Years since death. Why can't you drink alcohol at funerals? Two more important questions
Orthodoxy considers the fortieth day after the funeral an extremely important date, the same as the ninth. The accepted canons of the Christian faith say that it is on this day that the soul of the deceased receives an answer about where it will spend eternity. It is believed that for 40 days the soul is still on earth, but after this day it leaves it forever and moves to its allotted place.
A commemoration for 40 days after death is a mandatory event that should be done correctly.
How a Believer Approaches Death
In the ancient world there was no such thing as a birthday, and people did not celebrate this date. There is a theory according to which it is for this reason that the time of the birth of Jesus Christ was not accurately indicated. But another date was much more important - the moment of death, when the spirit met the Creator.
Ancient people believed in the afterlife, so their whole life was a preparation for this transition. Today's Christians also believe in the transition to another life, through the Sacrifice of Jesus Christ, so believers should not be afraid of death, because this is only a moment of meeting with God.
A commemoration on the 40th day after death is a celebration of this transition, after forty days of preparing the soul for this.
Important articles:
Most Christian denominations believe that after the soul leaves the body, nothing can be done to influence eternal life, and even more so to repent to the Creator. However, after that, emotions and memories are stored, so that a person is aware of everything.
Advice! Thus, death is the transition of the spirit from the body to another world, where he reaps the fruits of his earthly deeds. That is why it should not be feared, and believers, all the more, should not experience horror, but everyone should prepare by doing good deeds and doing alms.
memorial service
Why 40 days and what happens during this time
Why is this date so important and why such a number of days?
Nobody knows for sure. But it is the Orthodox faith that has a unique view of the afterlife and believes that prayer for the fortieth day can affect the verdict that our God will pass on the soul.
The countdown is from the day of death, i.e. it is considered the first day, regardless of the time recorded by doctors or relatives, even if the person died in the evening. Both dates, together with the day of rest, are considered commemorative, i.e. On these dates, it is customary to remember the deceased. A Christian is remembered by prayer, church and home, as well as dinner and alms.
Related articles:
Tradition says that 40 days is the time that is necessary to prepare the soul to receive the Divine gift from the Heavenly Father. This number appears repeatedly in the Bible:
- Moses fasted for forty days before talking with Yahweh at Sinai, during which he was given the 10 commandments;
- 40 days after death, Christ ascended (which is especially important);
- The campaign of the Jews to the Promised Land lasted for 40 years.
The theologians took into account all these facts and decided that the soul needs 40 days to receive a decision from the Heavenly Father about where it will spend eternity. Meanwhile, the church and relatives are praying for her, trying to beg the Creator for mercy and for the cleansing of the deceased from sins.
What is happening at this time? The soul wanders: in the first nine days she worships God, on the ninth day the angels show her hell, and on the 40th day the Heavenly Father announces her sentence. During this time, the resting spirit will have to endure the most terrible test - to visit hell and see how sinners suffer. It is this test that the prayers of the church and the Guardian Angel help to endure.
It is important to ask the church to pray for the deceased, so you should order services in the temple:
- funeral services.
But it is much more important for relatives and friends to sincerely and fervently ask the Lord for mercy for the deceased. In addition, you can read a prayer service to Saint War for the repose of the soul.
Prayer to Saint War
“Oh, holy martyr Uare, venerable, with zeal for the Lord Christ we kindle, you confessed the Heavenly King before the tormentor, and you suffered zealously for Him, and now the Church honors you, as if glorified by the Lord Christ with the glory of Heaven, Who has given you the grace of great boldness to Him , and now stand before Him with the Angels, and rejoice in the Highest, and see clearly the Holy Trinity, and enjoy the light of the Beginning Radiance, remember our relatives and languor, who died in ungodliness, accept our petition, and like Cleopatrius, the unfaithful generation of your prayers freed from eternal torment Thou, so remember the figurines of the godly buried, who died unbaptized, trying to ask them for deliverance from eternal darkness, so that with one mouth and one heart we will praise the Most Merciful Creator forever and ever. Amen".
Icon of the Martyr Uar
Order of conduct: commemoration rules
On the fortieth day, the spirit of the deceased returns home for a day and then leaves the earth forever. Traditions say that if the spirit does not find the commemoration on its own, it will suffer for all eternity, therefore it is necessary to set the table on this day and get together to remember the deceased, but this must be done correctly.
- Pray: on this day, all 40 days and in the future to remember the deceased;
- Bring a priest to the grave to perform a service or order a prayer service in the temple;
- When ordering a memorial service, it is necessary to renounce any of your sin, for your own benefit and to comfort the soul of the deceased;
- Make a donation to the temple;
- Gather at a common table all those who are close to the deceased and Orthodox Christians;
- Prepare special meals;
- Don't sing songs.
A commemoration is not a celebration or a holiday, it is a moment of sorrow and petition. It is highly inappropriate to drink alcoholic beverages at this time, sing songs or listen to music. They pass within 1-2 hours, when believers remember the departed and pray for him.
Therefore, it is important that only Christians be present at the dinner, who will be able to share this time of grief with the family and support them spiritually.
What to cook
The meal is simple, especially if there is a general church fast. Even if there is no fasting, meat food should be avoided and in no case should you donate it to the temple.
Lunch can be arranged both at home and in a cafe. If the deceased was a permanent parishioner, the priest may allow a commemoration to be held in the church house after the end of the memorial service. Lunch is a continuation of the rite of worship, so it should be held with dignity.
There are a number of dishes that have been prepared for such dinners since ancient times. They are simple and satisfying.
An obligatory dish is considered to be cooked in a large saucepan, and fish, which can be served in any form. Baked or fried meat is not welcome on the tables. It is necessary to make a meal as lean as possible in order to benefit not only the spirit, but also the body.
