voiced offer fraught for you, why exactly did you decide to refuse. It is important that the arguments made are substantive.
2. Refuse when you are decisive and absolutely confident in your words.
3. Remember to be firm but not cruel at the same time.
4. Try not to lie, but to find really existing arguments.
5. Start your response with a compliment. Tell me how nice it is that a friend turned to you. Explain that for some reason you cannot follow his suggestion.
6. If a friend asks for a task to be completed now, you can ask to reschedule it to the next day if you can really complete the request later.
7. No need to be rude, respond aggressively. Don't use annoying words.
8. End the dialogue with a phrase that will not indicate problems in your relationship, so that the interlocutor does not leave a bad aftertaste after your conversation.

Do not be afraid to refuse people, first of all, you need to think about yourself. At the same time, you should not be a callous cracker and push everyone away from you. If you can help in some way without hurting yourself, better help. Who knows, maybe next time you will need someone's help.