In addition to kutya and fish, you can put on the table:
- sweet pancakes;
- fish sandwiches (with sprats or herring);
- vegetable salads: beetroot with garlic, vinaigrette, herring under a fur coat, olivier;
- cutlets: ordinary meat or stuffed with mushrooms and cheese;
- peppers stuffed with rice and meat;
- jellied fish;
- lean cabbage rolls (stuffing of vegetables and mushrooms with rice);
- baked fish;
- pies: fish, cabbage, rice, mushroom, potato or sweet (charlotte).
There are also a number of drinks that should be on the memorial table:
- kvass;
- lemonades;
- sbiten;
- fruit drink and juice;
- kissel: you can cook both from berries and from oatmeal.
memorial meal
memorial speech
At such meals, it is imperative to make a speech, after which everyone should honor the deceased with a minute of silence.
It is best if there is a manager, someone close to the family, but controlling his emotions and maintaining a sober mind. His duties will include not only control over the preparation for the meeting (control over the staff if the event is in a cafe), but also giving the floor to relatives.
Usually each of the family tries to say something about the deceased. And the manager controls the time of the word and the sequence (the first should be close relatives - spouse, parents or children, etc.
Sorrow is quite expected at such an event, so the manager must prepare and divert attention from the crying person to himself in time. It is worth remembering that a person did not die forever, but moved to a better life, and this fact can be reminded in especially mournful moments.
Important! If a priest was called to a meal, then he must definitely serve a prayer service and deliver a sermon. If the memory takes place in a small circle, then all those gathered should pray for the deceased and, if possible, read a memorial service or prayer service on their own. At this time, it is recommended to light church candles.
What to talk about in such a speech? A person suddenly died and it would be appropriate to remember what he was like, his good deeds and distinctive qualities. It is not worth remembering resentment and strife, if they left resentment in the heart, this is the best time to talk about forgiveness. It is necessary to remember a person only from the good side, to describe some joint deeds, to remember a funny incident or a particularly touching one.
A memorial speech is a sad speech, but not dreary. Man has not ceased to exist, just now he is in a different form and world.
Who is not remembered
- suicides;
- who died under the influence of alcohol or drugs.
Questions usually arise whether the church serves prayers for dead babies, and the ruling bishop answers it: it is imperative to pray for the baby, regardless of age or cause of death. It is believed that the Lord, taking children, protects them from a difficult fate in adulthood.
It is extremely important for parents to accept His will with humility and pray for their child.
alms
The tradition of the Orthodox Church says that Christians on the 40th day should take apart the belongings of the deceased and distribute them to those in need.
At the same time, she asked people to pray for him and asked the Lord to grant him eternal life in paradise. This is a good deed, which can also affect the final decision of the Lord God about the spirit of the deceased.
You can leave the family personal items and those that are valuable as a memory of the departed. If there is no needy person nearby, then things can be taken to the temple and left by the priest, who will find a new owner for them.
Important! Almsgiving is a good deed, which, like prayer, is reflected in the eternal life of the deceased.
Watch the memorial video
In the year after the death of a person, it is believed that the soul of the deceased has already found peace. For the year that has passed since the death of a person, it is believed that his soul has reunited with the souls of his ancestors, and now you can commemorate all the dead. According to Christian customs, there are special parental days (radonitsa) when all the dead are commemorated.
Important!!!
On the day when a year has passed since the death of a person, Relatives and relatives visit the grave of the deceased in the morning and order a funeral service in the church.
According to Christian customs, only fresh flowers and wreaths from them are placed on the grave. The tradition of decorating the grave with fresh flowers dates back to the ancient Romans, who brought bouquets of fresh flowers to the graves of their ancestors in May. In Russia in 1889, the Synod of the Orthodox Church forbade the use of wreaths and inscriptions on them at funerals held according to Christian customs. The ban was explained by the fact that all these flowers-wreaths distract believers from the main occupation at the funeral - prayers for the salvation of the soul of the deceased. The ban has outlived itself to this day. Today, fresh flowers and wreaths are traditionally placed on the grave, believing that a person, like a flower, never dies without a trace and that he is granted resurrection and eternal life, since the human soul is immortal.
Monument
By the anniversary, a monument is usually erected on the grave with a brief epitaph for the deceased. After a prayer service is served in the church, relatives go to the cemetery, where they decorate the grave with flowers and burn funeral candles. All those present are invited to a memorial dinner, which can be organized at home or in a cafe.
What is the difference between a commemoration on the anniversary of death from a commemoration immediately after the funeral?
The difference is that a monument is erected on the grave by the anniversary and it is believed that the soul of the deceased has already found peace.
The meaning of the commemoration
The memorial dinner menu traditionally includes kutia, pancakes and eggs. Of the remaining dishes, the most familiar and those that the deceased loved are served. Do not overload the table with frills in the form of caviar and huge cakes. From alcohol they drink, without clinking glasses, only one glass of vodka for a mention of the soul. Wine and other alcoholic drinks are not served.
Days of wake after death: on the day of the funeral, 9 and 40days after 1 year.The essence of memory. What to say at the wake? Memorial words and mourning speech. Lenten menu.
What to say at the wake
The head of the family traditionally receives the first word at the wake. In the future, the duty to follow the general conversation and gently guide its course is assigned to one of the fairly close or dear people, but still not to the closest relative. It is cruel to expect from a mother mourning a child, or a spouse who has lost his wife untimely, that he/she will be able to maintain the order of speech and at the same time cope with their own feelings. This role is chosen person who knew the deceased well enough and able in a tense moment to remember some trait of his character, a nice habit or an event from life, about which you can tell the audience.
It should be noted that the usual rules of a "social party" do not apply to the commemoration: do not try to fill the pause that has arisen in the conversation or break the silence with minor remarks - especially on an abstract topic. Silence at the wake is not only normal, but even right: in silence, everyone remembers the deceased and feels their connection with him more fully.
Funeral speech at the wake
If you want to speak- stand up, briefly describe how you remember the deceased (of course, only talking about the positives), which made him a special person in your eyes. If you remember any case when the deceased did a good deed for you personally or for someone abstract, unfamiliar, tell about it, but do not tell stories in which one of those present appears. Everyone can speak at the commemoration, but try all the same don't make your speech too long: after all, many of those present are already having a hard time.
You may not know exactly how to "correctly" hold a wake- Don't worry too much about it. The main thing in this case is sincere intention and pure thoughts regarding the deceased. When you do something in memory of the deceased with an open heart, you can't go wrong. It is important to remember only one thing: commemoration in a secular sense are needed more by the living than by the deceased: like any ritual action in our life, designed to alleviate experiences and accept the new reality of life. Therefore, when organizing a commemoration, do not forget about the feelings of those who come to honor the memory of the deceased.
As for strictly Orthodox commemoration, then here, of course, it is better to do everything in accordance with the canon, so as not to unknowingly do something unacceptable from the point of view of the ROC. It is better to find out about these rules in advance in the church - for example, when you order a funeral service.
Pwhy do people die?
- “God did not create death and does not rejoice in the perishing of the living, for He created everything for existence” (Wisdom 1:13-14). Death appeared as a result of the fall of the first people. “Righteousness is immortal, but unrighteousness causes death: the wicked drew her with both hands and words, considered her a friend and withered away, and made an alliance with her, for they are worthy to be her lot” (Wisdom 1:15-16).
To understand the question of mortality, it is necessary to distinguish between spiritual and bodily death. Spiritual death is the separation of the soul from God, Who for the soul is the Source of eternal joyful being. This death is the most terrible consequence of the fall of man. A person gets rid of it in Baptism.
Although bodily death after Baptism remains in a person, it acquires a different meaning. From punishment, it becomes the door to paradise (for people who not only were baptized, but also lived pleasing to God), and it is already called “dormition”.
What happens to the soul after death?
According to Church Tradition, based on the words of Christ, the souls of the righteous are angels on the eve of paradise, where they stay until the Last Judgment, waiting for eternal bliss: “The poor man died, and was carried by angels into the bosom of Abraham” (Luke 16:22). The souls of sinners fall into the hands of demons and are "in hell, in torment" (see Luke 16:23). The final division into the saved and the condemned will take place at the Last Judgment, when “many of those sleeping in the dust of the earth will awaken, some to eternal life, others to eternal reproach and shame” (Dan. 12:2). Christ in the parable of the Last Judgment speaks in detail that sinners who did not do works of mercy will be condemned, and the righteous who did such works will be justified: “And these will go away into eternal punishment, but the righteous into eternal life” (Matt. 25 :46).
What do the 3rd, 9th, 40th days after the death of a person mean? What needs to be done these days?
Holy Tradition proclaims to us from the words of the holy ascetics of faith and piety about the mystery of the test of the soul after it has departed from the body. For the first two days, the soul of a deceased person is still on earth and, with the Angel accompanying her, walks to those places that attract her with the memory of earthly joys and sorrows, good deeds and evil ones. So the soul spends the first two days, on the third day the Lord, in the image of His three-day Resurrection, commands the soul to ascend to heaven to worship Him - the God of all. On this day, the church commemoration of the soul of the deceased, who appeared before God, is timely.
Then the soul, accompanied by an Angel, enters the heavenly abodes and contemplates their inexpressible beauty. The soul stays in this state for six days - from the third to the ninth. On the ninth day, the Lord commands the Angels to again present the soul to Him for worship. With fear and trembling, the soul stands before the Throne of the Most High. But even at this time, the Holy Church again prays for the deceased, asking the Merciful Judge for the repose of the soul of the deceased with the saints.
After the second worship of the Lord, the angels take the soul to hell, and she contemplates the cruel torments of unrepentant sinners. On the fortieth day after death, the soul ascends to the Throne of God for the third time. Now her fate is being decided - she is assigned a certain place, which she was honored by her deeds. That is why church prayers and commemorations on this day are so timely. They ask for the forgiveness of sins and the placement of the soul of the deceased in paradise with the saints. These days the Church performs requiems and litias.
The Church commemorates the deceased on the 3rd day after his death in honor of the three-day Resurrection of Jesus Christ and in the image of the Holy Trinity. Commemoration on the 9th day is performed in honor of the nine ranks of angels, who, as servants of the King of Heaven and intercessors to Him, intercede for mercy on the deceased. Commemoration on the 40th day, according to the tradition of the apostles, is based on the forty-day crying of the Israelites about the death of Moses. In addition, it is known that the forty-day period is very significant in the history and Tradition of the Church as the time necessary for preparation, acceptance of a special Divine gift, for receiving the grace-filled help of the Heavenly Father. So, the prophet Moses was honored to talk with God on Mount Sinai and receive from Him the tablets of the Law only after a forty-day fast. The prophet Elijah reached Mount Horeb after forty days. The Israelites reached the promised land after forty years of wandering in the wilderness. Our Lord Jesus Christ Himself ascended into heaven on the fortieth day after His Resurrection. Taking all this as a basis, the Church established a commemoration of the dead on the 40th day after their death, so that the soul of the deceased ascended the holy mountain of Heavenly Sinai, was rewarded with the sight of God, achieved the blessedness promised to her and settled in heavenly villages with the righteous.
On all these days, it is very important to order the commemoration of the deceased in the Church by submitting notes for commemoration at the Liturgy and Panikhida.
What soul does not go through ordeals after death?
It is known from Holy Tradition that even the Mother of God, having received a notice from the archangel Gabriel about the approaching hour of Her relocation to heaven, bowed down before the Lord, humbly implored Him that, at the hour of the exodus of Her soul, she would not see the prince of darkness and hellish monsters, but so that the Lord Himself would receive Her soul into His Divine embrace. It is all the more useful for the sinful human race to think not about who does not go through ordeals, but about how to go through them, and do everything to cleanse the conscience, correct life according to the commandments of God. “The essence of everything: fear God and keep His commandments, because this is everything for a person; for God will bring every work into judgment, and every secret thing, whether it be good or evil” (Ecclesiastes 12:13-14).
What is the concept of heaven?
Paradise is not so much a place as a state of mind; just as hell is suffering resulting from the inability to love and non-participation in the Divine light, so paradise is the bliss of the soul, resulting from an excess of love and light, to which one who is united with Christ fully and completely partakes. This is not contradicted by the fact that paradise is described as a place with various "mansions" and "halls"; all descriptions of paradise are only attempts to express in human language that which is inexpressible and transcends the human mind.
In the Bible, "paradise" refers to the garden where God placed man; the same word in the ancient church tradition called the future bliss of people redeemed and saved by Christ. It is also called the "Kingdom of Heaven", "the life of the age to come", "the eighth day", "new heaven", "heavenly Jerusalem". The Holy Apostle John the Theologian says: “I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the former heaven and the former earth had passed away, and the sea was no more. Iya, John, saw the holy city of Jerusalem, new, descending from God from heaven, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from heaven, saying, Behold, the tabernacle of God is with men, and he will dwell with them; they will be His people, and God Himself with them will be their God. And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and there will be no more death; there will be no more mourning, no outcry, no sickness, for the former has passed away. And He who sits on the throne said: Behold, I create all things new... I am Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end; to the thirsty one free from the fountain of living water... And he (the angel) lifted me up in the spirit to a great and high mountain, and showed me the great city, holy Jerusalem, which descended from heaven from God. He has the glory of God… I did not see a temple in him, for the Lord God Almighty is his temple, and the Lamb. And the city has no need of either the sun or the moon for its illumination; for the glory of God hath illumined him, and his lamp is the Lamb. The saved nations will walk in its light... And nothing unclean will enter into it, and no one given over to abomination and falsehood, but only those who are written in the Lamb's book of life" (Rev. 21:1-6,10,22-24,27 ). This is the earliest description of paradise in Christian literature.
When reading the descriptions of paradise found in theological literature, it is necessary to keep in mind that many Church Fathers speak of the paradise they saw, into which they were raptured by the power of the Holy Spirit. In all descriptions of paradise, it is emphasized that earthly words can only to a small extent depict heavenly beauty, since it is "ineffable" and surpasses human comprehension. It also speaks of the "many mansions" of paradise (John 14:2), that is, of different degrees of blessedness. “Some (God) will honor with great honors, others with less,” says St. Basil the Great, “because “star differs from star in glory” (1 Cor. 15:41). And since there are “many mansions” with the Father, some will rest in a more excellent and higher state, and others in a lower one. However, for each of his "abode" will be the highest fullness of bliss available to him - in accordance with how close he is to God in earthly life. “All the saints who are in Paradise will see and know one another, but Christ will see and fill everyone,” says St. Simeon the New Theologian.
What is the concept of hell?
There is no person who is deprived of the love of God, and there is no place that is not part of this love; however, everyone who has made a choice in favor of evil, voluntarily deprives himself of God's mercy. Love, which for the righteous in paradise is a source of bliss and consolation, becomes a source of torment for sinners in hell, since they recognize themselves as not participating in love. In the words of St. Isaac, "Gehen torment is repentance."
According to the teachings of St. Simeon the New Theologian, the main reason for a person’s torment in hell is an acute feeling of separation from God: “None of the people who believe in You, Vladyka,” writes St. Simeon, “none of those who were baptized in Your name will endure this great and the terrible severity of separation from You, Merciful, because it is a terrible sorrow, unbearable, terrible and eternal sorrow. If on earth, says St. Simeon, those who do not partake of God have bodily pleasures, then there, outside the body, they will experience one unceasing torment. And all the images of hellish torments that exist in world literature - fire, cold, thirst, red-hot furnaces, lakes of fire, etc. - are only symbols of suffering, which comes from the fact that a person feels himself not involved in God.
For an Orthodox Christian, the idea of hell and eternal torment is inextricably linked with the mystery that is revealed in the divine service of Holy Week and Easter - the mystery of Christ's descent into hell and the deliverance of those who are there from the dominion of evil and death. The Church believes that after His death, Christ descended into the abysses of hell in order to abolish hell and death, to destroy the terrible kingdom of the devil. Just as having entered the waters of the Jordan at the moment of His Baptism, Christ sanctifies these waters filled with human sin, so when He descends into hell, He illuminates it with the light of His presence to the last depths and limits, so that hell can no longer endure the power of God and perishes. St. John Chrysostom in the Paschal catechumen says: “Hell was grieved when he met you at the bottom; grieved, for he was abolished; grieved because he was ridiculed; grieved, for he was put to death; grieved, for he was deposed." This does not mean that hell does not exist at all after the Resurrection of Christ: it exists, but the death sentence has already been passed on it.
Every Sunday, Orthodox Christians hear hymns dedicated to the victory of Christ over death: “The Angelic Cathedral was surprised, in vain you were imputed to the dead, but the mortal, Savior, ruined the fortress ... and freed all from hell” (liberating everyone from hell). Deliverance from hell, however, should not be understood as some kind of magical act performed by Christ against the will of man: for those who consciously reject Christ and eternal life, hell continues to exist as the suffering and torment of God-forsakenness.
How do you deal with grief at the death of a loved one?
The sorrow of separation from the deceased can only be quenched by prayer for him. Christianity does not see death as the end. Death is the beginning of a new life, and earthly life is only a preparation for it. Man is created for eternity; in paradise he was nourished by the "tree of life" (Gen. 2:9) and was immortal. But after the fall, the path to the tree of life was blocked and man became mortal and corruptible.
But life does not end with death, the death of the body is not the death of the soul, the soul is immortal. Therefore, it is necessary to see off the soul of the deceased with prayer. “Do not betray your heart to sorrow; move it away from you, remembering the end. Do not forget about this, for there is no return; and you will not do him any good, but you will hurt yourself... With the repose of the deceased, calm the memory of him, and you will be comforted by him after the departure of his soul” (Sir. 38:20-21,23).
What to do if, after the death of a loved one, the conscience torments about the wrong attitude towards him during his lifetime?
The voice of conscience accusing of guilt subsides and stops after sincere heartfelt repentance and confession before God to the priest of his sinfulness towards the deceased. It is important to remember that with God everyone is alive and the commandment of love applies to the dead as well. The deceased are in great need of the prayerful help of the living and the alms given for them. The one who loves will pray, do alms, submit church records for the repose of the dead, strive to live pleasing to God, so that God will show His mercy on them.
If you constantly remain in active concern for others, do good to them, then not only peace will be established in your soul, but deep satisfaction and joy.
What to do if a dead person is dreaming?
Dreams should not be ignored. However, one should not forget that the eternally living soul of the deceased feels a great need for constant prayer for her, because she herself can no longer do good deeds with which she would be able to propitiate God. Therefore, prayer in the temple and at home for the departed loved ones is the duty of every Orthodox Christian.
How many days are mourning for the deceased?
There is a tradition of forty days of mourning for a deceased loved one. According to the Tradition of the Church, on the fortieth day the soul of the deceased receives a certain place in which it will stay until the time of the Last Judgment of God. That is why, until the fortieth day, an intensified prayer is required for the forgiveness of the sins of the deceased, and the external wearing of mourning is designed to promote internal concentration and attention to prayer, to keep from being actively involved in previous worldly affairs. But you can have a prayerful attitude without wearing black clothes. The internal is more important than the external.
Who is the newly-departed and ever-memorable?
In the church tradition, the deceased person is called the newly deceased within forty days after death. The first day is considered the day of death, even if the death occurred a few minutes before midnight. On the 40th day after the disciple of the Church, God (on a private judgment of the soul), determines its afterlife until the universal Last Judgment prophetically promised by the Savior (see Matt. 25:31-46).
The ever-memorable is usually called a person after forty days after death. Ever-memorable - the word "ever" means - always. And the ever-memorable is always remembered, that is, the one that is always remembered and prayed for. In funeral notes, sometimes they write “the ever-memorable (oh)” before the name, when the next anniversary of the death of the deceased (s) is celebrated.
How is the last kiss of the deceased performed? Does it need to be baptized?
The farewell kissing of the deceased takes place after his funeral service in the temple. They kiss on the whisk placed on the forehead of the deceased, or kiss the icon in his hands. They are baptized at the same time on the icon.
What to do with the icon that was in the hands of the deceased during the funeral?
After the funeral of the deceased, the icon can be taken home, or left in the temple.
What can be done for the deceased if he was buried without a funeral?
If he was baptized in the Orthodox Church, then you need to come to the temple and order a funeral service in absentia, as well as order magpies, memorial services and pray for him at home.
How to help the deceased?
It is possible to alleviate the fate of the deceased by doing frequent prayers for him and giving alms. It is good to work for the Church in memory of the deceased, for example, in a monastery.
What is the purpose of commemorating the dead?
Prayer for those who have passed from temporal life to eternal life is an ancient tradition of the Church, sanctified for centuries. Leaving the body, a person leaves the visible world, but he does not leave the Church, but remains a member of it, and it is the duty of those who remain on earth to pray for him. The Church believes that prayer facilitates the posthumous fate of a person. As long as a person is alive, he is able to repent of sins and do good. But after death, this possibility disappears, only hope for the prayers of the living remains. After the death of the body and a private judgment, the soul is on the eve of eternal bliss or eternal torment. It depends on how the brief earthly life was lived. But much also depends on prayer for the deceased. The lives of the holy saints of God contain many examples of how, through the prayer of the righteous, the posthumous fate of sinners was eased - up to their complete justification.
Can the dead be cremated?
Cremation is a custom alien to Orthodoxy, borrowed from Eastern cults and spread as a norm in a secular (non-religious) society during the Soviet period. Therefore, the relatives of the deceased, at the slightest opportunity to avoid cremation, should prefer the burial of the deceased in the ground. In the sacred books there is no prohibition to burn the bodies of the dead, but there are positive indications of the Christian doctrine for a different way of burying the bodies - this is their burial in the ground (see: Gen. 3:19; John 5:28; Matt. 27:59-60). This method of burial, adopted by the Church from the very beginning of its existence and sanctified by it by special rites, stands in connection with the entire Christian worldview and with its very essence - faith in the resurrection of the dead. According to the strength of this faith, burial in the ground is an image of the temporary sleep of the deceased, for whom the grave in the bowels of the earth is the natural bed of rest and which is why the Church calls the deceased (and in the worldly - the deceased) until the resurrection. And if the burial of the bodies of the dead instills and strengthens the Christian faith in the resurrection, then the burning of the dead is easily related to the anti-Christian doctrine of non-existence.
The Gospel describes the rite of the burial of the Lord Jesus Christ, which consisted in the washing of His Most Pure Body, putting on special burial clothes and being placed in a tomb (Matt. 27:59-60; Mark 15:46; 16:1; Luke 23:53 ; 24:1; John 19:39-42). The same actions are supposed to be performed on the departed Christians at the present time.
Cremation may be allowed in exceptional cases, when there is no way to bring the body of the deceased to the ground.
Is it true that on the 40th day the commemoration of the deceased must be ordered in three churches at once, or in one, but three services in succession?
Immediately after death, it is customary to order a magpie in the Church. This is a daily enhanced commemoration of the newly deceased during the first forty days - until a private judgment that determines the fate of the soul beyond the grave. After forty days, it is good to order an annual commemoration and then renew it every year. You can also order a longer-term commemoration in monasteries. There is a pious custom - to order a commemoration in several monasteries and temples (their number does not matter). The more prayer books for the deceased, the better.
What is eve?
Eve (or eve) is a special square or rectangular table on which stands the Cross with the Crucifixion and holes for candles are arranged. Panikhidas are served before the eve. Here you can put candles and put products to commemorate the dead.
Why do you need to bring food to the temple?
Believers bring various products to the temple so that the servants of the Church commemorate the dead at the meal. These offerings serve as a donation, almsgiving for the deceased. In former times, in the courtyard of the house where the deceased was, on the most significant days for the soul (3rd, 9th, 40th), memorial tables were laid, at which the poor, the homeless, orphans were fed, so that there were many prayer books for the deceased. For prayer, and especially for almsgiving, many sins are forgiven, and the afterlife is alleviated. Then these commemorative tables began to be placed in churches on the days of the ecumenical commemoration of all Christians who have died for centuries with the same purpose - to commemorate the dead.
What foods can be put on the eve?
Products can be anything. It is forbidden to bring meat into the temple.
What commemoration of the dead is the most important?
Prayers at the Liturgy have special power. The Church prays for all the dead, including those in hell. One of the kneeling prayers read on the feast of Pentecost contains a petition "for those who are kept in hell" and that the Lord rest them "in a place of light." The Church believes that through the prayers of the living, God can ease the afterlife of the dead, delivering them from torment and honoring them with salvation with the saints.
Therefore, it is necessary in the coming days after death to order a magpie in the temple, that is, a commemoration at forty Liturgies: the Bloodless Sacrifice is offered forty times for the deceased, a particle is removed from the prosphora and immersed in the Blood of Christ with a prayer for the forgiveness of the sins of the newly deceased. This is a feat of love for the fullness of the Orthodox Church in the person of a priest who celebrates the Liturgy for the sake of the people commemorated at the proskomedia. This is the most necessary thing that can be done for the soul of the deceased.
What is Parents' Saturday?
On certain Sabbath days of the year, the Church commemorates all formerly deceased Christians. Panikhidas that are performed on such days are called ecumenical, and the days themselves are called ecumenical parental Saturdays. On the morning of parental Saturdays, during the Liturgy, all formerly deceased Christians are commemorated. On the eve of parental Saturday, on Friday evening, parastas is served (translated from the Greek as “standing”, “intercession”, “intercession”) - the following of a great memorial service for all the departed Orthodox Christians.
When are Parents' Saturdays?
Almost all parental Saturdays do not have a fixed date, but are associated with the passing day of the celebration of Easter. Saturday meat-fare happens eight days before the start of Lent. Parent Saturdays are on the 2nd, 3rd and 4th weeks of Great Lent. Trinity parental Saturday - on the eve of the day of the Holy Trinity, on the ninth day after the Ascension. On the Saturday preceding the day of remembrance of the Great Martyr Demetrius of Thessalonica (November 8, according to the new style), Demetrius' Parents' Saturday takes place.
Is it possible to pray for repose after parental Saturday?
Yes, it is possible and necessary to pray for the repose of the dead even after parental Saturdays. This is the duty of the living to the dead and an expression of love for them. The deceased themselves can no longer help themselves, they cannot bring the fruits of repentance, do alms. This is evidenced by the gospel parable of the rich man and Lazarus (Luke 16:19-31). Death is not a departure into non-existence, but the continuation of the existence of the soul in eternity, with all its features, infirmities and passions. Therefore, the departed (except for the saints glorified by the Church) need prayerful commemoration.
Saturdays (except for Great Saturday, Saturday in the Bright Week and Saturdays coinciding with the Twelfth, Great and Temple Feasts), in the church calendar, are traditionally considered days of special commemoration of the departed. But you can pray for the dead, submit notes in the temple on any day of the year, even when, according to the charter of the Church, memorial services are not served, in this case the names of the dead are commemorated in the altar.
What other days of commemoration of the dead are there?
Radonitsa - nine days after Easter, on Tuesday after Bright Week. On Radonitsa, they share the joy of the Lord's Resurrection with the departed, expressing hope for their resurrection. The Savior Himself descended into hell to preach victory over death and brought the souls of the Old Testament righteous from there. From this great spiritual joy, the day of this commemoration is called "radonitsa", or "radonitsa".
Special commemoration of all the deceased during the Great Patriotic War of 1941-1945. established by the Church on May 9. The soldiers killed on the battlefield are also commemorated on the day of the Beheading of John the Baptist on September 11, according to the new style.
Is it necessary to go to the cemetery on the anniversary of the death of a close relative?
The main days of the memory of the deceased are the anniversaries of death and name day. On the anniversary of the death of the deceased, relatives close to him pray for him, thereby expressing the belief that the day of a person’s death is not a day of destruction, but a new birth for eternal life; the day of the transition of the immortal human soul to other conditions of life, where there is no longer any place for earthly diseases, sorrows and sighs.
On this day, it is good to visit the cemetery, but first you should come to the temple at the beginning of the service, submit a note with the name of the deceased for commemoration at the altar (it is better if it is a commemoration at the proskomedia), at a memorial service and, if possible, pray at the service.
Is it necessary to go to the cemetery on Easter, Trinity, Holy Spirit Day?
Sundays and holidays should be spent in prayer in the temple of God, and for visiting the cemetery there are special days of commemoration of the dead - parental Saturdays, Radonitsa, as well as the anniversaries of death and namesake days of the dead.
What to do when visiting a cemetery?
Arriving at the cemetery, you need to clean up the grave. You can light a candle. If possible, invite a priest to perform litia. If this is not possible, then you can read the short rite of lithium on your own, having previously purchased the appropriate brochure in a church or an Orthodox store. Optionally, you can read an akathist about the repose of the dead. Just keep quiet, remember the deceased.
Is it possible to arrange a "commemoration" at the cemetery?
In addition to the kutia consecrated in the temple, nothing is worth eating or drinking at the cemetery. It is especially unacceptable to pour vodka into a grave mound - this offends the memory of the deceased. The custom of leaving a glass of vodka and a piece of bread “for the deceased” on the grave is a relic of paganism and should not be observed by the Orthodox. It is not necessary to leave food on the grave - it is better to give it to the beggar or the hungry.
What is supposed to be eaten at the "commemoration"?
According to tradition, after the burial, a memorial table is assembled. The memorial meal is a continuation of the service and prayer for the deceased. The memorial meal begins with eating the kutia brought from the temple. Kutia or kolivo are boiled grains of wheat or rice with honey. Also, according to tradition, they eat pancakes, sweet jelly. On a fast day, food should be fast. A memorial meal should differ from a noisy feast by reverent silence and kind words about the deceased.
Unfortunately, a bad custom has taken root to commemorate the deceased with vodka with a hearty snack. The same thing is repeated on the ninth and fortieth days. This is wrong, since the newly-departed soul these days longs for a special fervent prayer for her to God, and certainly not drinking wine.
Is it possible to place a photo of the deceased on the grave cross?
A cemetery is a special place where the bodies of those who have passed into another life are buried. A visible evidence of this is the tomb cross, which is erected as a sign of the redemptive victory of the Lord Jesus Christ over death. As the Savior of the world resurrected, accepting death on the cross for people, so will all the dead bodily resurrect. People come to the cemetery to pray for the dead in this place of rest. A photograph on a grave cross often prompts more remembrance than prayer.
With the adoption of Christianity in Russia, the dead were placed either in stone sarcophagi, and a cross was depicted on the lid, or in the ground. A cross was placed on the grave. After 1917, when the destruction of Orthodox traditions took on a systematic character, instead of crosses, columns with photographs began to be placed on the graves. Sometimes monuments were erected and a portrait of the deceased was attached to them. After the war, monuments with a star and a photograph began to prevail as headstones. In the last decade and a half, crosses have increasingly begun to appear in cemeteries. The practice of placing photographs on crosses has survived from past Soviet decades.
Can I bring my dog with me when visiting the cemetery?
Taking a dog to a cemetery for the purpose of walking, of course, is not worth it. But if necessary, for example, a guide dog for the blind or for the purpose of protection when visiting a remote cemetery, you can take it with you. Dogs should not be allowed to run over graves.
If a person died on Bright Week (from the day of Holy Pascha to Saturday of Bright Week inclusive), then the Easter canon is read. Instead of the Psalter, on Bright Week they read the Acts of the Holy Apostles.
Is it necessary to serve a memorial service for an infant?
The dead babies are buried and memorial services are served for them, but in prayers they do not ask for the forgiveness of sins, since babies do not have consciously committed sins, but they ask the Lord to vouchsafe them the Kingdom of Heaven.
Is it possible to bury someone who died in the war in absentia if the place of his burial is unknown?
If the deceased was baptized, then he can be buried in absentia, and the earth received after the correspondence funeral can be sprinkled crosswise on any grave in the Orthodox cemetery.
The tradition of performing a funeral service in absentia appeared in Russia in the 20th century due to the large number of those who died in the war, and since it was often impossible to perform a funeral service over the body of the deceased due to the lack of churches and priests, due to the persecution of the Church and the persecution of believers. There are also cases of tragic death when it is impossible to find the body of the deceased. In such cases, an absentee funeral is permissible.
Is it possible to order a memorial service for an undead buried deceased?
Memorial services can be ordered if the deceased was a baptized Orthodox person and not from among the suicides. The Church does not commemorate the unbaptized and suicides.
If it became known that the buried person was not buried according to the Orthodox rite, then it must be buried in absentia. In the rite of the funeral, in contrast to the memorial service, the priest reads a special prayer for the forgiveness of the sins of the deceased.
It is important not just to “order” a memorial service and a funeral service, but for the relatives and friends of the deceased to take prayerful part in them.
Is it possible to sing a suicide and pray for his repose at home and in the temple?
In exceptional cases, after consideration of all the circumstances of the suicide by the ruling bishop of the diocese, an absentee funeral may be blessed. To do this, relevant documents and a written petition are submitted to the ruling bishop, where, with special responsibility for one’s words, all known circumstances and reasons for suicide are indicated. All cases are considered individually. With the permission of the absentee funeral service by the bishop, the temple prayer for repose becomes possible.
In all cases, for the prayerful consolation of the relatives and friends of a person who committed suicide, a special prayer rite has been developed, which can be performed whenever the relatives of a person who committed suicide turn to the priest for consolation in the grief that has befallen them.
In addition to performing this rite, relatives and friends can, with the blessing of the priest, read the prayer of the reverend elder Leo of Optina at home: “Search, Lord, for the lost soul of Your servant (name): if it is possible to eat, have mercy. Your destinies are unsearchable. Do not put me in sin with this prayer of mine, but may Thy holy will be done ”and give alms.
Is it true that suicides are commemorated on Radonitsa? What to do if, believing this, they regularly submitted notes about the commemoration of suicides to the temple?
No, it's not. If a person, out of ignorance, submitted notes about the commemoration of suicides (the funeral service of which was not blessed by the ruling bishop), then he needs to repent of this at confession and not do this again. All doubtful questions should be resolved with the priest, and not to believe the rumors.
Is it possible to order a memorial service for the deceased if he is a Catholic?
Private, private (home) prayer for a non-Orthodox deceased is not prohibited - you can commemorate him at home, read the psalms at the tomb. Churches do not bury or commemorate those who have never belonged to the Orthodox Church: non-Christians and all those who died unbaptized. The funeral rites and panikhidas are composed taking into account the fact that the deceased and the buried person was a faithful member of the Orthodox Church.
Is it possible to submit notes in the temple about the commemoration of the deceased unbaptized?
Liturgical prayer is a prayer for the children of the Church. In the Orthodox Church, it is not customary to commemorate unbaptized, as well as non-Orthodox Christians, at the proskomedia (the preparatory part of the Liturgy). This, however, does not mean that they cannot be prayed for at all. Private (home) prayer for such dead is possible. Christians believe that prayer can be of great help to the dead. True Orthodoxy breathes the spirit of love, mercy and indulgence towards all people, including those outside the Orthodox Church.
The Church cannot commemorate the unbaptized for the reason that they lived and died outside the Church - they were not its members, they were not reborn to a new, spiritual life in the Sacrament of Baptism, they did not confess the Lord Jesus Christ and cannot be involved in those blessings that He promised to those who love him.
Orthodox Christians pray at home for the relief of the fate of the souls of the dead who have not been granted Holy Baptism, and of infants who have died in their mother’s womb or during childbirth, they read the canon to the holy martyr Uar, who has grace from God to intercede for the dead who have not been granted Holy Baptism. It is known from the life of the holy martyr Uar that by his intercession he delivered from eternal torment the relatives of the pious Cleopatra, who revered him, who were pagans.
It is said that those who died during Bright Week receive the Kingdom of Heaven. Is it so?
The posthumous fate of the dead is known only to the Lord. “Just as you do not know the ways of the wind and how bones are formed in the womb of a pregnant woman, so you cannot know the work of God, who does everything” (Eccl. 11:5). The one who lived piously, did good deeds, wore a cross, repented, confessed and took communion - he, by the grace of God, can be worthy of a blessed life in eternity, regardless of the time of death. And if a person spent his whole life in sins, did not confess and did not receive communion, but died on Bright Week, can it be argued that he inherited the Kingdom of Heaven?
If a person died in a continuous week before Peter's Lent, does this mean anything?
Doesn't mean anything. The Lord terminates the earthly life of each person in due time, providentially caring for each soul.
“Do not hasten death with the delusions of your life, and do not draw destruction upon you by the works of your hands” (Wisdom 1:12). “Do not indulge in sin, and do not be foolish: why should you die at the wrong time?” (Eccl. 7:17).
Is it possible to get married in the year of the mother's death?
There is no special rule in this regard. Let the religious and moral feeling itself tell you what to do. On all significant matters of life, one must consult with the priest.
Why is it necessary to take communion on the days of memory of relatives: on the ninth, fortieth days after death?
There is no such rule. But it will be good if the relatives of the deceased prepare and partake of the Holy Mysteries of Christ, having repented, including of the sins related to the deceased, forgive him all offenses and ask for forgiveness themselves.
Is it necessary to close the mirror if one of the relatives has died?
Hanging mirrors in the house is a superstition, and has nothing to do with church traditions of burying the dead. Is it necessary to close the mirror if one of the relatives has died?
The custom of hanging mirrors in the house where the death took place partly comes from the belief that whoever sees his own reflection in the mirror of this house will also die soon. There are many "mirror" superstitions, some of them are related to divination on mirrors. And where there is magic and sorcery, fear and superstition inevitably appear. A hung or not hung mirror does not affect the duration of life, which is entirely dependent on the Lord.
There is a belief that until the fortieth day nothing from the things of the deceased can be given away. Is this true?
It is necessary to intercede for the defendant before the trial, and not after it. Therefore, it is necessary to intercede for the soul of the deceased immediately after his death until the fortieth day and after it: to pray and do works of mercy, distribute things of the deceased, donate to the monastery, to the church. Before the Last Judgment, it is possible to change the afterlife of the deceased by intensified prayer for him and alms.
To commemorate the deceased is a kind of mission. It is necessary to do this, but it is important that a person commemorate without coercion, at his own request. They do this in memory of a loved one who is no longer around. But he will forever remain in the hearts of people who remember him.
Days 3, 9 and 40 are especially singled out in carrying out memorial events, taking the day of death as the 1st day of counting. These days, the commemoration of the deceased is considered consecrated by church customs and corresponds to Christian teachings about the state of the soul beyond the threshold of death.
Wake on the 3rd day after death
Wake is held in memory of the miraculous resurrection of Jesus Christ on the third day and in honor of the image of the Holy Trinity. It is believed that the first two days the soul remains on earth, is close to its relatives, visits dear places accompanied by an Angel, and on the third day it ascends to heaven and appears before God.
Wake for 9 days
A commemoration on this day is held in honor of nine angelic ranks who can petition for pardon for the deceased. When the soul, accompanied by an Angel, enters paradise, then up to the ninth day it is shown the afterlife. And on the ninth day, with fear and trembling, the soul again appears before the Lord for worship. Prayers and commemoration on the 9th day will help her pass this test with dignity.
Wake for 40 days
On this day, the soul ascends for the third time to worship the Lord. In the period from the ninth to the fortieth day, she recognizes the sins committed and goes through ordeals. Angels accompany the soul to Hell, where it can see the suffering and torment of unrepentant sinners.
On the fortieth day, her fate should be decided: in accordance with the spiritual state of the deceased and his earthly affairs. Prayers and commemoration on this day can atone for the sins of the deceased. The choice of the fortieth day for a special commemoration was also significantly influenced by the fact that Jesus Christ, after his resurrection, ascended to Heaven on the fortieth day.
It is advisable to order a memorial service on each of these days of remembrance in the church.
Features of the commemoration of the dead:
- On the commemoration on the third day, you can invite all those present at the funeral. On this day, the memorial meal is traditionally held immediately after them.
- Friends and close relatives of the deceased are often invited to the commemoration on the ninth day.
- On the fortieth day, everyone comes to commemorate the deceased. It is not necessary to hold a memorial service in the house of the deceased. The place is chosen by relatives at will.
Death Anniversary Commemoration
The date of mourning should be reported only to those people whom the family of the deceased wants to see on the occasion. The closest people should come - relatives and friends of the deceased. On the anniversary of death, it is advisable to go to the cemetery. After visiting the grave, all those present are invited to a memorial dinner.
Days of remembrance are held at the discretion of the family of the deceased. It is inappropriate to discuss the correctness of the organization of the commemoration.
Do I need to go to church for funerals?
Wake for 3, 9, 40 days, as well as for a year after the death of Orthodox Christians include church services. Coming to the temple, relatives and friends of the deceased light candles, organize memorial services and read prayers.
If you wish, you can do all this not only on memorial days, but also on ordinary days. You can visit a church, light a candle and pray if feelings about the deceased come over you. You can also visit the temple and pray on the birthday of the deceased .
If on memorial days it is not possible to go to the temple, then you can pray at home.
On the days of remembrance, you need to be in a good mood. Don't hold a grudge against anyone, especially the dead. These days, it is customary to treat the people who surround you with funeral dishes - colleagues, neighbors, friends. And also give charity.
Memorial days after the funeral (video)